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 Post subject: Update by Romeo
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:13 am 
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I think most of you know that I'm a Christian, not a very good one sometimes, but that's beside the point for the moment. I believe in God and I believe God believes in me and I know when I ask Him to help me in my life, He does......in His own way (that's the part that burns me, God likes to compare his sense of humor with mine, He always wins!!)

So, on the Relapse in Progress thread, you know the one that went all nuclear, I had posted about driving up to a meeting and driving back and praying most of the way. I prayed for God to help me in my recovery, I prayed (begged) Him to show me what the heck to do. Well, as some of you may have figured out, I'm a little on the stubborn side and God has to do some pretty intensive things to really get my attention.

Exhibit A, the Relapse in Progress thread. How could that craziness not have got my attention. It got my attention in a big way. It also confused the snot out of me. On one side, I've got people telling me to go to rehab to save my life, on the other side, I had people saying it wasn't necessary. By the time the thread got locked, I felt like I had lived 1000 lifetimes.

Sorry, gonna jump out of order here for a second. At my NA meeting last night, the topic was about staying clean. Something that really caught my attention was the fact that we usually make our recovery SO much more difficult than it needs to be. I laughed out loud when that was said because that's me, to a T. Also, the topic of living in God's will vs. living in our will was brought up and that stuck with me too.

Really, those few things, the craziness of the thread, understanding how difficult I and I ALONE have been making my recovery and fully realizing how I was living in my will is where I was at this afternoon when I got home.

OK, I get home and my wife asks me why I didn't go see my addiciton counselor this week, like I had promised her I would. The truth is, I was hoping she would forget or that I could talk her out of it, NOT!! She didn't buy it this time. So, I'm going to see my friendly addiction counselor next week. The last time I saw him was after relapse #2 (I'm using my math here, not LT's!!!), after relapse #2, he was insistent that I go to rehab, but I talked my way out of it. I have not seen or talked to him since relapse #2, but I'm pretty damn sure when I stroll my happy ass in there next week that he's gonna be adamant about rehab and he has a secret weapon, my wife.....she listens to his advice.

Some of you are going to think I'm crazy (and I probably am, a little bit), but had these events not all unfolded in the way they did, I would NOT have been open to any kind of additional help for my addiction. God moved in my life, just like I asked Him to (but He did things ENTIRELY different than I would have done them, I would have taken it easier on me!!) and I'm in a better spot now because of all of it.

It took each and everyone of you AND your replies on the Relapse in Progress thread to get me to where God wanted me to be (yes, even you Reraise, you asshole :wink: ). Without ALL y'alls help, support, kicks in the "you know what's", I wouldn't be ready to accept more help.

I'm so sorry the thread got so ugly, I wish it didn't have to go there, but it did and at this point in time, I don't give a shit anymore.

The way I look at it, God had a hand in all of it, He let all of it happen for a reason and only He knows the benefits that you guys will get for participating. I'd buy all of ya new cars, but I ain't rich, sorry.

Yeah, God is still working with me on the whole swearing thing, be patient, I'll stop cussing someday.

Lastly, be careful what you pray for!!!! LOL!!!

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 Post subject: Hi
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:36 am 
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Hi Romeo,

I too am a Christian (cradle Catholic). I consider going to church as my meetings. I get strength from it. And I'm not even sure if there is a God. But that's a topic for another day.

I also know relapse is a common thing in most people's road to recovery. Don't dwell on it, just pick yourself up and keep going.

Living in the past is one thing I struggle with the most. The guilt about what I did to my family and mentally adding up all the money I've blown can be overwhelming at times. But we must learn to forgive ourselves. I'm getting better at it.

You do not owe us any apologies. We all need to vent every now and then. Especially this time of year, when holidays can put so much extra stress into our lives.

You should be proud of yourself. Your recovery continues.

Best wishes
Jimmy


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 9:46 am 
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romeo' did you get my P.M?


