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 Post subject: WTF is wrong with me?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:47 pm 
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Hello all I am new to this forum. I will be six months off of suboxone Friday. I feel good physically, but mentally I am a freaking mess. I have bad anxiety and depression. Feelings I have never experienced before in my life. I want to stay clean off SUB and other drugs. I dont want to relapse but this mindset I am in is horrible. I jumped from 1 mg the last week in May I was On sub for 16 months. Highest dose was 8 mg. i was at two for 8 months then I jumped off at 1mg after being on that for a month. The physical withdrawals were really not that bad. They were a little challenging. The first month June was hard, but not unbearable. July I had alot of mental anguish but not too bad. August was a little worse then it got a little better. September was pretty hard also. The first three weeks in October were like a walk in the park. I finally felt like I was getting better. But man since Halloween night I have had bad anxiety and depression and it seems to be getting worse. Man I hope I am not like this forever. I made the mistake of reading this girls post on youtube about how sub permanately damages your brain and your depression is so bad you will eventually relapse. BS probably I know, but my mind tends to believe stuff like this.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:38 am 
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suboxone withdrawal can last for longer than 6 months. Its kind of a roller coaster, up and down until you finally even out. But as far as i know, pretty much everyone on this forum that has stayed off suboxone eventually returned to normal. I do know your struggle though my friend, i've been off suboxone 11 months now and it hasn't been easy, but I feel I'm just about where I was before I took it. Wish I had better advice to give you, but i hope that helped.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:40 am 
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I think your doing AWESOME.................

Im sorry you dont FEEL so great,, but you definitely deserve a big pat on the back,
for HOW FAR you've come!! Don't forget to tell yourself that much, ya know?

In general,, it's really common for opiate addicts to experience "bouts" of deppresion and/or anxiety.
you MAY even have an
"underlying condition"
that you were medicating when you were on full-blown opiates...............

and IF NOT,,, maybe an anti-deppresant or something like that, would be helpful for awhile, during this time I mean......

have you thought about it????

long-term deppression and/or anxiety CAN BE a dangerous thing...... especially in combination......

I've had adhd my entire life, I've been on suboxone 19months,,
been doing great, and I always thought I had some kind of anxiety disorder or something, I'd get sooo stressed out and/or
"worked up"
over such little things. WELL,, I was taking 24mg of suboxone a day, and I think I was TRYING to medicate the
anxiety and stuff.
BUT,,,
after a long talk (with my sub dr. and my addiction therapist) and some tests
I got back on ADHD meds,
and waaa laaa,
down to 8-12 mg of suboxone now.....
and the anxiety is pretty much GONZO..........................it's really really made a HUGE difference for ME.......

So, try and think it over,
maybe keep a journal or some type of "record" of how often the anxiety/depression hits, and what seems to cause it....
just an idea,
I did this, and it REALLY helped my doctor(s) figure out the best option.

GOOD LUCK
and I hope you feel better soon, no matter what you decide to do :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:16 pm 
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Thanks y'all for the advice. It means alot. Yeah ups and downs is how it felt at first. Now it is mostly downs. Hopefully I go back up. I am going to keep pushing though. If I use again I would just be more depressed and have to go through this again. I did feel a little better today. Now I feel like crap again. I dont do NA or AA meetings. They arent for me. I exercise, see a therapist, and may start seeing someone for depression meds. My therapist told me my addict part is dying and it is telling my brain it is dying and that is why the depression and anxiety is so bad. This makes sense.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:09 am 
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chubbybaby82 wrote:
My therapist told me my addict part is dying and it is telling my brain it is dying and that is why the depression and anxiety is so bad. This makes sense.




it DOES make sense!!!
and there's nothing wrong with getting a little help, to get through it... NOTHING at all, in my opinion.......
you've already been through an EPIC battle,,,,,
and let's not forget, it's the battle FOR your LIFE,,,,,


