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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 2:23 pm 
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Karen-

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time! It's not at all unusual for recovering addicts to have cravings for drugs, it's unnatural and dangerous when they don't or deny they do as TD said. Many Clinicians would likely recommend that you return to buprenorphine if for nothing else the sake of your unborn child. Cravings are one thing but when you have already went so far as to look around to score it's quite another. My fear is that you are on the line and anything could send you right back into active addiction at this point. Trust me, you're thoughts aren't going to be rational at that point. Your post hit home with me. I'm thinking of one friend in particular who relapsed while pregnant..She was gung-ho to have her child and be completely off all drugs/medication for the birth. She tapered off methadone quickly when she found out she was pregnant. She stayed 'totally clean' for 3 or 4 months. She ended up relapsing and got really deep back into heroin/benzo addiction but refused to seek out help/maintenance and ended up having a miscarriage in which her lifestyle was determined to be a contributing factor. I hope you seriously weigh your options while you're even somewhat clear headed.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 2:39 pm 
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Just hang in for a bit Karen. They will go away. You have been through a traumatic event re bf recently. Also your pregnancy will be doing all sorts of things to your hormone system. So dont trust your brain at the moment.
The cravings will get less and less. It gets a lot easier. It is just a short severe hiccup.
If it was me i couldnt bear to have to go through all the bloody tapering over 2 years and them jumping again. 2 or 3 years of being pissed off and always feeling mildly crappy.
We almost forget how it feels not long after getting back to normal.
You of all people know it wont be just the one time.
Please hang in there. .so close!
C.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 3:44 pm 
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TwinCities,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I truly value your opinon in this matter. I'm confused, I'm scared, and I don't have all the answers. I'm not sure I have any of the answers right now! I am extremely confused about one thing though.....

Is it better to be on sub while pregnant, or not be on them? Cravings or not? And I mean if a person is already on them?
Is it safe to taper while being pregnant? In YOUR opinion of course?

A while back I suggested a member taper while being preggo, but the majority here suggested otherwise saying it might be better, and safer to continue with the subs until after the baby is born. I immediately tried to find all the info I could on this matter, but wasn't very successful. And in no way do I ever want to be giving the wrong advice to anyone, and especially a woman about to have a baby.

I have spent the better part of 2 weeks trying to read every bit of information I can find on this matter with very little results to my own satisfaction. I've heard it both ways.....being on subs is ok and won't harm the unborn child......AND it's ok to get off subs by tapering before the child is born. I realize it can also depend on how far along the pregnancy is also.

What is correct, and what is not is my issue, my concern, and my question?

I'm thoroughly confused, and both my OB/GYN and sub doctor, while having very good knowledge of subs in general, have very little answers for me when asked this question. They just don't have enough experience with Suboxone/Subutex to give me a direct answer they both fully admit. My OB says she would continue taking the subs during pregnancy and taper after the baby is born, and my sub doctor says he is in favor of tapering during pregnancy to prevent addiction to the baby at birth. Not what I want to hear from both of them actually....a difference of opinion.

I'm looking for the safest and most logical answer to the question. And just so I am perfecrtly clear....you suggest, and/or recommend that I at this point begin taking the Subutex again at this time for my cravings to be safe from relapse? Is that correct in your mind Twin?

I know you said that "Many Clinicians would likely recommend that you return to buprenorphine if for nothing else the sake of your unborn child".

Are you "suggesting" these current cravings are harming the baby?

Are you PERSONALLY suggesting I go back on the subs at this time to "protect" the baby?

I'm not so sure that's the best route to take vs maybe waiting it out and seeing if I can get past these 3-4 DAY cravings I have now had? I hear what your saying Twin, but if there is any chance I can get past this somehow why in the world would I even consider going BACK on the subs at all?

If I DO happen to relapse then perhaps that answer is yes, but even then I'm not so sure and need further info and thought on the matter....to be 100% certain of what I'm doing.

Not sure I agree with that thinking?

Thank you again for you insight. Your opinion matters to me greatly and I respect your input as I do everyones!

Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:05 pm 
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c1234 wrote:
Just hang in for a bit Karen. They will go away. You have been through a traumatic event re bf recently. Also your pregnancy will be doing all sorts of things to your hormone system. So dont trust your brain at the moment.
The cravings will get less and less. It gets a lot easier. It is just a short severe hiccup.
If it was me i couldnt bear to have to go through all the bloody tapering over 2 years and them jumping again. 2 or 3 years of being pissed off and always feeling mildly crappy.
We almost forget how it feels not long after getting back to normal.
You of all people know it wont be just the one time.
Please hang in there. .so close!
C.



Hello C1234,

You know C, I thought the very same thing, that the cravings will go away, and hopefully get less and less forceful. But that just hasn't happened, they have progressively gotten WORSE, and have now lasted for over 3 days to be exact!!! I have NEVER had cravings this bad in my life, and I've experienced LOTS of cravings over the years.

My friends are rotating "shifts" keeping me at home so that I won't go out and score. I have the most wonderful and truly amazing friends that just care about me! I work from home and no way can I do my job right now. Almost totally blew a HUGE $Million-Dollar case! That would have spelled doom for sure! Goodbye job.

As I've already said, these cravings are like nothing I have ever been a part of. I try to eat and it's like I'm shoveling down pills. I put on make-up and it's like I'm doing some powder. It's crazy and they just won't go away and leave me alone!

If this is a test of wills, and strength.....I'm losing fast!!!!

To give you an idea of how bad they really are....my friend is here right now watching over me and I asked her if she would go and get my mail at the mailbox. I was thinking that once she went out the front door I would sneak out the back and be on my way. Now that is absolutely terrifying to me!!!!

Might be time to reconsider taking the subs again at this point? But as you said, I went through all that very hard work to get where I am now off the subs after 3 years time. I certainly don't want to waste that effort. Not to mention any harm it might do to my child??????

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Thank you C for your support....it's definitely appreciated!

Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:59 pm 
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Karen,

I wish I had a crystal ball so I could tell you one way or the other whether to get back on sub right now. The way you are talking about drugs right now it seems inevitable that you are going to relapse. I would love to be comforting right now, but I can't! There is too much at stake for me to sit here and blow sunshine up your ass. If I were there with you right now I think I would try to force you to take the subutex.

Your addiction is causing your focus to be very selfish right now. Instead of thinking about your baby girl, you are thinking about how great it would feel to get high. Here's what would happen if you relapse. You would risk harming your baby. You could miscarry your baby. You could overdose and die. You could overdose and become a vegetable. You could get into major legal trouble or trouble with Child Protective Services. If you relapse, you are abusing your child. These consequences need to be reverberating around in your head.

Your child is the one thing you can use to say NO! to your cravings! You need to look at your ultrasound pictures and picture what your baby will look like. You need to wonder what personality traits you have passed on to her. You need to think about the moment when your child is handed to you. You need to think about sweet conversations you will have with her about friendship, school, and boys.

I don't enjoy saying these things to you. :( I am trying to fill your conscience up with concrete things that you can cling to while you wait out these cravings. You will have such a hard time with guilt if you take the easier path of using right now. Stick with the tough stuff of real life and real feelings.

We are here for you at any time. Please keep talking to us!

Hugs,
Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 12:37 pm 
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I think Amy summed it up extremely well! You should seriously consider what she had to say!

I'm certainly not saying that cravings themselves are hurting your unborn child, though I don't think that stress is beneficial, I am saying that the level of distress you're in makes me fear that relapse is a very real possibility. You, at this point, don't have much wiggle room, as you should be thinking of the good of your child only; anything less than that signals a serious problem. Don't hold off until you actually use, which is a very real possibility. No one can predict the future, including me, but it's a very real possibility. I fear that you aren't thinking 100% clearly right now, you said if there is even a 1% chance that your baby would have to deal with withdrawal you wouldn't go back to buprenorphine; at this point there is a much higher likelihood you're not taking into consideration that without it you will engage in behavior that is uncontrolled and potentially more damaging to the fetus.

