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PostPosted: Sun Jul 23, 2017 12:49 pm 
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Manz, thank you so much for being honest in telling us what you are experiencing. We so appreciate you being willing to share what you are really feeling. That is so brave of you!

I tend to think that there is a honeymoon period after folks taper off buprenorphine because it's a real accomplishment. Then comes the hard work of living life on life's terms. It could be that you're experiencing PAWS. Or it could be that this is your baseline and the reason that using opioids felt good in the first place.

In either case, it doesn't mean that you will feel like this forever! I think it would be a good idea for you to start seeing a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Our minds are so powerful! Changing our thinking is a great tool, but we often don't know how to do that on our own. A therapist is trained to help us change our thinking. It's not a panacea, but it can help. I think you owe it to yourself to find some professional help to see if that can help you.

Sure, I could say, you might be better off going back on buprenorphine, because it may be true. But you've worked so hard that trying other ideas first, I think, is your best bet. I was reading how Pelican made it through the years after he tapered off suboxone. He did a lot of work on himself by partnering with professionals that could help him through the hard parts.

Just remember! There is hope! You are not the only person who has been through these tough times and come out the other side! Find resources in your area. PM Pelican so you can specifically hear how he managed his negative feelings. We will help you in whatever way we can!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:57 am 
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Hi Razor,
Thank you for your support - you put things into perspective for me today. And you know, I didn't have the best day, but just knowing that there are other people out there feeling and thinking the same helped me. Thanks razor :)
And once I got home this evening I felt ok again.
I'm so thankful for this forum - it's just really amazing!
manz


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:02 am 
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Hi Amy, sorry i didn't see your response earlier - thank you so much for your feedback and comments.
I do think that seeing my psych again would be really beneficial! She got me reading which I am enjoying so much - all classics like brave new world, catch 22, of mice and men, animal farm, and looking for a new one currently. My psych helped me be accountable for myself and made me proud to be doing so - she costs a bit of cash and I'm considering dropping a day of work a week for a little while because the weekend simply isn't enough for me! And every day is tiring.

I sill got my cat to get me through. Lol!

I also need to eat better and exercise more!

Ohhhhh - still not smoking! Can't go back now! So I'm saving cash wich is great.

Ill check in again soon. Thanks guys for being so supportive, I don't know where i would be without this forum honestly!

Manz :)


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:45 pm 
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You can do it, buddy! And remember, for every person posting on your thread there are 5 to 10 people reading what you write!

I'm so proud of you for tackling smoking at the same time!!! That is amazing! And you'll feel even better exercising with all of that fresh air in your lungs!

Maybe with the money you save on cigarettes you can still afford to drop a day of working (or even dropping a day of work every other week) and still afford to see your psych! Let him or her know that you want some exercises to work on to help with the mental part of this process when you make the appointment. They could probably have a couple good ideas to work on by the time you visit.

You just keep up the good work and we will be here on the sidelines cheering you on!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:56 am 
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Hi everyone,
Thought I had better let you all know I'm ok. After a huge fight with my mum I started smoking cigs again - but hey better than alternatives!
I started effexor last week, came off lexapro. My right eye has been twitching like crazy LOL! Especially when I'm stressed and I'm confronted with a lot of stress at work so it probably looks like I'm winking at every one all the time.
I've got my mum to agree to see a therapist with me. But like always arguments are blamed on my mental health rather than my mother taking responsibility for her part - we haven't begun therapy yet but I'm looking into it this Friday.
Work have been amazing, they are giving me Friday off on a contract until the end of December - so a few months of part time work which I feel I need to get my psych and myself sorted.
I have hope again which I didn't have before, so that's a lot.
I hope you are all well and wish every one the best.
Manz x


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 4:16 am 
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Hi!
I thinking about writing a new thread but thought i would just finish this one off.
It has been a year since I've been off suboxone. One muck up - after a family argument I asked my doc for serapax - over used them and just felt really anxious after - other than that I've not used. And try not to let myself deceive myself into thinking that I'm able to use.
One of the things I've discovered that is very scary (after reading Russell Brandt's recovery book) is that I'm always a fleeting thought away from using. And there have been thoughts, but they go away eventually.
Exercise is great for keeping a clear head.
I've disconnected from old associates.
It's been a rough year - this isn't easy and it's a disease. I'm on the right anti-depressant and see my doc and psych regularly.
Things get better with time. Relationships heal if they are supposed to. And asking for help is ok.
Inbox me if you feel like you need help or if you're just tapering off and would like to chat.
Manz :)


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:16 pm 
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Congratulation, Manz, for working hard, discovering insights about yourself, and recognizing how easily a person could fall back into addiction if they don't guard against it. You've set a great example for many!

Amy

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