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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 11:56 pm 
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Hi guys! Hope everyone had a *HAPPY HALLOWEEN* yesterday =) It's always been one of my favorite holidays...
A fore-warning to all reading: THIS POST OF MINE IS GOING TO BE EXTREMLY LENGTHY-!!!! :lol: Reasons being… Well, one, I am a writer and two; I guess I feel the need to include the whole story, and not just pieces. So, a big thanks to those of you who DO chose to curl up on the sofa, and take on the challenge! You have a very kind heart.
It should be noted, I am fairly new to the forum, and have only recently begun posting. Instead of diving right in with my own journey, I took some very wise advice from a fellow member (the gal whose profile pic is the winking brown eye! Hehe) and instead spend time browsing around, and getting to know all of you! I literally spent the past 2, 3 weeks after work, scrolling through each individual category, wanting nothing but to knowledge myself up on Suboxone in general. More importantly though, I felt it was important to truly open myself up to others struggles, and issues, and life changes. B/c despite how different they all are, and unique each of us is, we have ONE common bond tying us all together: this “miracle drug”. And of course, sobriety/ recovery. Before I move on, though, I want to say ***THANK YOU***, simply just for being brave and open enough to share such personal things on this forum- being vulnerable isn’t always easy. Suddenly, I am feeling humble and very grateful- to have stumbled upon such an honest, give-it-to-you-straight website- has opened my mind in a whole new way! It truly has been doing wonderful things for me already- sort of similar to what I used to get out of my NA meetings (all those years ago). Unity…understanding…acceptance…encouragement… These things are not to be taken for granted!! And THAT being said, actually leads me perfectly into what I want to share today-
This will be my 3rd time posting a “new topic”- and ironically it is about something I have YET to hear anything about so far… No one I’ve seen in my hours of searching around, has brought the subject of “trouble with their partner” regarding taking Suboxone. Therefore, if after you read my experience, you so happen to remember another member writing about anything similar to the position I am in currently, feel free to let me know- it would be most helpful right now!
Alright... long story short (about how we came together)... I met this guy last yr. on July 4th (ironically, the same day my parents had their 1st date! Hmmm….sign?) after moving to the FL Keys with my little sis. I have been in recovery, and sober (if you don’t count occasionally going out and having some drinks at the bar- debatable, I know!) and on Suboxone for going on 4 straight years. Run down on my “love life”… I hadn't been in a relationship in a long, long while due in most part to a, sort of promise/pact/goal I made for myself. After countless unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships, if you could even call them that, I felt burnt out and lost. Up until I moved from MI to Key West in Dec 2011, I was vulnerable from a breakup (with an unemployed, drug addict living at home) and was carelessly involved in a “no strings attached” thing with an old friend (so, we had respect for one another, which allowed me to keep my dignity in tack!). Before moving 2000 miles away to some uncharted, strange new territory, I vowed: no more setbacks with men. It is time for some me time, and some serious soul searching!! Goal and plan while living the island life style, was to stay single, gain independence, and figure out what it was that I wanted in life and in love...a lil corny, I know, but muuuuch overdue (my father passed away when I was 16 from cirrhosis- any Psychiatrist would have a field day with my f*cked up choices in men!)
Anyway, cut to 6 months down to road after arriving… I walked into a bar one night to hear a band, and boom! The unexpected! Which in this case would be… me, swept up in lust, and kicking all those grand plans to the side, “just to see” where it could lead. He and I had a connection from literally our first date, (amazing 1st date too by the way- grabbed a blanket and basket of food and fireworks, and jumped this 12 ft. barbed wire fence at a state park- spent the night under the stars in the sand by the ocean! - come on ladies, can you honestly tell me this would be easy to resist?!). He was down to Earth, kind hearted, laid back, yet goal oriented, and best of all, he worked- he worked his ASS OFF! I was not aware any man could possess such qualities all in one, sad but true. We went sky diving, paddle boarding, camping and boating, and every time we hung out seemed to be a new adventure… basically, there was FAR too much possibility to ignore.
8 months of dating later- he and I-gulp! - decide to get a place together! Which depending on your point of view, could seem rushed, orrrrr it could seem like, the next appropriate step when you’re crazy about one another and spending every night together anyway. I’ve heard both opinions… but in the end, it was my choice to make- which I THOUGHT I hadn’t chosen lightly…I THOUGHT I had considered every possible angle, weighed every pro and con, and knew what I was getting myself into. See, he had never lived with a significant other, and neither had I- it was a first on both ends. At the time, our leases were ending at the places we were in, and it made sense financially (Key West is in the TOP TEN most expensive cities to live in). So, despite our reservations and nerves, we took the plunge!
Cut to another 6 months down the road, and here we are... living in a cute 2 bedroom Conch home a block from the Gulf :) It is a dream house, on a dream island, but unfortunately, my relationship is NOT something I would refer to as a "dream." Let me clarify- I realize now at age 27, and after living with a significant other, and also just being around one another every single damn day...(and every single night - *sigh*)... that, well,...things aren't always going to end up the way we hope that they will when we’re little. Let’s be real. Passion and affection fades. Sex dwindles down to once a week. Mystery is out the window. Gone are the days of rushing home from work just to be in their presence. Gone is that full hour of applying makeup and straightening hair, with the simple hope they’ll toss you a simple, “damn, you look hot!” In place are: old, raggy T shirts to bed, granny panties, mac n cheese for dinner, hairy legs, and reminiscing of your previous single days. Most importantly though: living under the same roof with another person, means they are, for better or worse, going to see every single side of you! And I think THIS may have been the most difficult part for him and I to deal with, b/c it wasn't UNTIL we moved in together...did all those ugly skeletons we had buried away in the closet,… start to come out.
