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 Post subject: Re: What is going on??
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 3:55 pm 
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Sorry I haven't responded yet-I know it's going to be a long post so I haven't had time to respond yet. When my daughter sees me on "her" computer, well, I must hand it over. It's hers after all. So is my phone, er, her phone.
I will not be doing anymore drug testing at home, all will be done in my doctors office. I feel that if I take them at home it might be seen as-well you must have been doing something wrong to submit to it.
I had an enormous amount of guilt when I was actively using, even when I was not and buying Suboxone from someone. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I was also caught with Valium. I took them every once in a while to go to sleep-I was not addicted or dependent on them. I eat dinner after my daughter goes to bed, and took 2 Valium before I ate. He came home from work and noticed that I was slurring a little and that prompted him to look in my purse(he has never done that before). I didn't work, and I took money, lied and even took my daughter to pick up drugs. He knows this. He has a right to be furious, if roles were reversed, I would feel the same way. If I found out my partner had been doing this behind my back for ten years, what would make me think all of a sudden, it would end, just like that? I would be skeptical, maybe even paranoid. So I do give him permission to be angry and suspicious-for now. All of this just came to the surface a few months ago.
OTOH, there is nothing I can do on my end for him to trust me. That has to come from him. I am not in control of his thoughts or feelings. But I will say this, it will end one way or another. If things improve- great, if not, I will be prepared to step away.
I believe he has now realized that I am able to provide for myself and my daughter(I opened my own business and it is doing well) and has some inkling that I am gathering my ducks just in case. If he does think that, he would be correct. I have no more secrets, do not have to hide anything anymore and have confidence now that I didn't previously(thanks to myself, my doctor and this forum). I am a notorious rugsweeper-I do not believe that arguing, yelling or screaming solves anything. So when it is being projected at me, I nod or agree, and I think that makes him mad and the low blows come flying. I have a daughter to think about-she is around and at home with me if I am not working and I am not willing to yell or argue or defend myself(I would be yelling too if I did)in front of her. Not worth it to me. I wait until tempers have calmed and talk about things rather than scream in the moment. I also pick my battles.
I do not have access to finances any more since all of this has come out, and that's fine. I do get the debit card for shopping or grocery shopping and things like that. After he noticed all of the withdraws, I started shopping and getting cash back everywhere I could to hide the fact that I was taking money.
I'm sorry if I didn't address everything, I'm trying to give insight but also be somewhat vague since this is public. Not sure if I accomplished either.


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 Post subject: Re: What is going on??
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 1:40 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2016 9:40 pm
Posts: 627
Hey Htown,
Often we will slice out truths, creating an untrue altered reality while expecting others to believe it. Yet in yours, I heard accountability and honesty in your post. Well said. Much respect to you. As long as you don't demean -- and -- continue to do all it takes to protect your recovery, you'll probably be ok. I think if you choose to walk the walk and 'show' over time -- you may be able to earn back his trust and confidence you both need in a marriage/partnership. As weird as this may sound to you, he needs to earn back yours too... it takes both -- trusting each other -- to make it work... Wishing you my best! P

_________________
Did well on Suboxone. Stopped May 2011.
Stopping went well -- its the staying stopped -- where the real work begins.
Coming here 'keeps recovery green'.


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 Post subject: Re: What is going on??
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 5:52 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:43 pm
Posts: 38
I didn't get a chance to read through everyone's responses but just wanted to quickly share my story.

The same thing happened to me. My partner was in recovery and also on suboxone and I put him through hell by becoming addicted years after we started dating. One morning, he was questioning me about acting weird the night before. A few weeks prior, I had purchased a drug test from Walgreens and told him to use it if he was ever suspicious, thinking it would calm his nerves. I gladly offered to take the test and stood there with an "I told you so" look as we waited for the results. But instead of a hug, he looked at me in disgust and yelled that he knew it. I had only taken my subs as prescribed for months at that point and was in complete and utter shock. Through the tears and arguing, I found that suboxone can cause a false negative on some of those at home tests. Since he also took suboxone, I begged him to let me get another test. When he finally agreed, I went out and purchased one from CVS and another one from Walgreens. After the CVS test correctly showed negative result, I challenged him to take the Walgreens test and just like I had suspected, his also came up positive. It was only then did he believe me that the first test was a false positive.

While there may be disputes about whether testing a loved one is ethical or what not, if you are going to test someone on Suboxome or submit to a urine screen while on Suboxone, do NOT use Walgreens tests.


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