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PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:08 am 
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I posted a thread about three weeks ago when I found out that I was HIV positive. First of all, just to get this all out of the way. I was a former Heroin addict. Tried methadone for a while, didn't work. And in 2004 I got clean. Ultimately, it was NOT Sub that got me off drugs, it was just my pure will power and the fact that I had hit rock bottom and needed to change. Then a couple years later came the cravings once again. It's always an ongoing battle in my life with the disease of addiction. I thank Sub that it was a crutch that kept me away from falling back into the evil world of drugs and alcohol. I believe that this drug is a real break through in medicine and does not get enough recognition. However, I will say it does possess its own place for having its own addictive properties. Nevertheless, I have been off it and back on it a few times. Now I'm off it. When I found out I was POS I knew there had to be a lot of changes in my life. That same week I went to see my SUB doctor and told her about how I wanted to come off SUB and I was put on Klonopin. It has been three weeks now and I'm feeling and doing great. The Klonopin has done wonders for the anxiety and insomnia that comes along with the withdraws. As goes for the fact that I'm POS, I'm still taking baby steps. I'm taking deep breaths. Getting all the support I can get both online and from friends and family. I wanna thank you all for the support and help. I cant even express how grateful I am for Forums like this to help people. IT SAVES LIVES! Of course the internet and TV has hundreds of platforms that frighten and discourage people like me and you. So I do not give any credit to Media. What I give credit to is these Forums.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:20 am 
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How old are you, and when did you start using?


I'd be devistated if I were to ever get HIV. Smart move going to the dr and making changes.

Wish you the best of luck!

Do you have insurance, and what kind of HIV meds are you on?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:15 pm 
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Hey Cryon. You're a battler. If you can stay off the gear for 2 years with no Sub using your will power, you can push through this challenge.

I know how it feels to get nasty blood test results. My HepC just relapsed after 6 months of tx. I know how hard it can be at first to accept how things have changed. Worries about stigma and people distancing themselves. Thankfully these days the HIV fear mongering has calmed somewhat, at least in my part of the world. It's nothing like it was in the 80's and 90's when every 2nd news story was filled with disinformation about it.

And there are heaps more support groups and ways people can link up and speak out, even over the internet... so you have people if you ever feel isolated.

I'm sure you've been clued in about how HIV meds have improved. My ex-sponsor was 60+ years old and was HIV+ since the early 80's, and he was a great sponsor who helped many people. Though we did have an argument about medications once, but that's another story.

Anyway, stick around, and good luck. You'll know when to open up and when to keep it dark. I think a lot will come down to hanging around supportive people.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:25 pm 
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Just so you know, I went to treatment and lived with a few HIV positive people and had no problem living with them. Its about education. Some of the older people asked them questions, they answered them and that was that.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:42 pm 
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Cryonight you are a very brave and strong person for sharing your story with us. I hope you find your road to recovery and find lots of happiness. Coming of sub is hard enough but know you have friends to talk to here on the forum.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:32 am 
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tearj3rker wrote:
Hey Cryon. You're a battler. If you can stay off the gear for 2 years with no Sub using your will power, you can push through this challenge.

I know how it feels to get nasty blood test results. My HepC just relapsed after 6 months of tx. I know how hard it can be at first to accept how things have changed. Worries about stigma and people distancing themselves. Thankfully these days the HIV fear mongering has calmed somewhat, at least in my part of the world. It's nothing like it was in the 80's and 90's when every 2nd news story was filled with disinformation about it.

And there are heaps more support groups and ways people can link up and speak out, even over the internet... so you have people if you ever feel isolated.

I'm sure you've been clued in about how HIV meds have improved. My ex-sponsor was 60+ years old and was HIV+ since the early 80's, and he was a great sponsor who helped many people. Though we did have an argument about medications once, but that's another story.

Anyway, stick around, and good luck. You'll know when to open up and when to keep it dark. I think a lot will come down to hanging around supportive people.



Thank you everyone! Yeah it makes me feel so good to hear the new stories of how the medications work. I am not on any meds yet. Everyone keeps telling me to try my best to not take anything, not even vitamins yet until the doctors find out exactly what strain it is. Different strains react weird to certain things. The most scarey thing about this whole thing is that I'm only 29 and I am a full time college student. My private insurance that I had lapsed right before all this happened since I quit my job and started school. HOWEVER, lucky that I live in Florida and there are plenty of private grant funded programs that assist people like me. When I first found out I freaked out and I went to the doctor. I was sitting in the waiting room and there was like a 2 hour wait. I got up and walked out and drove to this place where they offer support. I met a really nice guy (my angel) that I'm now dating and he has been helping me and coaching me along. Luckily I walked out of the doctors office because I found out that I would have been paying thousands of dollars for blood tests and meds. When HIV meds first came out they were cheap, however, when the pharm companies found out it was an epidemic and that the meds were WORKING and they were in DEMAND, they upped they from like 80 dollars a month to like 8000 dollars a month for someone without insurance. So you see how patience can really save your life.

So if any of you ever are in my situation, remember there are always alternative sources of help out there. Its not the big business and companies that help. They just want your money. YES I'm still off the SUB and I feel so good. I laughed my head of this weekend and had a blast with my new boyfriend. It feels good to be drug free again. However, when I have little down times I do crave it. Writing in a journal and reading my inspirations (A Day At A Time) book really helps. Sometimes it takes a lot of pain in life to create happiness.

Oh and Rich- PMS, I started using Drugs at the Ripe age of 14-22. It started with E at Raves and escalated to H when I finally hit rock bottom and went into treatment. Thats when my life changed. Life keeps changing though. I'll always be the same person but my life and the world will always be changing. That is just a fact we all have to accept.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:19 pm 
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Cryonight wrote:
Oh and Rich- PMS, I started using Drugs at the Ripe age of 14-22. It started with E at Raves and escalated to H when I finally hit rock bottom and went into treatment. Thats when my life changed. Life keeps changing though. I'll always be the same person but my life and the world will always be changing. That is just a fact we all have to accept.


My story is somewhat similar, I used lots of psychedelics at raves and jamband shows (phish for example) and began using opiates for the comedowns. Didn't really touch H, but in the United States we have access to so many pharmaceuticals and grey market opiates that one can get plenty addicted without the help of dope.

I know I got off light in my "bottom", but the last few months of my use I was doing lots of coke on top of the opiates and that is when it got really dangerous for me. When I first started smoking marijuana, I liked how I could "function" on it and go about with life. Later, with opiates I found the same thing. Then after awhile I got very lethargic and tired on opiates. Once I started using coke on top of them I felt that I had found the "perfect combo". I am very thankful that some part of me knew that this was not good and I didn't go completely balls out with it and tried very hard to restrict my use. But, there is only so much you can do when you use off and on for 10 years. My tolerance was just huge (I had a large natural tolerance to opiates in general, but it got way worse.)


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