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 Post subject: on my way to recovery
PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 2:08 pm 
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I have been on pain pills (roxi's) for over 7 years.i started using after i lost my husband, he commit suicide 8 yrs ago and 1 yr later i was in an accident which ended with me gettin pain pills. WOW not only did thay help with my pain but numbed me from the grief i was feeling..I still have 3 kids to raise alone now,and the pills kept me happy, energetic..haha so i thought.. It pretty much started to get out of control after a few years..My presription was no longer enough...So if i had to buy them, go to another doc...Whatever I had to do..They became my life and took control over me...Well Good news is 2 months ago i decided it had to end, my addiction with pain pills.I attempted the cold turkey way but after 12 days i couldnt handle it anymore...I went to a doctor who prescribed me suboxone....It really helped , i was able to function and take care of my kids....I made a plan with my doctor. I did not want to dstay on Suboxone for more than 6 weeks. Weel my doctor did wean me off. I started with 4mg a day-1st week, 2mg- 2nd wk-1 mg 3rd wk, 1/2 mg-4th week and 5th week took only when needed. I have been off of the Suboxone for 8 days now..I do have withdrawals but not as severe as the cold turkey&getting off roxi's. Day 1-2 , feel tired,no energy.day 3-4, exausted,sneezing begins,the shits also begin..day 5-7, same symptoms as days 1-4 but more intense....jus plain feel like shit but am able to accomplish little things, such as a short drive, load dishwasher...This is day 8.. Although I am still feeling exausted and have some of the symptoms, i do feel a lil bit better but i am determined and plan to stick with it....No pain No gain.....I do have some suggests... Get something from your doc to help wit sleep cuz sleep is almost impossible. Stay away from caffeine, as much as i love my coffee...take my word it makes u feel worse , hot bath or jacuzzi can be your best friend...fresh air helps and most important- Go to meetings- get support...I also reccommend that if u have children, sit down & talk to them(age appropriate) but let them know in a delicate way...youll be surprised by the love and support they give..Couldnt have done it w/o them....Anyway..Good luck, its a long road but worth it......


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:16 pm 
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Congratulations. I wish you well in your recovery. Sounds like you've been through a lot! I remember many years ago when I went to rehab the first time, my boys were about 4 & 6 at the time. What really broke my heart was that they told me the little one did not speak for the whole month I was gone! At all. I was devastated. I felt that I had scarred them for life and resolved to be there for them in the future no matter what. I plunged into NA/AA and did everything that was suggested to me. I did everything I could to be a good mom and to make it up to them somehow. I stayed sober for many years until chronic pain re-introduced me to opiates. By that time, they were almost grown and old enough to understand. Even as it was happening, I was always honest with them.

Today my boys are strong, well adjusted men and they are my pride and joy. We are good friend and are close. I hope, due to my always being honest with them about what happened to me, they managed to make it through their teen years without experimenting with drugs and alcohol. My husband has two brothers who have the disease of addiction as well so I always taught them that they are at exceptionally high risk themselves. So far, I think they have listened. My youngest son states that he has absolutely no memory of my going away, and the older one barely remembers it. Kids are surprisingly resilient, I have found.

Again, I wish you well and hope that you are able to continue on your quest of being drug free. There are many people here who have used Sub for short term, and who feel that they do not need to take it on a long term basis, and also those who are weaning off of it successfully at their own pace. I envy them. For me, I'm afraid that I am going to need to take it indefinitely. Everyone is different, and whatever works for you is the right thing to do.

~Rossma


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:30 pm 
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@ rossma- thank u for your reply... i agree with the kids being resilent- my kids have been thru alot with losing there dad but I am soooo proud of how strong they are...i also believe in being honest with your kids, dont pretend to be perfect...there not stupid and the more honest u are with them, they will be with you.... They r teenagers now and good kids.....Seems u had some rough times yourself....I have nothing against suboxen- It definetely helped but im w/o insurance and cant afford them... that was one reason i made the six week plan with my doc....well its day 9 and still feelin like shit but i am getting thru...its hard, today i feel a lil depressed(crying alot) but its my mind playing tricks and i understand its a healing process...Not only do we "addicts" suffer physical pain with withdrawal but alot of mental pains that you didnt deal with fully arise again...So jus taking day by day, praying alot and believe it or not this helps to talk(write) about it...the most frustrating thing is not being able to accomplish much...and i keep asking myself, "Will i feel like this forever and wen will this end?"but i do know other recovering addicts that asssure me i will feeel better soon, it takes time.....Anyway wish u and your familly the best...And thanks again....


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:22 pm 
Hey, I just wanted to jump in and offer my support. I went of Sub briefly a while back and I, too, was depressed and crying a lot. So don't think it's your mind playing tricks on you. I think for some of us depression is a bona fide symptom of our withdrawal. I ended up going back on Sub, but if that's not an option for you don't be afraid to seek whatever treatment you need for the depression if it doesn't subside. I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 11:06 am 
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@lily- Thank you for your support- its appreciated.....Im on day 17 and i feel sooooooo much better- The energy level is still a lil low but each day gets a lil better.. The sadness comes and goes but mostly because im mad at myself for getting into this mess but i try to stay positive. I know i will absolutely never touch another pill after this experience....The withdrwals are very difficult but im proud to say, im making it thru...and to those people who get discouraged and feel like it will never end, it does get better.....my head is so much clearer(sometimes think too much) but its kinda cool because im not soooo clouded... i have goal and plan on taking baby steps to reach them.. i agree that if if someone feels depressed, they should seek help cuz that is one of the hardest things of going thru this.....but i def feel better and thanks again for your support....


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 Post subject: Hi freind
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:34 pm 
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My name is Queenie,

Reading through all your posts, boy you remind me of me. Pills were taking up so much time of my life. It seemed everytime I needed Opiates I needed major surgery. That meant Morphine, Dilaudid etc... and then tons to bring home. Party time. Yeah, but when the party is over, OMG!!!! The WD's are a horror to even explain. I remember saying to myself "Lord, please let me die now". Now I am 67, an amputee, mostly at home, can't get around much on one leg. I had 2 back surgeries, Knee surgery, I had a burn accident frying fish(that's painful & will get you many narcotics from the doctor). Some years passed in between & I always found something(never bought off the street, too scared). In 2008 I had my first of 6 bypasses of my right & left legs. They couldn't save my left one. It's been a year since my amputation. (It's not easy). My last surgery was in June of this year. Oh, I forgot, in between all that horror, I used to drink a lot of alcohol. Anything to numb. (I quit alcohol & smoking 1 yr & 1 month ago). I had 3 hospitilizations for pancreatitis because of my drinking. (You get heavy narcotics for that too.)

So, you see my friend, I'm telling you this because now, to reverse all that damage is so exhausting and sad for me. I am on Suboxone and anyone here that knows me will tell you what my problem is. I can't get into my head that more subs won't do anything and I end up short at the end of the month until my appointment and I am horrified that I am going to be sick.

So, there it is. Write to me when ever you want, if you want. I appreciate getting letters. It helps pass the time in this lonely room with a wheelchair next to my bed.

I hope all the best for you from my heart.

Love, Queenie


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