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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:09 am 
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So I don't know if any of you reading have seen my post in the stopping suboxone section or others. Long story short I had quit suboxone twice, once for about 6 months before I started taking it again and then again for about 2.5 months. Anyways, after this last time I was introduced to something I've never imagined myself doing, that's IV heroin. I don't know how it happened, or how I let myself ever stick a needle in myself but I did and as you can probably guess, it got bad. I was quickly using 10 bags a day. My addiction had turned into something I never expected. So I found a dr, something I had never done before, and here I am, taking suboxone legally and as prescribed, seeing a therapist and trying to get my life back together. While I enjoyed my life dependent free I am not regretting getting back on suboxone. A life of IV heroin, or the risk of a major relapse like I had is too great for me right now. I wasn't ready to live life on life's terms and wasn't putting in the work needed to remain off all medications. So my doctor basically explained to me that with my tolerance and use, I would probably not e able to wait the 48 hours he wanted for me to have an easy transition and instead of me not showing up to my appt I should take the suboxone whenever I couldn't take it anymore and warned me I would probably have a couple of days of not feeling great while the suboxone was over powering my receptors and my tolerance lowering. He was right, I waited about 15 hours and I immediately got major sweats, anxious and felt uncomfortable. Not so much precipitated withdrawal because I didn't feel worse than regular withdrawal but I didn't feel good. This went on, although getting better daily, for about 3 days. Then one day when I woke up and took my sub I noticed I was feeling pretty decent. So right now its a little different than my first sub experience. I'm not craving heroin which is huge, I'm not having depression or extreme fatigue and no appetite which is huge and I feel almost the same as when I was 5 months clean, although then I already had about 4 months of exercise, eating right and healthy under my belt so I had a lot of energy and now I'm having to get back there because of the damage to my body. So anyways, that's my story. I was embarrassed at first because of my huge relapse and I thought I could prove everyone wrong that you can be done with addiction but I've learned, through almost killing myself and not minding, that its a disease that has yet to have a cure and although I can treat it I'll never be cured. But hey I have friends with high blood pressure in the same boat, lol. So there it is, my honest story. I was going to do a quick detox with suboxone when I originally went to the dr because I still hadn't learned but after a few weeks in therapy I decided I'm am going to stay on until I can find out the issue behind my addiction and especially why someone who never took an oxy would go straight to iv heroin without blinking an eye. Talk to you guys soon. Thanks for reading.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:22 am 
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Hello Quiet, Welcome! You are in the right place! There is never judgement here, just support and encouragement! I hope you stick around and continue to share your journey with us! I am happy that you found your way back to suboxone. I don't think anyone likes the idea of being on any medication for the rest of their life. But, you are right, if you are a diabetic or have high blood pressure you would. I don't see any difference. I look forward to talking with you again!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:53 am 
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Hey Quiet,
I remember you from months ago. Nice to see you back only not under the circumstances. I was hoping for a update on how well you were doing. lol I thought you were one of the lucky ones that made it.
There is no shame staying on Subs. We fool ourselves thinking we can quit drug use once we go down that road. It always seems to come back and haunt us sooner or later. I just take my meds and go on and forget about it. Very few are successful. Very Few! I am not one of them. Over 16 years for me, so why should I even think I could quit? Because I can't. I would be out using the very next day. Don't beat yourself up over this. No judgement here! Just take your medicine and go on.
Sorry this has happened to you. It is so easy to slip up, way too easy!
Anyways, welcome back
Happy


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:09 am 
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Hey Quiet,

I remember ur posts in the past. Sorry to hear about ur relapse, but I'm sure glad ur bk. Sounds like ur definitely putting in the effort and working on ur recovery. I've never done heroin and that's only because where I live, it wasn't ever around. But I did have about two yrs during my active addiction doing IV morphine. It was my doc and my only way of doing it for two yrs, so I know exactly what u mean about how it puts ur body through the ringer. It eventually started making me sick every time I would shoot up. I'd get "cotton fever" or just physically sick. So instead of stopping, I spent three and a half more yrs taking oxycodone. Basically I just stopped shooting morphine and traded it for snorting oxy. I couldn't believe that I'd gotten to that point, but addiction takes u down roads we never thought we'd travel. So don't beat yourself up over that, plenty of us have been there. What matters now, is getting it under control just like ur doing now.

Sub is amazing. I couldn't believe that as horrible as I was, I could find something that completely removed the cravings and didn't get me high. Just feeling like a human being again was a miracle for me. I was truly truly lost til I found sub. I feel 100% like u do, I see it no different than taking a bp medicine every day to keep me alive. I'm so glad ur bk with us!!!!

_________________
Jennifer


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:45 am 
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Welcome back Quiet. Glad you made it back and alive. I always worry to when addicts jump or take the short way though sub treatment.
We see it any times that a person under a year stops the medication then relapses. No shame in that but dangerous.
Knowing now that you can get your life back safely must be a relief. It was for me. That was almost 5 years ago.

Ive had to fight guilt and shame myself for just taking this med. No more. Many people are RX d meds to inprove and save there lives. Why not MAT..
Your doing well again and made the right choise I believe. Best of luck and keep moving forward QA. Glad your back!!



Razor...


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:37 pm 
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Thanks guys for the encouragement. Working with a doctor is so much more refreshing than not. Getting to talk to a therapist and being under the care of a doctor has opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I'm no longer looking for how fast I can be "off everything" because honestly it doesn't sound as appealing as it used to. Being alive, happy, craving free not thinking of using all day, feeling good and being able to live a normal and/or great life are far more appealing. So a quick story a few weeks into sub. Went to the pharmacy today to pick up my script and a kid walks in there, or rather hobbles in there, blood shot eyes, and tells the pharmacist his grandmother had sent him there to pickup her diabetic syringes for her and she asked for (spouted off the size/shape). Of course the pharmacist could see he was high and asked for a script and of course he couldn't produce one. I remember saying to myself, "that was me a month ago, did I really look that stupid?" Anyways, I stopped him on the way out to give him the number to my sub DR and he opened up about how he's been on a waiting list but my doc is taking patients right now. I hope he calls. So again thank you guys for the replies and I plan to be with y'all for years to come. There is SOOO much misinformation about suboxone or Zubsolv on other drug forums and I feel really sorry for a person if they go there, listen to some ignorant guy pretending to be a doctor tell them he can taper them off in 5 weeks and he has helped 1000 people if you do everything he says over the Internet or someone else making a video about how to only use suboxone for a 2 week detox and any longer you'll be in worse shape than before and this lost person listens to these people and never gives it a chance. So this place is a breath of fresh air for people who were up in the air like myself but remember how many people on here were on long term sub and still loving/living/and enjoying the same life people off of drugs enjoy. So thanks this site is awesome, the guy that runs/started it would always be welcome for a glass of tea at my house, which I can afford to pay the mortgage on now!!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:56 pm 
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This iis why we are here. More than ever as you said QA, to get the truth out on just what it is to be In Treatment with this med, with a real Dr and finding a way to live with Opiate Addiction.
I really liked the last part of your post. Well all of it but yes the total misinformation on treatment is imo killing addicts.
It happens everyday. Negative posts dissing this med.
Hopefully, and I have hope, we are starting to turn some kind of corner. With the cap being lifted more can get into treatment.
The best thing we can do is stand up for this treatment and as you did today QA spread the news! Good for you man, i do hope that addict makes a move to save himself.
The old adage "trading on drug for Another" couldnt be further from the truth. People just need to understand just what Opiate addiction is....

Peace...


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