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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:33 pm 
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I subscribe to the fact that my physical dependence is due to ADD.
I am being treated for my waiting until the 11th hour, nearsightedness
Of time. I couldn't see past one minute. I couldn't motivate without outside
Sources and my surroundings and environment changed so I had to.

Opiates was the only thing that relieved these issues. Unforntaly it came with
Physical dependence. I have always felt that I have had the same knowledge as
My co workers etc. I just could not use that knowledge like everyone else. I had
The same knowledge and even more. Point being now that I am being treated for
My condition of ADD it is like the key went into the door and is open.

Alcholol and opiates was my thing. People say ADD meds are bad. But I think put to
A person who has this innatentive/motivational etc disorder it's complete opposite.
It's like sub. Actually I'm prescribed generic sub. Sub subdues uncomfortable feeling of withdrawal
And my ADD meds curves my desire to use alcohol and other drugs just like sub.

In a nutshell my opinion is not all but most people dependence stems from searching for a cure for what is really aligning you.
Just thought I would think out loud thank you!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:18 pm 
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I'm with you there re causality and mental illness.

Unfortunately I've found though that while mental illness can trigger the onset of addiction, treating the mental illness does not mean the addiction magically goes away. Unfortunately we end up with two illnesses we must manage once we become an addict.

Interesting nickname BTW. Is it a reference to the serpent from Genesis, and it being symbolic of knowledge ... so God = knowledge? Kinda like with gnosticism?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 6:22 pm 
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Hello teejay. Thanks for you comment. I should have said comments thoughts etc are welcome.
Anyway I do get mixed Emotions from people on my nickname. But to answer your question it's basis is on the ancient
Egyptian culture. Yes as you stated knowledge. Thanks for the comments. For me opiates gave me energy. Like my ADD
Medication, It helped (opiates) helped with my mood. I was blind to the future. I dealt with things when
The future was imminent. Near sited in time with lack of origiznation across time.

I couldn't use my knowledge on the job as effectively as my peers. To me ADD is a performance disorder I couldn't preform the things I knew How to do. Opiates helped with that. It might or this might sound bizarre to someone who hasn't experienced it.
People may think it is a made up disorder (again stigma) but I have encountered people talking the same way about PSTD or post traumatic stress disorder. Oh thats fake its made up but it is a disorder that when a death or something tramatic happens, no matter hiw much time has passed that person relives that day just like it happend years from when the event happend. They cant talk about it with out crying emitional which ends up effecting their daily resposibilities such as work etc.... there are a lot of negative stigmas and addiction is the worst if them all. Again thank you and comments thoughts etc are welcomed.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:15 am 
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Yeah I hear you about the scepticism with some of these illnesses. I have no doubt ADHD exists. While I believe doctors need to be careful and have a lot of discretion in diagnosing children with ADHD, it's still a legitimate childhood diagnosis, and no doubt requires treatment.

I have bipolar disorder, and I think there's a big parallel between ADD/ADHD and bipolar in how it's accepted by society. Many people hear about bipolar, and they assume it's just another way medicine is trying to pathologise the normal day to day ups and downs in our moods. Hell, before I was diagnosed I thought the same thing. Now I know I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. What's interesting was for a while I was DEAD against kids being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADD. Then I watched a documentary called "boy interrupted", saw a bit of myself in that kid, and now understand that medicine doesn't just whack a life-long label on a kid for no reason.

It's interesting how at first opioids act as a "cure all" for pretty much everything. I think that's why we end up addicted. And for those people who have nothing to cure ... I wonder if they get addicted at all?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:02 am 
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One thing I know for me anyway is that I didn't care for oxycodne.
I tried a few times and it was a completely diffrent effect as in no energy
At all. Hydro and duragesic were what I was prescribed and worked.

Point is don't know why so many people prefer oxy. But to each there own.
As far as your last statement. I think most people can use recreationally with out
Becoming dependent. They are could be experimenting, peer pressure or what ever temptations
Lay in wait, but I would guess that most won't develope a dependence. Whether they expierment at the age of 18 or the age of 32.

