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PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:25 am 
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Sorry I've been gone so long, everyone....

First, my internet was disconnected, then my laptop got sorta repossesed, and well you can see the dilemma, right???
LOL

The photo is from about a month ago,,, my lil guy was SO VERY EXCITED to go to the county fair!!!
we had SO MUCH FUN!!! I just had to share a current photo,,, with the FAMILY I MISSED SO MUCH!!!!

Well for those of you that DO CARE, I'm going to give the "short version" update here.
and if you don't have any idea who I am,
or what the hell I'm talking about, feel free to move right along :lol:

So,,, I legally separated from the husband late March/begining April. First because the lawyer suggested it, and then for "real" because he totally admitted to me after like FOUR MONTHS, the accusations, were TRUE.
I couldn't think about it, couldn't picture it in my head, NOTHING, for MONTHS....
It was SOOOOOOOOOO VERY PAINFUL
all I could do was TRY to not fall apart, each and every day. I had to "keep it together" for my four year old son. Because throughout this WHOLE ORDEAL, his father wasn't allowed ANYWHERE NEAR HIM.

I'm happy to report Mike has FINALLY been granted visitation, after 270 days, or NINE MONTHS,
of NOT ONE SUPERVISED VISIT...
and in case you need reminding, his "victim" was 26 years old, and he was only accused of touching her over the clothes. for those of you with ANY FAITH in our criminal justice system,, :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ,, I'd do some research if I were you...... there's a very real point about sex offenders in general being "the modern day witch hunt" now yes,,, of COURSE when it's people who actually rape or molest anyone, especially a child... but you would NOT believe how many "sex offenders" are NOT child sex offenders, how many are ONLY convicted of computer crimes,,, and so on.. it's REALLY UNBELIEVABLE..... these are the people you have "mapped" out in your neighborhood... some dude who 20 years ago, had an underage girlfriend,, or another guy, who had "cyber sex" with and Undercover COP who "posed" as a 13 year old. THATS who the cops are watching...... not the ACTUAL rapists..... remember that, when you tuck your kid in bed tonight....

Anyway,
he's still got every single restriction a CHILD sex offender would have, (even though he's NOT) and he's of course a registered sex offender for life, as well......

But ,,, I finally "let go" and lifted the responsibility off my shoulders,
taking MYSELF and MY SON OFF probation w/his father.
because yes, it really did feel like we were ALL on SO probation. :cry:

After a 13 year relationship, 10 years of marriage..... sometimes I wonder if I"m giving up to easy
Usually about that time I get an ass-a-nine phone call and I'm clearly reminded, YES I made the right decision. :roll: :roll: :roll:
I told HIM this same thing, more than once..... I'm pretty sure I could "get over" the incident.. it's all the lying that followed... it's the fact he lied right from the start, even lying to the investigator, which is what completely RUINED his chances of anything else BUT a plea bargain. I mean how can I ever trust a thing he says, after He's lied right to my face for MONTHS, about this??? I spent THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS backing him up... because in ALL OUR TIME together,
I NEVER once doubted his fidelity... NOT ONE TIME... I really mean that....
so, how can/would I EVER be able to trust him again???
(still trying to answer this one)

Yes,
Ive dealt with some :x SERIOUS PAIN :( the last few months. :cry:
and I've learned a TON about myself, and that I"m way stronger than I ever freaking realized!!!
it feels so good, to go to work everyday and take care of my little boy.
hes the ONLY man I "need" in my life!! (lol)

there's some other things that went on as well,,, you know, after he was released from county jail, but I'm not real comfortable putting it "out there"
so any of you that were/are close to me, have any questions at all,,,
please just ask, because the GREAT PART IS,,

it DOESN"T HURT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sure, its still sad,,, And I mourn the loss of our previous relationship. but he is NOT the same man he used to be... not even close. and THATS who I miss.... NOT whoever this "new dude" is.
I hope that makes sense to you guys.

so yes,,,,,, KNOW that I'm definitely over the "hump" and while I have NOT filed for divorce thus far,
I'm not shutting the door on divorce or getting back together.
his probation term is supposed to be 36 months,
it's already been almost TEN MONTHS.
and I did give him a few VERY much achieveable "benchmarks"
one being... stand on YOUR OWN TWO FEET and clean up YOUR MESS,
get OFF supervised probation, ETC ETC.
see,
once he's off supervision, he's got NO restrictions. he's not considered "predatory" or anything crazy like that. I guess that's one of the only reasons it'd even be possible for us to be a "family" again.

