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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:56 pm 
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I have been a recreational drug user for years, weed, coke and pills, usually uppers until a year ago when I made the step I thought i never would, I smoked heroin, not content with trying it out I pushed my luck until I found I couldn't stop I was also eating quite a significant amount of dyhidracodeiene and Valium at the time as a friend had plenty, I ended up really scaring myself, I had pushed it to a point where I just could not get off, I felt I had screwed my life up, all the warnings! I guess I just had to find out for myself, and after a couple of months I was constantly planning my week around making sure I had my fix, going away to visit friends became Nightmareish, having to sneak to the toilet to dose up and acting weird around friends and family who were clearly noticing a big change in me, I kept telling myself,right, Friday I'll run out of brown then I'm gonna taper myself with the codeine, it never worked, I always eat/smoked everything I had, my bottom was basically me standing on a precipice and I had a choice, step off or sort this out, after a day of no use my withdrawal had me rocking on the spot at the docs demanding to be seen, I also knew where the local drug help service was and checked myself in, they have put me on a suboxone program, starting on 8mg and now after a month I have dropped to 6mg, it has quite simply handed me my life back to me on a plate, for the 1 st month I had to collect everyday and now I get a Week upfront, if you are on this program and really want to stop then stick to it, I consider myself very lucky bit agree that you still have to fight the temptation and DO NOT rush off suboxone,I am very lucky that I have so many friends and family who quite simply noticed the change and just would not have it! I cant imagine how it would be to have no one,this forum is awesome, it's important to find likeminded people who are willing to help however they can,My whole experience was only over a year, I was hooked after a week or 2, it happens fast!
I have watched the Dr's YouTube vids and have Lot of time for his opinions.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 3:08 pm 
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I get into a long story and say this and that but ill make this short and sweet. My bottom was 2 things when I went from 215 to 280 over my 4 years of oxy use and was very close to becoming a diabetic. But was my true bottom was when my mom had a shoulder injury and aggregated it and needed a ride to the hospital. Well she called me because my dad was in a meeting brother at work and where was I 4th in line at the pharmacy 10 minutes after the pharmacy open. Here is my mom crying on the phone what do I say to her you got to wait a hour till I get my oxycontin script than ill take you. That was my true bottom when I put my drug of choice over my own mom being in pain crying.

That’s when it was time to make a change


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 4:25 pm 
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Wow, looking back I had so many "wake-up" calls but I was so heavy into denial that I couldn't see them. My bottom came on Mar. 27, 2005. I looked around at where I was living and who I was hanging out with and the things that I was doing and asked myself, "What are you doing ? " I couldn't stop. I had tried numerous times. By this time I was strung out on Meth, cocaine and morphine. I had already lost just about everything; my family, my home, my car, my professional career. I finally begin to reach out for help. That was something that I didn't know how to do. My recovery has included not only 12 step meetings but this forum as well as I have been on Suboxone for over 2 years now. I finally feel like I am getting my life back. I've got a relationship back with my kids that is awesome. My family now feels like I can be trusted. I've got a job today doing something that I love and I'm getting my self respect back which is important. This site is awesome ! To me it provides alot of support and encouragement whch we can all use. Have a great day everyone.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:15 am 
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For me, one of the hardest things for me about entering and opening myself up to treatment was in recognizing how stereotypical I had become, how cliche the sequence of events were that brought me here. I guess as addicts we all have had some propensity towards thinking of ourselves as "special"... in retrospect it seems idiotic and irrational to have thought we could play with fire and not get burned...

Anyway, my point is that for me there was a very clear-cut "rock bottom" experience, and that was when my boyfriend got assaulted with a crowbar and robbed at gunpoint while sitting outside in his car, waiting to pick me up from work. :cry: He wouldn't have been there if it weren't for me, and I wouldn't have been there, certainly not at that time of night/morning, if it weren't for pills. It caused me to face the fact that I had more-or-less accepted and allowed for the possibility of something bad happening to me with my life spinning out of control, but I had never faced or accepted the reality that something bad could happen to him because of me... :( Sigh, denial comes in all forms...

