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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 5:51 pm 
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Hey guys! I came here to share a really great discount on Subutex, which I posted here. I'll introduce myself first.

I'm 40 years old, female, married to a nice guy who has a nearly-grown daughter. I have no kids of my own and don't want any. I've been running my own Wicca website for around seventeen years. I make an okay living that way. I don't work outside the home. I have three dogs and a cat. My dog, Pyper, is the light of my life, so I'm sharing a photo of her and Butterball, since that's really the only interesting thing about me, lol.

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File comment: Butterball (Morkie) and Pyper (Yorkie)
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As for the stuff you guys actually might want to know... I've used various drugs since I was 15 (alcohol and cigarettes since 14). I had a pretty crazy time in my teenage and young adult years. I mostly used weed and pills, but I had an addict boyfriend when I was 16-18. He gave me crack to smoke and I overdosed and died on his bathroom floor. So that happened. Luckily, he and another friend performed CPR and brought me back to life. I had serious sleep problems after that (anyone else suffer with sleep paralysis?) It was a lot like that movie Flatliners, except most people with sleep paralysis don't wake up with bruises from the attacks. I have heard a few make that claim though. I admin a sleep paralysis group on Facebook. Sleep paralysis is when you wake up and can't move your body. You may also feel a presence in the room with you or you may be attacked by an entity. Science tells us that all the visions are hallucinations, but a lot of us believe there could be a paranormal aspect to it as well. I do believe in the paranormal. I've seen ghosts on and off since I was a child. I don't like to travel because most hotels seem to have ghosts in them.

Okay, back to the drug history... So when I was in my late-twenties, I ended up taking hydrocodone pills to ease anxiety about a new relationship I was in (sex was anxiety-producing because of a violent history). I self-medicated and ended up addicted to them. After two years of taking them I was up to around 20 10mg hydros a day. I had tried to quit once before and was stopped for a month but ended up taking them again because of the withdrawals. In 2004, I went on the Internet, looking for some kind of new solution for my addiction and I discovered Suboxone. It so just happened that my childhood doctor and family acquaintance was one of the only Sub doctors in my area. So he gave me 8mg Suboxone. I was on that for a few years and I started having trouble breathing deeply, so he switched me to Subutex. At some point I convinced him to give me 8 2mg pills per day and that's what I've been taking for the last few years.

I would love to be off Subutex, but I'm obviously addicted to it. I'm also addicted to the ritual of taking a pill four times a day, which was the main reason I wanted the 2 mg. I had been chopping the 8mg pills up and it was a pain. I may have to go back to that though because of insurance crap. Today I took two pills when I woke up and I'll take two later. I'd like to get back to taking just one 8mg pill a day so I can taper off at some point.

So that's me. It's great to be here.


Last edited by Starlight-Lady on Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 11:53 pm 
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Hi Starlight,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Thanks for sharing the discount you found through AAA, I'm sure someone will see it who will be able to take advantage of that bit of information.

I laughed when I saw your comment about your little dogs. It totally sounds like something I might say...LOL. I have a Blue Healer that I just love to death. :D

Welcome aboard!

Q

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:03 am 
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Thanks Q! :) Dogs are just the best, huh? I love them. :D


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:40 am 
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Starlight- I've also been on suboxone for 10 years! Its rare to find someone whose been on it this long. But I am also definitely addicted to it. I've tapered off of it twice during the last 10 years, the first time to have a baby (it was 2005, back then they made me taper off) and I went back into the maintenance program just 2 months after my daughter was born. Many years later (2009-ish), I got divorced and lost my health insurance, and the maintenance program & medication was too expensive, so I thought I had no choice other than to taper off. So I tapered off slowly, and at the end of my taper, I decided a script of ADHD meds (not my own) would get me past that lack of motivation I felt after the worst of the physical withdrawals were over. The script (90 concerta pills) worked fine improving my motivation until they ran out (duh!) so I decided a few good old pain pills would help! I'm so embarrassed to say I spent my entire tax return on pain pills, and ended up just as addicted as ever. So I decided enough was enough, I got a second job and went back on suboxone as a cash patient:)

