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PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:50 am 
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. . . .Because they are desperately trying to save the lives of their loved ones. They are trying to understand addiction and find the answers to what made them use in the first place and what the drug does to them. Just as an addict will say anything, do anything to stay high, the closest relatives of the addict will do anything to save them, particularly when it brings the whole household down, often involving innocent children. Succumbing to the powerlessness of the situation is not arrived at quickly. Mothers in particular will hold on to hope for the addict's recovery for years. Just as an addict must "hit bottom" before they can accept serious help, so does the enabler.

If only the day of surrender were met equally by both addict and enabler.

But no, that is not to be. Some, like me, go through extraordinary research on the drug, how it works on the brain, how it is made, interviewing rehab centers, going to addiction counselors, engaging law enforcement, indicting doctors for their involvement and even trying to change laws in order to save their loved one. At one point I was even contemplating an underground mothers group who takes the addict in by force and locks them in a room until they are detoxed, then nurses them back to health through nutrition the brain will respond to.

So when tearj3rker commented about families knowing more about addiction than the addict to "very concerned" they were spot on. In that case the family member saw how they lie and trick people into believing they are coming off of it. You simply cannot mix Burprenorphine and Heroin or any other drug, including alcohol and expect to live long. Just as the credo of all addicts is "Lie and Deny" it is met with the enabler's "Believe and Hope." Rarely is there an understanding of each other's conviction.

Consider this life-saving scenario where you and your loved one are at sea in a violent storm desperately holding on to one another for survival. Only one becomes so terrified they will drown that they grasp desperately at the other to bouy them up until it becomes apparent one must let go or both will die. I ask this question to the parent or sibling of the addict - "Which One Are You?"

Eleven years is a long time to fight the fight. My daughter had 3 yrs. of Vicodin use while her husband was dying of testicular cancer. She was put on Suboxone soon after she got out of jail from forging a Rx of Vicodin on the day he was buried. She has been in bed during daylight hours for 8 years, taking Sub to get up and sleeping pills to get down. She complely ignored her 3 young children living in the house. I was left to do it all alone. She stole everything from us, money, jewelry, selling her children's electronics and then started using my credit cards and checks while I was sleeping. I had her arrested in August of '10 - she went to jail for 30 days, got bailed out by a fellow inmate, and relapsed after 60 days. While awaiting her court date, she stole from other family members and neighbors to buy Sub and Sub only. She has 3 outstanding felony warrants from those. So she fled to a non-profit rehab center 75 mi. away and stayed for their 8 wk program, with full rights to leave whenever she wanted with a 10 pm curfew. So she did and the friends she made helped her get what she wanted. She has fooled us all. She never got off the Suboxone. Not a single day.

On Feb. 10 2012 when she walks into the court for her forgery charge bench trial, she will immediately be taken into custody and go to jail, possibly 2-4 years.

She will hit her bottom then. Mine has come and gone.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:26 pm 
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Once again I am so sorry for what you have been thru with your daughter. I believe you are right in taking care of yourself now. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and am sorry you are hurting.

I still must add one thing, I absolutely do not believe that your daughters problem is sub, I am not saying she doesn't use it but it is nearly impossible for sub to continued to be abused and cause the behaviors you are suggesting. After a fairly short time on sub a person can not get any sort of high from it, no matter how much you take. Essentially after just a short time on sub an opiate addict simply feels "normal" or whatever you want to call it but definately no euphoria.

In your post you seem to acknowledge that your daughter tells lie after lie so is it such a stretch to believe she is using other drugs and blaming it on the sub? I am not saying this to insult or question you but I truly believe your daughters issues are not sub induced. If no other drugs really are involved (which I highly doubt) then I would believe her behavior to be caused by a mental disorder. Sub just doesn't work that way. I wish you a happy, healthy life and sincerely hope that one day your daughter will be ready to accept the help she needs.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:47 pm 
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My God give you comfort and strenth.
Sorry your daughter is not willing to get help and live a life for her children. All we can do is pray and love them until.

Mel :wink:

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:46 pm 
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I am truly sorry for everything you have been through. Sometimes people get clean for the first time in their lives while in prison, but I don't want to give you any false hope. Maybe you can use this time apart to focus on taking care of yourself, and I'm assuming you are still caring for the children. That is a huge responsibility, but I hope you can find some peace and serenity in your own life now.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:12 am 
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Living with the Devil wrote:
On Feb. 10 2012 when she walks into the court for her forgery charge bench trial, she will immediately be taken into custody and go to jail, possibly 2-4 years.

She will hit her bottom then. Mine has come and gone.


I really hope that is the case. There are no guarantees though.

Living with the Devil... You've been posting here for some time, and it's admirable how much love and concern you put into your daughter. I don't want to be blunt, but I also feel it is misguided.

It is time for you to Let Go. Seriously. These are demons you cannot battle for your daughter. Just be there when she reaches out for you, and remind her of how much you care, and of times before addiction took hold. It's those moments that move an addict more than any jail time IMO.

Let go! Take a holiday, read a good book, go to some hot springs for the weekend, get a facial, whatever. Seriously. This is coming from someone who definitely tortured his family. Then I moved interstate. And my parents won't admit it, but when I saw them a year later, they looked a helluva lot younger!

My parents had no control over my addiction whatsoever, no matter how much they tried. The only moments they ever got through to me, was when they helped me see what I was doing to myself, and doing to them.

Leave a photo album lying around.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:43 pm 
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seems to me like your doing all the right things. pressing charges is the right thing. Addicts need consequences. giving them breaks for the most part only makes the problem worse! I am a addict and now i am experiencing the other side as now i am dealing with a loved one with an addiction. I think being the family or loved one of the addict is way worse then being the addict themselves. i guess because we have no control. they will only stop when they want to. We can help them to get to that point by not helping them anymore. but besides that we must accept the things we cannot change , have the courage to change the things we can, and the WISDOM to know the difference between what we can and cant change! i never had that pray mean soo much to me as it has recently


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:48 pm 
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This reminds me of something I read that is going on in Florida..or actually..it's a law that I read about that's on the books now in Florida.

You can look it up and read about it...it's called the Marchman Act. Basically, it's involuntary treatment...

http://www.treatmentsolutionsnetwork.co ... n-act.html

That tells you a bit about it, but basically, if you and 3 other people know of someone who's in active addiction, you can forcibly send them to treatment...

I'm not sure of the end results..most people who aren't ready to be clean aren't going to STAY clean...it takes a personal willpower and being determined...along with hitting the VERY bottom before you get to that point. Forcing it on someone may not be as successful.


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