Happily however-- they caught the guy, my boyfriend will be taking the stand against him in March, and the whole affair got me to stop putting "quitting" off until it was "a better time for it", and finally let "tomorrow" come today.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 1:48 am 
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Money and the fact i promies id never shoot up were my main reasons. (bout 6 months after i started booting got myself into treatment)

And i wanted to live my life without being shackled to the devil's nectar.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 1:11 am 
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Lying to my husband for the first time ever in our wonderful 6 year long relationship. I confessed about the tea to him (he would not have know I was addicted if I didn't tell him) then he helped me "quit" with a taper... I went along with it for a few weeks, but I got to a point where I could not stick to the plan. So I lied and pretended that I was getting off the poppy tea... while taking it in secret the whole time.

:cry:

He was proud of me for stopping... it made me so ashamed.

I also stole a bottle of Oxy from my in-laws trash can. I rationalized that it was OK becuase it was trash... I remember how happy I was when I found it! Like gollum in lord of the rings. LOL.


Those are the pathetic moments in my life.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:26 pm 
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Thank you so much and keep it up and all members of this forum should appreciate your effort greatly..!!!

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 10:08 pm 
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Close to 10 months ago I had a very serious medical situation. Previous to that I had been trying to reduce my intake of all substances for two years and wasn't seeing the success I wanted. The medical situation showed me that I really needed to get serious. I went to a very good rehab (partial inpatient) program and just dealt with it. I have been totally sober since. Serious cravings pretty much went away after 3 months.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:34 pm 
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All these stories are in some ways inspiring... I guess due to the plain and simple fact that none of us are alone and many of the stories are very similar.

We've been robbed, spent all our money, overdosed, stole things or whatever it took..

My Rock Bottom was a no brainer, for the most part. It was a 2-fold deal.

1. I realized a great amount of money had been spent that I had earned. I mean hard earned. Over $40K in about a year. How familiar does that story sound?

When the realization came to me, it was far too late to re-capture any of the money as I had been taking 150 mg of oxycodone (30 mg pills each) a day. I made all kinds of excuses about where the money had all went. I had NOT A DAMN THING TO SHOW FOR ANY OF IT!!

This was enough to get my mind to come around to the fact, hey.. This is fke'd up Salty. This is a bad deal and you've lost all your damn money boy! Since when do you blow money like this??? I knew I was an addict right then and there.

2. My second great discovery was counting my pills one afternoon a few weeks ago.. I was about 12 short after I had gone outside to mow the grass. Well, I found out my wife had been stealing my oxycodone and taking it!! That was the end of the line for me.....and her!
If there was ever a reason to get sober, there it was... MY HABIT CREATED ANOTHER ADDICT!! I didn't have a clue she was taking anything but some old 5 mg. hydros now and then.

I couldnt believe she did this... I screamed to the moon, THIS IS MY FAULT and dammit, I will show everyone how I can take care of this problem. This is where the road stops... it's OVER. She did rapid detox, dealt with the pain and stayed in the bible... That is just how she is. Primitive Southern Baptist is engraved in her brain. So, she earned her sobriety. She didn't have the habit near like what I was doing and lickily she was only taking a half now and then of the 30's.

And, it was... Of course, I took the last 12 oxy's myself just like an addict would, but I had my quitting day planned, knew when it would be, etc. I was ready and looked forward to it.

And, here I am... I am doing very well on Suboxone. Down to 4 mg. per day with no WD symptoms and about to go into week number two dropping to 3 mg shortly (all strips).

I am very happy and I have been looking forward to the lifestyle change that has been needed for many, many years. I am not out of the woods yet, but there is no other options. I have no means of getting anymore pills as I severed that connection intentionally (and don't want 'em if I could) and I am out of money and don't steal.... DONE..

May god bless you all and thank you all for sharing and helping. Pray for me and my Famiily as we will yours!

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:39 pm 
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Wow wow wow. Thank you all so much for posting your stories. Because of sites like this (I hope) I won't have to hit rock bottom with a thud.

My moment of clarity came when I was sitting at a gas station in Watts waiting for a hook up. She was late and I had to be to work. I stayed there smack in the middle of the hood waiting instead of going to work. I thought WTF am I doing?? What if I get arrested here? What happens to my kids, my job, my husband? I knew if I didn't do something and fast I would end up finding out.


