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 Post subject: 6 weeks off subs today
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:24 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:38 pm
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59 days no pils
6 weeks (42 days) off subs

Not feeling nearly as down or bummed out as I was about 3 of the last 5 days. I'm chalking that shit up though to just some life and work issues that I dealt with with a clear head. Felt pretty good to do so, actually, and I'm starting to realize that the 17 days in between my no percs/no subs tracking makes for something good. I have a different marking point every 3/4 days that becomes an anniversary. And I'm celebrating with a smile and good thoughts.

Energized today. Perhaps its the hope I've given someone else who is in the middle of trying to stop it all. Perhaps its the realization that no matter how hard things got in the last week, taking a pill to deal with it never crossed my mind. I find that to be a very big deal and a huge obstacle to overcome mentally.

Or perhaps its this six week mark for me. It feels like an eternity ago that I ate my last Sub. It feels even more of an eternity that I used to buy 100 percs ever 2 weeks or so. I think back to that and say "What the fuck was I thinking?" I guess, I wasn't thinking. I was numb to it all and didn't care.

There is hope. There is life. You get over the pain that you caused yourself by even starting, and then mentally you move on and accept what you did and accept yourself for what you are in the present. There is no more regret like there was that first week or two. There is no more remorse for wasting my life for so long. I've learned from it all. And I've learned that you can come back to life when you choose to to do so and that it feels so much better to wake up every day clean.

I reach 2 calendar months off of pills on Saturday, fittingly, I'll be at Hershey Park. The roller coaster seems the logical first ride as it has been one helluva an up and down ride. The down part is slowly drifting away. The past is through me.

Thanks for all your support y'all. Keep on believing you can do it. You can!

Charlie

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When you're young, you get all worked up caring about what other people think of you. That's the great thing about getting older - you realize, FUCK IT! It's what you think of yourself.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 5:13 pm 
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Good for you! I'm glad to hear that you're still making it and feeling better. Thanks for keeping us updated.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:07 am 
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6 Months or More
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Yayyy that's great that you don't even think about using and are over all remorse. I don't think you could have pictured a more perfect post about 2 months after your getting high days. And 100 percs every couple weeks my god you must be rollin in the dough now! That's really weird that you're going to Hershey park, because I had this dream last night, I've been remembering all these crazy dreams, and I had this dream that you posted this cartoon strip on the forum, like from a newspaper, and I could see it in this mirror in my living room, and I looked down and in my hand I had this Hershey bar that was made out of blue and red jello. Weird!


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:22 pm 
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You may get some weird dreams for a little while. I did. It's weird, they were vivid for like a day but now I couldn't remember a thing if I tried. I wonder if its the subconscious heals as well as the active brain during recovery? huh....

Everything's pretty good. 60 days off percs today. I'm really missing my friends a lot, the guys and girls I've bowled with for the last 20 years or so. I'm not with them this season and it's starting to hit me how much I love a lot of the people there. I'm trying to remember that recovery means sacrifice and that I can go back to it maybe next season. But I'm finding that void in my life to be getting bigger. And I keep asking myself if I could exist without drugs in the same environment that was part of my addiction and be bigger than it. I can probably go back next week if I wanted to.

Is it too early? Does that time ever come? Do I go head-on and face it and come out even stronger?

These are not easy questions.

Otherwise, life is great. My back is killing me today. Just took like 6 ibuprofens. NSAIDs baby! haha

Hope everyone's doin good

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When you're young, you get all worked up caring about what other people think of you. That's the great thing about getting older - you realize, FUCK IT! It's what you think of yourself.


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