Even if your baby goes through a long withdrawal process, it's the lesser of two evils in my mind. You're of the mindset that if you use, you'll then asses the situation. That looks good on paper but it's unlikely to actually happen. I've seen people in similar situations, like I said, begin using after some time clean when pregnant and aren't rational enough to say 'OK, I've now proven that I need help now,' it's not the nature of active addiction. To use some NA-type logic, I do believe that behavior/thinking changes right before an actual chemical relapse, and you're right in the middle of it right now, I believe something needs to be done. Cravings don't typically last for days on end and require long-term babysitters, it sounds like you're obsessed with using, which is totally normal since it's unnatural for addicts to not use and you've recently removed the agent that was keeping your addiction in remission. I think it's great that you have dedicated people around you who are willing to support you, but no one can keep eyes on you 24-7 and even in that type of situation you've been plotting. You can put cravings and perhaps eventual action in remission by taking buprenorphine. For the good of your unborn child, as I've said, you should not even consider getting off it or tapering it during your pregnancy simply to keep the unborn child safe in that even 1% chance relapse situation. Short of that, if the severe cravings you are experiencing don't dissipate, and you refuse to go back on buprenorphine, you may consider a professionally controlled environment, again for the safety of your child.

Again, I agree with all the consequences Amy listed and I agree that your thinking is indicative of the thinking of an active addict (minus actual use).

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 1:53 pm 
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TwinCitiesHardcore wrote:
I think Amy summed it up extremely well! You should seriously consider what she had to say!

Even if your baby goes through a long withdrawal process, it's the lesser of two evils in my mind. You're of the mindset that if you use, you'll then asses the situation. That looks good on paper but it's unlikely to actually happen.



Twin,

I certainly have considered what Amy had to say, and I completely agree with her. Her "tough love" stance is what I needed to hear, and it all makes perfect sense to me, even right now as I struggle with this. I needed to have it shoved in my face right now....no problem with that at all. - Thanks Amy!

I can assure you both, and anyone else, that my child is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in this right now. Anything I do, or don't do, would be for the benefit of my baby.

Your statement of me thinking if I use I may become more clear-headed to make a better decision is incorrect. I'm not thinking that way at all here. I'm trying to make the best decision that gets me out of this craving mode, and protects my baby in the very best manner possible.

And for the life of me I can't agree that going back on bupe therapy at this time is in HER very best interest. I'm sorry, but those are my thoughts, right or wrong. I'm not in any hurry to go right back at it full time unless it is the ONLY answer to this.

Here are my exact thoughts......

I'm thinking I want to use more than anything right now. The entire "game" of using is the most exciting part to ME. Like getting what I want by being sneaky, devious, lying, manipulative, etc. And when I obtain the goods, I hide them here and there and fool everyone. Like, I know something you don't know. I love the actual ritual of PREPARING to use as much as I do using, and it's always been that way with me. Without saying too much that gets me in trouble, it's like a certain powder was one of my favorites. Well finding it, buying it, and preparing it for use was as much fun, to ME, as actually using it was. And hiding that stuff was even more exciting!!

My cravings are much more of driving around, going here and there, talking to this person and that person, and getting what I want. It's the entire process that is driving me crazy right now. Of course using after it's obtained is also going to feel good, but is not entirely the entire picture. But I know how a dose of whatever would feel right now and well, there you go. It's killing me!

Now with that said the welfare of my unborn child is what is keeping me from making that giant step of actually getting what I want. Yes, I've been close, real close actually, but one thought of that precious, innocent baby made me turn my car around and get out of there.

I thought these cravings would be gone long ago, but they just haven't. I'm considering right now maybe taking a ONE-TIME Subutex dose of .50mg, and if that doesn't end the cravings after an hour, taking another .50mg dose. Or maybe 1mg doses each time? I'm thinking if I can end the cravings quickly then problem solved without going any further. That way the cravings are gone without going on bupe full time again.

I have family and friends basically holding me hostage right now so I won't go out. The thoughts of course were the cravings would only last 2-3 days at MOST. But they still continue which I thoroughly realize from past cravings and experience during the years is highly irregular. Never had them last DAYS!!!!

