I was on suboxone for a month. I got high on street dope for a day yesterday. I did my normal amount bout 6 bags with some powder coke IV. I felt the heroin full on got really high off a little after 27 hours no subs. And then my normal high tolerance came right back. I have bitcoin thinking of getting a gram of pure dope and some pure fent powder and just bangin with that for the Christmas holiday season. I got kicked out of AA for being on suboxone. I also went last night to a meetin when I was high and they kicked me out for Nodding off.

Idk I just wanted to share my experience.

My dream is to finally make things work while being on full agonists.

Frank, what was ur reason for stopping ur suboxone? Wasn't it helping ur cravings? Or did u just decide u wanted to get high again? Help me understand what's going on.

I can understand why it would bother ppl in a meeting if u were sitting there nodding off. If I'd saw u doing that and I was new in recovery, that would have triggered me big time. Surly u can understand how that could trigger others and somewhat understand why they'd ask u to go. On the other side of this though, someone could have taken u off to urself and try to talk with u because u did make the step to go to this meeting and that stands for something.

Frank, if buprenorphine isn't handling ur cravings, are u on a big enough dose? Would methadone be a better fit for u? Keeping u on an in house daily dosing routine sounds like a great thing for u. Imo u need to do this with a doctor or inpatient rehab. I think that the heroin and coke is too easy for u to get. It would be hard to still be having cravings knowing u can score right down the street. U probably need to remove urself and go to an inpatient setting. That's just my personal opinion, I'm sure others will have more advice on what they'd do personally.

My fear with ur statement about banging heroin through the holidays (paraphrasing), is u could die during this time. I know we always think it won't happen to us or our tolerance is this or that and we couldn't afford enough to overdose on but it could happen with ur very next shot. I don't think it's a good idea to continue using through Christmas, if nothing else maybe methadone will help u. I hate that this is happening to u my friend, I don't think u have surrendered just yet and it's going to take a lot of work but u can do it, u just have to be ready and make a lot of changes.

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Jennifer

I don’t mean to be rude but you’re on the wrong forum.

Over the last 5 months you have received many thoughtful and empathic responses on the threads you have started. Don't know if you will be back to read your final thread, maybe you will come back in a few months to tell us you are restarting Suboxone, or Methadone for that matter: but I have a request. Please give your user name and password to someone you trust. In case of your demise they can let us know what happened to you. Too bad, you seem like a bright fellow.

And That is opiate addiction. . I do wish this med worked for everyone but sadly it does not.

It is definitely getting frustrating, I keep pulling for u to turn a corner frank. I think I've tried to respond to almost all of ur threads because I keep remembering when I wanted to stop using but just couldn't do it. Sometimes I'm overly sympathetic. I'm looking bk at ur post now and the way ur describing using..... it's almost like ur too descriptive of it, almost bragging. I could be wrong but that's just the feeling I'm now getting.

Buprenorphine helped save my life and I think I sometimes forget that not everyone shares that same experience for whatever the reason. I do know without a doubt though that anything is better than being in active addiction and no matter how someone justifies it, it's the darkest point ever.

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Jennifer

Hey Frank, I know how tempting it is to go back to using opiates. Especially if you live in a colder climate now that its winter. It makes staying indoors less boring, days less gray and keeps you warm better than a fire can. But those good feelings will turn on you very quickly and make you alone, depressed and constantly scheming to get your next bag of dope to make your miserable life just a little bit less miserable in the moment. Again, you'll crush the people who care about you and, you'll crush yourself.

Every time I went back, I felt so worthless and the longer I stayed using the more worthless and pathetic I felt. My mind constantly flitted between needing to get more blues, needing to quit and go through withdrawals, and sticking a gun in my mouth. You can avoid all that if you just say screw it and go back to subs. You can live a healthy normal life right now. Or you can waste another 6 months to a year as a junkie and go back to subs after your in a worse position than the last time you went on them (if you don't die in the process). Make the right choice.

Frank I know deep down you know it's a bad idea to keep banging dope and pure fentynal powder thru Christmas. I get it, the holidays are hard. But you are walking way too close to the edge my friend. I know the transition from heroin to subs is difficult, but you need to give it time. Life is too precious to just throw away. I hope you come back and read all the replies from people who are concerned about you. Please reach down inside and try to find that piece of you that wants to overcome this awful addiction and grab onto it. My prayers are with you.