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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:20 pm 
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Sooo...I don't know where to even start, but I'm sure that's pretty normal. I used to be a pill addict, mostly OxyContin, Dilaudid, Percocet, etc. I was a teacher then. After two or three years doing that, my boyfriend and I started buying subs from a friend to get off the pills. Well, we got hooked on the subs. Eventually we weaned ourselves down and came off them, but it SUCKED. It was like 4 years ago or more and I still remember the anxiety and skin crawling.

Fast forward- I'd been good for awhile, and then my boyfriend and sons father for leukemia. As ex pill heads, added to the stress of raising a family and facing cancer with a 30% survival rate, we got back on. Even with the docs knowing he used to do pills he got a lot of narcs. I caved and used to help me get through raising my 18 month old son 7-6, then being in the hospital taking care of him (and watching him hooked to a pump of Dilaudid nodding every ten minutes) 6-7 (I slept there to help and picked my son up in the morning). After awhile of that, I needed to stop. I was dumb and for hooked on subs again, bc I needed to be functional!!! Now, I have never taken more than 3mgs a day. With the pills, I would take between 1/8-1/4, and with the strips 1/4. I NEED to come off them now! I am a stay at home mom, my sons almost 3. My boyfriend and I are fighting and he left so I have like $100 to my name, and 1/4 of a strip. I took 1/4 Saturday morning (yesterday) at like 9am. I have not taken any today. I'm feeling ok. Pooping my brains out every 15 minutes, kind of hot, but that's it.
Too bad I know what's coming. I do not have insurance so I don't have access to Xanax or anything to help. I could get a couple over the counter things if anything really helps, but I don't want to sode much bc I'm screwed on money. Sounds awesome, I know. Did I mention I have to take care of my 3 year old all day?! Ugh. I have no help. The only other person who knows I even took/take anything is this boyfriend
I speak of. He helped me get through this last time, but were way on the outs, so that's not happening. Please please please tell me I can do this, or what can help. I don't want to be a soulless zombie forever.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:21 pm 
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Btw I'm a 30 year old female. I also have slightly high BP and take 10mgs Lisinopril/day.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 6:29 pm 
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Hi Love/Hate and welcome to the forum!

I am sorry that your life circumstances have been so hard lately. You are in a tough spot for sure.

I hope you don't mind if I ask a couple of questions. How are you managing being a SAHM if you're alone. Are you in the position that you will have to find work now that you and your boyfriend aren't getting along? Although getting a job would be difficult with having to find child care, it could actually be beneficial in terms of detoxing from sub. It's a lot easier to deal with withdrawal if you can be busy. Of course, I'm not talking about acute withdrawal, but afterward.

Clonidine is prescribed off-label for opiate withdrawal. It helps with many of the symptoms, including the skin crawling. It is a blood pressure medication, so you may be able to get it from a clinic for your high blood pressure symptoms. Immodium can be very useful during withdrawal Some people take melatonin to help them sleep.

You are an opiate addict (welcome to the club) and you also need to get some support in your recovery. AA may not be for everyone, but the meetings are free. There is online support available and you can find addiction therapists who use a sliding fee scale based on income. It is crucial that you seek help! You did not start on sub again because you are dumb; you started abusing opiates again because you're an addict. Addiction is a brain disorder characterized by relapse. You absolutely need some form of help to combat it.

You CAN get through this. A jump from 2mg/day is uncomfortable, but not impossible! Do you have any family or friends who can help you? Days 4-7 are usually the worst in terms of withdrawal symptoms. Can anyone take your son for you during those days? Everyone gets sick for a few days now and then. Parents of two year olds included. Combating depression can be a challenge for a while after you quit sub. If you can get to a clinic they may be able to get a prescription for an SSRI to help.

You can do this!!! Keep us updated! It has helped a lot of people to have a thread here with people posting encouraging comments. There are some people here in the same boat as you, whether they're tapering or jumping off a dose higher than yours. They are very encouraging!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 7:58 pm 
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Thank you, Amy! I know I'm not dumb, I just was really good at controlling myself, and didnt even have cravings- that's why I say that. I knew better and took the "easy road" at the time. I will definitely go to a clinic ASAP to ask for that help. Question - do I tell them why? My subs were never prescribed. I don't want to get myself backed in a corner or anything. I do have melatonin and Imodium, so I'll use those. I will be getting a job, I just knew I had to be able to pass a urine test first, bc they were not prescribed to me, I wouldn't. I was able to stay home bc he works full time plus, and we made sacrifices so I could raise our baby. I'll be ok, I know I will, it's just going to be hard. I remember those days of just feeling like I was going to explode from anxiety. Ugh. I know my son will help me get through, bc he makes me strong, but it's hard to keep up with a busy, needy boy when you feel dead. I will try to find some help. Of course
My parents are away on vacation. Hopefully his dad will take him to visit so I can rest some. I will keep coming back. I know talking about it helps. Thanks for your advice and support! I will look into support as well. Thank you!!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 8:53 pm 
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Hi LH, look for Trainer's thread not far down in Stopping Sub's, she jumped at 2 mg/day and it was manageable for her.