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 Post subject: Re: Update by Romeo
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 9:50 am 
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Romeo wrote:
I think most of you know that I'm a Christian, not a very good one sometimes, but that's beside the point for the moment. I believe in God and I believe God believes in me and I know when I ask Him to help me in my life, He does......in His own way (that's the part that burns me, God likes to compare his sense of humor with mine, He always wins!!)

So, on the Relapse in Progress thread, you know the one that went all nuclear, I had posted about driving up to a meeting and driving back and praying most of the way. I prayed for God to help me in my recovery, I prayed (begged) Him to show me what the heck to do. Well, as some of you may have figured out, I'm a little on the stubborn side and God has to do some pretty intensive things to really get my attention.

Exhibit A, the Relapse in Progress thread. How could that craziness not have got my attention. It got my attention in a big way. It also confused the snot out of me. On one side, I've got people telling me to go to rehab to save my life, on the other side, I had people saying it wasn't necessary. By the time the thread got locked, I felt like I had lived 1000 lifetimes.

Sorry, gonna jump out of order here for a second. At my NA meeting last night, the topic was about staying clean. Something that really caught my attention was the fact that we usually make our recovery SO much more difficult than it needs to be. I laughed out loud when that was said because that's me, to a T. Also, the topic of living in God's will vs. living in our will was brought up and that stuck with me too.

Really, those few things, the craziness of the thread, understanding how difficult I and I ALONE have been making my recovery and fully realizing how I was living in my will is where I was at this afternoon when I got home.

OK, I get home and my wife asks me why I didn't go see my addiciton counselor this week, like I had promised her I would. The truth is, I was hoping she would forget or that I could talk her out of it, NOT!! She didn't buy it this time. So, I'm going to see my friendly addiction counselor next week. The last time I saw him was after relapse #2 (I'm using my math here, not LT's!!!), after relapse #2, he was insistent that I go to rehab, but I talked my way out of it. I have not seen or talked to him since relapse #2, but I'm pretty damn sure when I stroll my happy ass in there next week that he's gonna be adamant about rehab and he has a secret weapon, my wife.....she listens to his advice.

Some of you are going to think I'm crazy (and I probably am, a little bit), but had these events not all unfolded in the way they did, I would NOT have been open to any kind of additional help for my addiction. God moved in my life, just like I asked Him to (but He did things ENTIRELY different than I would have done them, I would have taken it easier on me!!) and I'm in a better spot now because of all of it.

It took each and everyone of you AND your replies on the Relapse in Progress thread to get me to where God wanted me to be (yes, even you Reraise, you asshole :wink: ). Without ALL y'alls help, support, kicks in the "you know what's", I wouldn't be ready to accept more help.

I'm so sorry the thread got so ugly, I wish it didn't have to go there, but it did and at this point in time, I don't give a shit anymore.

The way I look at it, God had a hand in all of it, He let all of it happen for a reason and only He knows the benefits that you guys will get for participating. I'd buy all of ya new cars, but I ain't rich, sorry.

Yeah, God is still working with me on the whole swearing thing, be patient, I'll stop cussing someday.

Lastly, be careful what you pray for!!!! LOL!!!


Oh, no...don't stop cussing! :)

Romeo, I am more proud of you than you could no. Well, 'proud' sounds like a mommy. Excited, relieved, positive, impressed. Yes, IMPRESSED! I am impressed because just for you to consider going to rehab is a big deal, and there is something different about you. You sound less burdened. God bless your wife for stepping in. You should not have to figure this all out by yourself, and man, I promise it will feel great to have a good counselor or a rehab (or both) carry some of the responsibility for that. This is a giant breakthrough.

Again, I'm just too impressed to put it into words. I'm impressed that you don't even seem to give two craps who said what, blah, blah, blah. You are focused on how to help Romeo. That is what matters.

