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 Post subject: wishes
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:13 pm 
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i had a bunch wrote but now i am crying cause i am mad that i sounded like an ungrateful witch

i need to blow some steam

my life has changed dramatically sub has changed things for the best

why am i so stressed ugh

sometimes i wish i never used. damn now i sound like a dummy

there is so much to explain just to get where for this to make sense

started in feb. at 16mg, then in july was able to reduce down to 4mg or lower

could not stay so low because w/d kept hitting every 4-6 hrs after dosing

now i am at 8mg or some days lower

really been having anxiety attacks for two months now

Damn smoked some weed felt real guilty just because i did not want my counselor to know not bc
i feel its wrong. i told him we talked about it

now there was a member in my house that got prescribed the lowest dose of clodipin (or however you spell)
a few weeks ago. so as the story goes i took one
and felt better
so for the last two weeks been taking one or two a day

got so scared that i would be kicked off my sub program (my upcoming appt. is jan.4) that i called my dr. office and spoke to my addicition counselor and told him what i was doing. he says that they will help me but i HAVE to get in counseling for stress. i trust this guy but he is the first "counselor" that i have felt right with. so now i need to look for someone to talk to about stress. its not something wrong with me (lol) or the past its just i am a stress kind of person

now its starting to sound silly again but i wont delete this

i just wish things were easy i have made a bed that i dont like lying in
thats the ugly cause in reality i have a great and loving family
we struggle with money like most but we have good times with what we have

*#&^%#$ i feel so ugh inside and at the same time so glad things are better then a year ago

suck it up crybaby!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:04 pm 
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Hi wishy!! Good to see ya again!!!

Wishy, I could have very easily written your last post, it sounds a lot like me. I think you summed it up when you said, "I have made a bed that I don't like lying in."

I don't know about you, but it seems things got worse as the holidays appraoched and over the holidays? I know when I have too much free time, it's not good for me. I'm much better on a day to day basis if I have structure and a routine. I'm actually looking forward to getting back to work!

Also, like you, I have a great and loving family.....why do we seem to focus on what we don't have instead of what we do have?

I don't have any sage advice for ya, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: ty
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:55 pm 
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i thank you for reading my vent. i constantly come on the forum to check out what has been posted. every once in awhile i will log in. been wanting to post just feel with me struggling with self that i can not give advice. i sure look for a couple of regular posters and u are one of the big ones. i look at your story and want you to know i respect your honesty. thanks


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:49 pm 
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Wisharer,,,,,

hey,,, it's okay, You're allright.......

know what???

we are addicts, and we really DO SCREW things up sometimes,,,, but the fact that you REACHED OUT when you needed it,
shows ME,,, that you've made HUGE AMOUNTS OF PROGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGE!!!!

so don't discount that fact.... at all!!!
I mean, if you think about how long, ANY of us, continued to use when we at least THOUGHT we had a problem,,,,, well,,, you KNOW what I mean.... I'm not so great at putting things into words sometimes, but I think you get my drift here........


I'm sorry you're having trouble, but we ALL HAVE TROUBLE sometimes, and thanks for your honesty.....
that's a brave thing to do,,, and an even BRAVER thing, to reach out and GET HELP, Not to mention, FOLLOW THRU
with the help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know things will get better for you,,,, I KNOW IT, especially if you take the counseling and stuff seriously....
im soo very happy that you found a counselor you feel comfortable with......that's hard to find, and yet sooo very
valuable....

hang in there....... You'll make it, I promise.

sending you the best vibes possible, tonight,,,,,,,,,,,

I hope the upcoming new year provides you with a "fresh start" and another chance to do things even better,
then this last year :wink: :wink: :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 3:53 am 
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I hear you! I'm feeling kind of low myself so I understand where you're coming from. My sister just came to visit...the first time since I'd been sober. I felt like I was under the microscope the whole time. She apparently made sure that the visit only lasted a few days because she was worried that it might be difficult to be around me. I really didn't care for the scrutiny and having to explain myself all of the time.

No one understands this wild ride unless they are also an addict. Sometimes the world feels like a pretty lonely place. I can't quantify my progress in the way normal people can understand. It's really difficult to want to have your progress recognized by your family, but they're not going to throw a party for you because you've managed to leave the house every day that week!

That's why I come here and post and read. I need a place where everyone understands why the little successes mean so much.

You hang in there! Better days are on the way!

Amy

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 Post subject: when it rains it pours
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:03 am 
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ty for the words of encouragement

i almost got on last night because i have run into a bigger problem then mine.

my almost 20 yr college daughter that still is home. works hard and study does not come easy

long story short *&%$ (is that how u cuss online) was found with dried shrooms in her room

i fear for her to not reach the end goal she has set and its hard to talk to her because ..... but we talked about it

i have a great addiction counselor amber but he wants me to get another to deal with whatever issue i have with anxiety

so new ? any suggestions on how to find a right fit counselor b/c yes amber they are far and few between

#$$% i do not want her to slip into the slippery slope of young drug experiment . ty


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:09 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear that about your daughter........

