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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:51 am 
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I haven't posted here in a while, but have still been actively reading threads. I have searched for the answer to my problem and am coming up empty-handed.

My doctor decided to go on a vacation for two weeks right when I was almost out of my script. I already knew he gave nary a shit about his patients in the first place, but he's the only one in my area that I can afford to go to, so alas, I have to see him.
My treatment has been going very well. I started out over a year ago on 8mgs a day and worked my way down to 2mgs a day, sometimes 1mg, sometimes 1.5. Anyway, I realized with horror when I went to call to schedule my appointment that he was gone, for two weeks, and won't return until Monday. Well, I am down to the last 2mgs. I put myself intentionally through withdrawal over the weekend to stretch out my films, and it wasn't even enough.

I can't do this anymore. The withdrawal was nearly unbearable, and I am still mildly suffering from it because I have only been taking half doses since that hellish withdrawal weekend. I called his emergency number and left a frantic message with his 'nurse' or whoever the hell she is two days ago, and have been trying to call them ever since. Haven't heard a word from them. the 'doctor on call' apparently doesn't own a telephone.

We have a methadone/ suboxone clinic in my town and I called them, explaining my situation. They said that they couldn't help me because they were more oriented toward long-term treatment, not the three days that I so desperately need.

I am panicking. I don't know what to do. I am afraid that I will relapse, and have seriously been considering it. I am a waitress, and I have to work very hard this time of year, and I can't do that in this condition. Is there anything I can do aside from giving into temptation and going into some shady neighborhood to score some heroin? The idea is mouth-watering at this point. I was never even addicted to heroin in the first place, but I am sure I would like it just as much as my DOC. I am in so much pain, much of it mental, admittedly, but the chills are bad, my legs are trying to escape my body, and I don't know how to deal with work or with the upcoming holiday with my family. They can't see me like this. They aren't stupid. They will know. (No, they don't know I'm a junkie).

What options do I have? I feel as if I am being treated as if I am some sort of low-life garbage bin instead of a human being with things like organs and sweat glands, just like everyone else. What do I do? I seriously cannot take this anymore. Someone please help me.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:30 am 
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Melsie wrote:
the 'doctor on call' apparently doesn't own a telephone.


That's ridiculous. How can you call a doctor on call without a phone? With a megaphone?

Don't score heroin. If you're going to resort to illegally getting drugs, try and find buprenorphine, be it Subutex / Suboxone / whatever. It would be better to push through the pain than to go down that road. Incidents like these can give us types a great excuse to self-destruct. But ultimately it'll be you hurting from the choice to use heroin, not your doctor.

Physical work can feel nigh impossible while in withdrawals. How many strips left? What dose would you drop to if you tried stretching them out?


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:43 am 
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I don't know where you are located (in the US?), but you can go to an Emergency Room and they can write you a prescription (without them having the special waiver) for 3 days worth of sub for you. Just explain to them the situation and if I were you I'd bring in your old scripts/boxes/bottles, whatever you have to show them that you are an established suboxone patient. They should be able to help you. Oh! You could go to your pharmacy and have them print out your records - that will show that you've been getting your sub prescribed to you each month. That should adequately show the ER docs that you're a legitimate sub patient.

Good luck and let us know how it works out!

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:50 am 
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I feel for you. My doctor was real piece of work too, and did this to me on at least 3 occasions. The last time I went off Suboxone for good. Anyway, when I got cut off I went down from 4mg to 0.5mg in about 3 days. I found that 0.5mg was enough to get me through work. The trick is to take it at least 1.5 hours before you go, because I think at this dose it's the norbuprenorphine (bupe's metabolite) that is working, and not the bupe itself. If you absolutely can't stretch it out or can't make it through, try to get your hands on something like codeine just to ease the WD. Don't go to heroin (I hope you didn't really mean that). I truly understand you are pissed and sick. But don't throw away your whole recovery.
Good luck,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:57 pm 
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Thanks everyone. I haven't gone to any extremes yet. And I don't think that I will. I'd rather suffer through this than screw up everything that I've worked so hard to achieve. I've tried to find suboxone via friends, but no one had any. I managed to get some Tramadol, though, which is helping a bit. I know that tramadol can be addictive, but I doubt I'll have any issues seeing as it barely covers the withdrawals for me.

I'm afraid to go to the ER because I have no insurance and am already in debt to them anyway. I really appreciate your help, though. I know that I'll live through this. Monday isn't that far away. I will be STALKING that worthless piece of garbage until he has to see me.

About the doctor on call, yeah, well, apparently that doctor doesn't have the ability to write scripts for Suboxone! I finally got through to them today and all she said was 'sorry, i am not able to do that for you. I am covering for his other patients (the non-junkie ones), not the patients involved in Suboxone maintenance.' She sounded so cold about the whole thing. I hate how we have to be treated like something less than human just because we've made mistakes in life, which is something that actually all human beings have in common and should be willing to sympathize with.

I know I'll get through this. I am actually thinking about going to the Suboxone clinic and just lying. I know that's a terrible thing to do, but I thought they were there to help me, so hopefully lying will get the job done.

