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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 4:43 pm 
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Hi!

I don't know if their are any rules for self-incrimination, so please accept my apologies if I violate any rules I probably should have researched before posting...

I've been abusing whatever I could get my hands on since 14, but have been hopelessly addicted to opioids for the past 2 or 3 years (I know, I know, not very long compared to some standards!) after getting a seemingly endless Norco script for a shattered leg. First Norco, then Oxy/Dilaudid, then methadone, then heroin.

In my opinion, all these drugs produced similar effects, but mention heroin and the crowd runs.

After years of anti-depressants, something like 30 antidepressants/anti-psychotics/mood-stabilizers, plus a worthless stint in rehab, I researched buprenorphine and had a sneaking suspicion it might be the (hate to use this phrase) "miracle drug" I and a subset of patients with refractory depression might need - those who used opioids to self-medicate and those who never touched a drug in their lives.

(I'm trying to keep this short.)

Again, I'm a writer and - hate to be arrogant - a damn good writer. Most people read stanzas better than blocks of text, so I've learned.

Went on generic bupes four months ago and, just as I suspected, the drug managed kill all opioid cravings, as well as those for booze and coke (the cigarettes, well, I'm throwing up my hands in a cloud of smoke at that one). And, more important, seemed to ease anxiety, paranoia, and the depression that kept my in bed weeks at a time better than any other prescribed drug or non-prescribed drug I'd ever taken.

No euphoria. No "drug-seeking" behavior." Just felt normal.

Still got mad. Still got frustrated. Still cried when sad. But didn't flip over the hill.

Being broke on coke and dope (what they call heroin in Chicago) I got on patient assistance through Reckitt and switched from generic to film.

I hate it.

I can't take these things, for the life of me. They dissolve on fingers. Asked an "addiction" doc to take a drug sample from my purse where I rubbed the rest of my dose off my hands. Subsequently, like humans do, got hit with a series of intensely stressful events, learned I had no support system, lost my friends, couldn't trust anyone.

Gave up. Waited two days and got high on heroin. For 24 hours.

I hated it.

Back on the strips the next day. Want to be back on generics, but can't afford it. Now, my desire to stay on bupe for mental-health (rather than addiction) issues is questioned by everyone in sight. If we're having a party (I run a quickly dissolving collective) and I say, I'll work the door, I'm not drinking or taking drugs tomorrow -

"But you are taking drugs. You're on Suboxone."

Sick of this. I'm not a drug commercial. I'm not a "product of big pharma." I advocate the chemical structure of buprenorphine as a fantastic anti-depressant, not the company that holds the patent like a golden ticket.

And nobody believe me.

That's all - and it turned out a helluva lot longer than I thought.

Sorry.

Thanks for reading, though!
[...] (anonymous)


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 10:13 pm 
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Back on the strips the next day. Want to be back on generics, but can't afford it

first off, that is the most ironic statement lol..

what i don't understand is you mentioned- you are an addict that needs bupe, but hates the strips, relapsed on heroin, still going and working the door at parties, giving 2 chits what yer partying pals think?...am i somewhat on track?

answer: find a support group, go back on subs and, man, i dont know whatelse to tell ya, seems like a cut and dry duh case to me......miss, you maybe a hella writer but i really don't get what yer writing/driving at.


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 Post subject: the pills
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 10:20 pm 
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musta not worked that great being you said this:"Being broke on coke and dope (what they call heroin in Chicago) I got on patient assistance through Reckitt and switched from generic to film." this says by yer own addmission you were broke on coke and dope=therefore you went to the film......i don't get what the phuch yer beotchin bout....


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 Post subject: Re: the pills
PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:23 am 
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indigochild wrote:
musta not worked that great being you said this:"Being broke on coke and dope (what they call heroin in Chicago) I got on patient assistance through Reckitt and switched from generic to film." this says by yer own addmission you were broke on coke and dope=therefore you went to the film......i don't get what the phuch yer beotchin bout....


Perhaps I misspoke or didn't explain myself clearly.

I'm really not bitching about anything - just looking for a support system. I run a art collective. Yes, I work the door at shows but how that equates to some sort if irony, I'm not sure. Should I completely separate myself from the art scene - from the gallery I've been working my ASS of to bring out of debt - if that's what I love doing?

And, if my friends support me, understand the situation and take "no thanks" for an answer, I see no reason to "stay away" from them. Again, I run an underground gallery. Should I abandon the 8 years of hard labor I've devoted to turn it into a reputable non-profit and community space?

