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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 2:01 am 
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I am on day 6 of my first week on sub. Taking 8 mg once daily. I'd like to better understand how this drug is affecting me.

I feel more clarity at times. But also some anxiety, anger. Could feelings I've been numbing out on oxy for years be coming up now? Feelings I've repressed about my marriage? I feel like I am having anxiety about this too. Although I don't want to use oxy, I am getting this worried feeling about how am I going to cope with this much clearer reality I am experiencing on sub?

I feel like getting a bit of distance between myself and the quest for and doing of drugs is helping my understand myself more clearly and I am realizing maybe I haven't done that in years.

I am also responding to people more honestly (with my husband) and more patiently (with my kids).

Am I just making this up? Have others had this experience?

I feel more motivated to do things I've only occasionally considered in the past and then let go of because of the drug abuse.

I'd love to hear others experiences with anything like this. How did goingvon sub affect your emotions, mood and behaviour?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 1:20 pm 
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Hello Fresh Start,
Let me welcome you to the begining of recovery and all of the wakenings that seem
to show themselves.

This is your new start. It happens to many of us and it happened to me. Thank God.
This is all so new and it is a fresh start. The positive vibes that come from knowing I didn't need to use or live that old life anymore was almost to much to believe.

It will take time to get use to feeling your feelings and emotions. They are real. I like what you said about your husband and children. There seeing the new you as a never before (?).

Five years ago as of yesterday I started my recovery. My x wife and I came togather again. Many losses turned into gains. Ive reflected back to my first week and remembering thoses early days, just where you are now. The best thing I did for myself was to find others or professionals to help me sort out my confusion and feelings.
Yes, I did some meetings to be around recovery people.Talk therapy to understand who I was becoming. Is everything perfect?, no but to not pick up and use gives me a chance for a better life overall.
Just some of my experiences, hope is all around you now Fresh. Keep posting. Have you been over to the Talkzone, Dr Junigs blog? Really good info there. :D


Razor.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 2:41 pm 
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When your addiction gets put into remission with buprenorphine, a lot goes into remission with it. First off, the obsession and compulsion to always think about your drug of choice. That can leave you with an empty feeling, like what am I going to do now? Or how will I fill up my days now? That's very normal.

I suggest finding a healthy outlet. Take up a new hobby like gardening or crafting. Find a place to volunteer. Start an exercise program. Be careful about what you choose in terms of making sure it's healthy. Don't start online shopping, for example!

Yes, these emotions that you're having are naturally coming to the surface and now is the time to start dealing with them. I had to go through all my grief at my mom's sudden death and my anger toward my father. That's why therapy would be a good idea. If you can find a place with a sliding fee scale or that takes your insurance even better. It is difficult to start dealing with life on life's terms, but it's crucially important that you start facing it.

If you want to go to meetings, that's fine. Check and see if they're any SMART Recovery meetings in the area. You can look online. If NA meetings are the only ones you can find, go ahead and try them! You're not required to tell them you're on bupe. One thing to note, however. If you tell them you've been in recovery for a week and you're not visibly suffering, they may figure it out on their own. Opiate addicts who are trying an abstinence based recovery will be very vulnerable and still not feeling on top of the world. These are not feelings that those of us on bupe will have. We are blessed with a feeling of well-being soon after induction. Still, it is slowly, slowly starting to filter into 12 step programs to be a little more positive about people choosing MAT.

Embrace these new feelings as part of the miracle of being able to start over! I wish you well!

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 1:15 am 
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Good comments, and I agree. The feelings you will have just from life-- feelings of anger, shame, sadness, fear, hurt, etc... will be much more likely to impact your mood and thoughts than direct actions from buprenorphine. Sometimes I see patients get more anxious after starting bupe just because as an active addict they had only ONE mission in life-- and now they have a dozen things to keep track of (that they ignored before).

Realize to that even in people who have no addictions, life throws out many, many emotional challenges. All of your problems, and your insights, are not related to addiction or to buprenorphine. Some of them MIGHT be related in some way, but it would be impossible to sort through what is the cause of what.

I recommend you think less about where they are coming from, and why they are coming.... and instead focus on learning to simply tolerate the emotions that come. Yes, some therapists insist that they need to 'get to the root of things'.... a neat theory that is very hard to prove in practice. The emotions will come... but all you really need to do is tolerate them, and they will pass. It gets easier with time!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:56 pm 
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Thanks SuboxDoc!

The concept of just tolerating, and allowing, my feelings and emotions is actually a weight off my shoulders. I can work on that. I can actually do that. Getting to the root of my issues may be useful at times, but it can be confusing too. Especially in someone like me with such a tendency to analyze.

So I think I am just going to take your advice and work on tolerating them as they are. It reminds me of what I've practiced in yoga, which is just observe your feelings and thoughts and then let them go. They cone and they go and that's really it. :-)


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 11:21 pm 
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Yes, you overthinker! I forgot that I had already written a bunch of the same things in this thread. Dr. J's recommendation and your decision to follow what he suggests is good news.

One of the things I had to deal with was my anger and pain over my mother's sudden death and my father's subsequent behavior. So there was plenty that came up. Sometimes it seemed overwhelming, but I handled it. You could journal about these emotions without writing about your addiction (if you didn't want your husband to accidentally find it, for example).

Amy

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