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 Post subject: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:51 pm 
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Ok, I know that sounds crazy but I'm serious. I'm new to this site (yesterday actually) but posting on here has REALLY helped so I've already posted in several discussion and even started my own topic. For anyone that hasn't read the several posts where I seem to keep repeating myself, a very short history: me and my husband were on Methadone from the clinic (140 Mg's) for over 11 years because of a pain pill addiction (oxys, roxys, hydros, morphine, etc.). We made the decision to fast taper over a 4-5 day period then quit CT because of his job. We made it to Day 7 before we could get into a Sub Dr for (first time) induction. Currently on Day 3. It's been a crazy couple of days!
If anyone's read anything I've posted, I know I've whined a lot about headaches and even weepiness and slight depression. My body feels like it's on a roller coaster but what broke my heart is when my 13 year old told me that I just wasn't acting like 'Momma' anymore. And she's right. I am a pretty creative person and love to work with my hands doing crafts, using my Cricut, scrapbooking, knitting, you name it. My children usually always had the biggest, most elaborate projects because I ALWAYS helped.
My problem is that I just don't have the drive to create anymore. My oldest had a project due Thursday and it's late because she expected me to help and I kept telling her to please wait and I would. I just don't want to. I've noticed a lot of other things that I've been used to doing or whatever that just don't hold the same draw as before when I was in Methadone. Is it just the WDs from long term high dosage Methadone usage and then transitioning to Suboxone??
I've been on Methadone since my oldest was born and during my other 2 pregnancies so I feel like my whole mothering was built around Methadone and now I'm not the same. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist or counselor. Maybe I just need to give the Suboxone more time. Like I said, I've been whining a whole lot. Sorry.


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:55 pm 
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Hi Mom,

I can identify completely. I used drugs for many reasons, and on the list was that they energized me. I do some freelance writing and I relied on that lovely focused opiate energy to get motivated. The very last thing I felt like doing the first couple weeks on subs was to sit down and try to write. But soon I was feeling much better, and was even able to finish a piece I'd been working on for over a year. And there was still a lot left to do. I'd never have felt like going back to it if my energy hadn't returned. It's not like an opiate a high of course, and yeah, I kind of miss it sometimes. But not very much at all. And I'm certain that will pass. I was on mega doses of opium....the predominant ingredient being morphine...for 12 years.

That I was able to adjust so quickly in most ways is something of a miracle. But the vast majority of people have the same experience of living a good and healthy life without opiates. I'm next to certain you will too.

As you know first hand, the switch from methadone to bupe is often difficult. Just give yourself time. I'm sure you'll be back to your old self before too long!



Best wishes,
Godfrey

P.S. Don't worry about whining. That's what we do as newcomers. And that gives the more experienced veterans a chance to help us, which of course helps them. So we're actually doing them a favor! :D


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:46 am 
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I would expect you to feel 'brighter', and perhaps more creative on buprenorphine-- but it will take time. Try to give it at last 4 weeks, as it takes that long for the methadone to stop battling the buprenorphine. You WILL feel better-- but it will likely take a few weeks. Hang in there!


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:18 am 
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i'm an artist and also a writer. i have been able to be more creative on subs. i think it was mainly that i now have more time on my hands. i'm not spending all day trying to score. i've made huge progress on a book i've been writing and i've taken up adult coloring which is very relaxing. i gave my therapist one of the drawings which she hung in her office and gets many compliments on it. she also started coloring as well!

i would give it some time since you've just started.

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Get your shit together and live your life." Black Snake Moan


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 5:29 pm 
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Thank u all for responding!! We r on day 5 and I went up to 4mgs twice a day. The headaches have all but disappeared!! I feel so much better!! I feel as close to 'normal' as I have in YEARS!! I woke up this morning with a head cold but I don't care. I had a wonderful weekend, especially when compared to last weekend! I was nearly my old, loud, cheering self at our two youngest girls' basketball games yesterday! My husband finally slept last night (I still don't understand why he went so long with no sleep) and says he feel good. Everything seems to be headed in the right direction. I think we've got it now! Thanks again for the comments and encouragement. It helps more than u know.


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:25 pm 
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Stick around if you can-- there is so much misinformation out there! Glad you're feeling better!


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 11:27 pm 
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Sounds like you've broken through.

The couple of times I switched from methadone -> Suboxone I too had a rough first few days. Once I broke through I felt fantastic. I felt human again! Methadone is so saturating and numbing compared to Sub. It almost felt like I was clean again!

Congratulations. I hope you get back into your creative pursuits.

Personally, this time I went on Sub I was clean off all opioids for 18 months beforehand. Compared to those 18 months I don't enjoy music as much and am writing less music. That being said, I still write some music, which is much better than my creative abilities on methadone or heroin.

Methadone -> Suboxone is a really positive step. Enjoy it


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 11:49 pm 
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Quote:
Personally, this time I went on subs I was clean off all opioids for 18 months beforehand. Compared to those 18 months I don't enjoy music as much and am writing less music. That being said, I still write some music, which is much better than my creative abilities on methadone or heroin.


TJ< that's very interesting. So you went on subs this time without any kind of preexisting habit? maybe you're using it for pain?

Also, to what do you attribute your reduced interest in music? what about subs do you think accounts for that? I'm sorry to ask so many questions. Hope it doesn't sound like some 3rd degree. Just interested...


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:44 am 
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The music thing is hard to explain. I think it's just an effect of opioids. The inverse is when you experience opioid withdrawal, music becomes so emotional it's overwhelming. I've just noticed I'm more emotionally closed to music on opioids. Sub to a lesser degree to agonists of course.

I actually had a relapse for a couple of months on heroin at 18 months clean which is why I'm back on Suboxone, again. Another time I had 14 months off opioids and relapsed. Seems to be my thing, sadly. Hate to say it.


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 Post subject: Re: Will I still b me??
PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:09 am 
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I
Quote:
actually had a relapse for a couple of months on heroin at 18 months clean which is why I'm back on Suboxone, again. Another time I had 14 months off opioids and relapsed. Seems to be my thing, sadly. Hate to say it.


Ah well, it's a big club. At least there's a better med these days.

Quote:
he music thing is hard to explain. I think it's just an effect of opioids. The inverse is when you experience opioid withdrawal, music becomes so emotional it's overwhelming.


This is the first time I've had my own experience in this regard validated. I've noticed for a long time now
that I'm more sensitive to certain things when edging into WD, meaning when the symptoms aren't too strong yet. Good movies really knock me out, especially sentimental ones. I don't normally cry at movies,
but when I'm beginning to need a fix I notice tears in my eyes at the least thing. As I get deeper into WD
I'm not sure this effect persists, but it's definitely a real thing for me in the beginning.


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