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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:01 am 
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Don't worry about it Romeo.

I've even heard a theory thrown around that it's the people who are going through emotional or physical pain who feel like they get welcome relief from opiates. Healthy / normal people don't get hooked to opiates as much as people who are a bit not-quite-right (no offense - read on).

It's for that reason I feel I was drawn to opiates - they gave me a bit of control over my chaotic bipolar moods. Maybe you used to escape some niggling depression?

Just throwin it out there.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:30 am 
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I hear ya T.

My first and second relapse were basically due to emotional pain that I couldn't handle at the time. I'm learning how to struggle through stuff like that with no opiates now, it does seem like it's more difficult for me than other people I talk to.

I've often talked to my wife about issues like the one you brought up. When I'm going through a rough time, I often marvel at the fact that other people go through similar issues without wanting to medicate themselves. It's like bad times hit me harder than they do others, or I take the bad times more seriously than others?? It's hard to explain.

Interestingly enough, my original drug use, marijuana, started shortly after my sister passed away in 1983. I was 17 years old and could not deal with the pain. I started smoking pot and it dulled me out perfectly.

I've basically taught myself, from a very young age, to use drugs to deal with emotional pain and when I had no emotional pain, I used drugs to get good and stoned because I like being stoned.

I have no doubt that my sister passing away at such a yong age, she was 18, has indeed made me "not quite right in the head."

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:25 pm 
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Hi Romeo!
I tried to post yesterday, but it didn't work. Anyways, I was reading all your posts and feel a little better now that I read what you said about depression. I have been wracking my brain about why the depression still!! I thought it was from my surgery or just my life in general (right now it sucks). But the more I see the postings on here it makes sense that it is the opiates!! I tried Wellbutrin for a while too, and at first it made me feel better, but then my mind was not working so well. I could not remember anything, and just didn't seem right. So now I am not on an anti-depressant, just taking Nuvigil to help stay more alert during the day. I totally relate to the non-motivation and feeling of crap... The best thing I have found to help with all of this is exercise. It takes motivation and time to do so, but just walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes does make your mind and body feel better. I don't do it often enough, but I really need to. Have you tried any type of exercise? That may help with the depression. Sam-e is also good, but get it from a good source. I get it from the chiropractor and it seems to work better than the stuff at Target.

I wish there were a drug out there to make us feel normal :) I am hoping that with time, our brains will heal from all this bs. Thanks for sharing your story, it did help me feel not so crazy!! LOL :)


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:52 am 
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i no with quit a bit of experience that the W/d from pain meds and subs is pain full and depressing? but if anyone is
all ways thinking ,the depression is coming directly from sub or pain meds? this is surely not all ways the case".
i go through the times of w/d and depression" thinking its the meds or subs is causing it? found out in the long run
that antidepressants do work with my nuvigil witch some times keeps me awake to long, but worth it!!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:57 am 
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I think exercising more regularly would do me a lot of good. I started lifting weights again here about 6 or 7 weeks ago, I started with just doing curls and I'm finally seeing some results and that's making me feel better. I'm gonna start adding push ups and situps to my routine in the next week or so. Now that the weather here has finally started cooling off, I've been going outside more and more and that helps too.

One of my biggest issues that triggers me to stat feeling like crap is too much down time. I'm so used to taking drugs and vegging out and feeling good.....but now if I try to veg out, I just feel like crap.....I'm constantly trying to re-program my brain that being a couch potato = feeling crappy and being active = feeling better, but I'm a slow dang learner AND stubborn at the same time, so it's taking it a while to get through my thick skull to stay active.

I'm glad that by sharing my story it helped you to not feel so crazy!! LOL!!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:26 am 
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i work sweet and up over 16 hour's a day. and finding out time after time it did not help much at all
with my depression and other problems. some times medication is the only answer.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:47 am 
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Romeo, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I think you should go back in the Wellbutrin. I agree that it does start to work right away, but my doc (a psychopharmacologist) says it doesn't really reach it's full effect until 6 weeks. So if you quit after a month you didn't really even get the full benefit. You said both of your relapses started with emotional pain. Why not get some stability for a while? I mean, would you recommend that someone take Sub for a month? Or would it be better for that person to have a safety net for a while? I totally get not wanting to be on meds - but if you weren't having any bad side effects I would consider it another tool to help in your recovery - and maybe prevent another relapse.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:23 am 
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Yeah, I gotta agree with Lilly on this one. You said in an earlier post that if you start feeling crappy again you will get back on. I don't think it is going to do you any long term good to be going on and off welbutrin. Give your brain a chance to feel some happy stability. I am not saying to stay on it for life but why not give it a shot for a couple months or so. You and me are the most impatient people on the face of the planet! I think you should give it a real try, going on and off it can't be good for your emotions. Unless of course you are having some bad side effects then what's the harm?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:10 pm 
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Hey johnboy, I completely agree with you, sometimes medication is the best answer.