For example: I was always aware that he drank (more than, say, the average person) but I guess I just brushed it off during the earlier stages of dating. I was naive enough to think: ah, we're young and reside in one of the TOP party/vacation destinations in the world! What’s the harm in getting drunk and having a good time? But after a couple weeks in our place, these so called “good times”- transformed into full blown problems. The beer cans started piling up around the house, and I would notice them everywhere- in the shower, around the BBQ, on the porch, next to his bed... And unfortunately it started bringing up all those old terrible feelings, and still somewhat confusing memories from back in my childhood (I grew up in an alcoholic home, and like I mentioned, lost my father b/c of his heavy drinking). My boyfriend and I were always okay at home, but… those nights spent on the town, he’d flash the money he earned that evening, seeming determined to go from sober to black out in a matter of 20, 30 minute! And me…well, suffice it to say, I would be there by his side, hardly having caught a nice buzz, forced to suffer through the embarrassment (where to begin…forgotten, unpaid bar tabs, fights with idiot drunks, being kicked out of our favorite bars, watching him walk into street lamps and trying to catch him before he’d ram into tourists and families strolling by). Eventually these black outs brought out an angry, cruel side to him- a side I’d never knew even existed. Whatever issues or problems he had bottled up toward me, he'd end up saying them (screaming them is more like it), on these awful nights. Thing is... I would justify the heart breaking words, and emotional abuse, b/c I knew he never remembered ANY of what happened, not a single word. Hang on though- before you write me off as an enabler, or push over, or doormat (or how about plain ol' dumb ass woman!), please keep in mind... the overwhelming power love can on us; the way it does crazy things to even the smartest, most respectable women. And also, it's so much easier to look at an outsiders relationship and say "I would never put up with that!" And who knows, maybe I endured these things from him b/c I've had so much experience, not only dealing with an alcoholic, but also loving one unconditionally. And my Dad was suuuuuch a good, decent, loving and kindhearted man... his drinking problem was a flaw, a weakness, an addiction, and it took me most of my life to be able to separate HIM from the drinking. Alcoholism didn't define my Dad and it doesn't define the man I fell in love with =/ So, b/c of these very difficult realizations, I chose to stand by my boyfriend, and overlook the bad. Thing is, I truly and whole heartedly believed that by doing so, HE would in turn give me the SAME patience and understanding if/when the tables were turned and I needed him to do the same for me (overlook my bad qualities, and remember the good). Seems fair enough, right???
Turns out... I could not have been more wrong. One night while on vacation, I was feeling particularly close to my man (vacations and time way together seem to have this effect on ppl, don't they?)...and during a very personal and intimate conversation down on the beach, I decided THIS was the perfect time to come clean. See, I'd made the choice to keep the whole Suboxone thing under wraps- and somehow managed to pull it off up until then. Whenever I had the medicine dissolving, he thought I was taking a vitamin of some kind. I was honest about my past and history of drug abuse, but for all he knew, I'd been on the clean and sober train ever since. My reasons mostly had to do with the fact that he had SUCH strong beliefs on prescription pills. Many debates had gone on prior, where I'd defend people who took things like Xanax for anxiety, or Ritalin for ADD- Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive enough to believe MANY people today do not abuse these medications, but there are the ones out there whose lives have become bearable and livable just b/c of them!
When I finally admitted I had been taking Suboxone, and for how long, he was shocked- but that quickly gave way to irritation and questions filled with judgment. “YOU’RE LOOKING DOWN UP ON ME- you, of all people, are giving me shit for being dependent on something?!?!?!” – this was all I could think at the time- and before I could have a rational conversation, the same one I had hoped for at the beginning of all this- in came the flash backs of our roller-coaster of a year together. Everything I’d sacrificed, and gave up,…all the times I’d given him the benefit of doubt, or CHOSE to be understanding and calm and supportive and patient… they came rushing at me, like I was suddenly watching our history up on a movie screen… It killed the mood of our lovey, hand holding vacay, to say the least, and we went back to our hotel room, callin’ it a night. I was just about to go to bed, when he brought up the Suboxone again, asking me if I "got high" when I took it. I firmly believe that I don't- b/c really, after 4 years of everyday use (16mg), there is no longer any euphoria or "buzz", at least not anymore. However, this only leads to more questioning, mostly about WHY I've continued to take it for 4 years, if it “did nothing for me”. So, I say, "Well, not NOTHING," ...and then came a huge error of judgment on my part. Errr, I’m kicking myself remembering. So, I STUPIDLY pulled out my purse, and took the Suboxone bottle out, "you won't take my word for it? Then see for yourself." I don't know why I did this- b/c 1) he wasn't in any kind of position to take a med like this, especially after a day of drinking! And 2) we ALL know the reaction we got from our very first Suboxone experience (personally, I'm not ashamed to admit that when I took them in rehab, I was thanking my lucky stars b/c those little orange pills HAD ME HIIIIIIGH AS A FREAKIN KITE!...so long shitty withdrawal s of rehab hell, huh). Needless to say, my boyfriend spent the remaining 18 or so hours of our vacation hugging the toilet, barfing and dry heaving and covered in clammy sweat. Every time I look at the picture from the following day (we went to dinner with a group of friends) all I see are 7 smiling, happy, tan faces...and then there is him, eyes droopy and white as a ghost. Poor guy =(
