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 Post subject: So what I drank a beer..
PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:32 am 
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Ok so I have been going to AA for the last few months. If you aren't familiar with my story from my thread titled "Methodically Tapering Suppression" I have been off subs for about 7 1/2 months. I relapsed on roxis and opana 6 different times during that time period, all lapses only lasting a day. I started going to AA and currently have 79 days free of any opiate. Problem is I was in a tough position at work the other night and ended up having 3 beers. I haven't told my sponsor or AA buddies yet and plan on doing so, but it is such a bummer that I am going to have to reset my sobriety and be a fucking NEWCOMER again. I hate that shit. I feel incredibly guilty though for letting my peers in the group down and hiding this but am trying to find the courage to tell them. In all honesty I don't feel like it is that big a deal. Opiates were my thing, they were what was killing me and I understand that booze will just lead me back to them but fuck! I still want my 79 days. Just looking for some input here I guess. Thanks!


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 Post subject: I agree
PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:58 am 
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so what! Don't lose the forest through the trees.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:38 am 
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Yeah. I struggled with NA/AA for exactly that reason.

Why not just go there, rock up and say "clean today" every day? One thing I noticed in those rooms is that clean time is no indicator of how healthy or happy a person is.

If you've never had an alcohol problem, and you don't have a problem with it, then don't let AA make you feel bad about it. I assume you went there mainly to get off opioids? Where it really sucks is when people turn up to the meeting, tell people they had one beer at a party (when they never even had an alcohol problem in the first place), feel so bad about being back to 0 days clean that they go "what the hell while I'm down here I might as well have a real party".


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:17 am 
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Yeah I totally agree Tear. I am torn because I truly think AA is helping me in a lot of areas of my life, I ve made some good friends my age, but I went there to mainly quit opiates. I never liked speed and took the occasional benzo to go to sleep, but always had control over those things whereas Opiates completely fucked my life up. Im def not liking the guilt I am feeling. Reminds me of a child growing up in Church being guilted over everything. I don't want to have to listen to people tell me I am not working a good program and blah blah blah you need to start over and go to 90 meetings in 90 days kinda shit. I had 3 fucking beers and didn't even really like its effects. Im not gonna let it scare me away from the program just yet, but its is a shame that these are the kinds of things that do scare people away. I understand their reasoning, but as much as they try to fit us all under the same umbrella, I like to believe there are special circumstances and not everyone is the same


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:40 am 
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ya" i been through this with aa/na a lot of time's waisting my energy. i call it unessesary guilt. we fail, and then we put our selfs through hell on little slips. if i did not go to na/aa i would not feal so guilty. but then i would not have any thing to stand on exept for my self.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:43 am 
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Rmac04 wrote:
... work the other night and ended up having 3 beers. I haven't told my sponsor or AA buddies yet and plan on doing so, but it is such a bummer that I am going to have to reset my sobriety and be a fucking NEWCOMER again. ...Just looking for some input here I guess. Thanks!


I am not going to state my feelings about AA or NA. I would like to tell you this though. You chose to quit Oxy and everything else. YOU not AA. You knew it was hurting your way of life. I think that you slipped and drank 3 lousy beers. I think there are a few points to bring up
1. you only drank 3
2. You didn't like it
3. You stopped at 3
4. You don't want to continue (You want to QUIT)

So my point being that YOU decide your fate. You chose to quit so just don't drink anymore. Luckily you aren't like me, if I drink one that is it. The rest of the night I will be tipping beers.

I am glad that AA is helping you but the whole newcomer thing is insane. Don't let your guilt overpower you. It was a mistake as you said so let it just be that and move on. I personally don't think it was a huge deal and shouldn't be made into one. If I were you I would never do the 90/90 because of only 3 beers.

If I were you I would look at alternative ways to deal with work problems though. That is what worries me. Drinking because of problems. I would try to find other coping skills. Just my opinion.

I wish you the best of luck.
Dana


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:43 pm 
Dana D D wrote:
Rmac04 wrote:
... work the other night and ended up having 3 beers. I haven't told my sponsor or AA buddies yet and plan on doing so, but it is such a bummer that I am going to have to reset my sobriety and be a fucking NEWCOMER again. ...Just looking for some input here I guess. Thanks!


I am not going to state my feelings about AA or NA. I would like to tell you this though. You chose to quit Oxy and everything else. YOU not AA. You knew it was hurting your way of life. I think that you slipped and drank 3 lousy beers. I think there are a few points to bring up
1. you only drank 3
2. You didn't like it
3. You stopped at 3
4. You don't want to continue (You want to QUIT)

So my point being that YOU decide your fate. You chose to quit so just don't drink anymore. Luckily you aren't like me, if I drink one that is it. The rest of the night I will be tipping beers.

I am glad that AA is helping you but the whole newcomer thing is insane. Don't let your guilt overpower you. It was a mistake as you said so let it just be that and move on. I personally don't think it was a huge deal and shouldn't be made into one. If I were you I would never do the 90/90 because of only 3 beers.

If I were you I would look at alternative ways to deal with work problems though. That is what worries me. Drinking because of problems. I would try to find other coping skills. Just my opinion.

I wish you the best of luck.
Dana


I just wanted to say that I agree with Dana. She's got the right idea.

It doesn't matter what AA says. You KNOW that you didn't somehow magically "lose" all the things you've learned and all your progress over many weeks from drinking three beers.


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