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 Post subject: Will i feel normal soon?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2016 8:20 pm 
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I'm Devin. I am 25. I have 12 days suboxone free! I have been on suboxone aince i was 21. I had started at 14mg of suboxone 1x daily and over about 3 1/2 years almost 4 years i had slowly weigned down on the subs. I got to 1/3 of a 2 mg strip when i decided it was the time to make the jump! Obviously the first 4 or 5 days were bad but i work a rotating shift so atleast it was manageable. Anyways being on day 12 there are a few things continuing to persist which has me reaching out on here. I don't sleep great, it is very hard to fall asleep but this has gotten a lot better. The joint pain in my knees seem to have passed but everyday at the end of the day at work i get a headache, all day my kidneys especially my right side aches. Almost as if it is dry. My appetite has been about as low as it was when i was a wrestler in highschool. But the major things to me is my lack of motivation and absolutely no physical energy! This makes things very difficult at work. I work at a mill and am a manual laborer. Then the anxiety i have been getting mainly in the mornings has been difficult. I haven't been depressed or on welbutrion for a couple years, but over the last few days i have been feeling rather depressed and just bot right. My mom had passed away about a year n a half ago and the last few days I've been having to catch myself at work fighting off tears. I've never just cried for thinking about things before. But i have to walk around and try to focus on something so that i don't cry at work. Is this depression symptom? Of course i miss my mom but after she died i thought i moved on. She wasn't a great mom and my addiction was largely allowed around her. But this feelings keep coming back. I was a heroin addict for about 2 years and smoked oxys prior. I climbed the chain of my addiction. I fought hard with my demons and got on suboxone and i can proudly say I've beaten my addiction. But with the physical annoyances and feelings i now have after gettin off everything, its as if i have another battle to do to get right!? I wanna know if this is truely what life is when u are 100% no drugs or medications in your system or am i still feeling the lingering effects of a mental withdrawl from suboxone. This is the first time since i was like 13 or 14 that i have gone 2 weeks without anything (if you r including suboxone) also if u can tell me if there is anythijg to use to get more energy to be able to have a productive day at work.
Thanks, Devin


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:53 pm 
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Hi Devin!

First, let me say congrats on your 12 days! I am new to this forum, and have only been a member since the end of February. I am on day 21 sub free, and I can tell you from MY experience, it does get better. I don't know if I can offer any useful advice, but I wanted you to know I am out here and can relate to what you're going through. I was a pill popper, prefered vicodin but would gobble up whatever was available to me. That went on for 10 years. Finally had enough, got on subs, and stayed on for 7 months until I knew I was ready to make the jump. I tapered to a low dose and credit that for an easier withdrawal. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing "easy" about it...but it wasn't as bad as I had read about.

Emotionally it can be harder than we think. I lost my mom 12 years ago, and my brother 2 years ago, and I find myself mourning them now..totally unexpected. Emotions tend to fly all over the place during this long process. The first 2 weeks or so I would be happy and filled with joy, next min I'm on the verge of tears, next min my mind is on something else. Sounds crazy, but I have a feeling you know exactly what I mean. I use music alot to help my nerves and mind to relax. I listen to heavier music, but it does help lol, as silly as that sounds. Depression can creep up on everyone during this process, it is completely normal. After a while your emotions level out a little. Really they do.

Sleep..I'm still waking up every night at 4:30am, for no freaking reason lol, but am managing to fall back to sleep now. A small victory. Don't forget to count those small victories as they mean so much. Everyday you don't use is a victory!!

As far as the energy, stamina and motivation...if you find something that helps with that.. let me know! I'm still dragging butt most of the day. I have really good mornings and tend to fall off energy wise half way through the day...then get a little boost, a second wind, later in the evening. I remember back in week 1 and some of 2, I wasn't getting that 2nd wind, so things are slowly improving. Physical activity helps. It sounds like you have a pretty physical job, so maybe that will end up benefiting you soon. I really have to push myself to get up and move sometimes...but it really is worth it.