I think you guys have to remember, my depression isn't really severe......more of a naggy thing than anything.

In my case, I don't feel any different now that I'm off of Wellbutrin than I did when I was on it though?

When I was cycling up and down real hard with my emotions, the Wellbutrin leveled things out great, but I also think my emotions were cycling up and down pretty hard because I was going through a stressful time and being a newly recovering drug addict, I didn't know how to deal with those emotions on my own. I'm actually kind of enjoying the challenge of learning how to deal with my life without the use of any kind of drug. I'm learning so much in the process and I feel better about myself everytime I learn something new.

I REALLY want to give this recovery thing the best shot I've got, I REALLY want to try living my life without ANY drugs at all.....it's just something I've got to do. Does that make sense??

I REALLY, REALLY appreciate your guys concern for me and I am not trying to be contrary, I just feel that this is my path forward right now.

Thank you all so much for caring enough about me to offer your thoughts.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:10 pm 
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I knew your stubborn ass would say that!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:45 pm 
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Romeo,
Did you feel like you were forgetting things or memory problems with the Wellbutrin? That is why I stopped. At first I felt great, but then it didn't seem to have the same effect. Not sure if that is how you felt. I would love to find something that helps with the depression, but without the side effects. Lexapro was ok, but I could not lose weight no matter what. That will make you depressed! Lol.

If anyone has suggestions please send them my way!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:56 am 
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Hi Sher,

I didn't really notice any side-effects from the Wellbutrin at all?? Then again, I wasn't on it very long either. I only took it for a couple of months.

I just felt that I really didn't need it, that's why I stopped taking it. So far so good!!

I hope you find an AD that works good for you, without the side-effects.

Breezy_Ann, thanks for the laugh....you Ding Dong!!!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:00 am 
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SherGonnastop - I take Celexa and I have zero side effects from it, nor do any of the other people I know who are on it. I just wanted to mention that since you said you were looking for an antidepressant that has lesser or no side effects. I hope you have good luck finding one. It's normal for it to be a trial and error process. Try to be patient.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 5:56 pm 
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Thanks Romeo and Hat!

I have tried celexa and hated it. Lexapro too much weight gain, Wellbutrin memory issues, zoloft out there! Lol wait, Cymbalta, felt like I was crazy. So maybe the AD's are not for me. Perhaps a med for add would be better? Anyone ever try that?


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 8:43 pm 
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romeo'. i'm not going against the AA.traditions . BUT me going to the meetings helps so much some times that i feel good
enough with all the members to listen 100% of there path. i wined up off all meds, and start feeling less interest in the meeting, and the next thing i know" i'm not even going to meetings any more. i need to stay on my meds, i need year's
of healing ' and i can not stop taking them. like you said many " many" times. it take a long time to RECOVER!!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:58 pm 
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Hey johnboy,

NA had nothing to do with me getting off my anti-depressant. Believe me, if I thought I needed my AD and someone at NA disapproved of me taking an AD, I'd tell 'em to bite me in an instant and get right back on my Wellbutrin.

Shergonnastop, you may have more luck with the older class of AD's. I think they're called tri-cyclic AD's??

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 3:39 am 
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Sher. A lot of anti-depressants make people feel "crazy" for the first few days or couple of weeks. They almost feel like a nasty-amphetamine for a lil while there. This is called the induction period, and usually their anti-depressant effects haven't kicked in by this stage. Then miraculously after a few days the crazyness disappears and the mood-lift kicks in. Maybe you didn't give Cymbalta enough time?

One of my ex-partners avoided all anti-deps for years because of this crazyness. I told her to try again and be more patient, and since her life has picked up heaps.

Cymbalta has always been quite a good anti-depressant for me, for a couple of reasons. Next to zero sexual side-effects, which is very rare for a guy on anti-deps. It's also quite effective for most people. Generally people find the SSRI's are a bit hit & miss - they work for some people, but not others. The SNRI's on the other hand generally work for more people, and work quicker.

The only issue with SNRI's are generally that they have more "withdrawal", ie harder to get off. In my experience, Cymbalta was relatively easy. Effexor / Pristiq is another story. Pristiq is a great anti-depressant, but I try to stay off it simply because it's hard to get off.

For the SSRI's, Luvox and Lexapro I've heard good things about.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 8:35 am 
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your right romeo' i had more of the problem my self with AA. just thought i would bring it up! my doc up't my lexapro,and i'm feeling a little moody. hope this don't last to long?


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