As for "going broke on dope and coke," what I mean is - went through my student loan money and graduated without a job and no savings. I HAD been on generic bupe, but couldn't afford them, thus went through RB's patient assistance program in order to be able to afford the meds.

What irony are you referring to, exactly?

That I'd prefer to be on a generic sub-lingual tablet but have no insurance and opted for the patient assistance program and, therefore, the film strips RB requires ALL patients on their "Here to Help" plan to take? Or is ironic that I relapsed, hated it, and went back on the sub strips - which, admittedly, I find more difficult to take.

I think either you've misunderstood my attempt at a friendly introduction, or I've misunderstood your reaction.

Regardless, why jump down my throat for any of it?

I'm sorry of I've offended anyone. I find this site an excellent source of solid research and information on the benefits of bupe. And was only hoping to add my input on various issues (aside for an introduction I probably should've calmed down before writing). I have no idea if this forum is of the "we accept you, have no fear of judgement," or "we don't know you, sayonara."

Lemme know what's up, and I'm happy to decline my membership and move on.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 10:12 am 
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Hi nomoremommyfood and I'd like to give you a very WARM welcome to the forum. And thanks for sharing your story with us.

I don't quite understand what Indigo was getting at with you either, but you are definitely welcome here and I can't stress that enough. I'm glad you're finding this forum full of information and we ARE normally a very supportive place as well. I hope you'll give us a chance to show you that.

I hope you'll stick around and keep posting. Again- WELCOME!

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 11:32 am 
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I want to welcome you too! We are a very welcoming support system, so please don't let one person's response run you off. I have learned so much here and this forum has become invaluable to my recovery and I hope it will do the same for you.

I understand what you are saying about being switched to the film and I am sorry you are having a hard time with them. I used to be on the strips and thru trial and error found the best way to place them without them becoming stuck to your teeth or fingers. First I would cut the strip in half and put a half on the tip of my finger and press it to the base of your tongue and hold it there for a few seconds. This helped the strip to stay in place and not stick to my finger. Then I would repeat the process on the other side.

I hope this helps you some and I look forward to posting with you!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 6:53 pm 
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Thanks so much, you guys!

It's really awesome to fall asleep pissed, thinking "Well, THAT sure didn't work out!" and wake up to a friendly show of support!

I'll happily stick around, gather more information, and keep posting - I'm particularly impressed with the blog entries, which seem to hold some genuine research. Quite a wealth of knowledge!

Again, thank you so much for your support!


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 Post subject: welcome
PostPosted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 7:56 pm 
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BTW, seriously... somehow i missed the whole 'intro' thing- I suffer from bi-polar as well as opioid addictions, but that shouldn't be construed as my thought process being 'off the charts' (untreated bi-polar). I'm very intelligent, well-medicated , pragmatic, successful and sometimes happy individual :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: welcome
PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:41 am 
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Hey nomoremommywriter,

Welcome. It'd be good to have a writer in here. It'd be nice if someone could write us the occasional short story.

I hear you with the whole "say it's heroin and people run". So many people on pills end up using heroin when their supply dries up. It's just witches for bitches. But the IV thing adds another layer to the drama, I'll admit.

Anyway, welcome. Stick around.

T

indigochild wrote:
BTW, seriously... somehow i missed the whole 'intro' thing- I suffer from bi-polar as well as opioid addictions, but that shouldn't be construed as my thought process being 'off the charts' (untreated bi-polar).


Bipolar is no excuse for being rude, especially to someone new.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:54 pm 
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Thanks again for the warm welcome!

As for my admittedly confusing "intro," I was just hoping to give a background history specific to opioid use, and what led me to post on this forum: a lack of support from those surrounding me.

That's all.

For the record and on the record, I was also diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. And was formerly pretty happy, particularly when able to contradict the consensus (at least in the rehab center I attended) that one must entirely abandon prior lifestyle and friends in order to recover. It wasn't working the door at parties that led to a heroin binge and subsequent depression. It was, as with most relapses, a build-up of stress - compounded by gossip from non-using "friends," regarding Suboxone.

Since this particular section of the forum is for introductions, I'll leave the "how the hell do you WORK these strips?!" conundrum for the appropriate area - I've done a little lurking and noted others writing of similar issues.

Again, thanks so much for all of your support and I look forward to further contributing!


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