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 Post subject: Update- 60+ days clean
PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:57 pm 
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I just realized I passed 60days of no subs, no opiates!!! It's been like 63days - can’t believe I can say this! I don’t have anything crazy or unusual to talk about just trying to keep the good vibes going. I’ve managed to get back into the gym this past month which feels more awesome than ever both mentally and physically. I had some cravings for weeks after stopping, but they seem to have let up a bit? I had never thought to myself that I cannot take another pill, ever…but that’s the mindset I’ve developed recently. I’m a strong person, but I’ve started telling myself(and actually believing myself) that I can never take another opiate recreationally again…I can’t do it/I won’t do it.

I’ve been reading some motivational articles(not drug related) for fun and watched a few speakers on youtube. Great stuff that’s helped me reflect on what’s really important in life and what truly makes us happy. I’ve never really thought about these sort of things before? One point that recently stuck out was that it’s impossible to have good feelings without having bad feelings…we can’t selectively numb/medicate only our bad feelings. When we numb our negative feelings, we’re also numbing our ability to create positive feelings. I guess we’ve got to learn to take the good with the bad – which really ties into the whole being sober thing lol.

Anyways, I think it’s finally safe to say I’m happier now than I ever was while on Subs. There have been a lot of up and down days. It’s not like you wake up one day and your better and everything is gravy…it takes some time and I feel like I’m still on a slow upward trend…I think the best days are still on the horizon.

Slow down and smile

p.s. if anyone's curious I posted about the last 3 months of my taper and first weeks stopping in the in the stopping sub section (Final taper thread- the process) I think it was called.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:48 pm 
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That's so great to hear man, seriously.

You and HS are what I'm modeling my current taper on. Getting super low on the liquid, letting your body adjust to each drop, and then taking the plunge. Hopefully I'll have my own thread here by years end talking about 2 months off.

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience with us and sharing specific information about your method for using the liquid method. I'm moving to the liquid this week and it's good to know there are a few folks here who are helpful and have done it recently if I have any questions. Thanks again for that.

Best of luck to you moving forward, and I agree, as recovering addicts we have to swear off all opiates forever. The only way I'm ever taking any is if I'm (knock on wood) in the hospital, in extraordinary pain, under the direct care of a doctor and I can't take anything home. As much as I trust myself, I don't trust my disease. That's my state of mind right now at least. Hopefully I still have that resolve after I jump.

Stick around these parts for a bit and keep us posted on how you're feeling, if you would. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would like to keep hearing from you.

Congratulations. Great work.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:05 pm 
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I didn't see this thread till now - stupid negative brain y u avoid the happy section!

Phillip that's absolutely amazing to hear buddy. I love reading a success story. I love reading how you're handling cravings and how you built your mindset. I felt the same way for the first 12 days or so thinking I could recreationally take a pill in the distant future.

Than Romeo Pissed on my cherrios :(.

You're right though man, so is he. I know now ill never be able to take them again. I understand the addict inside me, I understand how jacksonville can help feed the beast inside as well. I know where ill be if I give in and allow myself to start chasing the magic dragon again.

Slow down and smile. I like that. It couldn't be more true. You're 2 months removed from this crap. You've basically conquered the sickness ( even if were terminally ill, its in regression ;). ).

I couldn't be more happy for you man. Absolutely monumental to make it this far. Congratulations! Keep on kickin man. You're an inspiration to more people than you know.

-Andrew


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 12:50 am 
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Congratulations on your time off opiates! You've put in a lot of time and effort to make your taper and cessation a success and it shows! Keep up the good work!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:17 pm 
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Well done, Buddy,

Love your work, 63 days, Well done,

And I mean that from the bottom of my heart, as I am in true appreciation of your power, and determination.

Love and respect


HS


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 Post subject: 90 days clean
PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:15 pm 
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Last night I was hanging out at the house after work, just relaxing having a beer and enjoying my Friday night...Unfortunately, my roommate had a guest over(a firefighter at that) that happened to fill his script of roxy and opana earlier in the day...he was higher than a kite. Not cool. So I chilled and watched TV for about an hour knowing this guy had pills in his pocket. A crazy string of emotions and thoughts were running through my head...I cant explain it. I didn't want to use and at first I was "ok" with the fact that this person had pills in the house...I wasn't happy about it, but felt I could resist the urge to use. Hell I had left over sub in the house until about 3 weeks ago and never thought about using them. Then my addict memories started coming back and came back strong...damn I was craving big time.