You're a rockstar. :wink:

LT

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:44 am 
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Agreed! Now keep YOURSELF in mind and keep moving forward. You CAN do this...try to have some confidence in YOURSELF and try to remain optimistic. You already have some good tools and you will learn many, many more to help you cope with abstinence. I'm proud of you as well. Now you go be proud of yourself - YOU SHOULD BE, god damn it!

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:45 am 
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Thanks Jimmy, I appreciate it.

Hey jonhboy, I haven't received your PM.

Thanks LT.

I wanted to once again thank everyone, I really believe the combination of smack downs coupled with the support I got helped me. The smackdowns were tough to take, but then, it seems not long after, my phone would ring and one of my friends was calling to make sure I was good. I'm a lucky guy.

I received a few PM's from members who were talking to me about not leaving the forum and I appreciate their sentiment, but at the same time, I have to take care of me. My priorites have been all out of whack for a while now and like Lillyval had mentioned, I have a great wife and a great daughter right here at home, why am I looking everywhere but right here for love and support?? Because it felt good, that's why. I understand I have to live my life in balance, the pendulum had swung all the way to one extreme and I ended up fucking up because of it.

SOB, I'm trying to say that I am going to be backing away from the forum, but I'm trying to not hurt anyones feelings at the same time. I gotta quit doing that shit.....I have my recovery to take care of y'all, we've all seen what happens when I don't and I'm not interested in going back down that crap, shitty road.

I'll answer PM's when I answer PM's, I'll post on the forum when I post on the forum.

Thanks for understanding everyone.

Thanks Hat. You made me laugh when you said GD it, you rebel.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:57 am 
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It's been good to hear from you Romeo!

Yeah, the thread went nuts for a bit there. If anything it shows how many people want to contribute and assist your recovery. You seem to mean a lot to many people here, and we all want to help out in own way. It'll be good to move on from that thread. Not so much because it went nuclear. Having a thread titled "relapse in progress" that's been kicking on actively for 18 months can't be recovery affirming for anyone. Consider all that a kick up the ar$e , and this a new beginning.

I was told that you put yourself into rehab. Funny thing is, I was actually a bit relieved to hear it. A lot of people are worried about you, and it started to rub off on me a bit.

I just gotta say. A lot of people actually put themselves in rehab before they relapse. It takes a lot of courage and insight, but I've seen it, and I admire them for it. They end up a lot better off than those of us went to rehab after the damage was done. All's I'm saying is. If you think you're close to coming undone, and considering using. For God's sake, tell your wife, and go to rehab. The option of Suboxone should never be taken off the table completely either.

Take care.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:56 am 
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Congrats Romeo, I too am extremely proud of you and very happy for you. I know you can do this, you are a great person and deserve to be happy!

Ladder my thoughts on what would happen were wrong and I've never been happier to be wrong in my life. Come to think of it i don't think I have ever been happy to be wrong but I am this time! Thanks for your courage, you are a true friend. I apologize for doubting your methods.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 12:34 pm 
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Breezy_Ann wrote:
Congrats Romeo, I too am extremely proud of you and very happy for you. I know you can do this, you are a great person and deserve to be happy!

Ladder my thoughts on what would happen were wrong and I've never been happier to be wrong in my life. Come to think of it i don't think I have ever been happy to be wrong but I am this time! Thanks for your courage, you are a true friend. I apologize for doubting your methods.


Breezy, in all honesty, I was doubting my own methods too, and I don't think I can take any credit for any of this. It was a big combination of things. I think Romeo gets credit for this one. But I appreciate your words and I'm just thrilled it ended up okay!! :D :D :D :D

Obviously, I whole hell of a lot of people care a whole hell of a lot about you, Romeo!!

