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PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:31 am 
One Month or More
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Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:41 pm
Posts: 39
I’m the last of five kids who grew up on the poor side of town where going to parties when you were 12 was normal. So was skipping school, getting into fights and watching the people in your household fight. To me hearing that she wished she did not have all us dam kids was normal also. As well as she should have never married our father. The school was not much help because all they wanted was for you to get out of their class and into someone else’s because they had no clue what to do with the kid that just sat there staring off out the window. I did not belong at home; I did not belong on any sports team, musical group, book club “lol” that is for sure... But when I did find MY club I knew it. Everyone liked me everyone laughed at my jokes and everyone wanted me to come back. Wow, that was way more than my own mother even ever wanted from me. It was just about that time that my father was killed in an accident and I was left his SS benefits. What did my mother do, she let me a teen have it every month. I was pretty much by that time on my own. I was 14 and living with a friend and her mother. Now I was wanted around my new found friends even more. The party was on. This did not last as I became pregnant, I was 15 and I had the sense to stop all my running around. I stayed home, put my money into things for my baby and decided I was going to grow up. For this reason I knew I was not an addict/ alcoholic. I was not like my father or brothers nor would I ever be. Speed up my life, after dragging my daughter though a shitty marriage and her shitty step farther and moving all over. I drank off and on during that time… but I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not like them (my family) because I stopped when I was 15 and I’m going to raise my daughter better. I told her that I loved her and I never told her that I did not want her. But she seen enough fights alright and she moved enough to maybe even say we were gypsies. She is almost 30 and she finally has gotten it out of her blood to pick up and move. What I did not know is that you don’t have to drink every day, weekend or even once a month to be an alcoholic. When I drink I DRINK, I am always the last one at the Bar, Club or Your house and I will drink all that I can and your drink also when you are not looking. I did not do this very often but when I did boy did I do it good. I embarrassed myself, my husband and all my friends or whoever was with me. Then I would get mean as hell and watch out because at 5 ft 2 inch and 130LB’s I could take on the best of ya, I did grow up with three older brothers and one older sister who by the way was the biggest B” (brat)… lol you thought I was thinking something else. I would never call her that. Speed up some more I stopped going out and stayed home because face it I was just a dam fool and I knew I could not handle it. I also was going through a divorce and it was his entire fault. Later after the divorce and when some time had passed I got remarried to a NORMIE and he is the best guy I could ever ask for and I can’t believe he puts up with me. Really, I tell him he must be crazy and he says crazy in love. This is where it gets real good. I had a hysterectomy in 2003 and my dream man and I had only been married a year. The surgery went well, I got my RX went home took them like I was told and when they hit me I was like ooohhhh this is so great. I knew I had to milk it. So I got more as I had over done work too soon. Right. Then once I was done with that I went back to work and things were ok until I was having some back pain and I found a Dr. that gave me more of the same stuff I got for my surgery. Oh, ok a Dr. is giving it to me so it must be ok. I had only taken pain pills a few times in my life but never became hooked. Now in my shiny new marriage where I knew I did not want to drink and F things up. I thought well I can take these and I don’t get all crazy. I am sure you all can see where that got me. I did all the Dr. shopping, stealing, got fired from my job that I loved, stole from family, let down my family, went to I.O.P. In patient, detox, and even faced the law at one point. I left my husband two times before I actually went through with the divorce, the one person who had always been there for me no matter what. He nursed me back to health when I was so dope sick more than I want to say. And in the two years that I was away from him I lived in two Oxford homes and then relapsed after moving out of the second one. Was engaged to a jerk who gave me methadone because I was going to do my own treatment. Whatever, he did not want me to leave and I was getting high. I found all his stashes and took more every time. He was on the program and I could find his carries no matter where he hid them. Oh I was a good addict. All the while I thought about my husband, I call him that because I never stopped thinking of him as that. I called him and we wrote to each other a few times. Then I called him one day and he said if I wanted to come home I could. That day he got me a flight home and I never looked back as I grabbed my bag with only a few things. It was by the grace of God that I got on Sub’s. I called a Dr. a few days after getting back home and sadly was told that he was not taking patients but there was a doctor in a town about an hr. away. Shoot I said I have driven further than that to get my pills. I would gladly drive there to get help. I called him and I got lucky he answered the phone his self instead of the receptionist. I was able to give him my sad story. He said he really was not taking any more patients either because he has another practice and is full. Not that he was full with sub patients just that he is so busy. I was able to get his sympathy though and I went in the next day and started my induction that weekend when I went into withdrawals. I had so much methadone in me I had to wait over a week to start going into withdrawals. My life has never been better. I have some kinks to work out, I am an addict. But I am on the program and I have no plans to rush off. I need more of the support stuff. I need to realize this is not the fix all and that I need to learn to live life on my own. But I have been taking it easy. It has been so long since I have been able to just be, well me. Well thanks for reading this. I tried to keep it short.

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