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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2016 8:04 pm 
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So I tend to be long winded and even if no one reads this, that'll be find. It's cathartic to get it out.

So starting from the age of 14, I was an addict to many things; pot, alcohol, cocaine, lsd, and most of all, pain killers. Anything that would allow me not to be me. Or in my head, to be myself. The person I always wanted to be. Funny. Outgoing. Personable. All the positive attributes people look for in friends, significant others, family, etc. and pain killers did just that. Brought me out of my shell, turned me into the person I always wanted to be. As a kid I was a very shy introvert, and drugs buried that part of me.

I should mention my father was a lifetime addict and alcoholic. Hypocritically, I called the cops on him many a time to get him to stop or get taken away. In the ten years he was sober, I was not. I would tell him how proud I was of him, knowing full well what I was doing.

Between the ages of 18 and 23 my life took a turn in a direction that still scares me to this day. My addiction brought me to the worst neighborhoods of northern NJ (Paterson, Newark, Passaic) where I would rob drug dealers, get shot at, stabbed, jumped, and when that stopped being enough, I decided to draw my anger driven addiction to my family. I would steal jewelry, money, etc, anything that wasn't nailed down in my house. Finally it all caught up to me. I quit cold turkey.

Angry, I focused on how I was going to come out the other end and when I did, how I would control my opioid consumption. I'm sure anyone could tell how that turned out. I finally got a good job that I loved, and could no longer obtain my fix at the drop of a hat. 6 months later, the jig was up. This time was for keeps.

That was when I was 23. I'm now 28. I was on Suboxone for way too long. And I was on way too high of a dose. Even when I jumped. I barely tapered, I jumped from 8mg daily and I was only on that dosage for a week. I fear I may have bit off more than I could chew. The WDs are not overwhelming but they are making me think that I can never get back to normal.

About a month and a half ago I relocated for work from NJ to St Louis County, MO. I tried to jump before I moved and failed. Now I have no choice. I will save my issues with WDs for another thread, I just wanted to summarize my own experience for some measure of relief.


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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 9:57 am 
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Hi D, Welcome! Congratulations on your getting off of suboxone, although, I'm not clear if your happy about it! You could always look for a sub doc there and do a slower taper? Just a thought! But, if it gets too bad and you are trying to be successful at a new job, again, just food for thought! Only you know what is best for you! I too am in NJ! I love my state and can't imagine ever leaving it! I wish you all the luck with your move and new job! Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing!


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 10:08 am 
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Haven't slept since Friday night, so not doing terrific but generally not too bad. I'll be much happier once the WDs fade. I was looking at doctors out here but I currently don't have insurance so it'll cost way too much. Just trying to suffer my way to the end. Cold turkey off pain killers was easier, by this point I was already on the mend. I'm grateful for Suboxone because it changed the life I was leading. But I would've quit cold turkey again if I knew the Suboxone WDs were like this.


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 2:13 pm 
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Hi D, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this! You are a much stronger person than I am! I know that I would have caved if I were you! I can't handle the depression! That is what makes me cave every time! It really is depression that got me here in the first place! And, almost all of the anti depressant medications take forever to kick in and start to work! I am very proud of you! Please keep us updated as to how you are doing!


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
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