I understand your points, all of them. I really do Twin, and I appreciate you taking the time to post. I know my thinking is not 100% clear right now. But I'm still being rationale about the care and concern of my baby. I don't agree I'm being selfish as she's really my only concern or I would have used days ago.

This is what I'm willing to do at this point. If these cravings don't leave in the next couple of hours I am going to take the Subutex as described and see what happens. If the cravings stop completely then that's it and no more bupe. But if they return at any point I will begin taking it again until further notice. I don't like having people babysit me, they have lives too. And this needs to be over soon one way or the other.

So that's my plan as it is right now. It could change of course. But no matter what i decide to do the baby will not be harmed by my actions if it can be helped.

Thank you very much,
Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:53 pm 
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Hi Karen,

I don't have any doubts that your baby is foremost on your mind right now. I used the examples I did because I know how important she is to you and I thought that appealing to your maternal instincts would work. I hope it's still working!

I hope tonight you are feeling better or at least being held hostage again by your people! Please tell us what you decided to do today and whether it helped or not.

You hang in there, Karen! This is a hard fight, a tricky psychological fight. I know you will get through it and come out stronger the other side!

:)
Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 10:55 pm 
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hey Karen,
a lot of people who have actually gone and and used after being clean for a while say that it actually feels not that good. while we have a physical addiction it feels great. but on a clean system it feels slightly poisonous. not to mention the depression that is also going to hit bad after you crossed that line. you are going to be SO down on yourself. Then the next day or 2/3 you are going to feel the cravings/emptiness again and will be even easier to use again. so on and so on.
I know im preaching to the converted though. not telling you anything you don't know.

the cravings WILL get less and less. I didn't mean over a day or so but next week will be less than this week etc. after a while they will be truly gone.
really, we have only 2 choices. to not use or to use. it can be the easiest and hardest thing in the world. to just not do something. nothing more than this.
just don't do it Karen. don't take any Sub either. Just don't! this is the best thing to do. don't get to 20 years of using opiates like I did. it happens so fast!
C.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 11:15 pm 
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Hi Amy, and Everyone,

Well the cravings just weren't getting any better and it was time to do something. I did just as I said I would and decided to take a 1mg piece of Subutex. I waited an hour and it definitely helped, but I wasn't quite there yet so I decided to take another 1mg piece. That made all the difference and I feel great this evening!!!

I was confident enough to let my friends go home and I feel the right decision was made for ME at this time. Hopefully I won't need to take any more of the Subutex, but IF I do then I will probably remain on it for the duration of the pregnancy. I'm not going to continually take a piece of sub "as needed" because I feel that's not the way it's intended to be used. In fact I know it isn't. Your either on sub therapy or your aren't...no in between to it.

That's my plan anyway, good or bad, right or wrong?

I thought long and hard about it, and for right now I've taken a total of 2mg and feel just fine. No symptoms, no withdrawals, and most importantly.....NO CRAVINGS!!!! Thank God for that, and for everyone here trying their very best to help me. You guys are truly awesome and your guidance is so much appreciated!

Lotsa Love To All,
Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 1:54 am 
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I'm confident that you made 100% the correct decision for you. While we can sit here and give advice, we are on the outside looking in. Only you know what is best for you.

You know sub well enough to know not to lump your time on sub in with other opiate abuse. There is such a difference between you calmly deciding that you need this medication which you will not abuse, and the routine/ritual of deceitful behavior that comes with obtaining and abusing your drug of choice. Don't let anyone, even the voice of doubt in your own brain, make you think otherwise. I'm not saying that being on sub is the same as being 100% opiate free, but it is obviously very different from active drug abuse.

I'm very, very proud of you. It took a lot of strength for you to come to terms with what you needed to do to ensure the health of you and your baby. It's absolutely a huge deal that you chose harm reduction over a slip with your drug of choice. Way to go, Karen!

Thank you for being honest and vulnerable enough to share your struggle with us. You could have just put on a happy face and let everyone think that your life is perfect. I love that you're being real and it will likely help someone else down the road.