After arriving home from out trip, we just sort of...tip toed around it, the entire subject, and for a while it didn't get brought up again. But... My last big "secret" from him HAD been revealed, no turning back…and suddenly it was as if this big fat elephant was with us, from that point on. I didn't take the Suboxone around or in front of him anymore, probably out of fear he'd make some sarcastic comment- in which I’d become defensive and angry. Vicious cycle?
But then about 3 weeks ago, something happened that brought this all right back to the surface. I am a person who suffers every single waking day with extreme fatigue- assuming all my life it was due to a thyroid issue, or related to my IC (a bladder condition); I never “looked into it.” The past summer proved to be too much for me though, to handle on my own. I realized this when I found myself sneaking off into the bathroom at work, just so I could set my cell phone alarm for 5 minutes later, and lay my head down on the baby changing station to “nap”…like, wtf?! So, I went to see a doctor up in Miami and took part in a sleep study. Thankfully I took action this time, b/c afterwards I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My doctor and I talked a lot about trying natural remedies first to help with energy- so I spent a decent amount of time trying things the ol' fashion way: exercise, yoga, B-12, fiber bars, fruit smoothers, laxatives, 8 hours sleep- no less no more, etc. When I experienced NO in change in my overall wellbeing (so frustrating!!), I "gave in" and told the doc I wanted to try this very new drug. It’s just been on the market for 7, 8 years- Nuvigil. It IS a stimulant, but non-narcotic, and even better (for me) it is NOT an amphetamine. These things made me much less skeptical going in (as an addict I make sure to do EXSTENTIVE RESEARCH on anything and everything before I put it into my body).
Great news! Nuvigil works wonders for me, and as far as I can tell, my life seems to be slowly improving in just the 3 weeks I've been taking it. Provides a smooth, even wakeful-ness through out my whole day, and without ANY kind of "crash" when it wears off... also, zero physical cravings when I miss a dose. A GOD SEND for someone like me, who had previously been known to think, "Hmmm, if I feel THIS great taking 1 pill, why not take another and feel even better..."
Alright, so where was I going with this? Ok, yes, the "cons" of Nuvigil. Biggest down sides to the medication- loss of appetite (I am already 10-15 pounds under weight) and an odd ache in my joints. I also read this was a common symptom that occurs early on, and is something that will gradually decline as your body adjusts to the medication. Anyways, after a few nights taking this, I also noticed I was able to lead productive and energetic days on only 5, 6 hours of sleep the night before! This was so wonderful for me, someone who was taking naps 2, 3 times a day… Can you imagine?! Down side to this though, was that I was staying up late at night too,…sometimes I wouldn’t be able to “unwind” until 3 even 4 a.m.
One particular night, after working, I was lounging out on the front porch browsing the web, and out walks my boyfriend for a random smoke (he sleeps like the dead, but I am convinced it’s b/c of the alcohol putting him into a friggin’ stupor). His eye lock with mine and all I see on his face is judgment, and utter disgust. “Yo, what the f**k are you doing right now? I mean, seriously, you’re like tweaking out lately. I hear computers opening, doors and cupboards, you walking around the house all night long! I can’t do this shit anymore!” He then grabs his sheet and pillow and sets up spot on the couch- where he has stayed until now.
I do my best to tip toe around, with the pretense that all day is well, but… I am hurting, hurting so, so bad inside-more than words can express. This was supposed to be the man who loved me, the man who when I looked into my future, I couldn’t imagine not seeing. Is it so crazy to believe that loving another person means loving ALL of them? I mean… we’re humans and we’re programed to make mistakes…and sometimes make the same mistakes a few times before getting it right. We fall into addictions, depression or mental illness, financial struggles, whatever the case may be- but these are just OUTSIDE FACTORS- obstacles we come to and learn from. They are NOT however what make us who we are! Tell me- How do I continue on, acting the same…how do I keep trying to overlook his flaws when he can’t bear to do the same for me? This isn’t right and something in me KNOWS that, but I am so caught up in the tiddle-wave right now that I cannot see straight! My personality has changed since moving in with him, I have lost a lot of direction and independence. My mother and sister constantly worry about me; to the point where they refuse to take any more of my hysterical phone calls, re-playing the events of whatever blow out just occurred. I don’t know if I am hanging on, or if he is… But we are both in a fragile state and dealing with individual demons. Is it possible to handle your own shit when in a situation such as mine?
I know this is the longest message ever posted on the forum- has to be! However, if you took the time to read to the end, I thank you. If you have a comment, opinion, observation, or some words of wisdom, please by all means… I don’t even know what I am directly asking in writing this today… Maybe subconsciously I am hoping someone else out there has been through something similar… or maybe the “right one” will read this and respond with something that WAKES ME- allows me see all of this from a new light.
Thank you and well wishes to my fellow addicts in recovery!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:34 am 
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I'm going to try and make a quick, yet compelling response, because..well here's the reason:

