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 Post subject: I WANT OFF THIS RIDE
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 2:22 pm 
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Hello Everyone: I am brand new to the forum and wanted to write an intro. From age 12 have been an addict to just about everything and anything, mainly street drug abuse early on- until I found pain pills after a back injury at age 18. I have struggled with prescription opiate addiction and since age 18, after at least 3 or 4 treatment programs and multiple detoxes, I finally got totally clean at age 34 until about age 45, then horrific relapses through multiple pain clinics and docs and massive amounts of all the opiates from vicodin to morphine to oxy, resulting ultimately after hospital stay where my organs were shutting down, I almost died, then another relapse, then another "treatment program" that became detox only when I left after after 7 days, then another relapse, and another, my wife and I "found" Suboxone and thought it was a miracle, we can actually get off the opiates without withdrawals, WOW this is GREAT. Well i just turned 49 we have been on Suboxone for 2 1/2 years. It has gone from 12mg-32mg/day or more, currently its 24mg/day for the most part. I have taken more then prescribed at times, still struggle with this, even though I don't feel any euphoria or high. Bottom line, this has become yet another addiction, it has changed our life for the worse, our activity level is at an all time low, depression, other medical problems, etc. I want off this stuff. My doc has always talked me out of it, saying basically I haven't "used" for 2 1/2 years, which I believe there is some truth to that. But I am soooo terrified of coming off this stuff I am stuck. I keep saying I want to taper and he says he will help me, but when push comes to shove, I wimp out because I am afraid of the withdrawal. I have read horror story after horror story about the kick off Suboxone and I am scared to death. I also don't want to take a year to do it. I can't afford the "Rapid Detox" or Weissman Method (sp), if I could I would probably do that, but right now the last conversation with my doc was to start a taper program next time I see him in January. This is all somewhat complicated in that my wife is in the same boat. This can be good sometimes, and sometimes not so good as we both try to get clean again- Our life during those 10+ years of being clean was awesome. I am sorry for the length of this post but any feedback is appreciated. I am not a big Suboxone fan and I wish I never would have used this method-on the other hand i am not dead of an oxy OD, so ?? I want a normal clean life back. THIS IS NOT A NORMAL LIFE BEING ADDICTED TO SUBOXONE.


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 Post subject: Re: I WANT OFF THIS RIDE
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 7:47 pm 
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I hope I don't come off as being unhelpful when I say that I think you're fighting the wrong enemy. You've been battling addiction since you were a young teen. Obviously you've been through lots of treatment programs. To be sure, you probably have a lot more knowledge than I have.

What I see is that you've made suboxone today's scapegoat when your real battle is against addiction itself. You hoped that suboxone would be the panacea, but suboxone alone cannot battle your addiction. I say this because as you yourself have described, you've never taken sub the way it was meant to be taken. Your addiction has caused you to misuse sub, be on too high a dose for what you actually need. Suboxone is only a tool, but it shouldn't be used in a vacuum. If you expect sub to be the solution, you'll always be disappointed and feel off-track. And I'm afraid that if you think that getting off sub will make everything better, you're going to find yourself off sub and still facing a massive struggle.

I think that you have to find a program or therapy or something to focus on beating back your addiction. If you found something that worked for you, I think it would be a lot easier to stop misusing sub, taper down, and then if you decide you want to try it going without suboxone you will feel a lot more in charge of detoxing off of it.

Please don't mistake me. I'm not trying to be unkind or not compassionate. This forum will support your efforts to taper your sub. We will be in your corner! I just think that your first step has to be recognizing what you're fighting against and using some tools in addition to suboxone to fight that war.

I absolutely wish you the best! Everyone here has felt desperation before. Sometimes it's our life circumstance for ages. We only want to see people succeed.

Amy

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