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PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:24 pm 
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I've been with my boyfriend a little over two years now. The first 3 months of our relationship was awesome, and uncomplicated. He has had a history of pain pills because of mountain biking and the broken bones that come with it. The fourth month of our relationship he had to get reconstructive surgery on his shoulder because it constantly would get dislocated doing the most mundane things. He was against it from the very beginning it was brought up. But I pushed for it because I thought it would help him out.

The next year and a half that followed was hell. I had no knowledge of pain pills and watched my boyfriend deteriote as I enabled him. His possesions started to slowly disappear. First it was the car, then his dvd collection, then his guitar, and finally his bike. I didn't understand what his problem was. So it got to the point where I resented him and tried to leave, but I couldn't every time. Whether it was guilt or love, I couldn't tell the difference anymore. Finally I had enough courage to get his family involved in all of it. He felt betrayed.

Since then he's been in and out of detox, and even went to a 42 day survival program out in the Arizona desert called Anasazi. I thought that the program would help but it hasn't helped at all. He has been on suboxone for the past 6 months now, maybe a little bit longer. I thought he's been making progress but I recently found a craigslist add for Oxycotin a few days ago. I was livid. Of course it has been taken down, but the fact that he thought he could reach out to someone within the 24 hr or possibly less that the site would have it flagged and taken down, makes me feel defeat even more.

After evaluating myself the past two years, I realized that I didn't stay because of guilt or my love for him. It was pity that I felt and the fear that he would just get worst if I did leave him alone. Don't get me wrong, I DO love him very much. But it's at the point where I want to move on in life. I'd prefer to move on with him but it doesn't seem like there's any hope in moving past this with him. I desperately need him, but at the same time I don't think I'm physically and mentally capable of living life with him if this is how it's gonna be.

He's not enrolled in any suboxone program and I don't know how to approach this subject with him. Everytime I try to talk about this issue with him he withdraws and just says I don't understand. Which is True! I DONT UNDERSTAND AND I NEED HELP UNDERSTANDING!! I don't know what else to do but leave. I don't even know where to start.

I want to help the love of my life even if i'm not the love of his life anymore. The suboxone and other opiates come before me now and I don't know what to do.

This story has probably been posted over and over and over again, but please help me.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 9:11 pm 
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Hi 67,

I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now. And I do want to thank you for sharing your story. I know it probably wasn't easy.

Before I answer some of your questions about addiction and suboxone, I want to first encourage you to take care of yourself. It appears you've done everything possible to help him, now it's time to help YOU. If that means leaving him, then so be it.

Ok, most of here believe in the disease concept of addiction. You can find a thread entitled "What is addiction?". It's got some great information that would probably help you, including a 9 page article. Addiction is thought to be a genetic predisposition, at least for some people. What that means in part is that once that first pain pill is taken, a switch is thrown in the brain and game over. Once that happens, the cravings for drugs are VERY REAL.

Suboxone SHOULD be helping him. But to me it sounds like he's not using them as he should, but instead is probably using them in between using oxy's. It sure sounds like he's still in active addition. And unfortunately, no one, you and his family included, can force him to want to go into remission/recovery. That's what I mean by it's time to take care of yourself.

Is he getting suboxone from the street or from a doctor? You said he's not in a suboxone program. I'm not sure what that mean.

I hope this helps a little. I'm sure you have more questions. Please let us know what they are and we'll do our best to answer them.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:45 pm 
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67bers, welcome.

That's a tough story to read and I feel for you. I'm afraid your real question to all of us is "How do I save my boyfriend" and I don't know as anyone in the world can give you that answer. Understanding addiction is a great first step for you though, because you will learn that he is not choosing drugs over you...he is not in control...the addiciton is. Only from second hand experience, through my wifes eyes, can I even try to understand how hurtful it must seem that he 'chooses' drugs over you. I encourage you to read the posts at the forum WHY THE ANGER, then the thread What is addiction? as Hatmaker suggested. The 9 page article is Kick Ass. It opened my eyes.

I also have to agree with HatMaker, he is either not taking enough sub or not taking it daily as you're supposed to. Is he under a sub Doctors care or getting them off the street?

You have to take of yourself, I'm sure you already know that, but can't seem to stop taking care of him long enough to get to yourself.

Good luck.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:38 pm 
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Wow, that was very powerful, I only wish 67bers would come back and update. I can feel her pain and know so well that her man doesn't mean any harm whatsoever to her at all. This disease is so powerful and is so hard to understand unless you have felt the grip of addiction. I will pray tonight for your boyfriend that he finds his way to recovery.

I also must say an addict sometimes must feel the consequences of using before they surrender.

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