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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:39 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:55 pm
Posts: 8
Hi eveyone

I'm going to hang around here as much as I can while I prepare my life around me to come off the morphine. I would do this sooner but I have appointments scheduled for tomorrow and one on Monday I can't cancel now....I want to use this time wisely to get everything I need in place for my switch. Since I've been reading the posts and answering a few, I feel better, like there is hope...for me too....

I don't have a support system around me, I live alone in the country and I have lots of physcial work to do, plus I have my house listed and those things I can use as excuses to not do this...but I can't anymore and I won't....I've lost so much of my life to the morphine, and escaping into that haze where one day is like the other. I was thinking the ohter day how I have lost interest in so many things. I use to be such a go getter, always had a project going and was just plain interested in I spend so many days inside my house, with the TV on, with fear and panic always just there to take me under...I e nded up on opiates due to an injury, and prescription pain meds, like so many here. I think living alone, and the easy access to the drugs, (my doctor just writes prescripiton after prescripiton,never suggesting I get off) has been worse than if I had to go look for the drugs, as at least then I'm sure I would have days off it.....but no don't get me wrong that has it's own hell, but it's just been too easy to get lost and stay birth family all live in Ontario, and I don't think they really understand what I'm facing...I've pretty well left them out of my life anyway these past 6 years, and now I just feel so alone, me and my morphine...pathetic...

Sometimes I have felt like giving up, just as I've felt this is just too big for me to deal with....and I'm too old and tired to tackel it....I ahve tried to fight it over the years, but I always give in now....for the first few years I was decresing my dose, small but consistent each month and got down from 300 to 200mg/day...then one thing after another, almost like I fell thorugh every crack one could possibly come across, and all my attempts at getting any real help got squased...I've spun my wheels so many times..

I guess I have hit some new bottom, I'm worn out in a lot of ways,and if I'm going to have any chance at a normal life again I must do this....Here I'm a middle age woman, lived a normal life until 50, then I become an addict....that in itself sounds so pathetic...people seem so willing to help those who are young, but when I have shared with people they look at me like "what are you nuts" could you let this happen... I have to forget all this stuff for now, and just focus on what Im going to do until Tuesday...

I need to be honest, completely honest.....I go between just taking the mscontin by mouth and IMing.... Since htis is a sustained release my doctor told lme Ihad to go 48 hours without to make sure it was out of my system...the last time I switeched to the sub Ijust IMed it the last day so I would ahve my last dose at 7:00pm.....and be in enough w/d the next afternoon or early evening.....I would take a sleeping pill and sleep the day away....I don't feel great the first few days on the suboxone but pretty good after least to function.....From Tuesday until probably Saturaday I will tell my realtor "no showings". I will also throw out the remainder of the MS contin.....I have 2 1/2 weeks worth...This worries me a bit having so many because as we all know the temptation to take more will be there...I've done well today...I thought I may take too much but I have been able to stay down understanding it will just make the transition worse....

I"m a little confused about doctor said to take 4mg to start, and if I need more take 4mg later in the day....wouldn't the naloxone part of it prevent it from working? The last time I needed realistically almost 16mg the first few days, then 12 for a few days. It took a week to get down to about 10...I hear people say less is more...I don't get that at all.....When I took it last fall I had gotten down to about 6mg after 8 weeks....

This last time though (about 7 weeks ago), I made the mistake of going to another site....medhelp ....and most folks there are agianst suboxone....saying you are just trading one addiction for another....and then all these warnings about how hard it is to get off...if you stay on it longer than 21 days....That is not encourageing information when you are just starting I am very grateful to have found this site....

I just pray a few of you will help along iwth this....I will most likely come here alot until Tuesday but once I start to feel yucky I wont' get on much till that magic day when all of a sudden you feel okay....

WEll I've spent the better part of the afternoon here, so I better get on with things...I have tons of gar dening to do. and just my luck a frined of a friend wants someone to do there gardens, and it would be perfect for me, a little extra money, but that is the last thing I can start, and then feel pressure to keep going....I have to give myself some days off....Tues - Sat are for me.

thanks to all who will's so much appreciated.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:17 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:11 am
Posts: 426
Location: Fishers, Indiana
Please continue to keep us posted talking about it really does help and if you don't have much in the way of a support system where you live online support is certainly better than nothing. As for those who warn against starting Suboxone I've seen most of them continually going in and out of the treatment center I volunteer at and meetings I attend. One guy I went through residential treatment my first time who didn't want to start Suboxone because he had the whole "trading one addiction for another" perspective has been back in the treatment center 3 times since we got out! I'd certainly think staying on Suboxone would have been alot easier for him than continually relapsing and that if he decided to stop Sub eventually it would be much easier if done right than oxycodone, morphine, heroin etc. I can also share that in my experience being on Sub is absolutely nothing like "using" and on a final note I know what it's like to deal with chronic pain (back problems had a spinal fusion about 3 years ago) and it's been very well managed since I've started bupe it was just a matter of me being very proactive and finding alternative methods of helping the pain like regular exercise stretches etc and I found alot of help from starting an anti-depressant. Hang in there and again we're very glad you've chosen to share your story with us :D

"If you're going through hell, ....keep going!"
-Winston Churchill

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