anyways,
have a happy thanksgiving,,,
I hope you feel better very soon...............KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: Depression
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 12:15 am 
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As the others have stated, suboxone after effects can be miserable, you are suffering from PAWS Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Feel like you are carrying around a really heavy jumpsuit on your body, have no energy and just feel BLAH? Try some supplements and ask your physican for an antidepressant, it will help. You will get througth this!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 7:41 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]I think that I agree with the above poster on this one. Perhaps you could talk to your
doctor about getting on an anit depressant. Nothing major, just something mild. You have to
remember though, that medication only does about 35% of the work. My physician told me that
the other 65% is up to me. You have got to get moving. No matter how bad you feel and no matter
how much your brain is saying...just lay here.
Getting your body moving is a great way to get rid of that depressed feeling. Ericis was right when he said
that PAWS can last for more than 6 months. It all depends on how long it takes for your brain to replace
those receptors that were ruined...(I'll find the video of Dr J's where I saw that for you later).
Not to mention that movig around and getting some excercise can really release those feel good
chemicals in the brain. They give you a natural high.
I love the way I feel after a long walk, lifting weights, or just plain old playing with my kid.
The feeling lasts long after the excercise too. Like hours after.
All that moving around will surely help the anxiety too. Anxiety is just a whole bunch of pent up
energy that has no way of being expended if you just sit still.

I hope that you will see your doctor and see if he can help. Good Luck to you and let us know how you
are! Take Care~Kelly[/font]

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:33 am 
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Thanks everyone for your replies. They all helped alot. Now the focus has seemed to switch from depression/ anxiety to cravings. Man I really dont want to use, but thoughts about using have been popping up all day and they scare the crap out of me. Sometimes I get excited about using. This scares me. Anybody have a trick to help with cravings? I think stuff sometimes like how am I going to put up with these feelings. I should go use. Then I realize it would be a bad idea. I really dont like thinking about this stuff though.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 7:34 am 
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chubbybaby82 wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies. They all helped alot. Now the focus has seemed to switch from depression/ anxiety to cravings. Man I really dont want to use, but thoughts about using have been popping up all day and they scare the crap out of me. Sometimes I get excited about using. This scares me. Anybody have a trick to help with cravings? I think stuff sometimes like how am I going to put up with these feelings. I should go use. Then I realize it would be a bad idea. I really dont like thinking about this stuff though.


[font=Comic Sans MS]Now, this is a little bit more serious. The more you think about using, and getting excited about it, it's almost
inevitable that you will eventually relapse. Or just have a one time lapse. Neither is good. Do you have ANY kind
of coping skills? Do you do anything for your recovery? AA/NA, Smart recovery, an addiction counselor, a therapist?
Any one of these things can help you with these cravings. It is good to know that you are "playing the tape all the way
through", and realize that the end result will ALWAYS be bad.

I personally don't have cravings because I have the advantage of being on sub right now. However, I was clean for
9 months without ORT. It was just me, meetings, and my higher power. I learned from the people around me how to
handle these things. I also attended an outpatient program at the time, that focused on relapse prevention skills
and how to cope with these cravings. Two big things that they emphasized were this~Find something, anything, to do.
Cravings tend to last around 5 minutes. That's all. If you can find something to do AS SOON as a craving hits, to distract
your mind, you'll find that you aren't even considering it, much less thinking about it anymore.
The other thing they focused on was finding a good solid support system. Anyone that you can call at any hour of the day
or night when these feelings hit you. This wasn't hard for me to find in AA. Those late night conversations kept me
from using on so many occasions.

Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to find a local out patient program that you can attend 2~3 days a week. There you
could also meet other human beings that you can exchange numbers wtih, hang out with, doing sober things. Recovery takes
a total change of ones self. Obviously the people we hang/hung with, the places we visited, and the things we used to do.
But recovery also takes a daily recognition of your disease, and that you have no control over it. I think that if you could
find one or more of the above mentioned outlets, your cravings will become much easier to manage.

If there is anything else that we can do for you , let us know. I am proud of you for reaching out for help. This time of
year can be especially hard for some people. Me included. Keep on posting and we will do our best to support you! OK?
Ok. Take care~Kelly[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:28 pm 
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Hey chubbybaby,

First off, I wanted you to know that everything you're going through is completely normal. Having depression and anxiety months after quitting Suboxone is perfectly normal, having cravings is perfectly normal. The thing that's gonna make or break you is how you deal with all of these things!

By far, the best thing I found to kill my PAWS symptoms (lack of energy, depression, anxiety) was exercise. Once I started exercising I felt an amazing difference.

