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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:04 pm 
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Hello. I am posting my story here in the hopes it will help someone. I have come here many times in the last 5 years and have benefited tremendously from the info I have come across.

Quick background...I was put on Suboxone by a psychiatrist I went to see for depression and Vicodin abuse. The Vicodin abuse started after I delivered my beautiful and healthy baby girl(drug free) vaginally and required both internal and external episiotimy's, forceps , etc. Some of my 60+ stitches came out (twice) and needed to be redone. I was in unbearable pain and was put on Vicodin for management. I was 21 and my husband worked all the time. We had no family around to help, baby became colic and all of sudden the Vicodin turned me into .dduunnn, dunnn. da dun dun"SUPER MOM". ...I could sooth the endless hours of crying with a smile on my face, clean the house, cook and without any sleep! It was great....until it no longer worked. Now me, in my former life should have known...I was on heroin hard(iv shooting) at 16 and did all sorts of crazy drug concoctions from 16-19, when I finally was arrested for grand theft auto(car ring). So anyhow, I came off all that shit in jail, with nothing..By 20, I was out, in college for nursing and chalked it up to being a teenager(albeit a crazy one). Met my husband, fell in love and never looked back. So anyhow there's the story...When I was first put on Sub, I was told it was not an opiate by the induction "specialist"...keep in mind this was near 6 years ago. At one time I was taking 3-4 8 mg pills a day( 24-32 mg). Over the years I have switched doctors(once) and now stable on 8 mg, and starting to g r a d u a l l y get down. I was higher then a kite when they first put me on it and I thought, wow this a great and its not even an opiate!

The SURGERY(s)
So I wound up pregnant during a moment of stupidity. Plan B failed me. I thought long and hard about if I could bring a baby into the world on this stuff. I read every pregnancy article here...I read the newest research articles, bulletins and all from doctors. I called and spoke with nurses in three different NICUs. I called and talked to pediatricians. I also conducted interviews with my Sub doctors others patients that have delivered(with them accepting) and ultimately decided the short term and long term risks were NOT worth it for ME. I desperately want another child, but NOT like this. My husband wants another child and I feel horrible that my addiction and now dependency wont allow that for him. I also have concerns with my own health as I just discovered a lump in my armpit...I have anxiety(who wouldnt?) and hypoglycemia....I'm 29. So there's the disclaimer for anyone who wants to bash me.
Now the actual surgery.
I let everyone know upfront about the sub. I stopped my 8 mgs the day before. I was 6 weeks along and only required a D&C. The Anes. was concerned about my heart murmur(benign) and I think becasue of this he administered everything really slowly. Versad, Propophol and Feytnal(sp?). The versad made me start crying hysterically...I think it was that. My heart was racing so fast the monitors were going crazy...they pleaded with me to calm down...I could NOT. I know it took WAY more and longer for them to knock me out. It wasn't until the last shot(i am assuming propofol) that I closed my eyes. I woke up an hour later feeling absolutely normal and remembering absolutely nothing after I closed my eyes.
A couple years ago I had an endoscopy for chronic heartburn. I do remember that it took more, my doctor was fully aware of the sub then too...but no where near what it took now, though she did make a crack about an extra charge for the drugs. I don't know if that is because the Anes. today administered things slowly and spaced or if my tolerance has gotten so much worse in 2 years.
My advice to everyone is to please make sure they know what exactly suboxone is...bring a print out. If they don't seem to get it, make them understand or get a new doctor. I am always worried that I will be in an accident and not be able to talk and will need surgey or something horrible, so I carry a medication card on me...not a bad idea either.
Some docs dont get Sub, but if you say "I am on a high dose of Buprenorphine, its attached to my MU receptors, and it will not allow other drugs to come through at standard dosing"...or something like that. This at least gets their attention and they will research into what you are saying.
Ok so this became very long. Feel free to move this if it belongs somewhere else..."like no man's land?).
I feel fine, no withdraws now though I am constantly yawning. I am going to wait as long as possible and take the smallest amount of sub when withdraws kick in. It has been 36 hours from last sub dose, and 6 hours from the "twighlight" stuff. I was switched to subutex while I made my decision, so I am not too worried about accidentally putting myself in wds.
Hopes this helps someone!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:42 pm 
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Just a little update in case anyone was following or wondered. The day of and after the procedure was the best I have felt in over 5 years...I forgot what it felt like to not have a clouded mind. I waited an entire 36 hours after the procedure to take 2 mg. of Subutex...so all together I was off the subutex for almost 72 hours. I did not have any issues taking the medication, and found the 2 mg was very sufficient despite me being on 8 mg before all of this. I did have some muscle cramping and a bit of a runny nose before I took it. I secretly wished there was someway I could be knocked out everyday and wake up feeling normal and then not have to take the sub ever again.
I have come to the realization that I will most likely never be "normal again" without some sort of divine intervention.