Tonight, at 12:01am, the PS4 launches and goes on sale nationwide. Where I am/live, it's CST..that means, for me right now, as I type, it's 10:25pm. I got to Gamestop this evening at 4pm, stood in line for 2 hours, and at 6pm I was able to purchase my PS4....then I was able to leave..and could return at 12:01am to pick up my console. So...with that pressing...I'm trying to waste time until time to go pick it up. I doubt seriously I'll be back once I get home, so I best respond now.
This is big for me, because the last time a console launched, the Ps3, back in 2007...I was so deep in addiction and chasing pills that I didn't care about no gaming...ALL I cared about was pills...
But this time...I'm able to buy one, thanks to my wonderful wife.

And that's what I'll try to briefly touch on in my reply...my wonderful wife. We've been married for 15 years now...it'll be 16 in June of 2014. That sounds like I should be pretty old, but actually, I'm only 34. I'll be 35 on Christmas day...so I can feel your pain...in that I know what it's like to love some so bad it hurts.

I chose my pills over my wife in the beginning. It took me MANY years...somewhere around 10 years of eating pills...off and on to begin with, but at the end of my addiction, I was strung out for 5 years straight. And I nearly went off the deep end...she had already left me...I had moved in some girl that I didn't love....but I sure loved her credit history to begin with..and how she handed me Discover and AmEx to feed my pill habit...
My wife and I had already filled out the divorce papers.. She had signed them and paid her part. I had paid my part, but for some reason I hadn't signed them yet. I put it off..and put it off...and put it off...and thank GOD Suboxone came along...because I was about to sign them, when I found Suboxone and got clean. We mended everything, I put the girl out...and we began working the long road to healing "us".

