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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 9:58 am 
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Good morning all it has been a long time since I’ve been on this forum. I went through an addiction with cocaine, ended up with a scholarship into a really good treatment center. I was detoxed off Suboxone and Xanax. I was doing minimal cocaine by the time I made it to treatment but treatment was well needed. I was stable on Suboxone for quite some time prior to my cocaine use and during the economical downfall I just got stupid. I hated cocaine which I found interesting but I still did it anyways as many of us can relate…

I’m posting this message as I’m six months out of treatment and I relapsed on my drug of choice Oxycodone. During the six months of being totally clean I found myself with motivation problems when at home. At work, I did great which I found interesting; I really have a passion for the field I work in. I have a wife whom is my high school sweet heart and two beautiful boys. My wife over time was getting annoyed with my motivation issues. I totally understood where she was coming from but I felt like I had no control over it. I believe this was part of the reason why I relapsed from the lack of motivation. Within two weeks the obsession was so strong to use and I didn’t want to go down this path. So, I made an appointment with my Suboxone doctor whom handed me a script.

My wife this time around has not been on the same page with Suboxone, I believe cocaine and whatever she heard at the treatment center warped her mind. So, I only took 2mg of Sub for the first few days and instantly felt relief knowing I would probably be stopping Sub really soon. My wife during this week was not too happy. What she did notice was my motivation problems were gone. I was helping out around the house, cleaning, helping out with the kids, homework, cleaning up my computer area which I have not done in six months. It basically was a complete turnaround. I began tapering off the 2mg dose over the week in preparation of quitting since my wife was not happy with me taking Suboxone. I’m currently taking a 1mg dose now and I’m on day 7 on Suboxone.

I’m in a state of not knowing what to do here as I was on Suboxone for three years prior. My wife since has told me she sees no negative side effects and told me to do what I feel is best. This was a big turnaround from the past 6 days. My biggest concern is the numbing of my feelings, not being able to laugh, and simply just having a very difficult time making it in life completely abstinent from any medication. I’ve tried anti-depressants and I just don’t like them so I’m stuck right now. I’m stuck right now and being that I’ve been on Sub now for 7 days, I need to make a choice quickly before stopping Suboxone will not be so easy. I’m not even sure how withdrawals will be being on Suboxone for 7 days, I figured it would be mild. This is a tough one but yet seems like such a simple decision, I just have to come to terms this may be a life long journey on Suboxone.

Any thoughts, advice, I would greatly appreciate it… Thanks, SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 1:45 pm 
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What would you do if your wife was out of the picture or had no opinion? Would you stay on Bup? If so, you may already have your answer. If not, keep reading. What is more important to you, being off of opiates and out of active addiction or being free of all drugs including Bup? Again, if staying out of active addiction is your number one goal then you have your answer. If not, keep reading. What is more important to you, being a loving father and husband, being productive, feeling better, getting things done or being off of Bup? Once again, you may have your answer.

I fear you are being way too colored by what your wife thinks. And hell, she is your wife after all so you have to include her in your decisions and life. However, she may be making a very uninformed decision based on totally false and pre-conceived notions.

For me this would be easy, do what is the ultimate best for your life. Grab a sheet of paper and list two columns one with Pros and one with Cons. Then list all of the good things that come from you being on bup - - - more productive, happier, safer, not in active addiction, etc. Then make a list of the Cons - for you ---- Wife is upset, whatever side effects you have, cost (if that's a factor) or whatever else. Make the list as complete as you possibly can. Then take a look and you'll likely again have your answer.

There is nothing wrong with taking a medication to treat your chronic disease. I take a medication because I have developed high blood pressure - likely due in part to my diet. I could improve diet or I can take a tiny pill everyday and live a good life. I have the same with high cholesterol. Unfortunately here, while diet again could play a part, family history is my trump card and I simply take a pill to help control it and live a good life. Yes, I have to take blood tests to make sure I'm not doing any liver damage. It's a trade off. The very same goes with addiction. You relapsed and felt like crap off of Bup and do much better on it. Hmmmmmmmm, starting to get more clear?

Perhaps what really needs to be done is you and your wife need to get some actual education on Bup. Perhaps a teleconference with Dr. Junig might help that. Perhaps your wife watching some of his videos might help that? Perhaps her talking with your Bup doctor along with you might help that? She too needs to decide what she wants - a happy, healthy, productive, non-using husband or one that does not take medication? What is the most important to her - and to you?

