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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:05 am 
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Everyone already knows I have 2 chronic medical problems that cause pain. I take 8mg per day and get an extra 10 per month for pain. I HAVE to take at least 12mg every other day or the peripheral neuropathy just goes wild and I get miserable. I always make my pills last. Sometimes it is tight. I never have any left over. But I always make it. That doesn't mean I am never left miserable, but I don't want to ask for an increase in dosage so I deal with it.

But lately it is the other condition. Normally there might be 8 days out of the month that are miserable I guess. This month, it has been awful. I wanted to Christmas shop 2 weekends ago but my condition was flared and I was stuck in the house all weekend. Pain level about 7 consistently. That lasted through the whole week and into the next weekend. I HAD to go shopping Sunday and went, which aggravated it horribly and of course I was angry because that is what pain eventually does to me. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to go to work Monday but ended up ok. I was thrilled. Here we are Thursday and I am couched again. When it flares, you can pretty much guarantee about 3 full days of it at a minimum. I have to finish the x-mas shopping this weekend. I can barely walk which is also causing my back to hurt (I can live with that).

So here is the deal. I have exactly 2 weeks left before my new script. I have exactly 2 extra strips left. I am SCREWED. My doctor is cool, but my experience with ever needing extra pain meds for anything isn't positive. I have never asked this doctor before........but I really don't want to. This is the same feeling that led to my addiction to begin with. I would have pain, the doc would give me 20 vicodin to last the entire month. Most of the time I would be fine but some months were just like this one. I felt like a jerk even asking, so I didn't. But one of my co-worker's who saw how uncomfortable I was sure asked if she could help out and I began taking oxycontin. It was all over from then on. I didn't even go seeking it. You see, I didn't feel like I was a nuisance (sp?) to my friend, but would with the doctor.

You guys know how it feels to go ask for pain killers. It sucks. it isn't like my condition is questionable. I have had 16 surgeries for crying out loud. You can see it and if you look it up online it even says the condition is excruciatingly painful. This isn't the only problem. The other problem is that the longer this goes on, the more it impacts my work. Then I get stressed which makes the condition worse. I find it extremely hard to relax when my pain gets over a 6 for 3 days or longer. The first couple days I am ok but I get worn out. Last Sunday, I was laying there and thought that I honestly do not care if I die at this point because I am SO miserable. I am not a depressed person generally speaking. I am not a whiner. Have you ever noticed though how after a few days pain that is really at a 7 starts to feel like a 9 because you are just so damn exhausted from it? Honestly, if this keeps up, I really don't want to live like this. No...I am not suicidal. I'm just finding it hard to enjoy life like this.

I just needed to complain. Sorry.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:34 am 
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Hey Cherie,

I just came in and saw your post...I feel so badly for you. I wish I had some magic words...It must be horrible to feel that kind of powerlessness in a sense...not that you aren't doing what you need to do for yourself but that we feel we can't ask for what we need because of being addicts in recovery...we are always suspect in a way...I guess I'm not sure what to say but that someone heard you tonight....and is hoping that you find some relief soon.
Take care, Chinagirl


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:53 am 
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I'm sorry you've been so flared up lately. I agree that when we have pain at a 7 or above it IS exhausting. It impacts every aspect of our daily life...Work, mood, sleep, etc. I feel for you, you know that.

Maybe it is time to ask for more than 10 extra strips a month? I know you don't want to, but when I was reading your post something occurred to me...That we are at a greater risk of relapse when our pain is not controlled. I'm not saying I think you're going to go out and score, not at all. But you deserve to have your pain treated. And if taking a little more suboxone will help your pain and thereby increase your quality of life....I say maybe it's time to think about it. That's just my take on it.

I hope you can get to feeling better soon. I know where you're coming from... I've been there. Please take care.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:27 am 
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Cherie,

I have heard that Tramadol can work with Suboxone. I know that its an 'opiate' of sorts, but it may be worth a try if you can control its use. Since its not a controlled substance, doctors may be more willing to prescribe it for you.