Forward 5 years..and here I sit. I had a newborn...or not so newborn anymore..she's 20 months old....and she loves her daddy dearly. My other 3 kids ..they love me, but I was never around for them when they were tiny....I made SO many mistakes. And you can find my story here, in the intro area...but the thing is, it takes TWO. If both parties aren't willing to work at it, there's no hope. Don't fool yourself into the fairytale life because it sounds good...yeah, it sounds great..but you want more from someone than just the appeal. you want the substance, the real thing...you want to know that you're loved....take it from a guy who has seen that grass on the other side..it AINT greener. My wife and I were each others firsts. When we got married, she was 17, and I was 19...and we had never been with anyone else sexually...we dated a few months, gave ourselves to each other, and got married. She wasn't pregnant...so it wasn't that reasoning behind our marriage...it was 3 years before we had a child...we loved each other and still do.
I went off and did stupid shit...and she sat by...waiting on someone to come along...and that someone was me apparently because she never even kissed another guy while we were separated, damn near 10 months. That speaks masses for me..and it still hurts me that I did things with someone...and she didn't. Not that I wanted her to...but I regret what I did so much, if I could take it back..I would in a heartbeat.

But, time heals...and the hurt can be undone...but things you say ...make sure you are sure that's what you want to say. Words hurt, and they tend to stick around..and linger on....

With that, I'm sorry that I must leave..there's much more I could tell about my story...but PS4 awaits. Or as the commercials say, "Greatness Awaits"!!!!!

I'm off!!

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 1:44 am 
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Sarah,

I deleted the other thread you started in the Freestyle section. The reason being is it was the exact same post as this one. You don't need two of the same thing.

If you want this moved over to Freestyle just say so.

Sorry for side note.

rule

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 10:33 am 
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As what they say be careful on the words you say, for they can be forgiven but never forgotten. IF a person truly loves you he/she will try to understand no mater how hard it is. I think you can get through this just talk things over, you've manage to get through a divorce process this problem might be easier to handle if you work together.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 2:46 am 
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We just recently had a family disaster come out about a month or so ago. My stepfather was caught molesting his niece, well not caught but the little girl basically made it well known. Thing is, my mother knew about it all along. I have always thought that if the little girl had kept it quiet, my mother would STILL be right across the road living with a child molestor/pervert/pedofile whatever you choose to call him.
I have never been able to see how a person could stand beside someone like that and live with them knowing how they are and be "normal." I say that because my mother was taking upwards of 17 different medications along with Valium and Lortab's for her RLS/ Fibro/ Raynaud's and other things.
I think we all choose to the things in our life because that is how we see it is best to deal with them, whether it be not wanting to confront someone with things that they have said or done, OR the fact that we will disrupt a life that we have come to know as normal or something normal.
I came out and told my mother over 20 something years ago that he was molesting me and had been at that time for about four years, she basically said nothing and took his side. It kept going on and I fought him with every fiber of my being scared if I didn't fight, something TERRIBLE would happen. Something more terrible than things that were already happening.
It is insanely easy for someone looking in to say well I wouldn't have put up with it, I would have gotten out. Honestly, I can back you 100 percent in saying you have NO EARTHLY IDEA what you would do until you are there in that situation.
The more and more that I think about what my mother put me through as I was just a child makes me hate her more and more every day. The only thing that I have ever asked from her was an apology for what she did, taking his side and believing him over me. See when the shit hit the fan, they both were standing over top of me and pointing fingers, screaming that I was lying and there is no way possible that it could happen. I gave in and said that I made it up because I seen that I was making no headway with her. I should have stuck to my guns. I see that now, oh boy do I see that now. I am dealing with feeling responsible for the two girls after me that were molested. Yes, it happened again after me and Mom was told about it.
She took his side YET AGAIN, the next girl was kicked out of her church for making these so called accusations because they said she had a imaginative personality and liked to make things up. Regardless of this, they should have atleast confronted him. That is something you don't lie about.
When this last girl's mother walked into my mother's house and called a no good SOB, Mom knew right then that if she stayed nothing would ever be the same and her angelic appearance would be shot to hell.
Now, with what I have told which is just the tiny tip of the iceberg how many are thinking what the OP said? It is easy to say what you think you might would have done but you will never know so I agree with you about that.
Yes, I have a tendency to ramble...

