It is currently Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:27 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:16 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:39 pm
Posts: 311
Well, I said I wanted to put a thread out there for us to share our recovery experiences and solutions....so here it is. I've talked a lot about what I believe in, what works for me so I won't go into a huge deal again...I'm really working on how to make my writings more concise. In the past I've just not had enough time to reread and edit and writing is how I process.....(for women, talking is how we process...for many of us anyway...I may not know exactly what's going on with me or how I feel until I just start talking and eventually it all makes sense to me). So....writing IS one of my recovery tools.

This is what I do for my own personal recovery program:

Community support-I attend AA. I like it better than NA. I have a sponsor and I work the steps with my sponsor. right now I go to 4 meetings a week since I did the benzo thing.

Personal therapy. I'm in a new town so I don't have a counselor yet, but I am in touch with my old counselor still.

Journaling. I like to write. I have several different things i write about. My feelings, gratitude, my resentments, my amends and every night before bed I think about who I might have harmed that day and if I need to make any apologies.

I also pray. I believe in God but I also believe God is too big to explain in one way.

I take Sub. I don't change my dose unless I talk to my dr. currently I am on 12mg once a day

I take Wellbutrin daily...have for many years now.

I talk to people when I'm upset especially. I try not to isolate. if I stay in my head I'm in trouble.

I work out 4 days/week. Lift weights/run or walk

I try to eat balanced...right now I am having sugar cravings and its pissing me off. But nutrition in recovery I think is really important.

I have fun. I have hobbies, love to design, cook, read voraciously, love independent/foreign films, and i love to paint...interior spaces, not artistic at all. I like color and this sounds really really stupid but opening a huge box of crayons totally makes me happy. I can't explain the color thing. And I really enjoy my friendships with women. Something I didn't appreciate before recovery.

I work very hard to stay honest and accountable.

Do some kind of service work...not always...not right now as I'm getting work off the ground, but I volunteer either in AA sometimes, or in the community in somem way. Right now I do a llot for breast cancer research as my mother died from it a year ago this coming tuesday.

Thanks in advance for contributing....and all who give of themselves on this forum.

Chinagirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Recovery
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:48 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:35 am
Posts: 2837
Location: Southwest
Chinagirl,

What a great subject for all to read and participate in! Your story makes me feel like I'm doing nothing for my recovery. If I could find a sponsor like you my recovery would be much more enriched.

I started Sub last May taking 24mgs. A few months later I dropped it down to 16. And like you, I do what I'm told from my doctor and his nurse (wife too). The drop of 8mgs is no big deal when you are taking a large amount. Right now I'm on 12mgs and working on getting down to 10. It was suggested but my doctor still gave me a 12mg script in case 10 didn't work. God bless him for that.

AA is part of my program but I only make a few meetings. Why? Because the Sub still makes me feel drowsy and I hate to feel that way in a meeting. Once I get down to say, 4mgs, hopefully I won't still feel drugged.

Also, I am a recovering alcoholic who hasn't taken a drink since '87. Used AA for that and am in complete indebtedness to them for saving my life. After about 8-10 years of regular meetings I stopped going except for an occasional one to take a cake or hear a speaker I like. I would like to say I kept working the steps but if I did, then how could I have gotten so addicted to pain pills? My foundation is still there and the Big Book is back out on the table, I just need to get back to regular meetings and find a sponsor.

It is fantastic that I was able to go on Sub instead of detoxing at a hospital or someplace like that. But I still question whether it would have been better to stop all at once and get it over with. Too late, I do not regret the Sub decision and will taper down and be off of it in the future. When? Can't say yet. And even if I decide to stay on a small dose, so be it. My nurse said there is nothing wrong with taking a legal drug to help you feel your best, and I agree. My plan is still to be off of it in maybe another year or so. Not going to rush this.

What I don't like is taking a drug that helps me feel better. Meaning, how can I break the dependence of taking a pill for relief if I'm still taking something that I look forward to? And I am still very sick. When I have some left over, I'll take another film and feel quite high. That can't be good! Being the addict that I am, it's hard to stop that. That is why I don't think it's in my best interest to take a drug that hits the pleasure center of my brain. But I am getting better and better as the months go by so don't think too bad of me. Recovery is happening, just slowly.

And reading Chinagirls post about a therapist...., yes, I could really benefit from that. Hmm, I will think harder on that subject.

Thanks all if you managed to read this whole thing! Writing about it is also therapeutic.