See in my days of medicating I was a functioning user. I didn't do it to just get high and intoxicated with the opiates.
Now alcohol was a bit diffrent. But nodding off and such I never did because I was always active with obligations.

People that don't have any internal itches to scratch I believe in my opinion
It is just a phase that will pass and they will produce for society. Of course factors like upbringing
I believe is in the equation as well for those that do succumb.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:18 am 
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Also I'd like to add that I knew some people who found that they could last longer in bed
I knew another guy who used it because he had a real bad armpit perspiration problem.
I'm talking both sides of his shirt all the down to his waist. In both scenarios opiates relieved
These symptoms. Also if Like to add that along with not being intoxicated with opiates due to
Work etc. I got myself maintained to where I could still function. I always though of it as a waste
To see people sleep away the opiate. Then on weekends came drinking and intoxication.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 5:02 pm 
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Point being my opiate use was to function better I didn't get wasted. When I drank I drank to get drunk. as far as the statements I made about other folks that I knew. They actually took Hydro mainly for those reasons. Which unfortunately
in these cases also led to physical dependence. I think there is a difference between addiction and physical dependence.

What do you think..

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:24 pm 
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I think that whatever ails you, opioids give a person relief. That is why they're so addictive. And even if they don't give relief, they can make you stop caring about your problem for a lil while, which is relief in itself. I honestly thought heroin was a cure when I first tried it, and was so crushed when the feeling wore off.

So for opioids to give a person relief, they gotta feel like there's something wrong with them that needs to be relieved. And I think that's why some people become addicted to opioids ... because some of us felt like there was something wrong with us, or different. A person who's content in themselves and their life ... they don't feel any relief from opioids, so it's a lot harder for them to become addicts.

The problem is that ... after weeks / months of chasing this "relief", the regular presence of opioids in our body changes the makeup of our brain. The relief they once gave is long gone, but the brain now requires opioids to feel normal, and when we don't have opioids we feel the intensity of our original problems 20x.

So we've taken our original problem(s) - ADD, bipolar, chronic pain, depression, fibromyalgia / whatever - and piled an even bigger fuck off monster problem to our pile of problems called Opioid Addiction. A big nasty fuckoff gorilla bashing a big drum in our head whenever it likes.

I tellsya ... if I could turn back time and stopped myself from using hard drugs after I first got bipolar sick at 17 years old ... or if someone said "give me both your legs and I'll make it so you never turned to drugs", I'd do it in a heartbeat (I'd try to make them throw in bipolar as an extra though). But then I wonder ... what else would I have done to self-medicate / self-destruct? I was intensely lost and suicidal at the time. Did heroin keep me alive?


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:13 am 
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I remember that first day when I woke up and I didn't feel right, I was horrified. Rewind about 12 years I was Just out of high school
A couple for a couple of years. I had no clue that pharmacy's carried pills like opiates. I had wisdom teeth pulled at 18 and was givin 30
5/500 vicodins. I think I took maybe four. They sat in the back of my driver seat for almost 2 years.

Then a buddy of mine was looking for a tape and found them. I said I don't take them he said can I have them I was like sure.
I didn't feel anything the first time probably because I was in actual pain. He actually passed away a few years back from OxyContin
Not understanding that a 80 is like 16 or what ever perc at once.

Anyway a few years before I gave away my bottle he passed like 8 years after he had found the magic
Way before I did. I had no clue like I said. Then my girlfriend at the time we went to her cousins to play some cards
And she says here. It was a lorcet 10. I NEVER forgot that feeling. It was always in the back of my mind on how diffrent
Or how much better my brain seemed to come into focus and the warmth. It was still several years before I ran across some
More. Then realized why he wanted my bottle. Anyway after waking up feeling horrible. I was like no way, because it had been just like
A hangover. I'd wake up and be just fine. After a few days of seeing my co workers coming in to work, I worked 7pm to 7am