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 Post subject: My nightmare
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 3:37 pm 
I was working in the field of addiction as a therapist and was to the point that I was getting disciplined at work for falling asleep standing up and nodding off in front of patients all the time. I was eventually terminated and went into treatment, hoping to get back on a methadone maintenance program. The addiction counselor at the facility I went to knew who I was and she contacted the Board Of Behavioral Health and Therapy to report my active addiction while practicing, my license to practice in the medical field was suspended for two years and after that I would need to work closely with HPSP (Health Professionals Service Program) for a few years after I was able to renew my licensure so they could monitor my progress. As I had been terminated from my job, I no longer had active insurance and no current income, so none of the methadone maintenance programs in MPLS would accept me and for the same reason I was only able to stay at the treatment facility I was in for 5 days to detox. I was on a low dose of methadone (about 50mg) daily at the facility I was in because they assumed I would be getting back into a maintenance program, so when it was figured out that that wasn't happening, the facility was discharging me still strung out, albeit on 50mg methadone. I, of course, still had two months of written RX's for MSContin 100mg, OxyIR 30mg, Valium 10mg and Klonopin 2mg, so I decided that I was given no option by the the facility I was in except to continue taking my prescriptions. I was out of work and extremely physically sick, I had cellulitis at the time I went into the hospital as I had collapsed so many veins I had to resort to IM heroin when I ran out of RX opiates. I contacted my mother and father who lived a few hundred miles away from me at the time in a small town that I used to work at a hospital in as a therapist in their chemical dependency wing and told them my situation minus anything having to do with illicit or IV drug use and asked them if I could come and stay with them for a few weeks to clear my head and apply for work back home. I was a complete mess when I got to my parents home, obviously. I needed to borrow money to obtain my RX medications as I didn't have insurance. I asked my parents to give me my RX's as prescribed so I wouldn't take more, but then within a day got into a screaming battle with my father to get back control of my pills when they wouldn't give me any extras! I had 120 100mg MSContin, 75 30mg OXYIR, 120 10mg Valium and 93 2mg Klonopin monthly and I would go through the opiates within about ten days and the benzo's within about 20. I was in a small town, so I had NO access to heroin to use as a substitute when I ran out of RX's, so I wound up being high 10 days, dope sick/benzo comatose for 20 days. I began drinking alcohol heavily (like 1.5 liters vodka daily) when I ran out of benzo's so I wouldn't have a seizure. I was extremely sick... I had originally asked my parents if I could stay for a few weeks and I had been there for 4 months in bed, literally leaving once a month to fill RX's, I made two phone calls the entire time I was there and they were both to my DR back home asking him to send me written RX's in the mail for my schedule 2 drugs. I showered and brushed my teeth 1 or 2 times in 4 months. After being deliriously sick and not sleeping or eating for at least 4 days I was finally able to get my RX's, I was too sick to even make my usual trip to the pharmacy so I had my mother pick them up for me. I have no memory of this day but as I had just picked the RX's that day, a count was done to see what I had actually ingested. On January 27, 2008 I took 17 100mg MSContins, 19 30mg OXYIR, 17 10mg Valium and 9 2mg Klonopin. My father heard me gasping for air at 2am when he woke to use the bathroom. He tells me that I was blue from head to toe, vomiting and aspirating into my lungs. My father picked me up and carried me to his car and drove me to the hospital that I used to work in as an Addiction Therapist. As I said, I had blown out most of my veins, so the DR, a DR who used to work on my 'team' when I worked at the hospital, had to cut into my groin to find a vein to administer Narcan to me. In this process I had been clinically dead for about 2 minutes. I came back quickly after Narcan was administered and my first question to this DR I had known, been friends and colleagues with was "did you give me Narcan? I need some Morphine or Dilaudid then..." I must not have crushed up all of the MSContins, because it was a constant fight for the medical team to override the continuous release of the morphine, I kept falling out over the course of the next morning and they had to administer Narcan a few more times. My family had a priest come in to administer my last rights. I had cellulitis, I had opioid induced pneumonia, I was intebated, I was skin and bones, I hadn't showered in months, I hadn't brushed my teeth in months, I was in constant pain, I had a catheter, I couldn’t walk, I was thought to have endocarditis but I wanted to get up and leave the hospital. The DR I used to work with told me he loved me and I had so much promise, but I was an addict so I had to stop using or I would die, after this event probably sooner than later. I told him I was going to be fine, I'm going home. He tried to convince me to go to a treatment facility, I said I had given that multiple trys, it wouldn't work for me, I'm discharging and going home. Finally, my DR friend spoke a language I could understand and said "what do I need to give you to keep you in this bed until I feel comfortable you won't die?" I was already on 400mg Morphine and 120mg Oxycodone pills daily, my prescribed opiate dosages, but they hardly touching me as I had rarely, if ever, stuck to my prescribed dosages. I told my DR friend I would need Dilaudid IV available to me every 2 hours and more Valium than I was currently getting. He did this (plus offered me a fentanyl patch in addition!) and then slowly started telling me about a treatment facility in another state he was familiar with that he wanted me to consider going to....


