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 Post subject: urgent!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 1:18 pm 
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I just relapsed again after going thru weeks of hell trying to get back on my subs...I suffered 2 preciapated WD's and hours of misery. I was able to get back on them successfully. In the type of buisness im in I deal with alot of addicts. a few knowing my situation from me making the mistake of exposing it. Well one came in today with a pocket full of DOPE, I had taken about 3 mgs today, and have had around im guesssing around 40mgs since Monday, well this dope broke right thru the subs which shocked me and to be honest i wish it had blocked the euphoria, at least then i could have accepted how retarded the decision i had made to poke myself once again. Well I intend to not give up even though im disguisted with myself after what happen today...Im on my way to a step meeting tonight and just feel broken and tired from the last 15 yr battle with this opiate addiction from Hell. A part of me wants this so badd! i want freedom from this bondage.

This same Kid came in again this morning and i let him in...i was so mad and angry with myself from last night i did 2 more bags and felt even worse mentally....just when will this end. Really in bad mental state because i cant beleive im doing this to myself. I gave him 100 dollars more and we was off to get me some more shit, after he left i was really in a rage and so mad at this person/customer/past associate that he put me in the position he did! He knew the hell i went thru to get back on my subs and even though he is a sick soul himself it was just so FUCKED up, i couldnt see myself doing it to someone.... God must have been with me because he walked back thru the door and asked to use the phone, i guess there was some problem with his guy, I asked for my money back, told him how much of a piece of shit he is and to never come around me again and kicked him out. Now i am still filled with shame because i slipped last night and this morning after the worst 2 induction attempts to get back on my subs and finally did it...now back too this shit!!! FUCK NO! I do have a question, I took about 2mgs yesterday at around 9am. I relapsed that evening at around 5pm and then again this morning around 930am. I did feel high because it was some really strong stuff but that doesnt mean it kicked the suboxone off my receptors, just means it added to the party? and therefore i shouldnt get as sick as i have in the past if i were to of been strictly on heroin or oc for a extended period of time, waiting to get back on my suboxone? will it still carry its 72 hr half life even though i relapsed? im just a little confused and nervous because ive been thru hell trying to get back on these, and please i know!!! dont judge me...ive done enough of that myself, just remember some r sicker than others and it could always happen to you. everything is just a (yet) away for us addicts if we arent careful. But im just wondering when my wd will start considering what i have done? i cant ever really remember being in this situation because in most instances i pick up im off and running for a long while!!!! I dont want that, and that is my worst nightmare. appreciate any feedback asap ty


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 2:21 pm 
Whats up DANNYB24K!!

Dont be so hard on yourself!! The good news is you still wanna do the right thing. As for the associate, well thats the type things espcially in the beginning that we have to break away from, somehow. I know i quit speaking to absolutely every single person i knew. I had too or else i may not have made it. I had a few close calls in the beginning myself but i was very lucky that i made the right choice. I think what may be making this so difficult for you is the fact that your having such a hard time with this induction and getting stable. I think if you could just get stable you would be on your way. I hate that i dont have any answers for you as for the questions you ask. I personally havent ever used H so i dont know exactly how it works. Im glad you were able to get your money back and get rid of that guy. Hes just sick like we all have been and he probably needed his "med" for the day. Im ashamed to say, i've kinda convinced people i've known to get something when they didnt really want to spend the money etc. I was just sick and my mind wouldnt allow me to see what i was doing. I think when you do take your next dose of sub, is it possible you could take say 12 or maybe 16mg's? If i remember correctly, and i may not but, havent you been taking little amounts at a time? Either way, just gotta get yourself stable and like i said, i believe things will start getting better once that takes place. Again dont beat yourself up over it!! Its happen to the best of people. Its the disease and its not your fault. Things happen!! Let us know whats going on if you can and im sure others will comment. Just hang in their and its gonna be all good!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 2:35 pm 
Dont beat yourself up over it but dude it was wrong of you to get mad at that guy and "tell him what a piece of shit he was". He didnt put you into that position you did, even if he had dope he didnt force the needle into your veins you chose to do it. Im not bashing you at all Im just saying like you said, that he is sick himself and in his mind he probably thought he was doing you a favor and "hooking up a friend" so to speak. Im sure it was a typo on your part but you said subs have a 72 hour half life, just in case it wasnt a typo they have a 36 hour half life. I waited exactly 48 hours after my last use before my induction just to be sure I wouldnt get precipitated withdrawal, it sucked waiting that long but it had to be done because I was on an extremely long lasting opiate. Good luck getting back on the subs I hope you can stick with it. I know how hard it can be, sometimes suboxone just doesnt seem like its doing its just very well and you crave and want dope but you gotta just work through it, if that means taking and extra 2-4mgs when these feelings arise then take it because its better to take a little extra sub than to relapse.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 3:27 pm 
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Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward again. Don't dwell on the past, focus on the future. You relapsed, it happens.

