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PostPosted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:54 pm 
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Firstly I'd just like to say that I've done a lot of 12 step based recovery. I've worked the steps, done the meeting a day thing for quite some time. These days I consider myself a reformed 12 step member. I won't go into the reasons as to why I'm over meetings & NA as they are my own, and recovery is a very sacred and personal thing. But when you've been in and out of the rooms for multiple years and relapsed on the program numerous times (while doing service, working the steps, meetings and having a sponsor who I was calling every day), clearly it became time to try something new.

Anyway yesterday I was in the area of one of the meetings I used to attend, so decided to drop in just to see if there were any familiar faces. There were new faces and old (as always) so I took a seat up the back, grabbed a coffee and put the old cotton wool brainwashing filters in my ears and took 10c out to put in the 7th tradition :lol:

Anyway, an acquaintance walked in who I'd known from a rehab I did back in the day. She's young (20), a cutie, and new to the rooms apparently having just got out of a 12 step rehab/detox. She's also just in the rooms for smoking pot. Good on her I say.

BUT what irked me was the attention she was getting from the guys for the rest of the meeting. Sure a lot were checking her out, but when she went out to have a cigarette I noticed 2 guys (both ones that are constantly in & out of the rooms) go quickly follow her to join her. These guys are also smackheads (like myself, don't think I'm getting judgemental). The only real difference between them & myself is that clearly their boundaries aren't in place when it comes to women in recovery.

(sigh) same old story. Anyway after the meeting I had a smoke and chatted to a few friends, including her. There were a few guys approaching her and when she'd leave they'd say ("fuck she's hot hey") and remarks of the like. I'd just smile. I hate the rooms. These guys were at least in their 30's mind you.

Anyway hopefully a good crew of women will take her under their wing so she's no easy prey. What really irks me though, and I've seen this time & time again is that a woman (and occasionally a young guy) may come into the room with a marijuana problem and quickly get cozy with someone else in the room (13th stepper maybe?). Given the predator usually doesn't have a real quality program of their own (they are going to meetings to pickup after all), they quickly relapse and bring the newcomer down with them. But their addiction is to smack, and soon enough both of them are injecting the gear and turning up to meetings on the tilt.

It's a sad story but I've seen it time & time again.

So, would you send your daughter to NA? I sure as fuck wouldn't.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:06 am 
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Hmm, would I send my daughter to NA? Speaking as someone who doesn't even like the program, I'd have to say I wouldn't necessarily not support her efforts to try that route. Everyone is different and it does work for some people. I recognize that despite my own feelings.

The thing is, even though we might feel protective of the young people in our life, we have to trust their judgment eventually - especially when it comes to their own recovery. That is something that, although they will need lots of support for, they have to own and take responsibility for. Otherwise their recovery won't be solid. The foundation of their recovery must be their own.

I'm just curious, did your friend pick up on what was going on or was she oblivious? Did you discuss it with her at all? Maybe she would do better at a different meeting or even AA instead of NA. Too bad there's not a marijuana/pot smokers anonymous for people with that particular struggle. I know from personal experience that my addiction (maybe only psychological) to pot wasn't really accepted or even taken seriously when I tried NA.

So I'd say when it comes to a vulnerable, young person I care about, I might very well support them in the NA route, despite my own misgivings.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 6:16 am 
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No way. I hope my little girl never touches drugs or alcoho, but I'll send her to just about any program over a 12 step (As mentioned by the OP, I have my reasons).

So, my answer is no, I would not send my daughter to a 12 step program

J

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:10 am 
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That shir goes on every where. I've been in AA for almost a decade and it still amazes me the attention a young, pretty girl will get when she walks in. I'm talking about guys twice her age, guys that are married and preach God every chance they get. Believe me, I am no saint, but when it comes to recovery the last thing I want to do is take advantage of a scared, vulnerable girl. I will try to point them in the dirrection of females in the room that I know are solid AA members. When I fist got sober I would attend a lot of meetings at this sober club. They would have 2 or 3 meetings a day and when there were no meeting going on they had a back room open all day that you could hang out in and talk sobriety with some of the old timers. The only problem is it was right down the road from about a dozen strip clubs. Lots of these girls, that were court ordered, would go to these meeting to get their paper signed. Needless to say, I would see exactly what your talking about on a daily basis. I stopped going to meetings there about 5 years ago for that reason. I couldn't handle watching this day after day, and again I am no saint, I also didn't like being tempted myself. I hate to spread stories like this about something I love as much as AA but I guess there's good and bad in everything. I've also been to plenty of meetings where that shit would not fly, you would be asked to leave if you behaved that way. Would I send my daughter to AA? Yes, but being the control freak I am, I would scout out the meeting first to make sure the members motives were pure. They also have female only meetings which is another route to take if you don't want to deal with men.

P.S. This behavior goes both ways too. I've seen older women pounce on the young good locking guys as well. Not as much, but it happens.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:09 am 
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Yeah, they call that "13th stepping" and it's been happening almost as long as the program has been in existence. One of the things that happens when you get clean and/or sober is your sex drive usually comes roaring back, and that is one reason why there is so much of that stuff going on in meetings.

Now, I don't have a daughter, so I don't know how I'd react if I had a daughter that was an addict or alcoholic, but I'd really like to think that I would raise my kid with enough common sense to be able to resist that kind of stuff.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:27 pm 
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My first sponsor had a strict men only meeting for the first few months. It always pissed me off at the time but now I get it. Junkies right, my sex drive came back with a vengence and I was trying to repair my marrage at the time. Looking back he did me a big favor by keeping me away from that scene for awhile. The worst part of getting the sex drive back is my wife was pretty fed up with me at that time. I treated her lime crap for years and never wanted to be intimate with her then one day I say "ok I'm ready now, let's start having sex again". She wasn't having any of it, it was her pay back to cut me off for a few months. Things are much better today by the way.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:52 pm 
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omg yea i would send my daUGHTER to AA if she was doing drugs/alchoal. If i had the money a treatment program+AA. it's the only way to go. so she doesent relapse, and fully understands her addiction. Because depending on the drugs she's doing., you can't just be on suboxone for life, that may not be her case. Also, i know some may want to, (but it is another opiate.
So my answer is YES!!! thats like saying......

Would you send your daughter to a PARTY? fuck no, or would you send her to AA??

Would you send your daughter the the dope house, or AA?

Theirs alot of options and to be honest, id rather see her go to womens group and or go to AA with her. I would rather see any young girl, attending 12step/treatments, rather than a party, or the dope house.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 8:47 am 
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YES! I would,only to women's meetings until she understands AA is not always the best place for mental health! many are sick in other ways and many are not and have great recovery time and something to offer.The great thing is .you have your experience to share with her.about 13th stepping etc.Hook her up with a strong no b.s. woman..that keeps her under her wing.Just another view/opinion.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:49 pm 
spike93333 wrote:
omg yea i would send my daUGHTER to AA if she was doing drugs/alchoal. If i had the money a treatment program+AA. it's the only way to go. so she doesent relapse, and fully understands her addiction. Because depending on the drugs she's doing., you can't just be on suboxone for life, that may not be her case. Also, i know some may want to, (but it is another opiate.
So my answer is YES!!! thats like saying......

Would you send your daughter to a PARTY? fuck no, or would you send her to AA??

Would you send your daughter the the dope house, or AA?

Theirs alot of options and to be honest, id rather see her go to womens group and or go to AA with her. I would rather see any young girl, attending 12step/treatments, rather than a party, or the dope house.


Please provide evidence supporting your claim that AA/NA is "the only way to go."

Even just some evidence that it works better than no treatment at all. A study, perhaps?


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