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PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:27 pm 
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Hello members.
What I'm about to post is in relation to my fear of starting buprenorphine (Subs) today. Besides all my physical fears, and the side effects I worry about, this is what's going on in my head today as I withdrawal from oxys, and get ready for this huge change in my life. I don't feel ready. I don't WANT to give up oxys. But my family knows and they are demanding I quit and I don't know how else to do it but with replacement drugs (like Subs). I've tried weaning, but I would go up and down with success. Fact is, I love taking oxys and I don't know if I'll be ready until I'm dying from them. So I have to do this now.
I hope I don't offend anyone or discourage anyone here. But I know that some of you can relate, and I'm always looking for someone that can relate. I was hoping some of you could help me see the light and offer some mental advice on how you dealt with being induced on Subs, and giving up your DOC - mine being just over a year of oxycodone.
I'll be induced on Subs in two hours. Please wish me luck in this journey. Thank you.
-
Induction really means that I'm letting go of the "old" me, and hoping with all my heart that I can stand the "new" me.
It means letting go of my best friend, and making my way through life alone, or with a new stranger, or an old friend I wanted to get rid of.

Induction means no more magic pill with my first morning coffee each day, that make my outlook brighter and make me happier to be alive.
It means being positive around my friends, won't be as easy; taking on big projects, won't sound as appealing; doing mundane tasks will feel more mundane again, and they may not even got done.

Induction means keeping my distance from old friends that would remind me of using, and some of them, I will miss.
It means I have to say "no" to that caller who says he can score for me, when all I want to do is blurt out "YES!"

Induction means accepting my marriage and family issues, no longer running from them, remembering past mistakes, and feeling the hurt from them again.
It means facing my health scares, worrying about myself again, and sometimes being scared to death because everything is so real and not going away.

Induction means life's about to take an entirely new turn, in a way I cannot fathom or prepare myself for.
It means that every pain I was hiding before, no pill will take away anymore.

Induction means facing my fears, facing reality, and facing everything that made me want to use in the first place.
It means I have to toughen up, and I have to succeed, or everyone will know I'm weak, and know that I failed.

Induction means, ready or not - life's about to get real.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:39 pm 
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From what you describe when you say, "Induction Means...", it sounds like you could sum it up by saying, "Induction means really living my life!" That is a worthy goal even though it feels uncomfortable and you'll miss your doc!

I do understand where you're coming from to an extent. When I ratted out my addiction and figuratively "came clean" I had not reached a place in my drug abuse that I couldn't get high anymore. Pills were still making me feel good, but I was also desperate because I couldn't control my usage.

The truth is, despite feeling like you'll miss your doc, when you get on suboxone you should feel like you're free from obsessing over it. Your physical cravings should go away, but you will have to work on the mental ones.

I think it's extremely positive for you to be taking this step! Won't you be happy that you can look back and say that you didn't have to descend into hell before you got yourself in recovery? It shows strength on your part that you can induce on sub now, before you've created a ton of problems for yourself.

Good luck and keep us informed!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 8:45 pm 
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Hey spditup,

By now you should have been induced onto Suboxone. Congratulations on starting your new and improved life. NOW you really know what induction means. You can't say what it means if you've never done it so now you are in the majority here.

It is too bad you weren't able to taper down the oxy's or go into a rehab for some decent help with your addiction. Now you have the chance to either stay on them or taper off within a short time. If you do taper down, make sure you have a recovery plan in place beforehand or it'll be for naught. Not always, but mostly.

I am looking forward to your next post after induction. Welcome to opiate replacement therapy. ORT

rule

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 8:46 pm 
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Hi spditup,
Wow that was real honest, and that is a very good step in the right direction. You feel like your going to miss out on life without your oxy. I can relate to the feeling that they can be fun, they help you get in a good mood and all of that. But what lies ahead of that, can be, in most cases pure hell on earth. First of all, I want you to understand that when you can get on the right dose of suboxone you will, most likely, have those cravings for the drug go away. You need to get on the right dose for you. Please take your time and read real experiences from honest people here on this forum. They will help you, I am positive of that, if you ask and want help. There are people like Romeo who celebrated 3 years totally clean!! He keeps posting here because he seems to enjoy helping others, it helps him in his recovery.( sorry Romeo, I am putting words in your mouth, this is what it feels like to me). Whats really great is not only how to be serious about your recovery, I have laughed so hard on some of the things that happen on this forum!!! What a gift! You have people who care about you, thank your lucky stars that they still do. You stay on this drug and you can find yourself all alone. Anyway, do not be hard on yourself, you will be o.k. ciao p.s. let us know how your induction went.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:23 pm 
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Justdoit4u,

I wish I had 3 years totally clean. The thread I started a couple of months back was my celebration of being off Suboxone for 3 years. Unfortunately over those 3 years, I had 4 or 5 slips. Each slip was brief, but they were all slips so I don't count myself as being 3 years clean. My actual clean time is just over 1.5 years. With all that said, and this may sound a little nutty, but in my heart my real clean date is June 4th, 2010.....the day I quit Suboxone. Up until that moment in time, from age 17 onwards, I had used (abused) one drug or another every single day of my life until I quit Suboxone. Some 26 years. Anyhoo, even though in my heart my clean date is June 4th, 2010, I can't technically count all 3 years as clean. OMGosh I'm afraid I'm not making any sense. LOL. I'll stop here. :wink:

spditup,

I love the honesty you showed with this thread. I'm in awe of you. Letting all that out couldn't have been easy, but didn't it feel good? Now if I'm to be perfectly honest with you, you really need to get in with an addiction counselor. You have so many fears, many of them irrational, and a good addiction counselor could help you tremendously. During my time on Suboxone and coming off of it, I had the same irrational fears as you. Life without drugs scared the snot outta me. Life scared the beejeesus out of me, but I'm here to tell you it can be done......it most certainly can be done. We have to "unlearn" some shitty old coping mechanisms and relearn some healthy new ones. An addiction counselor can help you so much, I hope you consider it.

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