Tom


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: thanks
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:19 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:39 pm
Posts: 311
Hey rule62,

Thanks for responding and sharing your experiences. First, did you find out about your friend? I think you wrote about that...your internet friend you were worried about?

God Bless your nurse for saying that there is nothing wrong with taking a legal drug to feel better. I agree. I personally don't feel bad about taking Sub and it has changed so much for me...I just struggle with the cost of it all.

Let me say you sound hard on yourself a bit....I want to commend you for getting off alcohol, working the AA program....it did also give you a foundation for what you are going through now...and you haven't lost any of that...sometimes we need a kick in the ass to do things differently...and my current program?......believe me I hadn't been doing it and for three years just prior to November I was sober but not in recovery much....and I then recently took some benzos and realized I needed to kick up a couple of notches....so don't think I've been doing this for years or anything! Quite the opposite.

I go in and out of AA and right now I'm in. I hope to stay more consistent now and just based on what I'm doing and where I am there is a good chance for that.

You sound like you are really working hard to change things and take credit for that! And being honest about where you are....
I understand what you feel about Sub. but it is saving your life right now and again I personally do not believe that I'm in my addiction when I'm on sub taking it as I am supposed to.

Maybe look at what's going on in your life that's troubling you for why are taking extra sub...maybe worrying about your friend? I don't presume to know you or anything, just an idea....but maybe if you talk about your feelings it would help...so a counselor would help, or a sponsor, or even here...

Thanks for letting us know what you are doing in your recovery...let us know if you found out about your friend...


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:08 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4026
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey Chinagirl,

I love that you posted this topic because a big part of my recovery is this website. Reading about other people's experiences and then being able to reply and then posting about my experiences and reading the replies is a great way for me to stay focused. Just knowing that a community, such as this one exists, helps tremendously too. I know as an addict, I tend to think I'm all alone sometimes, but not here!

My relationship with God comes first and foremost in my recovery. I believe in God and I believe God, the second one is hard to do sometimes, but as I've grown older I've learned to let Him guide my life more than I guide my life. Yeah, much better results that way!!

I happen to have a super duper awesome wife, we've been married 16 years and she is my best friend and my wife. She knows me so well, we can and do talk about anything and everything under the sun. Being able to be completely honest with her keeps me on the straight and narrow. I never hesitate to ask for her advice on any subject, but I especially need her advice when it comes to my continued recovery.

My daughter is another source of inspiration for me. She has a wonderful personality and is a joy to be around. Just seeing her makes me want to continue doing the right thing.

This is a tired old saying, but being honest with myself has been an extremely important part of my recovery. I'm not perfect at it, but I do try and remain open with myself at all times. Sometimes I catch myself thinking those dumb thoughts, sometimes my wife will pick it up in the particular words I use and sometimes my friends catch me, which brings me to my last point.

I have been fortunate enough to develop some friendships through my recovery that benefit me greatly and I hope it benefits my friends too! These friends are addicts as well and they can see through me in a heartbeat. It's astonishing how well one addict can read another addict when it comes to screwing up and when it comes to staying clean. Having good friends that I can talk to about addiction related subjects is huge and uber important to my recovery.

I also keep in touch with my addiction counselor. We talk every month or so. He taught me so much about addiction and ways to stay clean and I still use his methods on a daily basis.

One last thing that has been a very improtant part of my recovery is having hero's. My addiciton counselor has over 20 years clean off a wicked heroin habit. Seeing how he can do it makes me realize I can do it too. There are several people on this website who I consider hero's of mine too. I think having hero's like these is pretty important.

This is my recovery plan, it's been working well for me and I plan on continuing to use it for a long time. Is it perfect, nope. Will it likely get better with time though, yep.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: heros...
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:46 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:39 pm
Posts: 311
Hey Romeo,
Thanks for posting and sharing your experiences....I appreicate reading what others do and it helps me to find new and interesting ways of learning about myself and my disease.

I like that idea of having heros...that's pretty cool...there's a lot of humility in that...to have a hero means letting go of thinking we know the best about everything...that's kind of how I take it anyway...people to look up to, someone to emulate, new things to strive for. I love it!

and, again, for me only a spiritual connection is super important. If I take over there's big trouble coming....and I've found solice in the fact that I can let go and trust that God has the right plan for me and I can trust Him. It's really hard to continue to walk that one, tho...for me...I seem to always take control back, fuck it up, let go again, take it back, yada yada...I def am a slow learner. You know it doesn't matter how smart one is, how many degrees someone has, we cannot outsmart this disease and that is one of my defects...and one of my defenses...I can intellectualize so much of this and its a bad place for me.