They were all showered had there lunch boxes walking through the doors, all happy and not feeling like crap. I wanted to remember those days. Those normal days again. I wanted to turn back the clock. That was I hard pill to swallow knowing that the lack of pills were making me feel this way. I always worried about the alcohol getting me first. I agree totatly. I never used H or needles i would say we existed for a while. I am lucky to still breath in my mind. Looking back I was prescribed 120 40 Mg Methadose wafers a month, 50 mcg of duragesic, I was up to 8 wafers a day, along with the 72 hour patch and I never gave one thought to curb or slow down on my drinking. Never even crossed my mind. Drinking out of control on top of all the above. To this date it has been 2 years since a drink. I would say we battled through. Without sub...... Ya I would be dead.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:14 pm 
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Yeah that sounds hectic. Sometimes I forget where I might be if I didn't choose Suboxone this time.

My first taste of opioids was when I was a teenager... about 16 years old. I was taking a lot of drugs as a teen, mainly pot, acid, mushrooms, occasionally ecstacy. My friends and I went downtown to get bacon & eggs after pulling an all-nighter at a party in the suburbs. On the corner of possibly the busiest intersections in my city, on the sidewalk, I noticed a fluoro purple water balloon. It was cut and tied off. When I felt it, it was obvious there was something wrapped inside it about the shape of one or two tic-tacs.

We went to the cafe, and I opened the water balloon and opened the foil inside, and there was a white powder. I tasted it, and it tasted bittersweet - the taste of drugs. Fact is, it coulda been anything ... arsenic, cyanide. In the end it turned out to be something worse.

I did a bit of research and read that where I'm from, heroin is usually wrapped in waterballoons so it can sit in the mouths of street dealers. I read how to "chase the dragon", so I chucked it on some foil and smoked it up with a straw. At the time I didn't know if it was heroin or cocaine, or crack. Whatever it was, immediately I was frightened about how nice it felt. I got itchy and wasted, but I felt for the first time in my life like I loved-myself, like something that had long been missing was now complete. I also knew it was heroin by that time, as it fitted the description.

The scariest part was ... even though I swore I'd only try it once ... I knew deep down I'd use it again some time. After all, I'd found the answer to my problems. Who could turn their back on that?

Sometimes I'm philosophical, even spiritual about it. I've never found drugs on the sidewalk since, but I wonder if I was meant to find it? Was it my fate to be a junkie?


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:27 am 
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were I live anything that is smoked out of a piece of foil, you were floating a boat.. Chasing the Dragon I have heard of too..
Wow that's is a hell of a way to fall in love. I would say damn why couldn't I find $5000 or the golden ticket or something along those lines. When I was actively pursuing or chasing my own dragon and would be out I would actually have dreams like that.

I would dream the pharmacists would just hand me a bottle of Those green and white speckled lortabs, with 500 in a bottle.
Ya me giving my buddy my RX I got from my dentists and in turn thought I was giving him basically a bottle of tylenol, He probably felt the same way without the wonder at first. I had a trans am he wanted to listen to a different cassette reached in the back and there they were, I totally forgot I even had them.

I believe memories is what shapes who we are. Imagine if a person lived to be 30 and then one day this person did not have any or lost the ability to retain new memories. all this person could remember was the first 30 years...his or her teen years right up to the exact day, the ability to retain any new information was lost. Then 30 years passes and this person does not know who he or she is anymore, who is looking at him or her in the mirror, each day as he or she looks into the mirror.

Who we chose to hang around with, growing up with friends and family I think makes our personality.
There are checks and balances, every reaction is due to an action. What if it was arsenic and you were thrown into a coma only to wake up without the ability to remember or it caused severe handicapped. What if the person who dropped it ended up having his future wife go out with someone else that night because he lost the goods.

It could have been a sick prank if it was arsenic (my luck) I would be thinking. Your story is a trip that is/had to have been a thorn for a long time. I would have said damn curiosity got the best of this cat. Was finding the balloon planned from the day your were born? That is a good question...

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