One thing that has put my mind at ease for the decision I made, was I was told that pregnancy was not viable and I would have most likely needed a D&C anyways. Since I have had a healthy pregnancy and baby before, I have to wonder if the sub caused the baby to stop growing. I will never know.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 3:35 pm 
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Ok it is now going on day 4 and my whole body is pretty sore, in particular my neck and shoulders. I have had some anxiety since Tuesday and have felt pretty tense/stiff. If anyone is following this, I was wondering if this delayed WDS from not taking the sub(and the long half life) ? The other thing I am thinking is maybe a flu bug as its that time of year and my little girl just got over a viral cold. I hate the anxiety the worst. Just wondering if its from the decreased subs?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:44 pm 
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dear,

I just saw this. You and I are like two peas in a pod. About 2 years in on sub I found out I was pregnant. I also came to the same decision you did, however, I was too afraid to be put under so I had my D&C awake. Back then there was even less info and my doctors said I would have to stop sub to go under, I couldn't do it. Ugh.. that was a really bad time for me.

How are you feeling now? Still sore..? Same amount of anxiety? What dose are you on currently?


**hugs**


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 2:59 pm 
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Hi there!
I am just now starting to feel like my normal bupy- self. As horrible as it is, I keep wishing I could go back to the day of the procedure. I can not really describe it other then "I felt incredibly normal"...not high, no cravings, just normal. I even came home and started writing again which is something I loved to do and used to be very good at it. I had some of that "sass" back, that used to be a b=core part of my very being. I really think I could be on to something with this.... a new propofol detox to get off subs! I am assuming it was the propofol anyhow, as the fetynal(sp?) did absolutely nothing except make my entire body feel on fire and itchy and the versad made me sob like a baby.In looking back, I think the anes was really doing everything super slowly becasue of my heart/the bupe and I do not think he gave me any extra fetynal...The last time I was put out with twilight anesthesia it went much smoother, and I know they gave me extra feytnal becasue I heard my doctor say multiple times, "hit her again".LOL...the nurse looked scared!

It has been exactly 2 weeks and one day...The first week I believe I had delayed WDS from the 72 hours off sub. Before all of this I was on 8-12 mgs. Since this I have gotten to 8 mgs and am getting ready to cut it down again. The anxiety has improved in the last few days...Monday was the worst, but I think it could be more closely related to the drop in hormones as opposed to the sub wds. I still find myself bursting into tears at the littlest things...A picture of a baby on my fb feed, a kleenex commercial...My husband saying dinner was "alright". Yea, its been a bit of a roller coaster.

I am sorry that you also had to go through this..Many people do not understand. There is still a feeling of loss and sadness that goes along with making this decision, especially when the baby was very much wanted. I do not "know you" but am very touched by your desire to get off of the subs and start a family without drugs...it will be that much more special...it is truly a miracle and I can not wait to hear the exciting news that you are expecting. You have given me inspiration to do the same!


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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