In gratitude for your honesty,
Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 3:05 am 
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Karen,

I'd just like to say, I've been reading your posts the last few days. I've been sort of addicted to this forum throughout the Suboxone recovery program. I love connecting with people who understand just how I've felt/am feeling.

Anyway, I want to tell you that I'm so proud of what you've done!! I have a 21 month old little boy, and I was on Subutex the entire time. I was addicted to pills right up until I found out I was pregnant. Luckily I found out at 2 weeks. I chose that Subutex was worth it for both him & I. I had wanted to be off of pills, but I just couldn't muster up a "reason" to, I guess. Anyway my point is that I was on it the entire time. I only took about .5 a day, but regardless, my son is happy & healthy & never went through WD. I nursed for 3 months, and even after that, no WD's. Being on Subutex was much better than him going through opiate WD's in my womb, or me relapsing onto pills and talking myself into it being okay.

These little devils are awful at convincing us of things we want so badly not to do! It's so hard to even understand. We know how shitty our lives are on them, yet we do it anyway! It's crazy.

I'm so happy that you chose to do what's right for YOU & for your baby. Nobody but you could make that decision. This has saved both of your lives! Regardless if you stay on the Subs or not, you made the decision because the cravings were too terrible. It's remarkable! You should be so proud of yourself!

Carissa


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 11:27 am 
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Hey Amy,

Thank you so much for the wonderful comments. You have been such a huge part of my success during my time here and I will never forget that. Really, thank you Amy!

I've tried to be very accurate and honest with each post concerning my taper at the time, and also how I've felt during these 2+ months off the sub. I want anyone reading to get a clear and honest understanding that not every story has to be one of horror or doom when tapering from Suboxone or Subutex.

I also wanted everyone to hear about any struggles I have too. While my time on sub therapy was an excellent experience, and the taper went extremely well, this recent episode of cravings was the worst I have ever experienced in my 16+ years of being an addict. It was more than horrible, they were inhumane and drove me right to the edge. I tried to make an informed decision based on the many replies and suggestions I received from those that really do care. I really do feel I made the very best decision at the time for ME personally, and my baby's. Might not be what some suggested, but so far it has worked as I had hoped, and I pray I have no further episodes of those unbelievable cravings anytime soon, or ever again actually. They were maddening.

So thank you once more Amy for always standing by me, and with me through it all. Your one very special lady and this site is so lucky to have you as a member, and moderator.

Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 11:48 am 
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Hi Carissa!

Love that name! I'm so happy you posted. I have also been reading many of your posts since you joined and wanted to say hello and introduce myself to you so many times.. You have lots of experience, plenty of knowledge, and are a welcome addition to the forum! You give solid advice and suggestions to those you have helped, which has been many. Keep up the good work! :D

I'm so happy to hear about your little boy, and especially excited to hear you were on Subutex during your entire pregnancy. Makes me feel less afraid that's for sure. And to hear you say that little guy was born with no addiction and withdrawal problems makes me overjoyed Carissa. You mentioned nursing also and I plan on doing the same. It's so helpful and calming to know you experienced no problems with that part either.

I was so scared to take even that one-time dose of the Subutex. I waited and waited and waited for those cravings to stop, but they just wouldn't let go and I had to do something. I did as much research as possible, got lots of good info here, and took the Subutex and ended those nasty cravings. And IF they do come up again I won't hesitate to go on the Subutex at that time until the end of my pregnancy. Hearing you say it was no problem for you helps me so much to make that decision. You have helped me more than you can possibly know and I thank you!

Please stop back again. I may have questions for you later and if I do I won't hesitate to ask here, on your thread, or by a private PM message. It's very nice to meet you Carissa. I wish you the very best and thank you again for your very kind comments!

