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 Post subject: Trying again please help
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 12:36 pm 
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In reaching out as I'm having a tough time and need someone to talk too. I'm on subs and fell off.... I'm started again but keep using on top. Yesterday I inducted again and ended up using h. It didn't take effect and today I feel better than usual on subs this soon. I'm not sure if i must be stabilizing. I have a daughter and wife and a great job and I can't lose them. I'm committed today to not use..... I just don't feel great and I keep trying to push past the guilt and shame with more of what's causing them. I feel like I have a small window of hope right now and don't want to blow it. Also going back to meetings. Thanks for listening.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 1:08 pm 
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Welcome That Guy23,

Hey we stumble here. It happens. But you what?, today is the day ya start it up again, uno?
We have enough guilt and shame as it is. Don't focus on that Today, focus on that great family you still have. That fact that they are still in your life is a huge plus.

That great job too is a huge plus.

You can do this and with help. We are here. You said your going back to meetings. You know the value of one helping another there.
Being around others in recovery can be a big help to you. The chances of you picking up again will go down if your head is in recovery.

Just keep taking your bupe as directed and you ll completely stablize and quickly.

Hey sometimes life gets hard and an escape seems possible, but not though getting high. This is great community here, glad you found us. Maybe tell us alittle more about yourself in Introductions forum.

Razor


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 1:12 pm 
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Hey Thatguy.

What's important is staying on the right path right now. U slipped up and what's important is dusting urself off and carry on and hopefully learning something out of that slip. It happens, we're drug addicts after all.

So today's ur 1st day bk on suboxone without anything else but the sub, is that right? So stick to it and don't look bk. Wherever or however u obtained the H, run like hell in the opposite direction. Lose those numbers and stop associating with whoever is a link to that world. If I wanted to get high right now, I couldn't imagine how or who I'd call if I were to try on the streets or a dealer because I cut complete ties with anyone I knew from that life. It was actually easy for me though because I had no real friends during that time, all my true friends didn't do drugs. So it's easier to cut ppl out of ur life that u didn't have any type of bond with. But u still gotta do it regardless for the sake of urself, and I definitely think ur strong enough to do that.

U mentioned that ur not feeling so good, don't worry you'll start feeling better every day. I don't know how high ur tolerance got during ur slip but u will adjust probably pretty quickly. Just don't let the guilt get ya down because getting bk up is what matters. U can do this!!!!

Good luck!

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 1:25 pm 
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Hi Thatguy -

Hang in there. Today is day 1. Just don't use H today. One day at a time man. You can do it.

Brett


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 1:46 pm 
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Thanks for the support. Yeah it's crazy all the living and hiding money I had to do for the past week and a half. I was up to a bun bun and a half a day overnight. I'm hoping to get stabile soon as I really want this to end. My family deserves so much more.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:14 pm 
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You deserve more Guy. You do.

My next thought is just how much Buprenorphine are you taking? You ll need a hefty dose to lose cravings from H.
Just my opinion but at this point im hopeing your in the upper range. 12/16mg.

Gota kill thoses cravings..




Razor


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 6:25 pm 
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Yes and the thing about feeling crappy and addicts are a horrible mix because we think that we immediately have to have instant relief....I'm the worst at that! I get a cold and freak out because I feel bad, it's crazy but something about addiction and withdrawal and feeling bad...it just scares the heck out of some of us (definitely me). But always remember and tell urself, the feeling bad is totally temporary. I know it sucks but it will pass. Going bk to using would only prolong the inevitable so may as well just try to stay as positive as u possibly can. I can totally relate on wanting to immediately feel better though, but u will...better every single day :)

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2016 8:09 pm 
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Hey TG,

Razor brings up a great point - your dose. I looked at your prior thread and its not stated there or here. Hoping you're at a high enough dose...

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:53 pm 
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I ended up picking up mid day yesterday.... Obviously upset with myself. Today I took extra and made it through work. Home now with the family. Can't believe I'm starting over....hoping I stabilize soon. I'm tired of dreading every day. I have so much yet things seam so dark. Gonna give it everything I got.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:59 pm 
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How much Buprenorphine are you supposed to take? How much are you taking? Your not stopping your cravings. That is what the medicine does.

Im NOT judging here, but do you wanta really stop. It seems dark now, but it ll get darker man.. :shock:
I don't know you or what the town is but can you cut off ties with thoses who sell to you? Give yourself a chance. Drop thoses phone numbers, stop the cycle. Yes wer addicts and its not always an easy thing for some, mostly thoses on H. But give the med an other good try.
Hopefully your on at least 12mgs if not 16. Sounds to me like you need it. 4, 6 8 mgs aint going to cut it imo.

It takes Days not hours to stablize. So your starting over. Good, this means you can, and thats alot Guy.

Keep posting to us. Maybe an Intro. Im pulling for ya . Others are too, believe me.. :D

Razor


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 9:21 pm 
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I took more today than normal. Actually took 16. I was only taking it to stop withdrawal.....didnt realize if you take enough you don't crave as much. Yeah man..... I truly want to stop. I've been fighting tooth and nail to keep my life together and it's getting heavy. I'm gonna give this my best. Hitting a meeting tomorrow. Do you think if I stay the coarse I'll be feeling ok on monday?