I stretched my taper out several weeks, and jumped at about .15 mg/day, but I may as well just jumped earlier and been done with it sooner.

If you getting off Sub's because you want to be clean, it's really worth it. If you're getting off Sub's only BC you need to get off Subs, then you better start the thinking about recovery options like Amy mentioned, 12 step or counselling or something else. We addicts don't do sobriety well on our own.

Good luck & keep posting.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:57 am 
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Thank you, JJ! I will look for that thread. To me, I'd rather suffer a shorter time and get it overwith, though I understand why people do taper so long. I WANT to be clean with everything I am. I was kind of the "because he was doing it" type, then got hooked. I've never been one to crave, or look for anything, or ask. When he would bring it home is when I would do pills. He's still on sub now, but him not being here helps me keep my head clear. I am ready - 100%. I wish I could find a job ASAP, but I know I won't pass a urine test for 30 days. I was fine all day yesterday, except when I kept thinking about it. Mental is like 95% of the battle for me, for sure. I even slept all night - 11:30-7:30, but I know that won't last. I will keep using the melatonin for sleep. My tummy is not feeling great this morning, but I'm ok. Did I mention
I also babysit a 7 month old two days a week? Ugh. I might just have to be sick if I need to be...I never make time for me and this is something I need to so for me and my son. I know my skin is going to start going nuts soon - I think that's the hardest for me - the skin crawling, hot/cold sweats, and zero energy. There is a clinic near me open tonight, but I don't know if I can find anyone to watch my son, and I don't know what to say to the dr anyway. Any advice there??


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:21 am 
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Hi LH, I was going to say, 'oh ya, sleep won't last,' lol, but your experience might be different. Best just to enjoy it while you are getting sleep.

In terms of a doctor, at a certain point I decided just to be honest with doctors, a lot of docs are pretty amazing, and will surprise you. The ones who get snotty can kiss my shiny white ass.

Remember that you are doing something awesome, getting clean, and a lot of people will get behind you.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:27 am 
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Suboxone is only detectable in a urine sample for 3 to 4 days, it will not show up 30 days out.

If you make it to the clinic tonight, be honest with them. Tell them you're in opiate wd and would like some Clonidine (not to be confused with Klonopin). Seeing as you already take Lisinopril, they may want you to stop that while on Clonidine because Clonidine is BP med, too, but it has a different mechanism of action than Lisinopril. Lisinopril won't help with wd symptoms like Clonidine will.

Good luck.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 12:52 pm 
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Thank you. I decided I'm gonna go and be honest. I've always used Xanax, never Clonodine. We will see what they say. I know the sleep won't last, but dammit I'll try lol. I meant I won't pass a urine rest bc of THC - 30 days plus. Oh well, I'll just knock this out and then I'll have no worries....right?! RIGHT?! Lol yea right - if only. Thanks for all the help. Hopefully someone will be here when I'm crawling at 4 am ready to explode. I got rid of my last piece this morning, so that's gone. Definitely had a little panic attack right after, but knew I'd take it of it was here.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:56 pm 
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Please let us know how the appointment goes!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:06 pm 
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I got Clonodine! Yesss lol. I haven't taken it yet bc he only gave me 10 (2 per day) bc he said you can witgdrawl off them too if not careful. If it gets me through days 3-6 I'm good! I feel great. I've had some tummy trouble (just got Imodium), a couple sneezes/chills/sweats but I feel awesome. Just te mentality of I'm gonna beat this shit bc IM strong feels great. Hahaha I know, it's only the end of day 2, it's not even really started yet, but I'm going with it!! He said my BP was great, only slightly tacchicardic, so I'm happy (my BP scares me so I don't screw with that). Losing 20 lbs probably helped that too. So anyway, I enjoyed my day with my son, got some help, and I'm a woman on a mission. Hopefully I can sleep tonight (took a nap with my son today in case I can't lol), and don't wake up in an awful state tomorrow. I seriously appreciate you guys, it's amazing how helpful this has been so far!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:25 pm 
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Or, should I take one tonight, to try to stave off the awfulness? I don't know how fast it works...


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 10:52 pm 
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Clonodine works pretty fasts, like within 15 minutes. It lowers your blood pressure and helps with the crawling skin and general unease. I took it atleast three times a day while detoxing, .2mg each time. Wait until the withdrawals really begin since you only have 10.

