It is currently Sun Aug 20, 2017 4:22 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Worried and hesitant..
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 5:37 pm 
Offline
New Poster
New Poster

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:15 pm
Posts: 2
Hello all..
I came upon this site as I was pouring over page after page trying to learn about "roxys" and suboxone.
Last June, I found out that the man I had been seeing on/off for 6 mo.s was selling pills. After walking away from him, I realized that my feelings for him overshadowed what he had been doing. For the last year we have communicated, but still struggled with trust issues, me for obvious reasons, him, because I started seeing someone else.
He explained to me that it was his way of getting his hands on the pills that he had been addicted to for years. He had never saught medical help and went through mortal hell trying to get himself clean, all while staying away from his family and "true" friends to keep them from finding out.
Fast forward to now. I have finally decided to let go of what he was doing behind my back and give this relationship another chance. Much to my surprise, and disappointment, I received a phone call from one of his oldest, closest friends. He informed me that "John" had fell back into using roxys again (Feb. of this year) & he went to John's parents, which ended with John seeing a Dr. and being put on suboxone. John had not admitted any of this to me himself.
I finally confronted him, and he downplayed it, saying "I'm on this stuff because my parents are worried that I will relapse. I haven't and I'm not going to." However, we went on a two hour drive and he was nodding off at the wheel. He seemed very out of it, as if he was on something.
The next day, I called his friend again, and he told me that John was lying to me, that he had taken pills since being in treatment, and that everything he says right now is a lie.
John is now telling me that he has a Dr. appt on Monday, and he is going to tell his Dr and parents that he's going to quit taking suboxone. He says he's going to come and stay with me (we live 2 hrs apart) for awhile because he's fed up with everyone talking behind his back & that dealing with everyone is harder than getting off pills!
I'm feeling so much anxiety about this now, but don't want to turn my back on him. We have only been talking again since mid May, and I had invited him to visit me prior to knowing all of this.
From what I've read here, he is going to make a HUGE mistake if he attempts to quit. How can I help? What shall I do when/if he starts to detox while he is at my home?
The worst thing I do is drink an entire bottle of wine in one setting. I've never been addicted to anything, never taken pills, nothing. I have no clue what this is like for him, other than what I've read here and am very thankful to have found this site and to all who are strong enough to share their struggles with addiction. Thank you all..


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:04 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hi Fordanthaman and welcome. It sounds like you're in a bit of a tough spot right now and I'm sorry for that. On top of your BF having an addiction problem, it sounds like there is some back talk going on which may be confusing things even worse.

One of the things I want to say is this: This friend who is telling you "John" is lying to you, did he used to use drugs with "John"? I had this thought while reading your post...that often the person left behind who doesn't get in suboxone treatment and is left using doesn't like to see the other person change. Often they will do anything to get that person who's in recovery back to using. I'm saying this because right now you're getting two different stories and it's possible that this "friend" has a motive to be less than truthful. I just wanted to point that out.

As for John nodding off, it is possible that he's still taking suboxone but is on too high a dose and it's making him too sleepy. That can and does happen - it's not that unusual.

I think it's terrific that you want to learn about addiction. John is very lucky to have you, someone who is willing to take the time to get educated about addiction. There is a thread on this forum under the "Why the Anger" category that is called, "What is Addiction". It's a great thread and has a couple of articles attached about the effects of addiction on the brain. I would highly suggest you read that thread.

As for him going off the suboxone, one cannot force an addict into recovery. If it were me, I'd somehow need to find a way to get to the bottom of things with John. Does he even WANT to stop using? If he does, then suboxone could help him greatly while he learns to live his life without popping a pill every 2 minutes.

There are many things going on right now with you and John, including other people telling you he's lying to you and you not knowing what the truth is. If he's going to stay with you, maybe this is your opportunity to sit him down and set some boundaries with regard to him opening up to you and telling you everything.

These are just some of the thoughts I had when reading your post. I don't know if any of this is helpful or not. Please ask as many questions as you have. It's what we're here for. Hang in there and please do keep us updated on how YOU and he are doing.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:48 pm 
Offline
New Poster
New Poster

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:15 pm
Posts: 2
Hello hatmaker510 and thank you!

O.k., the friend is truly a friend. Not involved in drug use, and as far as I know, never has been. He is the person that made John's family aware of the problem because he was at wit's end with John and feared that he was on a fast track to death.

One of the biggest problems with John is, he has always been the golden boy in everyone's eyes. He started taking pain killers with an old girlfriend, while living in a different state than any of his life-long friends or family. His job takes him to different states, so he has easily kept this hidden, or so he thought. (His friend says he's known for years because of the small town talk in their hometown, where John would go between jobs and live for a month or so. It wasn't until this past Feb. that the friend had seen enough and basically caused the intervention.) He is tremendously embarrassed that he has this problem & hates that his mother and father are now aware. It isn't a subject that he easliy discusses with me, or anyone for that matter.

He has a Dr. appointment tomorrow & I know that his father plans to go with him. Hopefully his infulence will keep him on track.

At this point, I have decided to put my trust in him. He is very aware of my feelings and knows that I will support him as long as he is trying, however I will not enable him and he knows that too. I told him that if I have a conversation with his family/friends about him, I will be honest and tell him. I'm not sure it's possible for everyone to "not talk", as we're all worried and rely on each other to keep that watchful eye, so to speak.

Yes, I understand that John is the only one who can help John. Some of his family members are still struggling with accepting the hard truth - your brother/son is an addict. I believe that that makes John feel even worse and causes him to want to run away, unable to look at the disappointment/worry on their faces.

I willl continue to read the wonderful information here - it has been a god-send. And again, thank you for your time and words of encouragement.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group