For your cravings, the exercise will help, but you'll also need to do some other things. For me, the instant I start to feel cravings, I force it out of my mind by stopping what I'm doing and engaging in another activity. Truth be told, most of my cravings come when I'm sitting around doing nothing, so this means getting my ass up and doing something.

Identifying your triggers is also very useful. Eliminate all triggers that you can, then whatever triggers you're left with, you'll need to learn how deal with them in a healthy way.

If I notice a craving is not going away, I'll talk to someone I trust about it. Someone who I know won't judge me. Simply "telling on myself" seems to always help. Your addiction hates the light of day, it loves secrets and it loves lies. Don't do what it loves....expose it to the light of day by telling on it, don't let it let you keep secrets and don't lie for it.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 10:27 pm 
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Thanks goingstrong and Romeo. Goingstrong I do have a counselor. I see her tomorrow. She helps. I tried AA/NA for awhile and I was not comfortable with it. I have been exercising Romeo and that helps, but throughout the day while at work the cravings and anxiety and depression is present. My mind manifests its depression and anxiety in cravings it feels like because as soon as the cravings were over the depression started. I am doing more things to occupy my mind like meditating though I still wish I had some face to face support. I talk to my dad about cravings and that helps. I just hate how it stays on my mind. But maybe I like it. I dont know.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 11:45 pm 
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sorry chuby-b what your going through". i don't want to go through it after i stop suboxone.
drugs mess the part of the brain where we think/feel/laugh/cry ex- and i can see why i need
a other drug that can help. the med i take helps with what i did wrong by abusing my pain
medication. the med i'm taking now give's me a boost and helps me cope with all pain and messed up brain :lol: :)
i would see a doc and get some meds that will help give you a boost.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 12:27 am 
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Is your counselor a Certified Addiction/Drug Counselor? If not, you may want to look into one.

Addiction is quite a cunning disorder and in my opinion, regular counselors just don't have what it takes to really help.

Also, like johnboy said, you may need a medication to help you deal with your depression/anxiety. An addiction specialist may be able to help point you in the right direction there.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 12:50 am 
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Yes Romeo she works with alot of addicts. Said she worked with two people coming off of suboxone and one of them had withdrawal symptoms for 12 months. She doesnt necessarily believe in the traditional approach to addiction which is go to 12 step meetings, but she believes in starting a new foundation for your life which is what we are trying to do.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 9:00 pm 
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Man when is this going to end. It seems like I feel worse and worse each day. Cravings, anxiety, depression. I went to a meeting today and that helped. It feels like inside my chest is burning. i don't feel like eating. I dont feel like drinking. The doctor put me on Lexapro, but I am not too confident in that. This has been the hardest month so far, and its the sixth month. It was harder than the first. Man I hope this gets better. I definitely dont want to use, but I also dont want to feel like this. i will pull through this I just hope it gets better.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:59 am 
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I like that you have the attitude of pushing on through, even though it's tough! One thing it's important to never forget what it was like for you before you went on suboxone. Remember how hopeless and helpless you felt and how using was jacking up the rest of your life. I think my fellow member, Amber, calls it, "thinking it through to the logical end". If you start craving and thinking about how nice it would be to use, make sure that you follow through to where that first use ended you up. Make sure that every time you crave, you remember hitting bottom or somewhere close. Addiction is going to try to trick you into thinking how easy it would be to use. Your job is to remember reality. You can do that!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:14 pm 
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Sometime during my PAWS, I asked my doctor to help me out by giving me an antidepressant. He prescribed Celexa for me and that shit almost drove me batty. To the best of my knowledge, I've never lost my marbles before, but I sure felt like I was losing my marbles when I got on Celexa!!

It's my understanding that a lot of AD meds can make you feel worse before they make you feel better. The Celexa was so hard on me, I quit taking it after 3 or 4 days. My doctor tried me on Wellbutrin next and it was a lot easier on me. It seemed to start working failry quickly and it didn't give me any "losing my marbles" feelings. I only stayed on Wellbutrin for several weeks at a time. It was like that was all I needed to get over the hump.

PAWS can be a real bear because of its duration. The symptoms aren't necessarily overwhelming, but they do seem to take forever to go away!!

Also, not only are you probably suffering from PAWS, but you're also trying to learn how to live your life without drugs. It's a double whammy that has taken a lot of addicts back to drug use. Keep pushing through, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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