My brother

[Ashlee]

My brother has been dead for two years today, please help me through today everyone! My mother gave my brother heroin at just 18 years old... & It took his life 8 years later. How do you heal from something like that?

[Amy-Work In Progress]

Oh Ashlee! I'm so sorry that you lost your brother.

What can I do to help?

Amy

[rule62]

So sorry Ashlee. You don't heal from that. Lost my brother from OD too in 2002. He was just like me and no one told me he was using until it was too late. Where is your mother now, and were you able to forgive her?

Keep his memory alive by what you are doing. What else is there?

[suboxdoc]

I'm sorry, Ashlee. I won't claim to know how to heal from that. But I think that the best thing would be to make your life a 'testament' to who he was-- making sure that you savor all of the otherwise-meaningless moments of life. Picture your brother without the drugs, and imagine what he would want for you.

[jennjenn]

Like the others, I'm so sorry this happened to ur brother and u! Nobody should have to suffer from addiction at the hands of their mother, I couldn't imagine how that would feel other than anger!

One thing I do know that's been a very valuable lesson for me personally is forgiveness is key to moving on.... for urself. Forgiveness isn't always for the person asking for it, it actually helps u heal and move on. It brings peace to ur life and I hope that is something u can do or have done. It takes time though, sometimes a lot of time.

Today is my youngest son's birthday, he's 12. It's also my brothers birthday. I was induced 12 years ago today with my brother by my side in the hospital on his birthday. So now we celebrate two birthdays on March 6th. I couldn't imagine not having my brother around or what ur going through, but I do know ur a VERY strong lady and this didn't take u down! Ur pretty awesome to me!!!!

[Ashlee]

Thank you suboxdoc, Amy & Jenn! Yesterday was really hard, my brother & I were only 2 years apart. He was the only man who really broke my heart... But today, I am sober/as sober as I'm gonna get with Suboxone!

[Amy-Work In Progress]

You don't have to qualify that you are sober. You are sober on suboxone. Despite what others like to say.

Amy

[Ashlee]

Good because I'm really sick of everyone telling me that I'm not sober.

[Ashlee]

Amy can I PM you?

[Ashlee]

Rule 62,


No I honestly feel that I don't know how to forgive her. How can someone that literally screws up everything in her path be forgiven? I'm not kidding she is like a plague. I really need someone to talk to about this. I went to my first psychiatrist appointment & I didn't like the woman. She was judgemental & basically was a snobby crotch. With that said, I prefer to have all of you who are understanding as my... Way of psychiatry? Haha

[Amy-Work In Progress]

Yes, Ashlee. Feel free to PM me.

Amy

[jennjenn]

Ashlee don't let anyone tell u that ur not 'sober'. It isn't their life to live and their judgments can take a long hike off a short cliff! I know it's hard to ignore those ppl, but it will get easier to let those negative words roll off ur bk. Those ppl don't see (or care to see) just what a change u have made in ur life. If someone wants to claim I'm not in recovery then I'd like to show them a flashback of myself shooting up in a church parking lot to what my life is like now....... that is something they don't see or think about. In the grand scheme of things, just because we take a medication every day is such a minor thing and no difference than needing something for blood pressure. Those judgements really irritate me but I have learned to not take it so personally any longer.

Forgiveness is HARD! It won't happen overnight either. I remember ppl telling me I had to forgive my ex husband for the lies he fed my daughter. He kept me from her for a good amount of time telling her that her mommy chose drugs over her. He refused to even let her see a picture of me. How could I have ever forgiven him? I'd always say that I wouldn't ever be able to. I still don't like him and I'll never be in a place that I'd be friends with him, but as far as letting it go in my heart.... I'm pretty close. I can't even say I'm 100% yet but I'm close. It just takes time and being open to it. It doesn't mean u think they're a good person, it's more for u I sure hope that makes sense.

[rule62]

Ashlee, ditto on what Amy said. PM her and get some of this toxic past out in the open so it can heal. One must lance a wound first and let the poison out before it can heal. Your soul needs healing. And don't lose faith finding a therapist. There are a lot of good ones out there. It just takes time to find the right fit.

So sorry about both your brother and mother. Terrible all around.

[Ashlee]

Oh my gosh how embarrassing, I'm just now seeing this! Indeed, Amy & I we're discussing it, shout out to Amy by they & all the moderators here! You are all so kind & there for just about anyone! & Jenn, I'm sure you'll find it in your heart to forgive your ex husband for feeding those lies to your child, just tell him to look at you now, you're on fire! I hope you all are doing okay!




Love,


Ash

[Dallas44]

I understand it’s now more than 4 years since the loss … the pain doesn’t go away but becomes more manageable. My advice is to find it in your heart to forgive those who contributed to his death. It’s a choice. It’s not something you’ll feel like doing. I hope you’re well and living in peace.
My parents also contributed to my using at a young age. I grew up accepting that as a part of my life. It was a sad life too. Both of my parents died before reaching 50. I entered a rehab and stayed for once after they died. It has not always been easy to choose forgiving them as I’ve struggled with my own addiction. I’m still on subs, which have been a tool to that allowed to experience life in a different way.