Anyway, I also split up my dose each day. It works best for me to take it at least 3x per day and my doc has no objections to this addict behavior:) I'm shocked that after 10 years it still works just as well as it did the first day! And I will say, besides for keeping the cravings away, it also keeps my depression and pain in check, so I'm not planning on coming off anytime soon. I do have side effects, but I had such bad experiences those 2 times I stopped it, I feel like life is better with it:)

And the addiction counselor I see (a former addict) has explained to me that unless I have the tools necessary when tapering off, there is close to 100% relapse rate, as addiction is a disease! He said if I ever decide to come off it again, I need to have sometime to replace the suboxone with, preferably a healthy substitute! Without one, and without suboxone, cravings will continue LONG after detox, and our addict minds will continue to try and find sometime, anything to satisfy that feeling. In 2005, (after my first taper when my daughter was born) I was clean a total of 4 months, and I can honestly say that compared to the physical withdrawal of coming off, the cravings that followed were much worse (and they never decreased at all during that 4 months I spent clean!)

Just wanted to share a little of my experience, as its rare to find someone like me, 10 years in this boat!
Jamie B

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:51 am 
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And by the way, have you ever been tested for narcolepsy? The reason I ask is that sleep paralysis is one of the 5 symptoms. My sleep issues are different (I've needed 12+ hours of sleep per day since an illness I had around age 16, along with a bunch of other bizzare sleep issues), but I have had what I've been told are "hypergognic hallucinations" when my body lingers between a asleep & awake state, and I've seen some really creepy stuff, kinda like what you described!

I have had 2 sleep studies, and I'm told that my sleep patterns are inconsistent with narcolepsy. I think they're hesitant to diagnose me with norcolepsy or hypersomnia because of either the suboxone or the history of addiction; treatment is stimulant meds, and doctors wouldn't dare give me, an addict, a stimulant! Anyway, I was just curious. Suboxone does nothing to help my sleep issues, but since it helps me during my awake time, I take what I can get:)

_________________
There's no such thing as regret; there's what you do and what you don't do.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:48 pm 
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Hey Jamie, it's great to meet you. Ten years on bupe doesn't feel nearly as long as it sounds - not to me anyway, but I've never tried to stop, so the last 10 years just blurs together mostly. I agree that it helps with depression. I don't recall having depression since I started taking buprenorphine. I hear they're seeking to approve it as a treatment for depression now, although I'd hate to think of anyone taking such an addictive drug for depression. I bet the doctors won't tell them what they're in for when they attempt to quit, and it's so expensive that most of us do consider quitting at some point. I wish it were prescribed to me for pain or depression. That way I could skip the hassle of seeing my doctor every single month ($175) and taking urine tests. I've been with the same doctor for 10 years and he still drug tests me. He actually rarely drug tested me the first few years and I only had to see him like once every six months, but now that he's in private practice and semi-retired, he charges more than double his former price and sees patients every month and drug tests every month too. It's a bitch, honestly. I have to go there at 2:30 today. It's 20 miles away from here, so that sucks too. But we all have our Sub complaints, I'm sure. I'm fortunate to have been with the same doctor for all this time. He's very dedicated to addiction treatment.

I don't have any symptoms of narcolepsy, but I've read that it's a symptom of sleep paralysis. My SP started after I overdosed on crack-cocaine. I stopped breathing for a bit and turned blue and everything, so I was actually dead for a few minutes. That incident did something to me that messed up my sleep. It may have been PTSD or lack of oxygen to the brain or whatever - I really don't know. But the hypnagogic hallucinations can be horrible. I don't get them as bad as some people, thank god, but I've definitely had some terrifying encounters during sleep paralysis.

I appreciate you sharing your experiences with bupe and your relapse. I may try to cut down on it to save money, but it's unlikely I'll be quitting anytime soon. There was a year when I was only taking 4mg a day, but because I have addictive tendencies, I ended up increasing the dose until I was back to my prescribed amount.

Well, thanks for welcoming me to the forum! It was great to hear from you. I didn't expect to find someone else who's been on bupe for 10 years. That's cool. :)


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