Hugs,
Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:31 pm 
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Hi Karen.
Definitely not the end if the world. Whatever works sometimes eh? You may find it has now taken the edge off and can reset yourself again? Just may of needed to come up for air. May not need another dose. You wont be physically addicted yet.
Im really impressed with your honesty.
Keep us updated on what's is happening.
You last couple of posts sounded much calmer and back to normal.
I really feel for you.
F...ing addiction!!
C


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 3:15 pm 
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Hey there C,

Yeah, it's definitely not the end of the world because I took a little bit of Subutex. The cravings felt like the world was ending! :shock:

It did just as you said and took the edge off and allowed me to get right back where I was. I'm not needing to take any more of the sub right now. That was good enough and did the job perfectly well. I was scared to take it in the first place, and it was also a pride issue for me to be honest.

I felt like if I took any sub to even get rid of horrible cravings it would feel like a let down, or failure on my part. But if I were to have actually used again by going after my drug of choice, now THAT would have been a complete failure in my mind.

Yeah addiction is surely a beast to battle, but if we continue to battle then we always have a chance. I feel I made the right decision to take the sub. I just now wish I would have done it sooner and saved myself some misery. But I did learn from it.

Thanks C for checking in and I hope you are doing well. Take care.

Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:25 pm 
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Wow Karen, you sure know how to flatter a girl!! :P thank you for the compliments. You are also very inspiring! This little set back does not change that.

I'm here anytime and will be checking on you. Keep us updated. :)


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:29 am 
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Subutex or dope... It's just going to make the cravings worse.

All I'm saying is.... They won't ever just "go away" unless you actively try and stay in an atmosphere of recovery. Being off of suboxone is hard. Alot harder than Alot of people think. Unless you want to go to meetings everyday of some kind or addiction counseling.... You should just stay on it..I watch many (and have had it hspped) folks get lulled into this false existence while on Suboxone. That everything is going so well for them because they are in recovery and working on themselves. But taking suboxone and changing your phone number is far from recovery. I'm not saying that either way is better than the other at all. Just sharing experience.

Well since I got completely off on a tangent.... My point....

Cravings come with recovery from opiate addiction. Plain and simple. One day or 10 years clean.... Doesn't matter. This is why you constantly have to remember that taking suboxone is still a form of your active use. Taking an opiate to get through the day. Sure it's vastly different in Alot of ways, but when it comes to real recovery, how much can we really get? Really sink in?

You can sit on your hands for a long time without suboxone. But it chips away slowly back to active use... Taking a piece of sub to help cravings just once.... Then twice.... Then you are back on sub.


Just saying that you are either on Suboxone and living the best that you possibly can without other drugs/working some kind of recovery program...... Or you are off sub an going to meetings every single day of some kind. All recovery. All the time. Or else you end up back on sub or using again.

So what is the best choice for you? No fourth choice. No exercise plan to permanent recovery. No "staying too busy to use". No nothing. Suboxone, meetings daily, or use till death. It's not bad.... Just gotta pick one. But who really sticks with just one? We all do all three lol.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:06 pm 
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Well, I'm not sure I totally agree with MM1 here. I don't see how making the decision to use subutex to get past these cravings as needed is a bad idea. I really think it can work for you Karen. I know your ultimate goal is to do what is best for your baby, and it's scary to think about your child being born and going through withdrawal from a drug...any drug. BUT, you really need stay on top of this. In my opinion the worst thing that could happen is for you to relapse, you need to do everything humanly possible to prevent that from happening. If you continue to have cravings popping up, and I would almost say that is certain to happen judging from the extreme things you described, you would most definitely be better off to go back to the subs until your baby is born.

Honestly, Karen, the posts you submitted a few days ago were frightening to read. You were not thinking at all clearly, and I think your addiction had a much bigger hold on you than you were willing to admit to yourself. I'm so happy you decided to try the subutex. It probably saved your ass. How are you feeling today?

I want to apologize for not responding to you until now. For those that don't know, my son dropped my wireless card in the sink and I'm down until further notice. All efforts to revive it from the dead failed, and I'm going to have to buy a new one. So, I'll be checking in whenever possible but it's not likely to be very often until I can get that darn card replaced.

Keep yourself well Karen. Hope to hear back that you are still feeling better and haven't used.

