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PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:37 pm 
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Long story short, in detox I took the cute little 2mg suboxone(2 of em for 4mg)at 9am and then at 9pm before bed. When I was discharged my sub doctor said he was going to get me back on 3 8mg pills daily but for now he only has me on 12mg, one 8mg pill and one half of 8mg pill, he saw me last week and asked if I was getting a buzz from my subs, I said no, even though I felt fairly good. I think there must be a great buzz you get off subs while methadone is taking a few months to get outta my body. Maybe that's why he isn't dosing me more, just cuz he doesn't want me to feel more energetic etc like you get when opiates make you feel good. I see him today and I"m worried he may kick me off because I didn't go to the outpatient day program, just the asessment. Even if I try to give him the excuses why I can't go, plus I've been on a rollercoaster after all I've been through, past few days I"ve been depressed, then sad, ambitionless, rage feeling, last night I was ragefull until I took my last meds of the night.
Wish me luck, I just want to feel better soon so I can stop hangin out online all day not getting anything done.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 12:26 pm 
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I don't know why your doctor hasn't uped your dose if he said he would. You've probably already seen him. If so, what did he say? You sound like you've had a lot of stress recently and as a fellow addict know that can cause a relapse. I don't know why you didn't go to the outpatient program but would suggest you try that so you can handle all the stresses of life right now without relapsing. It's hell that rollercoaster life and hope it ends for you soon. I'm thinking of you and good luck friend. Keep us posted.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:29 am 
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Hi Vikes, I just saw him a few days ago and I was surprised but relieved that he didn't kick me off, but I think he's testing me or something. Last week I brought in the papers from the program for his nurse to give to him, proving that I'm making an effort, even though I'm going nuts emotionally, depressed, ambitionless, ragefull etc when my suboxone and valiums wear off. He came in room and said how am I? I said so, so, I told him I"m still going into wd's from the 12 mg of subs and that I take the 8mg pill in morning and it helps when I take the cut in half 8 for 4mg around 4 or 5pm. He said "well the moods etc and delusional feelings "the delusional feelings have gone away almost", he was glad for that, but he said, at this point it would do nothing for your moods if I upped your suboxone, get what I mean? he said. I said yea but my special senses were telling me, uh oh, I think he is keeping me on a low dose in case he kicks me off and I have to find another sub doctor. Because when I was on subs way back the 1st time with him, if I told him about mood swings or even wd's around late noon or any cravings, boom he'd up my dose.

But this time he said, also it would be no use upping your dose because as we talked about in detox, methadone is so powerful that it could take another 2 months to fully get outtta your body, at this point the suboxone is fighting what little methadone is still in me and then the methadone fights suboxone. I can see truth in that, because I feel it, when I get the moods etc. It sucks, I can't believe I didn't heed my wake up call to get off this "long halflife radioactive lol like methadone" months ago. He then asked if I"m still caughing up stuff from my pnuemonia, I said yes but not as much as before. He then went outta the room for 10 or so mins and came back. I was thinking he looked at my most recent x ray, but he didn't say anything about it or give me anymore antibiotics. Even more strange is he didn't ask why I gave the day program papers to his nurse, neither did he ask me anything about my aftercare such as "am I going to meetings etc?"

He said, you need to see your psychiatrist asap to see about getting on a mood stabilizer to help with the moods because suboxone dosen't do that. Right then I knew that was a lie, because when I take my suboxone, just the 8mg pill in morning, I feel great to good until it wears off. Everyone especially a junkie like me, knows ALOT about opies and maint opiates. We then parted way and I"m to see him in a weeek again. Strange but my senses are telling me bad news possible. I would go to the day program, however we are poor, who isn't these days, worse yet our junk cars or on their last legs so we had to borrow my brothers car which I hate because the darn horn dont work and its a Gm(lol garbage motors car). I know alot about cars and electronics and it has the junk engine in it, the 3.1 v6. My brother said dont use my car for a 43 mile roundtrip m-f from 9am to 3pm. You guys wont be able to afford the gas, plus all the wear on my car which shockingly still runs good at 210,000 miles. Well wish me luck, all I can do is wait to see what happens.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 12:13 pm 
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Hi subcozied,

First let me say I'm not a doctor or a therapist. I wanted to respond about your mood swings. Some people believe Suboxone does have some anti-depressant properties, but I've never heard anything about it acting as a mood stabilizer. Personally when I went off all the meds/drugs, I also went on a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. Obviously I don't know you or your doctor, but just from what you wrote and my personal experience, I don't see how he's lying to you. At least about that.

Are you doing anything else for your recovery? Being on suboxone alone usually won't cut it. Especially when we have time on our hands. For the most part addicts used to self-medicate in some way or to avoid dealing with some issues. That's why therapy and/or an outpatient program can be so valuable.

Also, most people who don't take suboxone for pain control issues dose once a day. From what I know that's so we can get away from the frame of mind of taking a pill when we feel bad.

Again, I'm not a professional, just a fellow addict with issues of my own. This is just my take.

Good luck, take care, and keep us posted on how you're doing.

Melissa

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