Jim

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:32 am 
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Thanks to both of you for responding. I really did just want someone to hear me. You are right Melissa. I don't want to take more suboxone. I think that is part of the problem. I just posted about considering tapering to see what would happen. But the reality is that even if I could taper, it would be such a long process and I know I wouldn't get through it at this pain level. I think part of the problem is accepting ALL the medical conditions. The dilemma I always feel I am in and that I wish I wasn't in it. In my mind I can sometimes pretend maybe these medical conditions aren't as bad as I think. Maybe I can do it without. Then they flare and I start to realize my dreams or considerations of tapering aren't based in reality for the most part. That is depressing.

I know you weren't suggesting I would go relapse. I almost wrote at the end that the funny thing was, using wasn't even a consideration. This is true. I wouldn't even know where to get it. I will say for the first time in a very very long time, I did find myself thinking about how nice it would be to be able to get some "real" pain relief. That is depressing too since I can't have that anymore. Not the high. The REAL pain relief. Oh well.

Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

- Winston Churchill


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:32 am 
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Oh Cherie, Swweets, I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. Why not ask for more? My doctor has me on chronic pain mgmnt and I take 12 and 12mgs. and he gives me 15 extra. That's at a months time.

Look, you have given me so much good advice since I have been here but you are not advising yourself wisely. Why go through that kind of pain if it can be relieved? What do you mean you don't mind when your back hurts so bad when you walk? I would lose it. Pain is a terrible thing. We both know that whemn we count tose surgeries. That's a big toll on our bodies.

Tell the doctor. Don't wait until your appt. CALL HIM! tell him you are in pain. That's what you would probably tell me. I learned 2 times in the last 6 months that picking up the phone and calling, works. Things get solved.

Please call and ask for relief. I am on Ultram & subs now and my leg pain is much better. So please, do it.

Remember, you are not asking to get high. You are asking for your God given right not to suffer.

Love you, Queenie


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:53 am 
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JackCrack,

I had no idea what peripheral neuropathy was so I finally looked it up on wikipedia. Holy shit! I'm so sorry that you or anybody would have to endure that kind of pain.

I did seem to notice in your post that maybe your pain levels increase as your stress does? Christmas shopping was one of the stressors...piss on it, tell someone else to do it. Make a list and have them do it. Your sanity and well being trumps Christmas presents anyway. That's the attitude I would use with any stressor I encountered until my pain got back under control.

I understand where you're coming from as far as not wanting to ask for more sub, but I think you're going to HAVE to. I take it your sub doctor knows about all your medical conditions? I would think he would be OK with giving you more, but you obviously know him better than I do.

I wish I could be of more help, but all I can offer now is my support, thoughts and prayers.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 4:21 pm 
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Hey I know what you are going through! My knee injury keeps me from doing a lot of thing I want to do on the weekends with my GFs little brother or my cousins but like you, I’ll try to push it and then the next 3 days I’m feeling the pain. I take 24 mgs most days now and that allows me to be right at about 4 on the pain scale and those are my good days, bad days I’m at a 8 easily but the thing with my injury is that my knee is so weak from never taking care of it when I was still dealing with addiction that Its really easy for me to aggravate it. Basically imagine your whole knee giving out at least twice a week even in a brace to the point where you have to pop it back in yourself and that pain will put me on a couch for days. But I guess I lived with this injury for so long now that I learned to live my life in pain and that’s all I can do. I rather be in pain then back on OXYS that’s all I know. And the worst part when I was addicted to OCs I also was addicted to SOMA so any muscle relaxers are out of the question and joint pain meds either don’t work or my Dr doesn’t thinks its for me


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 Post subject: Have you tried…..
PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 6:20 pm 
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I good to my chiropractor (also an md) once a week for your condition.
Electrical stimulation,ultra sound,manipulation and massage therapy.
Made a difference in my life :lol: why not try it in yours :?: :idea:


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:49 am 
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Thanks everyone. About two days after I posted this my pain got much better so obviously I left the house and got everything done that had been just sitting there. Still behind at work but Christmas is over and I don't have other things to get in the way. I have enough sub to get me through. I just skipped it a couple days to make sure I was on track. I probably won't ask for more sub. I figure if I made it again that I don't need more and will just deal with it. I don't know if that is the right answer, but it is what I am going to do for now. I appreciate everyone's support. This is the only place I can really go and complain or vent about it. So it is nice when people understand.

Hope everyone had a nice holiday.

Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

- Winston Churchill


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