As far as when you can go back to sub, I'm not sure. I am pretty sure that when you do get back on it you should be at a higher dose than you were on previously though. A higher dose may have helped block some of the effects of the relapse.

Another thing, as long as you have people coming around that use, it's going to be very difficult to turn them down...I suspect you already know this though. You're going to have to remove yourself from the situation or have them removed?

Don't give up.


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 Post subject: THANKS
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 3:34 pm 
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wELL I DO FEEL BAD FOR GETTING SO ANGRY WITH HIM...ITS JUST, well, i guess u could say he was or is a friend, a very sick friend and sicker than i am in many ways. So i've been trying to call him, im sure he wasnt thinking straight, but he wasnt sick, he was trying to make money, and i know that for a fact. Anyways as far as getting back on my subs im a lil nervous as i said..I went into those horrable wd's even after waiting 18hrs! i thought that was enough time to wait but it wasnt, i suffered almost 12 hrs of intense withdrawl, even after taking close to 20 mgs, and didnt fully stabalize until 24hrs later. Its crazy how i went thru that and still picked up so soon. Well anyways this friend new the hell i went thru, thats all im saying, and in that, he is not a friend. I have to work for someone else this wk end... and i have my own buisness which i do the rest of the wk and make my own hours for the most part. So im wondering if i should wait until monday once again to wait to induce or what to do?????? gives me the perfect excuse to get high all wk-end but im honestly terrified to get back on...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 3:56 pm 
I was addicted to high doses of poppy pod tea when I got on suboxone. Poppy pods have a half life estimated at 48 hours and I timed it so I would be clean pretty much exactly 48 hours when i got to my induction appointment. I had zero precipitated withdrawal. Since heroin has a significantly shorter half life then the pods I would say you should wait 24-30 hours before you take subs again. Yes its hard and may be a little longer than you need but its not impossible and it beats going into precipitated withdrawal.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 3:59 pm 
Its worth the wait thats for sure!! As for the guy you mentioned, wether he was only trying to make money or he was trying to get high, hes still sick in the like we've all been so he isnt in his right mind. Thats all i was trying to say. Man, just gonna have to tough it out as bad as that is. I was required to wait 6 days because my DOC was methadone. It was the worst hell i've ever been through but when i induced it was smooth sailing with not one single problem. It can and will work out with the right work put forth. You just gotta surrender to anything your required to do even if thats waiting until monday to induce. The longer your able to wait, the pretty much guarantee will be their that you will not get PWD's. Goodluck man and keep us posted!! ~PEACE~


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 4:05 pm 
Messd up the way i said something. *sick like weve all been* is what i meant to say instead of, *sick in the like lol*


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 Post subject: SO TRUE
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 6:04 pm 
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tHANK U GUYS FOR THE SUPPORT, one things for sure i tottally agree that waiting at least the 24 hrs is the best choice before starting my sub again. Its just really weird, its like my chemistry has changed in the last couple months or something because i use to wait maybe 8 to 9 hrs previously soo many times without ever going into precipated WD. Guess it was the luck of the draw, I will never risk it again though and im sure anyone else who has gone thru that would agree..I have always wondered if any countries used that as some type of torture method or something because i didnt think it was possable to feel like that without going into shock or something. The rls was even in the top of my head, my blood felt like it was boiling for 8 hrs straight, but of coarse i was freezing my ass off . just crazy stuff. In any case i am going to have to wait till Monday so i can just have a day off, i cannot work my other job even in a normal withdrawl, I know i sound like a baby but i am one of the lucky few who for some reason get WD's soo bad, and im not saying its because of the amount im doing or progression or anything like that, just think its the way my body is made. everyone has def helped me soo much in the past wk, its really kept me sane knowing im not alone and others have been there where i sit