I'm not going to hold my breath,, that's for DAMN sure. I might be done already and just not know it, who knows.. HE might have been done a LONG ASS TIME AGO,,, and sometimes that's the exact feeling I get. I can count on ONE HAND the number of times he's said, "I miss you, I still want to be with you" or anything even REMOTELY CLOSE,,,, the last SIX MONTHS.
I know, if it were the other way around,,,,, and I "wanted" to be "with me" I'd be saying ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I could think of,,,, anything to make ME feel attached to him even a LITTLE BIT.

Okay,, enough on all that. :roll:

My point for any of you who are reading,,, and thinking :?: "what the hell is all this about" :?:

You never ever know WHAT life will throw at you.....
I woke up on a "normal" saturday.... two years on subs, had lost about 90 pounds, got my teeth fixed, was working at the same place making descent $$$, the husband was making more than he ever had, and we'd just moved into a new place.... been the in the "best place" we'd EVER been in, on every level pretty much in the course of our 13 years together.

AND BAM,,,, :shock: :shock: the rug got ripped out from underneath me. :shock: :shock:

Now, I'm a single parent, working as much as I can and barely getting by, maybe getting divorced,
and life's definitely NOT EASY these days. :roll: :roll: :roll:

BUT I DIDNT GET HIGH OVER ANY OF THE ABOVE.... :wink: ..... NOT ONCE. :wink:
even if it was my "gut" reaction to do so,,, I didn't do it... I'm still on about 12-16mg of sub a day,
but I'm on the generic now,,,,, saves me a TON of cash,,,,

I made it through all this CRAP,,,,,,,, and didn't relapse..... YOU can certainly make it, TOO!!!!!!

thanks for reading.
I'll be back online/forum just about daily now......

:mrgreen: goodnight :mrgreen:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:01 am 
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Amber, you're definitely one of the strongest people I know. You've had a really raw deal over the last 10 months and I'm so glad you're finally getting your feet back under you. I'm so impressed that you've dealt with all of this head on, putting your son and your sobriety ahead of everything else!

I am beyond thrilled to have you back!!! I love that you can find older threads that pertain to today's threads. We've missed that around here.

Welcome back!

Hugs,
Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:07 am 
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Ambrosia, welcome back!! We've missed you!!!

Congrats on staying clean through that ridiculous mess, you are one tough cookie.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:32 pm 
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Hello Amber!

I just wanted to introduce myself, and tell you how proud I am of you to get through all you have had to deal with and never went back to old using habits again. You remained drug-free through all of it and you should be extremely proud of yourself! Way to go Amber!!! :D

Also love the photo you shared! Your little man is so cute! I bet he had a great time with mom at the fair! I remember those times still and I'm sure he will never forget it either!

You take care of yourself Amber and I wish you the very best with your situation. I know you have the strength to continue to get through it as you have already proven!

I'm sure I will meet up with you again on the forum soon. Until then I look forward to reading some of your posts. I'm sure all of your old friends are happy to have you back again.

Hugs,
Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:33 pm 
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It's nice to see an update from you, Amber. You've sure pulled through an awful bumpy road this last year. I'm glad you're back and posting. I also get a sense of relief from your posts like you are thru the hardest part and dusting yourself off now. I'm wishing good things for you in the future. Stay strong.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:56 am 
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Hello Amber!

That is quite an ordeal you have been through. I commend you for staying clean for that little boy and for yourself. You should be extremely proud of yourself. Keep up the great work!

Im Lynn, btw, brand new here.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:42 pm 
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Wow, BAM!What a friggin' read Amber! It is bittersweet to have you back again. Terrible stuff you had to deal with but now you are up and ready for whatever comes your way. What an awful thing to happen to you or anyone!

I won't give any advice or even an opinion. All I will say is: "Actions speak louder than words."

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