It's awesome that you have that great attitude going in. Just remember the strength and determination you have right now when it gets worse. Know that if you fight through, no matter how bad it gets, within a couple weeks at most, you should be feeling great. It's such a Short time for freedom from this nightmare. Good luck!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:01 pm 
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Cool, you got some Clonidine!!

I think your plan to hold off on them is a good idea. If/when you start feeling that creep crawly crap worse, then take one. During my wd, I took Clonidine twice daily, I actually took it for months and months and had no issue at all coming off of them. Clonidine is non-addictive, but your doctor may be talking about some rebound blood pressure issues when you come off of them?

Keep up that great attitude and keep posting all you want!!

PS---OHHHH, now I see why you wouldn't pass a pee test for 30 days, I thought you were talking about the Suboxone.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:28 am 
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I just saw your post and am also on day 2 of getting off subs. Just wanted to wish you some good luck. We can get through it.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:46 am 
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Hey Love,
Just want to add my voice to those supporting your choice and struggle to get clean!
A 3 year old! God bless you! :D I'm also a mom (10 and 12 years). Your child is lucky to have a mom who is determined to get healthy! (I'm also just off subs about 35 days- I've lost track)
Is there "anyone" who can help with your little one this week? If not, I would not have too many high expectations for yourself to be "super mom" right now- just make sure your child is safe and his/her (?) basic needs are being met, and then do what you need to do to take care of yourself- don't be hard on yourself is what I'm saying, if you can't manage the normal "engagement" you usually have with him. You'll be much more engaged when you are free of the subs and through the wdls.
Keep posting!! You can do this!
:D BF

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:46 am 
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Thanks everyone. Yes, an almost 3 year old crazy hyper active attention seeking boy! My parents are away for two weeks, and his dad works full time plus. It's just meee. Miss told him that mommy has a cold and needs to be calm and rest for a few days. Ha. It'll only be a few days. Today is day 3. I slept pretty well last night 12-7. Had a little trouble falling asleep just bc of the general uneasiness I get laying there. I still feel ok. I just took my first dose of Clonodine (it's only 0.1 mg bc I'm also on Lisinopril for BP), so hopefully that helps with the skin issues. I'm having a super hard time eating - I think I've had half a hamburger and a couple blueberries in 2 days, but I still feel ok. I forced my son and I to clean the living room this morning so I don't have to feel overwhelmed with that. Of course I am short of breath and have zero energy, so that's fun. Did I mention I also babysit this afternoon for a couple hours? I can usually get the baby to sleep half the time and play on the floor the rest, but it's still a little stressful today. I'll be alright. I'm just terrified of not being able to sleep. I am big sleeper, and the couple nights in my life that I couldn't sleep well were mentally very hard. I've been taking 1mg of melatonin about 90 minutes before I want to lay down. It's helped so far, hopefully that continues. I appreciate all the help!!! 35 days? Awesome!!! How are you feeling now (ESP mentally?)?


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:30 am 
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Just wanted to drop by and wish you luck... I know how you feel... I have twin 3 yr old boys and I am 8 months pregnant. I suffer from chronic pain and the opiates always made into a functional parent (oddly enough... I then could push through the pain to take my kids out, clean my house, etc.) Now I am trying to function without so my unborn child is born addiction free. I am on a short detox from oxy using subs. Last oxy taken Saturday afternoon, small doses of subs taken the last 3 days... going to try tomorrow without the subs to see if the oxy withdrawals are tolerable at this point... Anyways I hope you can get your stuff figured out... its hard to deal with this stuff normally but when you have little people (who thankfully do not understand) to take care of things get much toughter. I would invite a friend over that you trust that can provide support for you and help with your munchkin.


Keep moving forward... your moving in the right direction!!!


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:49 am 
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The fact that you slept pretty well last night is encouraging. You had also mentioned earlier that you never really took more than 3mg daily, so that's good, too. Suboxone wd intensity and duration are very hard to predict, but as of right now, I'd say you're in good shape for a possible mild wd. Now, that doesn't mean you won't have sleep disturbances or other issues, it just means they're hopefully on the lighter side.

Believe it or not, being forced to care for your "crazy hyper active attention seeking boy" (LOL) will be good for you. Sitting around and just feeling your wd is about the worst thing you can do. I know because I did it. Getting out of your head is about the best thing you can do and it sounds like your awesome little boy will help you with that. BTW, your son sounds about like me when I was young. We have a picture of me (about 4 years old?) tied with a string around my ankle to a stake in the ground to stop me from constantly running off. Ahhh, good times, good times. :lol:

Do what you can to keep your food intake up. Your food is your energy. You need food!!

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:59 am 
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Hey Love! I just realized I'm at 40 days today! HAPPY and healthy! You'll get here too! :D
Just a matter of 'time"- a few short days!!!

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