I also forgot to add that I have exactly 2mgs left total. I'm sorry if I am not answering questions well. It's been difficult for me to do even the simplest things in this condition.

Does anyone think that going to the local clinic and lying about my situation (as in telling them something along the lines of 'i was getting subs off a friend, but he got cut off, and thus, so did I, so I need the rigidity of this program to keep me from relapsing") would be okay? I know that lying is horrible, but I feel as if those clinics should be there to help people in times of emergencies and when they are desperate. I feel like I should meet that criteria right now. I would obviously stop going to the clinic after four days when I can see my doctor again. Ugh. I wish I could afford a real doctor that actually cared for his patients.


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 Post subject: BE STRONG
PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 4:31 am 
I really feel for you as this is a terribly uncomfortable spot to be in, but in all actuality Monday is not really that far away! Also, it's not as though you have to go completely cold. If it was me, I'd obviously be upset too and possibly doing/thinking of doing things that are irrational. If I looked at it objectively, though, I would take .5mg each day until Monday or possibly 1mg Thursday and Sat, skipping 1 day in between. It's not the end of the world, you'll be uncomfortable, but you'll live. Objectively, again, I'd stay away from ALL opioids including tramadol. Getting pills illegally is just getting back into the cycle of addiction, as is lying to obtain them through another doctor/clinic if only for a couple days. I'd be very surprised if that would work anyway, with it being Thanksgiving weekend, I doubt they're admitting people at the methadone clinic. You're uncomfortable I know, but you're not incapacitated, you're still able to go online and let us know how you are doing. Keep doing things to stay as active as you can and I promise that Monday will come! When it does, talk to your Dr and express what a difficult situation you were in over the weekend, a holiday weekend no less, and ask him/her how this can be avoided in the future. If you remain strong throughout this trying time, you will be that much stronger because of it!

-Travis


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 8:12 am 
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Obviously I don't know anything about this clinic you speak of, but if you were to go to it, why would you have to lie? Couldn't you just call them and tell them what happened and see if they would agree to help you? You'd know over the phone and could, again, take your pharmacy records down there to prove you ARE a sub patient. Perhaps I missed something in one of your posts about the clinic, and if so, I apologize.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 11:27 am 
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sorry melsie'. i went and banged on my docs door! when this happen to me before :lol:
i don't know what kink of docs people have. you just can't put up with that.
i keep my doc on his toes. some docs love to watch there pat- suffer and they should suffer as well.
these shrinks don't have it all ya no.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 4:15 pm 
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Thanks again, everyone. I am glad that there is a place I can go where people fully understand me.

hatmaker, I did actually call the clinic and they told me no, actually, that they were only available as a 'long-term treatment option,' to which I responded that I AM in long-term treatment.

Anyway, what ultimately happened was that a friend actually came through for me. I know I shouldn't take her perscription, but I have to, to be able to function. And I thought I would have nothing to be thankful for today.


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 Post subject: tramadol ......
PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:25 pm 
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Tramadol WILL keep the w/ds at bay, People who are drug addicted or dependant have to plan for a F-up from their supplier, you need to squirrel a little Suboxone away ... running out is to much like how things used to be, CYA = cover your ass.. Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 11:10 pm 
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I did take the tramadol. I have no regrets about it, either, as it didn't produce ANYTHING other than relief for me. I have thrown the remainder away just in case. I had to do what I had to do, and I am sorry if others think that taking the tramadol was wrong. I have no regrets about it, and I would like others to know that it does wonders to relieve the aches and pains of withdrawal. It won't get you high. Suboxone raises ones tolerance to the point where ultram/tramadol would have no effect unless you were reckless enough to push boundaries with the seizure threshold.

I know it's a bad idea to supplement any other opiate, regardless of how weak it may be, but sometimes, unfortunately, it may be necessary. If anyone else needs to ever use tramadol to relieve withdrawal symptoms, then two to three of them are plenty. Don't exceed that amount unless absolutely necessary.

Anyway, I appreciate the thoughts, and am very thankful for this forum today also. I might have caved and gone down a darker road if it weren't for other people who have been in my position talking some sense into me. If you think that I was wrong for what I did, then I at least hope you can understand why. I don't like to think that I'm a better addict than anyone else. Or a worse one. We all have this common experience, and we should draw from that experience to support and not judge. Thank you all for doing that for me. I really appreciate it. I was thrilled to see that anyone cared enough to respond to me. You all really helped me through this without harming myself. Thank you. If it weren't for you, I may have compromised my sobriety. I'm so happy that I could enjoy watching the Packers keep up their winning streak:) Great day, really, it was.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 1:28 pm 
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in a very bad condition like that'. i very well' would have taken the tramadol too!! you were not starting your
f'ing drug addiction all over again. and you and i' and every one should believe this.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 3:26 pm 
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I completely understand the position you are in and who am I to judge you for it? I can't say what I would have or would not have done had it been me. It's great to aspire to do all the right things all the time, but reality gets in the way of that sometimes and we simply do the very best we can. Hang in there.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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