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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:25 pm 
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I'm noticing a theme here. Are most Methadone/Suboxone patients former IV Heroin users or prescription opiates such as Diloted or Oxycotin et al. Myself I was IV heroin user for 12 years. I lived on the street and was a part of the hard-core underclass. In treatment, I live indoors, shower daily, employment, interact with family and friends, etc. I feel great, not like a drug addict, but the thought persists, am I in recovery. From reading the posts, I'm not the only one who feels this way. How does God/higher power feel about this? I seriously want to know. Are we better people if we spend two months of sleeplessness and depression. This scares me but so does returning to the disfunctiion of drug use. When I first started down the road of recovery I didn't think I could live without drugs and wasn't afraid to die on the street. Once I got a little bit of a taste of sobriety, I wanted more and discovered my real self. I thought God wanted me back. Now I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I hadn't heard this about NA not allowing Meth/Sub'ers to speak. Should I try to get clean completely (meaning free of opiates) ? Is Sub for life economically manageable? My main goal is the pursuit of happiness. As a heroin user I was on the fringe of society looking in. Now, I'm on the other side but am I fooling myself. I talked to one guy who said I was. Most people at the Methadone clinic are not truly in recovery but they are all better off than street junkies. A small minority could be described as being in recovery. I do what the doctors tell me to do. Help me.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:10 am 
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ndc1963-

Welcome to the site! The entire purpose surrounding Methadone and Suboxone is opiate replacement therapy. Let me try to help in answering some of your questions:

Quote:
Are we better people if we spend two months of sleeplessness and depression?

The idea is to get past the sleeplessness and depression.Nothing worth having in life comes easy for most of us.We have to work hard and have faith in ourselves, keep fighting to get what we deserve to have.I know I am a better person for the suffering I have endured.Was is meant to be? I don't know, but we learn and grow from our struggles.

Quote:
When I first started down the road of recovery I didn't think I could live without drugs and wasn't afraid to die on the street. Once I got a little bit of a taste of sobriety, I wanted more and discovered my real self. I thought God wanted me back. Now I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

You are the only person who can answer this question, but if you read it again the answer is very clear to me.

Quote:
I hadn't heard this about NA not allowing Meth/Sub'ers to speak. Should I try to get clean completely (meaning free of opiates) ? Is Sub for life economically manageable?

You don't have to live by the rules of anyone you don't want to. It is not fair for anyone to judge your methods of recovery.Some people would tell you to keep your medication use to yourself if you go to 12 step mtgs, but to me that is hiding your true self, which goes against the entire idea behind recovery. Do not feel ashamed that you are using medication to function. You have to decide what matters more, using medication to help you in your recovery or listening to people who generally do not understand the medication, telling you how to live your life.There are other ways to get support, you just have to find them.

Quote:
Most people at the Methadone clinic are not truly in recovery but they are all better off than street junkies. A small minority could be described as being in recovery.


This may be true but your main concern should be YOU, nobody else. Work on getting honest with yourself and not on what society thinks of you.You suffer from addiction, how you get well depends completely on you!

_________________
"It is never too late to be what you might have been!" - George Eliot


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:48 pm 
Here's my two cents on the subject - ndc, I think it's all about the last few words you used in your subject line - "the pursuit of happiness"! It's hard for me to believe that anyone who is addicted to anything is truly happy. We all know, whether we're heroin addicts or whether we unwittingly found ourselves addicted to prescription drugs, that what comes along with addiction is definitely NOT happiness. I tried abstinence-based recovery and was absolutely miserable the entire time. I was a relapse waiting to happen every day! I was unable in the midst of that misery to even begin to address the things in my life that needed attention. I was too busy just trying to get through the next hour without using.
With the help of Suboxone, I have been able to live and function normally, and most importantly begin to deal with my addiction. So am I in recovery? Of course I am! It doesn't matter to me one bit what anyone else thinks.
What matters is that we are productive members of society, moving forward. Not stuck, going nowhere because the only thing that matters is where and how we're gonna continue to feed our addiction.
As far as how God/higher power feels about all this - I believe he's a lot happier with me now on Suboxone as an honest, law-abiding person than He was when I was in my active addiction. As far as the future goes - For now, I am looking at Sub as a tool, with hopes that at some point I will transition off of it and be drug free. That is my ultimate goal and God willing, it will happen at the appropriate time. I've been on Sub a little over 3 months and just in the past couple of weeks have I felt comfortable enought at "normal" to see a possibility of stopping it at some point. In the meantime, my recovery work continues.
I am so very grateful that I found Suboxone. It has given me the chance to see that I can be happy again. No one but me can judge that!


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 Post subject: Happiness
PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:18 pm 
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You have managed to deftly sum up my own thoughts on the subject. Perhaps focusing on happiness is the best way to aproach this issue. When we turned to drugs in the first place we thought we were seeking a form of happiness and in fact when I was in active use I couldn't imagine living without drugs. Treatment has given me that possibility and I hope to avail myself of this tool to achieve happiness. If I get to a point were I don't feel happy I will re-evaluate my situation at that time. Because of Methadone I am in a position where I am spending my time on a web site devoted to recovery and care enough to seek dialogue with like minded people. In active use I couldn't justify any activity that didnt' procure more heroin and cocaine. That alone is amazing.


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