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 Post subject: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 4:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
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I have a confession to make and it's something that I'm not proud of.

From mid April until early June I was gone from the forum. I left without saying anything to the other mods because I was upset about a couple of forum issues. It doesn't matter what those issues were, because they shouldn't have been enough to make me leave.

I have figured out that I am just coming out of a depressive episode that started sometime in 2016. I have been having trouble in my marriage and then my best friend died last October. Some of my posts this past spring had an edge to them that is not typical of me and I apologize for that.

The worst thing I did was leave my fellow mods hanging. They had no idea that I had left the forum. I went from posting every day to being entirely absent. The largest burden fell on JennJenn because she has been the other mod that usually posts every day. Rule checks in daily and Razor and Michelle post when their schedules allow. But Jenn is a backbone here and everyone knows that.

I have apologized to my fellow mods and Dr. Junig for taking a break in such an immature manner, but I owe the members here an apology too. I am very sorry for abandoning all of you for a few weeks. I came back in early June, but I've also been traveling since mid June. If there is a future time when I get upset or overwhelmed, I will work it out with communication. This forum is very important to me. You, the members, are very important to me.

Please don't forget to show JennJenn the appreciation she deserves for being here for you all. There have been times that I have been too abrupt with her and others. In fact, she may not have any idea of how much I appreciate her. But it is a fact that this forum would be missing a crucial component if she were not here. I want to say very publicly that she is extremely important here and to me personally.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:40 pm 
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Hey Amy, I had assumed grad school was consuming your time. The apology goes both ways, I didn't reach out to see how you were doing or if something was up. Forums can be a bit like a rash, you know when you need to itch but you forget when the itch isn't there. I'm hungry, poor metaphor but the best I have tonight.
Grateful to have you back in the saddle.

PAX


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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 11:49 am 
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I really do love ur post Amy, and thank u for all the amazingly nice things that u said. I truly appreciate that!!

I had no idea that u were going through some depression until u came bk. I knew u were struggling to deal with the death of ur friend but I didn't know it had gotten to that level.

I do hope things are starting to get better with the depression, I can't imagine going through the death of a loved one and how I'd handle that. I don't think anyone can say how they'd react unless it happens. I have had marriage problems unfortunately because I've had a couple divorces (doesn't that sound wonderful lol). During those times, I couldn't focus on things very well, I definitely remember that (I'm not saying ur getting divorced, just explaining marriage issues are very difficult). So I understand why u took a break, I think everyone can understand why those issues would make someone need a break. There's been a few times here where something negative happened and I didn't want to log bk in for a bit because I just didn't want to deal with it. I for sure get it.

Again, thank u for all the things u said, it really does mean a lot. Passing along how amazing this medication is keeps me coming bk and I know it does for u too. U have helped a lot of ppl and put in a lot of time here, u deserved a break. No worries, I think everyone would agree with that :)

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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:13 pm 
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I feel like things are looking up. It helped me to go visit my friend's grave in Vermont a couple of weeks ago. I took a bit of earth from his grave and I'm going to get a piece of jewelry inscribed with a few words that the soil (or cremains) can be held in. That way I will feel like I always have him close to my heart.

Everything I said about Jenn is just the plain truth. She has poured herself into this forum and we are all better for it.

It felt important to me that I share this story with everyone here. The biggest reason is so that you all understand that I am not even close to being perfect. I am an addict. I am still learning how to deal with my emotions in a constructive way. I now have an education about addiction, but I am just as fallible as everyone else. This is why I've never felt superior to any other addict.

Despite the fact that this section is not well "attended", I'm hoping that everyone ends up seeing my post. I'm thinking of moving it up to the misc. suboxone section so more people may see it.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:36 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 7:54 pm
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I sure hope your feeling better Amy. You and Jenn both helped me so much when I first came to this forum and for that I will forever be grateful to both you girls. I love you both with all my heart and I am glad to be back posting regularly. Amy you are so smart and helpful as are you Jenn. Love, Angie


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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:46 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:47 am
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Location: Southeastern US (Alabama)
Good to see you're back. Wasn't my place to say anything, so I didn't. I figured you'd return.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:58 pm 
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This forum isn't the world. We all lead lives outside of here that we place far more importance on than our presence on SuboxForum. No stress.


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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:46 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:47 am
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Location: Southeastern US (Alabama)
I haven't been here as much lately myself, but it's not noticed nearly as much as I'm not a person that posts that often...I mostly just read the "View new posts"...
But I took a job doing IT work for a local plant..and went from zero hours a week to about 60 a week.
It's really been..."fun"...going from not working the past 7 years or so to working like a dog...
But it's not really that strenuous so there's that...
I'm actually enjoying it...but I have some pretty big decisions to make that will likely have long-term effect. If I go tell the plant manager my thoughts on how things are done, then it will either lead to 1)me being put in a position to where I'm attached to a job at the hip and on-call 24-7 for anything that happens...or 2)being told to go home...with the likelihood that something will happen in the near future that will make them call me back.
This place relies on 1 person to be IT for the whole plant (a cast-stamping plant that is a supplier to a nearby Honda manufacturing plant)...
If this 1 person, who's very young (21) decides he's done, he can really do some damage to the plant and production by leaving. The access he has shouldn't be trusted with just one person, at any level of management...it can cause too much loss-time in a production environment.
But I've been in production-type environments for quite a few years before I took a hiatus from work...so I know what I'm talking about when I say that down-time is the worst thing for a plant like this.
My decision will probably ...more than likely...bring me into being a back-up IT person with the same access as the other guy. But to put that much into someone that's so young...just isn't a good way to handle things in my opinion.. It can have detrimental effects on the output if something does come up.. And I think the upper-level management should be aware of that.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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 Post subject: Re: I went AWOL
PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 9:34 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 19, 2017 8:32 pm
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Amy, I first arrived here when you were still commenting on posts every once in a while. I got to know you and some of the other members here by reading for hours every day. I can understand how your personal life could affect your ability to help those here. Other than being gone for a while, you have continued to help those who need it. You have a very caring nature and it shows in the way you deal with people, even the difficult ones that make being a moderator a tough and thankless position some times.

Somehow you have been able to separate your emotions. Maybe you're good at compartmentalizing your feelings so that you can be suffering horrible loss and anxiety on the inside, and yet offer kindness to a newcomer who has just logged on hoping to find some answers to a problem that has brought them to tears. I believe you are stronger than you know. I thank you for your friendship in the short time I've known you and I hope you find some peace.

And your right, I think the other moderators do deserve some credit. Jenn, Rule, Razor and Michelle have done a fantastic job of keeping this forum a clean, respectful website. Thank you to each one of you. You're a wonderful team that works well together. I only hope that Dr. Junig appreciates the commitment you have all made to help out complete strangers. There is nothing more valuable than a person's time. We only have so much of it. The fact that you all spend your time here without receiving a single dime speaks volumes about your character. It is very much appreciated!!

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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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