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 Post subject: update!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:43 pm 
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Hey everyone!

I havent forgotten about you.... I have been doing great! Its been 2 1/2 weeks since stopping the suboxone, and feeling pretty good. i noticed I dont need the full ambien at night anymore, so sleep issues are resolving itself. I still think about taking pills quite a bit, and found that I am doing alot of reasearch on casual opiate use (not in denial, just curious). I know there are people who can have a drink and not be an alcoholic, and there are people who can pop a pill here and there and not become a junkie. I dont know if you can tip over to the side of abuse and ever go back... any thoughts? real thoughts from you, not what you think the right answer is... anyway, my life is the same, kids are great, dealing with everyday crap that everyone else deals with but it seems like the whole experience is years ago, instead of weeks ago... I know that I can never have possession of painkillers again. I cancelled my file with the pm clinic, and told my hubby to lock up his vicodin for his back. realistically, I will be having several surgies in my future and will need pain relief again, and am trying to develop a healthy attitude, about what I have to stay away from. would love any feedback as to whether you think there is a middle ground for some people... I do, but I dont know if that is me trying to rationalize things or not... hope everyones journey is going well!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:23 pm 
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I think there is a middle ground for some people. My husband, for instance, got a little out of control after he broke his ankle and had tons of pain meds around.

Then he decided to stop, and he did. Now, he can have a bottle of painkillers around and not take them unless he really needs them. He doesn't obsess about it at all.

In fact, I have many friends who went through a phase where they did a lot of whatever their DOC was, then they just got over it somehow, and now they can do it once in a while and they're fine.

When I get done with Suboxone I don't intend to be totally abstinent from any mind-altering substances. If my doctor didn't drug-test me I would still smoke weed, and when I'm done I will definitely smoke weed again. I have chronic pain so I expect that there will be times that my pain will cause me to use opiates. I also drink a glass of wine now and then, but I never had a problem with alcohol anyway.

I know that there are some recovering addicts that feel you have to be totally off any mood-altering chemicals to be in recovery, but I don't think it's true for everyone. I'm sure there are some people who get clean from heroin and couldn't risk smoking pot or drinking because it would lead them back to their DOC. I don't think that's true for every single person though.

My heaviest period of opiate use - which led to me being on Suboxone - was set off by a perfect storm of events. My husband's broken ankle and surgery meant their were TONS of drugs available in my house, my boss just had a baby so I was working twice as much as usual and I couldn't miss any work, and my fibromyalgia had gotten really bad from all the extra stress. I was caught because I HAD to work - my husband was out of commission - but I was in pain all the time. So I took more painkillers, my tolerance went up, more painkillers...then I found I couldn't stop without going through lengthy withdrawals. I'm talking about PAWS, not just the week or two of hell.

So Suboxone seemed like the answer to me. I've used this time to address my fibromyalgia, develop different ways of dealing with pain, and to get my depression in check. A lot of the things I read about addiction apply to me, but many of them don't apply to me either. Even my Sub doctor thinks I'm one of the few patients he's had that will make it off Sub successfully.

One of the things I hate about conventional 12-step recovery wisdom is it's circular nature. If I deny that I think I have a lifelong problem with addiction, then that proves I'm an addict in denial. I remember on my blog I was writing about my difficulty accepting the label of "addict" and someone commented that only addicts wonder if they are addicts - which is another bit of 12 step wisdom, I think.

More important than just abstaining from drugs/alcohol is fixing the messed up thought processes that I have - like my tendency to think things are much worse than they actually are, or my belief that I couldn't handle the pain in my body any other way than drugs. I don't know if you watched that video I posted, but it sums up this whole idea much better than I'm doing right now. But I think healing has to occur at that level in order for it to last - otherwise people are just so wrapped up in the idea of sobriety that it becomes like a religion.

Sorry for the book, interesting question I guess :o

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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 Post subject: thanks!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:17 pm 
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Actually, that was a GREAT answer... I agree with you, for some people, just asking a question throws you into the realm of denial... I also agree that there is a middle ground for some people, but not all. I have never been addicted to any other substance, do not like drinking, and never progressed with the pills to oxycontin, snorting, shooting etc... I like the way they feel, both body and mind, however, and I repeat, however, I now know that I CANNOT take them every day. I cannot take them to enhance or fix everything. I cannot have possession of them. i think 12 step is powerful when drugs have really ruined your life, whether mind, body, or both... i dont know the answer. I guess with humans, and a mysterious topic such as drugs, and addiction, there is no one answer... as much as we know, we really dont know a whole lot, ya know? our stories sound pretty similar by the way... hope you are doing great and feeling good! My husbands aunt has fybro and has been in pain her whole life... FYI, she is in her 70's and has been on painkillers for 50 years. she is the happiest woman I know! :)


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:28 pm 
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Mwflorida,

Sounds like me. I never snorted or shot a pill. I never bought any off the 'street'. They were all prescribed to me for pain in my case. Did I abuse them? A little at the end. I'd take a little extra (percocet, no time release med).

I'm glad to hear that you're doing better though. I told you it gets better.

Try to stay busy and find a hobby or something. Go see a movie, spend time with the hubby. Maybe take a long weekend away if you can afford it. Don't go to Orlando :) I used to live in Melbourne, FL myself.

Keep checking in and tell us how you're doing ok?

Jim


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
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