LT

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:56 pm 
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I agree the credit is Romeo's but your courage as a friend is admirable!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 2:12 pm 
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:wink: Romeo really glad to hear you are ok and making big steps toward your recovery. You have been a real big help to me also with mine. I'm really really sorry for cussing on your thread and i'm ashamed for doing that. I do believe it is a GREAT thing to but your loved ones at home 1st it will be well worth it in the end.
I'm Praying for you and yours so Good Luck see you around when your ready. Can not wait to hear all the good things about you and your recovery
Mel

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 Post subject: YHAA ROMEO!!!!!!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 3:24 pm 
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Dude,

I couldn't be more proud of you!!!!!!!!!!

Just in the last few posts, you sound SOOOOO much different!!!!!!!!

I can tell that you really want this (RECOVERY), and you're now willing to do whatever it takes!

That takes a very brave soul. Romeo, once again.......YOU'VE AMAZED ME! I love Ya Dude!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:29 pm 
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Hey T, I haven't put myself into rehab, I'm going to see my addcition counselor next week and he's more than likely gonna insist upon it. I'm waiting until I talk to him to make the final decision. Not that I don't repsect all y'all and your opinions, but he's a trained professional.

Thanks Breezy, you helped me more than you're aware of.

Meltalk, your post reflects a big part of the reason I started the Relapse in Progress thread, I'm glad I could be of service to you and that you got some benefit from it.

Marie, what can I say....I think you're awethome too!

I just got off the phone with my addiction counselor, my appointment is Monday morning at 9:30. I'll update y'all after that.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:24 am 
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OK, apparently there is some confusion on what really prompted me to consider rehab. My original post wasn't very clear.

My wife and God are the reason I'm considering rehab. The relapse thread had got me so damn confused, I didn't really know what to do. Once I got home yesterday and my wife asked me about going to see my addiction counselor, I knew the jig was up, that's what got me seriously thinking about rehab.

ALL of the comments on the relapse thread helped me reach the decision I did, ALL of them, not just the rehab comments. Capeesh??

God and my wife are the reason I'm considering rehab.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:40 am 
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hellmuth wrote:
Can't wait to get flamed for this post but IMO it is Gold.


I deleted the quoted post.

Reason: Let's keep this one flame free.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:45 am 
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I caught his post before you deleted it T and after reading what he had to say I've decided that I am NOT going to update ANYONE on what my decision is come tomorrow because this thread will probably go frickin' nuts too. Because of the relapse thread, one of my friends has been banned from the forum and I refuse to have a hand in anyone else getting banned.

I've become a human lightning rod, it's fucking ridiculous and I'm sick and tired of it.

If I knew then, what I know now, I'd have never started that damn relapse thread.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:09 am 
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Romeo and all members,

I would like you all to know that the banning did not happen because of the relapse thread. Yes it was a piece to the puzzle but this is something that we had been dealing with prior to that thread spinning out of control. I do not feel it appropriate to post all details publicly but I feel you all have the right to know that warnings were issued and there is much more than what was posted in Romeo's thread.

If you have any questions, please feel free to pm me and I will do my best to answer them.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:13 am 
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Romeo -

Nothing you have done is related to anyone else breaking rules and getting warnings or getting banned. That has to do with their behavior and previous warnings, blatantly breaking rules, and issues that have gone on long before any of this.

REPEAT: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. BOUNDARIES, ROMEO, BOUNDARIES. You're crossing them, again. You're taking responsibility for something that's totally out of your control and is in fact someone else's issue altogether. Isn't this the same as the old stuff you were talking about?

You need to be thinking about YOU right now - and your FAMILY. This is a support forum - put YOUR AND YOUR FAMILY FIRST. Make that decision and don't turn back.

AGAIN: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, stop making it (other members' forum issues) about you. You're just heaving more shit onto your own shoulders when you don't need to and in fact shouldn't be. Forget about other people's problems right now and focus on YOURS, it's what you should be doing.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:53 pm 
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No drugs and do the right thing! Move on and start your own journey through life, you might be surprised how cool it can be substance free. If this advice gets deleted I will not be returning either. GL to everyone!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 4:46 pm 
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Anyone following this thread should also read this one:

http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=41907#41907

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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