I personally would confront him and just lay it out on the line. If you are not going to support me with this 110 percent, you are nothing more than a friend to me and not much of a friend at that. I feel with addiction, you need heavy support when you are trying to remain sober. Anything can mess up a good year of sober living, some do wonderful and never have problems. Some will want a pill at the drop of a hat. When I first got clean, I couldn't even touch a bottle with pills in it for fear of wanting to pocket a few of them for myself. Now, it doesn't phase me at all. The only time that I have cravings or any type of problems is when I am stressed out.
It takes alot of stress and basically over the past month it has been so hard to not take anything with all this mess that has been going on. Mom spending every dime that she makes on dating sites because even though she just came out of a 27 year relationship to a child molestor, she is paying for dating sites trying to find ANOTHER man. It makes me shrug with confusion. All this child abuse coming out, it happening to someone else and then finding out that it has happened in total to five different girls including myself. The fact that my mother can't look at me and say that she is sorry. The fact that she will NOT even step foot in my house or go to the store with me for being afraid that I will bring it up and she is cornered.
I asked her if she would go Black Friday shopping back when I thought that I was going to be able to go, she made an excuse of not having money. I told her that she didn't have to buy anything just ride shotgun. Nope, she won't even come up for Christmas. I know why, I have tried to get her to apologize but since she doesn't want to she will soon find out how it feels to be ignored.
My husband who has been the shining beacon of light that I could never find in another person if I looked until the day I die joked around and said the other night if I was you I would get whatever I could, she owes it to you for screwing with your childhood.
I didn't mean to take your thread over. Its just alot to deal with and I find that I need to talk about it ALOT to help me deal with it.

I have had only one person supporting me through this entire ordeal. He is laying over there in the bed asleep right now. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I found him. There is no telling what would have happened to me if I hadn't found him. If you can find that one person that will support you no matter what, hang onto them for dear life. I don't think this is that person from the way it sounds. I don't know him as well as you do though. I hate to say that there are more fish in the sea becaues you have put the time in with this fellar and want to make it work out. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out.
Sit him down and tell him its either the bottle or you. Give him a ultimatum and see what is said. This drinking is not good for you or him. You don't need this addictive behavior around you. You need someone who will let you cry on their shoulder and listen to all your whiny stories, not saying you are whining but you get what I am saying.
Hopefully I helped some. That is all that I am trying to accomplish.


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 2:43 am 
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hi sarah
i just had to respond. your post resonates with me so much because i have lived through what your going through. different circumstances, yet still the same. i was married to mine for 10 years. i didnt get diagnosed with crohns disease until after we got married. we had been together for 3 years, he saw what i went through. he was there when i first got to know what real pain is. he went to the hospitals with me, watched my decline into the pain pill world and then into first getting treatment with suboxone. first off it took him over 2 years and several dr's explaining my illness to him for him to finally realize that yes i really am in as much pain as i say i am in. about once a year i get hospitalized just for pain management. yet he was still judgemental, condescending, and downright cruel when it came to my health. mine was also an alcoholic. when they say they dont remember the hurtful things they say, well, thats just crap. mine would get blitzed every night, to the point of passing out on the bathroom floor, and the next day he knew exactly what he said to me. mine would be hurtful and say the nastiest things to the point of bringing me to tears, and then making fun of my tears. your right it is emotional abuse. and everything is about them. they absolutely do not give a rats ass about your problems. because your attention should be focused on them and only them, and how dare your issues come between that? (their thinking) i finally left the rat bastard 7 months ago. i got tired of expending all of my energy on his issues and getting absolutely nothing in return. and no emotional support for my very real illness. the only thing that i can suggest to you, if he is willing, take him to your dr. have your dr explain the ins and outs of suboxone and why it has been beneficial for you. your right, you deserve the same emotional support that you have given. but i have a feeling after reading your post, that you might just run into a wall with this one. i sincerely hope not. i just also want to say, you deserve so much better. and your right, love does keep us tangled in a toxic relationship. imo that's what your in. i would suggest you get out, but that's so much easier said than done.
i wish you all the luck in the world sweetie. like i said you deserve so much better than what you are getting


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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2015 6:20 am 
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i also wanted to say, im sorry if my post came across kinda harsh
dealing with a lot of issues right now, so if it came out angry and bitter
im sorry for that. i guess i just wanted you to know i understand
also didnt realize you posted this 5 months ago!
i just found this site. hopefully, others more knowledgeable than me
have been able to give you the advise you need
stay strong sweetheart


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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2015 8:35 pm 
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Carey, I know you are new here but you are responding to a year and a half old post - from Novermeber 2013. Sarah is probably long gone. You may want to check the date of the post prio to responding. It's often useful and helpful to go back and read from old posts but trying to contact the OP is often fruitless. It can also confuse others who think it's a current thread due to a current reply date. Just FYI. Welcome to the form.


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