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:26 pm 
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travispnorton". i'm sorry your going through this danger's mess". glad you are a therapist. but would not be one of your
clients? unless you start taking a deeper look in your self. i no how you feel, i have that problem of looking out word
more than looking in to why we behave this way. i very much think suboxone is the best choice for you" and you need to stay
on it" so like the rest of us can revue a better look on are mistakes that we continue to make in life. i believe suboxone will
help this problem in the long run. thanks for sharing.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:01 pm 
johnboy wrote:
travispnorton". i'm sorry your going through this danger's mess". glad you are a therapist. but would not be one of your
clients? unless you start taking a deeper look in your self. i no how you feel, i have that problem of looking out word
more than looking in to why we behave this way. i very much think suboxone is the best choice for you" and you need to stay
on it" so like the rest of us can revue a better look on are mistakes that we continue to make in life. i believe suboxone will
help this problem in the long run. thanks for sharing.


This was my 'bottom,' it was almost 4 years ago. I have been on Buprenorphine since then..

-T


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:04 am 
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sorry". but you explained it very well. are you doing better now?


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 Post subject: Amazing Stories
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:30 pm 
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Most of these stories are so sad. To think that as human beings we did this to ourselves. I do partly blame the medical community for the easy availability of opiates. They work great for stopping pain but are so damn addicting it is killing hundreds of addicts yearly. (a guess)

My bottom was nothing compared to what most have gone through but I will still post it so those who are like me can identify.

Like everyone else, several injuries and surgeries got me on Vicodin and then over to Norco. Being a recovering alcoholic and an old chemical dependency specialist (20 years ago), I knew my addictive nature and it took longer for me to become a full blown addict where I had to start my sobriety date over.

To me, I was taking lethal doses, but reading others posts I realize my journey could have gone a lot further. Thank God it didn't.

It just got to the point where I was passing out at inopportune times. When you mix a bunch of Soma with Norco it gives you a high very similar to drinking. Couldn't feel any opiate w/o taking Soma with it. The worst day was our 20th wedding anniversary. We dined at a very nice restaurant on the ocean front. Ten minutes into our salads the drugs hit me and it caused a great deal of embarrassment to my wife. That was the tipping point. She had stood by me for years of drug abuse because most of the time I was able to maintain my appearance. But I couldn't stop the Soma/Norco/Tramadol mix. My marriage was in trouble and also people at work had started to notice my change in behavior. I knew in my heart that disaster was very close and I had to do something. But I was scared to death on not having my beloved opiates. They kept the dark away. Life was just too grey w/o pills. BTW, my wife has been on me for decades to go on an Anti-depressant but Norco worked just fine for that. Last week I started Effexor mostly to battle the depression that comes with tapering.

I researched years earlier for a support forum for pill addicts. Stuck around and found out about Suboxone from other addicts, not really knowing what it was but they were telling me to get on it.

Called around and found a nurse who talked to me for almost two hours to convince me to come in on Monday in withdrawals. It was a husband a wife team who only cared about the patients and not the money. Meaning they took my insurance as paid in full. God Bless them. They nursed me through the withdrawal of Soma. The Sub did the trick for the Norco and Tramadol.

Because of all the abuse, my heart was skipping a beat and my blood pressure was way too high even though I was on meds. My body didn't take the withdrawal too well. I also had a bad nicotine gum habit that they got me off of by prescribing Wellbutrin. Funny how that worked. That w/d was the worst I'd experienced so far. I was chewing the equivalent of 2 ½ packs a day so it was rough. Did the whole heart workup and got the okay.

Started out at 24mgs on May 2, 2010 and today I am at 1.50mgs and going down thanks to all the great people here who have done it before me.

So you see, my bottom really wasn't all that much. No big arrest and no hospitalization so far. Suboxone did what it was supposed to do. Tapering has been very easy with a few slip backs, but that's an addict for ya. I should be off of it in a few months if all goes to plan. Then I'll be on the other side with the rest of the successful jumpers here. I am keeping the faith.

Several people here have helped on the wayside via PM's and e-mails. You know who you are and I am so very grateful you took some time to educate me.