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 10:48 pm 
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Guy,
Stay at 16mgs a day, every day. 16mgs is enough to both stop WD and physical cravings.

I dont know how your taking your dose or doses, but if you need to break them up though out the day its ok.
You didnt know Buprenorphine stops cravings? Well, it does. It may be the biggest benefit of all. No cravings means no useing. For as loug as you dose and are stable.

You don't seem to have a dr or are in a treatment recovery program. People get a better response in all of this by useing a professional. Hope you can do this or will consider it. If im wroug im sorry.
You need a plan. Well start by getting stable on 16mgs for the next few days. And ya, you should be doing alright by monday. Just don't Pick Up!! Take you sub. If you feel a craving coming on get moving on a chore or anything active plus your med dose.

You can do this ..

Razor


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 11:50 am 
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Yo buddy.... So far so good. Just took daughter out for a while. Woke up at like 4am stressed and couldn't sleep. That seems to be a hurdle for me is sleep issues. I'm in an ok spot as far as cravings and commitment.
Started on subs in March. Was clean when I started. Have chronic pain and figured this was the safest bet. Ended up telling Doctor of relapse and they kicked me out immediately. I totally deserve that.... But it did suprise me. I never thought I would get booted with one relapse. I still have like 50 of them so I will have to figure that out.
It's crazy that I'm hiding this whole thing from everyone around me.
I don't feel great but not that bad. Depressed and no motivation. Everything seems so stressfull right now. My mind is worried about everything. Work family everything. I feel like I fucked everything up even though it's all still here. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be even better. I know in the past getting through the first couple days usually gets allot easier. Thanks for your replies man....it's not lost on me as I'm trying real hard to stay the coarse.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 1:49 pm 
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Well thank you so much for telling us alittle more about yourself.
First off, one and done with your dr just plain Sucks. My god what did he expect.? It happens.sheeh. :shock: and NO,YOU DIDNT TOTALLY DESERVE THAT, no way.. it isnt supposed to work like that. Ok, water under the bridge. Next.

Ya gota find a new one...Now! Thoses 50 at 12 to 16mgs aren't going to last loug. Get on the phone or net an start asap.Pickin up on the street while solves the problem daily, just leads to more addict behavior s.
Think about it, ya get stable in the next 3 weeks and then the panic starts to build because your down to a hand full of films. No good. So please for your sake get on that.
I think you said you do meetings?, go to more of them if ya can. Worked for me the first 3 years i was on sub. Helped alot in many ways.

I get that hiding part, but those secrets are a bitch. I get it. The worrying, i do to much of that. All the life things we all have to deal with in this country these days. It is hard.

But you seem to have a reallly really stroug foundation. You ll be ok as loug as you dont pick up. Keep posting wer all here for ya.



Razor


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 3:17 pm 
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Been running errands all day with daughter. Just came in from a swim.... Getting crazy goosebumps and anxiety. Not sure if it's cuz I took Xanax for a few days or from the induction. Not terrible but my mind tells me it's worse than it is. Plus not sleeping sucks. Have to remember what a small price this is for my daughter and to toughen up.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 4:44 pm 
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Hi Guy, I can tell you that the relationships I have with my nieces and nephews are the most precious relationships that I have. I don't have children of my own but am so fortunate to have been allowed carte blanche access to each of them. Them looking up to me....well, I know I don't have to tell you! You did not say where you live? I am in NJ and have referred several people here to my Doc. She is amazing and I only wish you lived in this area! If you are in my area, message me and I will happily pur you in touch with her! You do have to take more suboxone to eliminate those cravings! Otherwise, you are going to continue with cravings and never get there. PLEASE, find a new Doc before you run out! I am keeping you in my prayers!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:06 pm 
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I'm right next door in CT lol
Yeah I'm gonna find one ASAP. I think I might be going through a mild Xanax wd even after under a weeks use. Been a couple days and I feel hot and shakey. Sucks kinda but not terrible. I will get through. I just want to move on with life....so tired of always fighting to make it through the day. Worried about how I feel all the time instead of just focusing on being the best father I can be. Feel like I'm getting close if I just keep holding on. Gonna hit a meeting soon and hopefully feel a bit better. Long day at work tomorrow so I'll be running around till 9 tomorrow night so it should help pass the time. Hoping to sleep and wake up feeling alittle better.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 6:02 pm 
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I am a firm believer in the 12 steps for life! They just fit! You WILL do it! I have heard that benzo withdrawl sucks more than opioid withdrawl and if you are dealing with both...UGGH! Keep coming back! Here and meetings! You will get there!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 7:40 am 
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Oh boy... Took a seriquil and slept like a rock. Woke up like a sledge hammer hit me but at least I got a full night sleep. Feel better about tackling the day. Yeah.... Don't think it was full on benzo wd but def had a little rebound. Anyhow I feel like I've stabilized a bit. Went to meeting last night and am determined to out this behind me. No more starting over. Been a few days and I don't want to be at day 1 again. Now is the time. Thanks for all the replies. God bless.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 3:09 pm 
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Glad your hittin thoses meetings. Su or not they so important in the begining especially. Being around others like yourself is a huge benefit.

Alittle spirituality never hurts . Have others to lean on is another.

Rock on Guy. Keep it going forward.


Razor


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