I think alot of times, we (including myself) expect everything to go back to "normal" quicker than not. Sometimes it's hard for me to think what "normal" life was before opiates...and then I have to remember, this IS normal life. Ups and downs. Some days are better than others. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job persevering and pushing through all of it. Please keep up the good work! And keep posting here, there are people who care and can help. I will check back in soon. I tend to talk and talk, so if you made it the whole way through this...congrats!! Another victory!! Haha! ;)

Much love and peace to you!
❤ Lori


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:06 pm 
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Great comments by Lori. Yes, it WILL get better. From what I see, people get to a point of maximum despair between 2-3 weeks, and if they get past that, things start getting better. I usually tell people to expect 2-3 months of misery-- but things usually peak at around 2 weeks or so, meaning you are almost there. Keep repeating to yourself-- it WILL get better. It always does. The depression is the worst part in my opinion-- and some people get a greater dose of that than others. If you are in danger--- i.e. if you are having suicidal thoughts-- than you have to get to a hospital, where they can protect you. Otherwise, ask for help from a friend or whoever you are close to... and look forward to Easter. By then, you will be seeing things differently.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:29 pm 
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Hi Devin, Welcome! I am so happy that you are here! You will find a lot of support here! How wonderful for you that you are putting suboxone behind you! Have you considered an NA meeting? They can offer so much support but it is important to find a meeting that works for you. I think the emotions can get stunted when our receptors are covered by a drug. And, I am including suboxone and methadone too. I know that my time on suboxone has helped me in so many ways and I am not sure about when, if ever, I will jump off. I have weaned myself down to 4mgs per day from 24 mgs per day. Each time I dropped it just felt right. We are here for you! You are not alone! Welcome and please stick around and let us know how you are doing!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:41 pm 
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I love what Lori has told you. You are going through some withdrawal symptoms that are tied to depression. You mention that Wellbutrin was a previous medication? My sub doctor has said that when I am ready to go off sub all the way, he is going to start me on Welbutrin for a time. Could that be a possibility for you for now?

It's hard to put a cost on the loss of a mother, good, bad, or otherwise. I am like Lori. I lost my mom over 13 years ago and it the grief and other feelings led easily to my addiction. You haven't been in practice of dealing with your feelings for a number of years. You must learn how to sit with those nasty, uncomfortable feelings if you are going to avoid relapse. You really need to be working a recovery program that makes sense to you, but that keeps you actively working on yourself. Stick around and we will help you as much as we can.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2016 8:31 am 
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Awesome, thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to reply and give words of encouragement and tell your personal experience gettin off subs. Anyways im on 2 weeks without subs now. I have been taking naltraxone pills since about day 5 off subs. Does or did any of you guys go this route? I will be seeing the dr. On tuesday and she is suppose to give me a month shot/supply of vivitrol. It is the same thing as the naltraxon but ine shot is suppose to last a month. It is too help with craving or just breaking the habbit or routine of taking something every single day. Also i think i might bring up the depression stuff i been dealing with. Maybe have her temporarily prescribe me welbutrion. This was an effective medication for me in the past. But hadn't been on it for probably a couple years. Thanks again for all the well wishes!


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 7:12 pm 
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Hi Devin.

I'm sorry it took so long to check in. I couldn't remember where you posted. Sorry, still learning my way around here. How did your Dr appt go? Did you get the vivitrol yet? A few people in my group therapy I had to do to get Subs were going to try that, but I left group before they did so I never heard how it went.

How is the depression? I know it can be crippling at times. We're you able to get something for that?

I hope you are doing well and will update us on how you're doing. :)


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2016 3:52 pm 
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Hi devon,

I hope you are starting to feel better. I have heard from my doc that Wellbutran is supposed to help . I mean it is worth of shot if things start to become unbearable or unmanageable.

I personally got on an anti-depressant when i got off subs. However, even with an anti-depressant , I still couldn't shake the depression. Maybe I should of tried Wellbutran! But I didn't know about it until later on.

Needless to say I ended up getting back on a low dose of subs as maintenance in combo with my antidepressant. And that seemed to help a bunch.

Good luck to you. and hope things are turning around for you.


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