Moral of the story. You don't have to have some terrible event happen to stop the merry go round. Don't put too much into comments from addicts in NA or AA. Sometimes they say things they shouldn't. But they are sick too. Stay here and learn. Slow down and don't rush. Many of us need to stay on Suboxone for life so it you're one of those, be grateful there is help.

Welcome to recovery.

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 Post subject: My bottom
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:42 pm 
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I've now been on sub for 13 days, so I can honestly say today I have really noticed I big change in my behavior. Just so proud of me for getting help!![font=Times New Roman] [/font]

I am an old drugger used anything I could get my hands on, I sold and used for 17 years.

my husband at the time left me for my bestfriend of 10 years. i had a choice continue the life I was living or change. I decided to change that day. I was a totally a changed person.

3 Years later I got in a wreck hurt my back and neck HAD to have pain meds to function. that is when this all began. I have spend more time and money into this addiction then anything I have ever before.

My ex husband told me about suboxone and I called made an appointment. I went saw the doctor for about 3 minutes he gave me NO information except try to take 1 a day come back in a week. i went back told him I needed 2 8 mg a day

i started researching and found this site It was a good day!~~~ Thanks to all I have learned alot here and now I know I have a place to come when I need :lol: I'M ME AGAIN AND I LIKE IT!!!!! :roll:

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:26 pm 
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Hi meitalk, I am glad you are finding this forum helpful, I hope you stick around it has been very beneficial to my recovery. Congratulations on taking control of your life and you should be very proud of yourself you have made a big step!



Ok, now I am going to answer the question. I was very fortunate in that I was able to stop my addiction fairly quickly. Same old story, chronic pain and got carried away and addicted. I was abusing my meds for about 8 months but it didn't get too severe until the last few. I have chronic pain from endometriosis and after the birth of my twins it got real bad. I needed surgery but had to wait until May to have it. So I was put on oxycontin. The last 3 months I was prescribed 150mg but was taking up to 250mg and sometimes even more. I knew I had a big problem in late March but I was scared to say anything because I did not want to suffer without pain relief (or at least that was my addict brains excuse) so I decided after my surgery I was done! Two weeks after my surgery I went to my Dr. and told him that I wanted to begin my taper, well I hadn't even stuck to my prescribed dose so when he lowered it I was sick, I decided this wasn't gonna work and went thru those pills as fast as I could! I had researched sub and decided that's what I needed, made the call and went in 5 days later for my induction and have been doing really well since.

I feel so blessed that I was able to get out of this before doing major damage to my life, I don't know that I would have if I didn't have my amazing children. I knew I could not go on like that because I had to be their mom and I wouldn't put my kids thru my drug addiction. I guess for me my bottom was the thought of causing my children pain. It is amazing the strength our children can give us, and I will be thankful for that for the rest of my life.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 8:46 pm 
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Long story short, went into hospital for major surgery. 3 day in hospital for recovery and guess what.... The pain meds they were giving me DIDN'T WORK, they weren't enough! That's when I knew how bad things had gotten.
Full fledge hysterectomy and no pain control afterwards, no amount of morphine they injected was enough, the morphine drip didn't work either...yay, tons of fun.


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 Post subject: OUCH!!!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 10:34 pm 
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Feeb sounds like my recovery now that I think back hum!!!! i had a 3 disc fusion lower back. I was so miserable in the hospital NOTHING helped me Now that you say that I can understand that is what was wrong with me. The nurses were ready to get me and my mom out of there. I had 180 extra pills in my purse but mom would not give them to me. But when I got home buddy I had two scrips. Then I was ok,better but I tell you that was a hell of alot of pain.
I haven't thought about that in awhile. It is good sometimes to remember where you were and where you are now.
Be Blessed,
Mel :wink:

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:25 pm 
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Hi Mel,
Ya it didn't dawn on me right away either. It wasn't until I got home and the next day I went to my dr. For my usual stuff. Then everything was great. It still took about another month before I realized what had happened and then another month after that when it got even worse for me....in terms of amount of use, and I went to my doctor telling him I had a problem and needed help. So we decided to put me on a tapper program. Lol. He gave 165 pills to last me a week, 3 days later I went back to him.... So ya, that was my bottom, not on,y the surgery but the aftermath of me getting worse with my use.
To think that I have not used in 9 days and feel as good as I do, is nothing short of a miracle.


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