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:23 pm 
Honestly, if you were on Sub since Mon., approx 8mg/day and then you took two doses of H, I think you can get back on your Sub without PW's. It is now Saturday, more than 24 hours since your last use. I would take your Sub and continue to take it, every day, as soon as you wake up in the a.m. You might need more than 8mg/day as others have said. Please don't use having to wait as an opportunity to go out on a run. Also, don't call that guy to apologize - just avoid him. Sorry if I sound like someone's mother (I am), but early recovery is very fragile. I would even change your work situation if it entails dealing with people who are using. I wish you all the best.
Lilly


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 Post subject: wHAT NOW?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 4:37 pm 
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i POSTED SOMETHING IN ( sTILL MESSING AROUND ) iM STILL DIRTY AND HAVENT BUILT UP ENOUGH BALLS TOO get back on my subs....Im just so afraid of Per.Wd.... I have a drugtest thursday and my doc told me if i ever relapsed that she would yank my script from me, no questions asked.... Which has prevented me from asking for help for over a year now. Well I have accepted i need help!! I have tried unsuccesfully twice to get back on myself, and its too late at this point to even consider waiting over 24hrs because im gonna see her in 2 days and im gonna fail the test anyways, and i think it looks better to have just h in my system opposed to having h and subs in my urine which will really piss sub dr's off because its such a dangerous cocktail, and your body def lets u know this fact if ur not extremely careful.. I guess i want some feedback on deciding to come clean with my dr and accept whatever consequences come along with that, I could find some clean urine and pass my drug-test, which would give me another 30 days to get back on my subs. If i lose this script its basically the end to my life as i know it, i will lose my buisness, lose the relationship with family that i have restored even though its based on a lie right now. Will the truth set me free? I think its a horrable thing for a dr to tell their patients that if they screw up they will lose their script. I do understand the risks in their eyes, and how they wouldnt want to feel responsiable for someones death because they were abusing there subs one way or another, but at the same time relapse is so much a part of alot of our stories and without them i beleive i would not have grown to where i am now, more so of pointing out the fact that active addiction sucks!! and its never the answer. No pain , no gain , i just hope the family and friends i care for so much dont have to suffer as a result from this MESS.. That scares me the most. I want my life back, and suboxone really gave me a foundation to work off, i took it for granted and hope others can learn from my mistake that picking up is the worst decision any addict can make. What i busted my ass and worked so hard for over 2 yrs, is on the verge of being lost, and it only took a couple months.
" active addiction= killing yourself as if your life depends on it, and the worst part is that we know it....


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 4:50 pm 
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Danny stop and breathe. Just stop. i mean that kindly. We tend to try to fix everything ourselves and we can't. Look where it gets us?
Don't try to figure out who is going to do what. The only way to get healthy is to be honest. Stop trying to control and remain honest, do the next right thing. You know what that is for you.
Open mindedness, honesty, willingness. that's it. Then start doing the footwork to get back on track. Relapse is an opportunity to find out more about ourselves, what we need to do, what we need to change in ourselves. It's all we can do. Change ourselves. The rest will work itself out. Relapse is NOT a failure. Stop, breathe, get honest, be honest and move forward.
Simple, but difficult.
Once you get stabilized then start your program, figure out what needs changing, and begin the hard work of recovery. It's worth it, you know that. Keep it simple. One thing at a time. And you will build on that.
Good luck and take care of yourself.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 5:01 pm 
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I know you're scared and upset with everything right now. But I agree, slow down and breathe. I can't really say what to do with your doctor. You know him/her, I don't. I mean, it's so wrong for a doctor to end treatment because of a relapse. But it's gotta be your call on how to deal with your doctor. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're the only one who has to live with any fallout. Not me, nor anyone else.

If you can stay on the sub program, there you CAN get your life back. Just try to address everything one thing at a time. Good luck and let us know how you are.

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