Its also great you have a supportive wife. You've talked about her a lot and I believe that in a marriage you have to be best friends...but you also can't rely on just one person...it's too much pressure for them! so having others that understand what you are going through and can read you like you said is great.

Thanks for responding...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Chinagirl
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:19 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:35 am
Posts: 2837
Location: Southwest
Well, I finally found the courage to call my cyber friend in PA to see if she was still alive. Yes, she's fine. The reason she didn't answer my e-mails was she is now using Facebook as the main means of communication. That I can understand. I had a Facebook account but closed it due to feeling a loss of privacy. Yes, I had a strict privacy setting on.

So now I can stop worrying. We have been mailing books back and forth for several years and I have about a dozen of hers that I can send back now that I know all is well.

Thanks for inquiring.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:55 pm 
Awesome topic to start, Chinagirl. It sure sounds like you're working a solid plan for your recovery.
And the responses you've gotten so far are excellent also. I think we all have to kind of find our way....hopefully with the hlep of others who can help us more than we can help ourselves alone.
As for me, I agree with Romeo....First and foremost is my relationship with God! Without that base...I will get lost and fall right back into the same type of thinking and acting that got me in trouble in the first place.
I think that for a lot (if not all of us) addiction is something that happens when we turn to a substance or even a compulsive behavior in an effort to fill some emptiness or pain within us. For me, the only thing that can fill that "hole" is God. I find great comfort in knowing by faith that there is indeed a higher power (God for me) who is all-knowing and all-loving who wants nothing but the best for me. I've been blessed in my life in large part because God has always been a part of my life. It's been the times when I have drifted away and left things to my own power that I've run off the rails! So it's important for me to stay in the Word and stay in an almost constant prayerful state in order to keep my mind in a good place.
The other things that have been important in my recovery have been learning about the disease of addiction....what it does to us and how to fight it. I attended an intensive outpatient therapy program for substance abuse at a well-known clinic near where I live. It was 10 week program as I recall, going 4 days a week for almost the entire day. I learned a lot there.
I also attened a ton of 12-step meetings and worked the steps with a sponsor for a good while. Since starting Suboxone, I no longer felt the need to attend meetings regularly, although I still keep in touch with my sponsor from time to time, and a few friends that I made in the Intensive Outpatient Program.
I have found that it's important for me to exercise.....either yoga or just a gentle workout, generally I go 3 times a week.
And then there are the little things, like taking my pup for walks outdoors, spending time outdoors, gardening, doing the things I enjoy....without drugs!
And as the others said....honesty and openness with my family, especially my husband and my parents and my 24 year old daughter. They motivate me to be the best me I can be!
I try to eat better....not diet, as I'm a small person by nature, but just pay attention to what I'm putting into my body...more fresh organic fruits and vegetables, more fish, stuff like that.
I work on my resentments very hard and I finally feel that I have a pretty good grasp on that. As of now, I can honestly say I hold none. And self-forgiveness has been huge. And letting go of the past....accepting that I can't change what happened. I can only live to show that I am not that person who did what I did while in active addiction.
I did start Celexa about 6 months ago while I was tapering and have continued on it. I really don't have a history of depression or anxiety but I felt that given everything I had been through with all the dramatic/traumatic changes that had occurred in my life, it wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm not sure it helps that much but I'm going to stick with it because it may be helping and I don't think it can be hurting anything.
I take no other drugs....no marijuana, no alcohol, no benzos, no potentially mind or mood altering drugs. My philosophy is that if you want to be 'clean' that means 'clean'....no other drugs that are potentially habit-forming. That's just me.
Oh and of course, I take Suboxone everyday! I still have hopes of discontinuing it some day, but I will wait until I know in my gut, soul, and spirit that the time is right and I am ready. The cool thing is that I know I can do it. I just have to do it when I'm prepared better to deal with the cravings that are likely to return when off the medication.
Oh, and this forum. It's the only one I've ever participated in and it's been a big part of my education and support system ever since I joined here. For the most part, it's been a great place and people have been good to me, especially at first, when I needed to hear that I wasn't the piece of crap, worthless loser that I felt like I was. You people made me feel better and I appreciate it to this day.
That's all I think of for now.
Thanks again for opening this thread. My best to all who have responded and hopefully we'll hear from some others.


Top
  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group