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 Post subject: When I focus
PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:13 pm 
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This morning when I got my son off to school, after listening to a fellow recovering addict give pointers about changes that need to be made in ones life to fully recover I decided to try some focused meditation. Nothing too drastic, I was just focusing on my breathing and how I was feeling and once I got aware of how I felt, it was very disturbing. I felt uncomfortable, and almost miserable the more I "felt" what was going on. I wanted to feel diferent. I wanted to take more Suboxone. I wanted to get rid of that feeling inside that I was feeling. I felt like I needed to do something so I made some herbal tea. Sleepytime Extra with Calming Valerian. And I made a strong mug full. My tea mug holds 2 cups of tea and I put 3 tea bags in. I drank it down and it was very comforting. I felt better and calmer for the rest of the day. Everything was back to normal and I went on with my day not having a 2nd thought about it. Till tonight. I wasn't even worried about what happened till I got to thinking about it tonight. What was that? Is that just something that is going to HAPPEN from time to time. I don't want to focus on how I feel any more for a while. LOL even though I feel fine now and usually always feel great. I just wanted to vent. Grateful for Suboxone and this forum. Bamagirl P.S. I didn't take more Suboxone, I know that is useless and I wasn't about to use drugs again.


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 Post subject: Re: When I focus
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:47 pm 
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Personally I think after using for so long and being able to numb ourselves for yrs, it's very hard to feel again. For me, I cried so much. Every time I thought of my past and what I'd lost, I went into crying fits. At one of my clinic meetings, I got to talking about my daughter and couldn't even speak. I had to be passed over and stay after the meeting with my counselor. It took awhile to want to feel it, to even let myself feel it....but it does get easier. It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen. Ur not alone angie, it can be hard to feel again but you'll get there. Just keep focusing on urself.

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Jennifer


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 Post subject: Re: When I focus
PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 11:29 pm 
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Thanks so much Jenn. Yes, had something like this happen at a one on one meeting with my old counselor. I was talking about how I had messed my priorities up so bad placing drugs at the top of the list and my daughter along way side. I was so choked up talking about it that I couldn't speak either but at the same time I felt like I was going to have a heart attach if I didn't let it out. I literally had pressure on my heart it felt like someone was killing me. All I could do was cry. I was shaking so bad it scared me.


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