Q

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:05 pm 
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MovieMaker1 wrote:
So what is the best choice for you? No fourth choice. No exercise plan to permanent recovery. No "staying too busy to use". No nothing. Suboxone, meetings daily, or use till death. It's not bad.... Just gotta pick one. But who really sticks with just one? We all do all three lol.

What's the best choice for me you ask?

Well the BEST choice for ME is to probably to go with my first instincts and not to even respond to your negative, bring everyone down, post and keep my head up and fighting to live each day the best I can and hope you never respond to me again. To completely ignore your comments. That's my BEST choice, but...
Really wasn't even going to respond to your continuos parade of negative posts. Why do you have to bring everyone down with your comments? In EVERY post it seems? I won't allow that to happen with me. Sorry. :wink:

As far as your message/thoughts/warning to me about choices I have to make, I did want to say just a few things. I DO believe there are more than the 3 choices you so adamantly proclaim all of us have. I believe there can be several more choices.

MovieMaker1 wrote:
Just saying that you are either on Suboxone and living the best that you possibly can without other drugs/working some kind of recovery program...... Or you are off sub an going to meetings every single day of some kind. All recovery. All the time. Or else you end up back on sub or using again.

What your REALLY saying is that no one, not one single person, can or will ever truly remain drug-free and live the remaining years of their life without performing one of your "choices" you have so graciously provided for all of us here.

Choice 4. A persons belief in their Higher Power, whether it be in God or another form, can get them through ANYTHING. If I BELIEVE I will be ok, then you can bet I will. Lots more to this, but you get my point...hopefully?

Choice 5. MY WILLPOWER AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE to survive without any of your self-proclaimed "choices" will get me through the toughest of times. Lots more to this too, but enough said....hopefully?

You say it has to be either....
1. Suboxone
2. Meetings daily
3. Or use until death.
No 4th choice according to your thought process.

Well.....
I will NOT use Suboxone for the rest of my life! (my personal choice and guaranteed)
I will NOT attend meetings daily! (I might if time allowed as I love meetings, and the people)
I will NOT use until death occurs! (that's a bonafide fact)

I WILL live my life knowing I'm doing the best possible thing for me personally, and the strength I possess is enough for ME alone, the POSITIVE attitude I have always had, my DESIRE to remain free of my addiction, my WILL to not use, can all lead up to me to never using again. And I honestly BELIEVE that too! Sure I may stumble along the way, but it certainly doesn't have to be your choices I make by a long shot. You forget human beings have a remarkable way of overcoming obstructions just by willpower alone. You have no idea who your dealing with there.

Keep your negative comments to yourself and off my thread please. I for one don't want to hear any of your negative thoughts. NONE OF THEM! And I refuse to believe you have any idea what addiction and especially RECOVERY actually is. Yes, maybe one or two of your comments may be close to being actual fact, or a remote possibility, but the majority of your posts are nothing more than negative garbage that brings people down when that's the absolute LAST thing they need.

One more very important piece of information: Every single day that I don't use, and remain free of a drug, is a complete knock against the 3 choices you say I HAVE TO MAKE. I choose to live MY LIFE without any of YOUR choices.

I make MY LIFE what it is with MY CHOICES alone! How do you know for sure that I won't make it for the remaining days of my life totally and completely drug-free? How do you know for certain I won't be the next person to win the $$$Million Dollar Lottery? If you really do have that "crystal ball" that tells you how everyone here will end up in their own recovery efforts, then please let me know about the lottery.....maybe I should stop buying tickets?

MovieMaker1 wrote:
So what is the best choice for you? No fourth choice. No exercise plan to permanent recovery. No "staying too busy to use". No nothing. Suboxone, meetings daily, or use till death. It's not bad.... Just gotta pick one. But who really sticks with just one? We all do all three lol.

So what's my best choice?
D. None of the above!

MovieMaker1 wrote:
Subutex or dope... It's just going to make the cravings worse.

One of the most ridiculous statements I have ever heard. Actually, instead of making my past cravings worse, the Subutex completely ENDED ALL CRAVINGS completely and immediately, and they have not returned.

Check back with me in 15-20 years. Betcha I make ya eat your words!

You have a great day now! :D

Karen


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