I do hope everything turns out okay.... You know, you've been there-- you can't "save" her so to say, but YOU CAN BE THERE...


to catch her, when she is ready........ to be her place to "land" if that makes ANY sense at all.

and it could be worse? I know you don't want to think about that, but it could ALWAYS be worse.........

a new counselor,
well, if you like the first one, I'd definitely try asking them for some referalls of some sort.
Explain, that THEY are the FIRST one you've felt this comfortable with, and MAYBE they can help you find another,
GREAT one,,,,,, (fingers crossed)

other than that, it's just hit and miss.... at least it was for ME.......

no, that's not too fun, but it IS how it usually works!!!

Good Luck with everything....

and Im right there, with Amy,,,,
I come here, cuz I feel a bond or something, not sure what to call "it"
with about NINETY FIVE percent of the people that post, , , and it's so comforting knowing I'm NOT ALONE

hang in there :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:44 pm 
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Awww wishy, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I will say this, if shrooms are the only thing she's involved with, it's not too bad right now. IMO, shrooms aren't really "addictive." I know a bunch of people probably just rolled their eyes, but in my experience, shrooms are a recreational drug that are pretty hard to get "addicted" to.

By no means am I saying that you shouldn't take action, I'm just saying that I don't think shrooms alone are indicative of a huge problem on her part.

If it were me, I'd try getting her in to see someone. Y'all may be able to nip this in the bud.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Mushroom Mess
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:34 pm 
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Hi wisharer,

It is good to have a place like this to post how you really feel w/o being judged or having no one understand. That is why most of us addicts like this place. We all share the same messed up brain that has the defect of addiction. No one else really understands us so we stick with like kind and share whatever is bothering us or is making us happy.

This thing with your daughter...think back to when you were 20 something and how you'd take advice from your parents. If yours were like mine then we'd agree that they didn't handle it quite well. Mostly it was denial. No parent wants to find out his/her daughter or son is using any kind of mind altering drug.

I am going to say just what was taught to me in college when I studied for my CDS. (Chemical Dependency Specialist) Be honest. Don't preach, advise, or insist she do anything. Just tell her why you used and what happened as a result. Why did we use in the first place? 1) Curiosity 2) Damn, it felt good 3) All our friends were into it. Just tell her she has the same % of being an addict as you did. "The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree" as they say. By the time my parents really knew what was happening, it was too late. I had to find recovery on my own and it took many years of suffering (and plenty of good times too) but I eventually got there.

Sorry for the long post but my fingers just kept going. Be Honest. That is really the main important message.

Hopefully it is just curiosity and there will be no problems in the future for her.

_________________
Don't take yourself so damn seriously


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 Post subject: ty
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 12:03 pm 
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i am so glad to see such great advice. we did talk at first she was mad and yes saying its just shrooms

i say its way off the track you started i know she needs to talk with someone but past experience she might refuse. already called one for me but its holidays so i will try again wed.

its so good for me just to come and check in and read ty for real

wishing all a happy new year

i think that is some of my daughters problem she is not happy some happy but not that deep happy idk


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 Post subject: Re: wishes
PostPosted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 3:23 pm 
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need to check in. ...things are so different. wanted to go to members only but found this post I had

wrote I almost a year ago. oh I guess I have been busy. watched two children for over a year. their

mother is out of prison now. and now I do not watch them while their grandparents worked. its been

a quiet day. my elderly father 80 who could pass for 100 grumpy (we been a family since hurricane Katrina), is just resting in recliner listening to idk the weather channel. my husband (who is also in pain maintenance) is sleeping upstairs because he works nights. my newly 21 yr old is doing well in

dental school she is in her room resting before she goes to work with the consumers by running errands with them etc... she is doing a lot better. she still drinks here and there but I know her heart and head is in the right place on other substances.

I re read my post and I am still wishing to have this ... still no sure diagnois. healed. taking VIIbryd, ] and of course still on clonpin not doing too bad I really am doing better then just 5 months ago.

heres the thing our office too has changed. their ability to write generic seems less restrictive. had an appointment in dec/ suppose to been with the doctor but was with someone that I had not met. she still prescribed the strips for my husband but since I did not pay the whole month

she gave me a choice for generic that was free copay,and able to use more then once a month. so I say ok and was switched to subzolv I stayed on it due to financial reason for over 8 weeks did not like. so here ten days on suboxone but a white tablet; suppose to be generic. its good so far. I started on strips 3 yrs ago this month wow

just needed to write for awhile. I will try to navigate and check out what others are saying about generic ty and hope to get to know what others are facing as of late
:?


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