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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 1:16 pm 
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I don't know if this is the place to post this... But it's something I have been wanting to get off my chest for a very very long time. (OK, really just weeks now haha!)

Ive kept my recovery pretty quiet, secret and personal and to myself for the most part, only reaching out (unsuccessfully) for support on some of the days throughout the tapering process where ive felt emotionally overloaded. (I finally decided to unburden my loved ones and join the forum)

Only my mother and my husband know about my addiction/recovery (other than some basically anonymous shitheads I used to buy drugs from).

Anyway, I have been silently (and I think stoicly) going through this whole thing, quietly suffering both physical/emotional WD symptoms during times I would taper too fast (ive since slowed down and things have gotten MUCH easier!)...not to mention just the general difficult emotions one goes through in recovery, trying to sort through all the shame/guilt while learning to live life on lifes terms once again...all of this with only asking for very minimal support... all the while NEVER missing a day of work, in fact, working my ass off. going above and beyond at the family business...

So, I tried to reach out to my mother for some support last week, had an emotional breakdown and really needed her advice or support or love or empathy at least something, anything from her...even a fucking hug at that point would've sufficed....

She just stared at me blankly with this stupid look on her face. "This is your thing to figure out. I know nothing about it. Can't you call what's her name?" (Referring to my friend's sister who is an addiction counselor in a state halfway across the country) and then she just said, throwing up her hands, "Don't ask me..." And proceeded to fidget with her keys and look at her phone as she threw her purse over her shoulder and moved slowly toward the door.

So I guess that was that. Thats always been her attitude towards my recovery. I have even tried to include her in my recovery from day one, sharing with her all the info i knew about suboxone treatment and opiate addiction/recovery in general. I sent her a whole bunch of links to Dr. Junig's blog and tried to even give her the stupid papers I got at the clinic with the little illustrations of how suboxone works in the brain... Nothing. No interest. In any of it.

And I could see all of this taking place if I had somehow hurt her or fucked her over or lied or stole from her or anything like that in the past as a result of my addiction. But honestly, NOTHING like that. All those years I never hurt her, I was always careful not to, because contrary to what she believes, she is the most fragile person I have ever met.

So, this brings me to my other thing that is bothering me in all of this: she treats my brother like he is so fucking special because he has been eating a paleo diet and has stopped drinking booze...for TWO FUCKING WEEKS. Whoop Dee do! He doesn't live in the same state as us. He had a problem with different drugs in his 20s, and has been what I consider a try alcoholic ever since, also smokes weed all day every day. Yet, she tells everyone at work (loud enough so I can hear of course) how "my son is such a resilient person, he's been through so much and I'm so amazed at how he can get through anything, now he's totally off all sugars, and he said he felt like shit for the first week, I'm just so proud of him for sticking with it"... Really?? She's proud of him for making it through sugar wds??? I don't wish opiate WD on my worst enemy but I guarantee even the mildest of symptoms would have that little shit curled up in a ball crying for his mommy.

And granted, I do not by any means want my mother putting my addiction on blast for the whole town to know about it. But its like she just discards the fact that I'm even going through something. Ignores it.

Yet applauds my brother for any little thing he accomplishes, and always referring to me as " the sensitive one" telling people,when they ask her if she wishes she had grandkids (on a regular basis I might add) "oh god,are you kidding me? My daughter would never be able to handle being pregnant, I'd have to send her away, she would freak out over any little thing and think she's dying" this is in reference to me of course.

I'm 33. And pretty newly married. How the fuck does she think that's supposed to make me feel?? Its OK, she can say that all she wants, because ive already decided when/if we do start a family, we will raise them in my husbands family. Suck it, mom.

I don't know if anyone is even going to read this but that's OK. I'm usually a really positive person, but I just had to get that out and move on.

I just have to remember, my recovery is mine and mine alone. It all depends on the choices I make. It would be nice to have some support, but obviously thats not going to happen so I will no longer be sharing any if it with my mother. Except when its all done, the taper I mean. And after ive been completely free from medication for awhile...who knows, maybe at that point I'll get pregnant. And when she says in her stupid judgy mom voice "well what about THAT DRUG you are on?? Won't that harm the baby?" Then I will laugh at her and say, "I have been off my MEDICATION for a really long time. Where have you been?" That would really freak her out.

Thanks for listening, if anyone even did :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:07 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
:lol:

I can totally relate to your story! You cracked me up with that whole thing with your brother. If she only knew what the hell we all go through during wd she would take a billboard out to sing your praises! I'm sorry, that was just too funny. I can tell you are a positive person, even your bitching stories are fun to read. :D

I wish I had some advice for you, but non addicts just don't get it. If she isn't taking an interest in your recovery by now then she probably never will. At least you have your husband to lean on. My story is kind of opposite because my Mom is a huge supporter of my recovery but my husband isn't. We have to learn to accept them for what they are, I guess just like they had to learn to accept our issues. Your best revenge will be to prove her wrong, just like you mentioned.

You will definitely have a support system here if you stick around. This is exactly the place that you can come and bitch about this stuff and know that we get it.

You should take a picture of yourself eating your brothers favorite dessert and then text it to him. :P See how he deals with that after two weeks of no sugar!

Q

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 8:17 pm 
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Yes, get sweet revenge by being more successful than she could ever imagine. That is some really bitchy and self absorbed behavior you're describing!

You probably knew to an extent that you wouldn't get a whole lot of help from her since she is fragile, but she could at least make an effort and not rub your brother's small successes in your face. I would keep any baby of mine away from her too!

Amy

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