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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 6:27 pm 
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Hey guys,
I don't know if any of you remember me. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if you didn't!! April 23, 2014 I jumped off suboxone at 6-8mgs. My physical withdrawal was short, by about day 12 or so I felt good except for no energy or motivation. I made it to day 46 before I had a short slip up and took about .5mgs of suboxone. I immediately felt bad, although good as well, and through the rest of the 8mgs pill in the toilet. From there I made it about 5 months before my next slip up. This slip up slowly turned into a full blown relapse, taking suboxone everyday to avoid withdrawal. I've been taking it daily since about December so about 4.5 months. While I was off Suboxone for nearly 6 months I was working out religiously, enjoying every part of life, quit smoking, etc. Music sounded better, movies were funnier, I loved my work and most of all I loved to be around people and I loved to do things where on suboxone I just wanted to sit around, I was fine with that. I also had so much motivation it was crazy. I have no clue how I got back here honestly. Anyways, finally I have come to the point where I'm going again. I had to buy everything from my dealer and throw it all away in order to make sure he'd be out for at least a month so by the time he gets more I'll be, hopefully, passed where I am overly tempted (this is my hope anyways).. I'm very excited though. I was on here reading just now the thread from tfisher and couldn't tell you how excited I was to start again and get off. All the great memories of that short time of being off suboxone and getting myself healthy and just how I felt all the time physically so great started to come back and I am so so so excited to do this. I'm ready for the withdrawal and I have to work, literally, through it. The only catch right now is I'm not starting day one till Monday, for a few other reasons besides trying to taper down but I feel like Monday will be my best day to dive in. I will be on here, especially through the hardest parts, so any thoughts and prayers my way would be welcomed. Wish me luck, I will update my progress. Last time I didn't write my first post till day 72 or something. See you soon


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:05 pm 
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Sounds like you need to break the addictive cycle before quiting subs again. Make sure youve broken that addictive cycle or youll be back at square one again and again and again.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:17 pm 
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I agree with Ozzy. I think it's more important to deal with the issues of addiction than to just be off Suboxone.


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 12:08 pm 
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Suboxone is my DOC. I was introduced to Subs from a co-worker about 5 years ago and have been taking them ever since except for the 6 months I quit before. My relapse was on suboxone, that's all I really like. It's kind of a crappy thing because I can't take suboxone to help me with an addiction to suboxone just like a lot of oxy addicts can't take oxy to help them, even prescribed and a regular schedule. I do want to be completely drug free because I know how great it was and how great I felt and all my desires changed, I actually had desires. Before I didn't care about anything but suboxone. Before I relapsed I thought, because of how happy I was in my freedom and how great I felt, that I was one of those people who could just take it randomly to get high and put it down. I was wrong. Now I know that I am not able to take "just one". I have to stay away completely and am not able to spend my life getting high occasionally, and honestly I don't want to. I got more of a high from working out and waking up every morning feeling great and laughing and having hobbies and passions and enjoying things like football, friends, family, etc. I won't lie I'm hoping this will be easier than last time but even if it's not I'm prepared. I know what I'm in for and I'm so excited to start where I'm having to force myself not to throw away the little bit I have to get me through the weekend. I know that sounds crazy but I feel like starting Monday will prepare me better and i'll be in the perfect places during certain days I have to do things. Thank you guys for commenting and I hope to get more feedback in any shape or form during this process. I see how much it helps people when others are acknowledging them in there post. So thank you guys, hope to hear from you again.


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 3:17 pm 
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Hi QA, I'm sorry for the circumstances under which you are back, but I hope you can get the motivation and help that you need here.

Since sub is your doc, have you thought of using vivitrol to help stay under control? That's after, of course, you are off sub again.

You definitely have to change something about your life to help you fight addiction. Whether it's Smart Recovery meetings or 12 step or therapy. Almost all of us go through a period when we long for how things used to be before we were addicted. If only we could get back to how we felt then, we imagine. The hard truth is that addiction is a game changer. Our brains have been changed by addiction and we need to focus on getting used to our new normal, not longing for a time and place that are no longer obtainable.

I hope you get the support you're looking for.

Amy

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Done is better than perfect!


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 7:26 pm 
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Hi quiet!
Glad my thread motivated you. Makes me happy if my experience can help even one person.

I can't imagine how hard it would be if sub was the DOC. I agree with amy that maybe since that is the case, working a recovery program of some sort will be useful and maybe even necessary to keep you away.

I'll be following your progress! Best of luck!


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PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2015 4:42 pm 
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Hi quiet....I can relate to you...I've not been off subs yet but did get down to 2 mgs last August, hit a bad spell and went all the way back up to 8 mgs/day. This January, I began the drop again and am now down to 2 mgs/day again and hoping that this will be my last time to drop on down and get off Subs (I've made numerous attempts).

Addiction is a powerful thing and we have to want this and the addiction cycle must be broken in the brain. Just know that there are others of us struggling right there with you!

Best of luck and I'll watch for your posts to see how you are doing.

_________________

1.1.15 - 8 mg/day
1.24.15 - 6 mgs/day
3.6.15 - 4 mg/day
3.22.15 - 3 mg/day
5.3.15- 2 mg/day
5.17.15 - 1.5 mg/day
5.29.15 - 1 mg/day
6.16.15 - .8 mg/day
12.18.15 - 4 mg
12.28.15 - 2 mg
1.10.16 - 1.5 mg
1.21.16 - 1 mg


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 11:29 pm 
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Do your friends or family know? Keeping secrets or holding onto guilt are the fastest ways to relapse.


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