Pills just a few feet away...I kept thinking of all my progress, but I had a moment of weakness and asked for one of his opanas. He gave me one. I looked at it and immediately felt a rush of guilt flood over my body, it was an absolutely TERRIBLE feeling!!! It almost felt like I just lost a loved one. I looked at the pill in my hand, got a lump in my throat and thought about all of progress I was about to erase.

Well, I have good news - I didn't take anything and gave the pill back! Wow I almost slipped up...holy crap what was i thinking?? I guess the point of this ramble is you never know when something is going to challenge your sobriety. I'm very fortunate I avoided a set back. Do I think I would have been thrown back into full blown addiction - no - but I know I would have had some serious guilt and would have been extremely unhappy with myself for a while. I also know that any negative symptom I would have felt would have had me thinking I just ruined 90days(actually about a year) of progress...If I'm ever in this situation again I think I will need to remove my self as this was pretty scary.

Anyway, tomorrow will be day 90 without subs or any opiates! I'm so happy to be able to say this today. I havn't gone 90days without an opiate since I ate my first percocet over 11years ago. Oh yeah and I'm going back to costa rica in 3 weeks, this time I'll take the trip without any withdrawls symptoms (I last went to costa in November only 4days after I hopped off subs). I can't wait for another great surf trip and look forward to continued success :). Stay happy...


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 Post subject: Thank you
PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:25 pm 
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Oh and I want to say thank you again to everyone that has been commenting on my threads and offering support. Bro, WTBF, Amy, Hope, Romeo and others! I don't think I would be near as successful without this forum. It really helps....


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 1:07 am 
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Dude, that was a close call....Holy Shit!!

To tell you the truth, I'm quite stunned you were able to pull yourself back after you went as far as you did. I think you already know that next time, you may not be so lucky.

This is a perfect example of why we have to distance ourselves from anyone who uses. At first, you sit there thinking, "yeah, I can handle this", then those sneaky little thoughts enter our head. We start to romanticize drug use, we start to rationalize it, we start to desire it........then BAM, you're screwed. If I were you, I'd go back in my head to how you felt when you realized he had pills....try to understand the emotions and thoughts you were having as things escalated and use what you learn about yourself to strengthen your recovery.

Also, sometimes making it through what you got through is just the beginning. You may find yourself struggling a little more over the next few days. You basically woke the dragon back up and just because you gave that Opana back doesn't mean the dragon is gonna go right back to sleep. That dragon is probably still awake and he's gonna be probing your defenses for a little bit. All he's gotta do is find one chink in your armor and......well, you know what happens. Be extra careful over the next several days, OK?

You may find it helpful to come on here and post about how you're feeling or you may want to come on here and just talk about how you're still doing OK. You do whatever you need to do to get all the way past this.

Finally, good job on not using!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 8:57 pm 
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Romeo - Thanks for following up bud! You're absolutely right I got real lucky. Those cravings creep up unexpected and we start to rationalize and romanticize using exactly how you said! Thanks for the tip on the following days. I was thinking about that crap all day saturday and sunday. More or less just upset that somehow a part of me wanted to use something again. I'm doing good now not really thinking about it, but I've got to remain strong and stay committed. Thanks for the support again. I wont be a stranger....matter of fact I have some juicy stuff to post at a later time.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:02 am 
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SJB, I really, reallly would like to encourage you to learn from what happened. If you can remember those emotions and feelings you were having, next time you feel things like that, your radar should shoot up and let you know you're in danger. You may be in a totally different situation next time, but those feelings and thoughts will be about the same. Identify them and use them to make yourself stronger.

Remember, recovery is about learning to live without drugs. God just blessed you with a fantastic learning opportunity.....are you gonna learn from it, or let it go to waste? I vote that you learn from it!!! :wink:

Now, what about this juicy stuff? How could you leave us all hanging like that? What kind of monster are you? We want details!!!! :lol:

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:10 pm 
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I concur on with the juicy!

Southjax congratulations on 90 days buddy!

Even more congratulations on saying no to the opana. That's a difficult situation to be in. I remember my first time jumping off R's and I had friends that kept using.

I did pretty well for the first... 3 times seeing them. Seeing them nodding and knowing what theyre feeling is hard for us. Now I'm starting to get into situations where my non drug friends from before, are asking me where to get percs and R's. I just respond with a massive WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING FRIEND.

Keep it up buddy, were reppin' jacksonville getting clean. Just don't drive to the west-side.

;)

-WTBF


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:07 am 
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Great job SBJ!! You rock! That must have been so difficult to be there next to someone using and resist, especially after holding a pill in your hand!

That shows a lot of strength!

Amy

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