Hope all that helps.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 3:11 am 
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donh, it's so great to see you back and posting here again!!! I'm not exactly an old-timer, but I do remember you!

Making a list of pros and cons is a great idea, SuperBuper! I read in your last paragraph that your wife has actually turned around in her thinking on suboxone and says it's up to you. I don't necessarily believe in "signs", but the change in her opinion sounds like a huge pro!

What I didn't hear about in your post is how likely you think you are to relapse again. Obviously you don't want to underestimate your addiction. If you are already thinking of using again once you're off the sub, that's not a good sign that you're ready to be completely abstinent. Try to be as realistic as you can!

I wish you well as you make your decision.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 10:01 am 
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Donh & Amy, thanks so much for your responses... I just wanted to drop a quick line and let you both know I will respond to your messages today at some point. I'm at work and have been a bit busy in the evening. Thank you both so much for your responses. My wife even read the response from Donh and the feedback was positive from her. I've been shooting her articles (links) from suboxonetalkxone and I believe she has been reading them.. I'll be back soon, I have so much more to say. Thanks, SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:54 pm 
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Donh,

After reading your response the other day, I felt much better, thanks. I'm on day 8 now back on Sub, I was going to stop today but decided not too. This decision for some reason is very difficult and at the same time, I'm not stopping. I may end up making my decision without even realizing it.

After realizing my wife made a change to support my decision being on Bup, I noticed my thoughts of stopping were still there. My wife was a decent factor with my decision to possibly stop, but I realized after she made the turn that this was much deeper. I'm beginning to realize, I'm being really hard on myself. Feeling as if I let my family down that I couldn't just stay clean, and learn to live life on life's terms. I am second guessing myself quite a bit these past few days. Thinking, should I stop Sub to give this another shot?? Did I do something wrong?? Can I do something different?? This insanity reminds me of thinking to myself, can I control my using of Oxycodone by doing something different!!!! I know there is no way I could use any drug different and be normal that's never going to happen. I've already tried recovery before and went through this same exact feeling and I am still thinking maybe this time, I can pull it off. When in reality, this is insanity on it's own.

I'm going to take your suggestion and write a list of Pros and Cons, I can even post this if anyone would like me too. By the way, after reading your response it was beyond obvious that I had my answer. I was shaking my head up and down as I was reading your questions.. :)

I personally have seen many of Dr. Junig's videos, I'm not sure if my wife would sit down and watch them. How does the teleconference work?

Amy - again thanks for your response as well. Yah, I do believe in "signs" actually. I'm not a religious person but definitely spiritual, I do believe things happen for a reason. For my wife to be very persistent on "Suboxone is not an option" to making a complete U-Turn supporting my decision is a huge sign. Having my wife on my side certainly makes this easier for sure.

How likely I think I would relapse is a really good question. Well, I can tell you I don't want to stop Sub so I can get high that's for damn sure. I got on Sub immediately to protect myself because I just could not stay clean for more than a day or two. I was using against my will, which quite a few people just don't understand. I didn't want to waste my families money this was really bothering me. So to answer this question truthfully, I don't know how I would feel until I got off Sub again. When I got out of treatment I had zero obsession to use. I was at peace for months and as time went by my emotions began to wonder a bit. This was even being in the program working it really hard too. I keep wondering if I stop Suboxone, if I would continue thinking the way I'm thinking?? As if it changed the direction I was going... Make sense? Most of the time, I don't even see relapse coming.

Seems to me all the odds/facts people talk about with relapse on opiates.. I feel like I'm living those odds and when I read Dr. Junig's articles, I feel like he is talking directly to me.


I also wanted to add being at the lower dose I found myself able to laugh, joke, and feel quite a bit. This was exciting for me, I was on 16mg prior and I believe now this may have been to much for me. I'm really not having any of the negative side effects I was previously worried about. If I decide to stick this out, I may shoot for 4mg for a bit..

Thanks again for your responses, I can't thank you both enough!

SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 4:17 pm 
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Glad I could help! I used to be a part of this great online community and would read and often post daily. I'm glad I still have the ability to help in some way. While I'm still on Bup, currently at 25% of the dose I used to be, as my life returned to normal, I got much, much busier and didn't have near the time to post. I also did not at all agree with the direction the moderators here at that time were taking things, including censoring, editing or removing comments and "disciplining" posters whom they didn't like or get along with while doing the exact same thing themselves or worse and letting their friends do the same. Thankfully it looks like those mods are either no longer around or at least not active. Unfortunately, I have totally lost control of the "semi-retirement" I had going and find myself busier than ever - not leaving a lot of time for helping out around here with posts. I am on a taper of sorts myself with considerations of stopping Bup after more than four years both on Bup and without a single slip back to active addiction. So that may bring me back more often.

As for a teleconference, Dr. J used to offer that service whereby he does a clinical session just as he would with you in the office, only he does it with a private video conference session from your home. I know he got his wrist slapped for prescribing using this method and can no longer do that, but thought it still was leal for him to talk with you and help you and your wife make this decision. It's not free but might be the best $100 or whatever you can spend - especially when compared with the costs, both financial and personal with a relapse. It would allow both you and your wife to discuss all of this and ask questions of a true expert with Bup and addiction. Email Dr. Junig if you are interested and I'm sure he will respond.

Just keep in mind you are not in any way failing by staying on Bup. You actually may be Making the very best decision. Is a depressed person failing when taking Prozac? Is a diabetic failing by taking insulin? Of course not! And neither are you. Cut yourself some slack and do what is the best for your life and your family!

And Amy, I'm flattered you remember me! Didn't at all mean to call you old. :). Seems like you are putting in a huge amount of time here. Thank you for doing that. It's often a thankless job.

Don


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:19 am 
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Perhaps the lack of humor is because you feel "dirty" taking sub. It obviously works for you, but oftentimes well-meaning loved ones think they know what's best for us...but they can't know...not unless they've experienced it first hand. If your wife supported you either way, what would you do? I remember a Dr. Phil program where an ex-police officer became addicted to opiates after being shot in the line of duty. He did beautifully on Suboxone until his wife demanded he quit. He was basically white knuckling his day to day life and just miserable. They brought one of the Nation's leading addiction specialists on the show. He explained to this man (and his wife) that he'd tossed out the one thing that would have saved him: Sub, and recommended he begin taking small doses again. If you can maintain at 1mg per day, that is a very small price to pay for a happy, productive life. You are beating yourself up more than anyone else IMHO. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:46 pm 
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Dohh,

I remember you when I first joined this forum, I also remember seeing some of the drama at the end of my stay. I am going to get back into browsing through the other boards and try to get back into posting. I can relate with the busy part, I'm slammed with work, a 10 year old in travel baseball, and also a 5 year old as well. Travel baseball takes quite a bit of our time but we as a family have a lot of fun with it.


You mentioned you were tapering and having considerations of stopping Bup. First of all, congratulations on your clean time that's awesome! Why are you considering stopping if you don't mind me asking? I was on bup for close to 3 years when I jumped off at a pretty high dose in treatment. I refused to take Suboxone in treatment as the taper method instead they gave me hydrocodone over a course of 14 days. Being in a medical facility taking the full opiate agonist is not really Russian Roulette, as if one tried this method on their own. With all that said, I was wondering how you planned on tapering?

I appreciate your positive reinforcement you have been giving me, I certainly needed it, that's for sure. The entire reason I made the appointment with my doctor was to immediately stop the deadly pattern I was on, I quickly put out the fire. I knew this was the right decision and best for the family at the time. Now, I'm stuck with a bit of guilty feelings of possibly being on this med for a bit longer after I just went through a 30 day treatment. Once again, Suboxone saved my butt...

NytViolet put it very well and truly is right on the money.... "Perhaps the lack of humor is because you feel "dirty" taking sub". Especially since I am still in the program and for me it seems Suboxone is frowned upon and quite controversial. Also, after experiencing six months on no medication, I do feel a bit "dirty". Even when I started an anti-depressant like Lexapro, which I'm no longer on (long ago), I felt the initial hit from the medication. This is what I felt when I started Suboxone again even though I consider myself "clean" being on Sub. Neither one I would say is a high. Both medications helped considerably with my motivation but Lexapro placed me in an emotional bubble where I couldn't go to high or too low and I could not stand this feeling. NytViolet, my wife is 100% supporting me now and I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do...So, it's all on me now. I'm a very lucky man to have a loving wife like I do, I believe she felt that I was "dirty" for a bit but then realized I am back to normal again. Without the other substances masking the positives of Sub she is seeing the huge benefits of me being on Sub.

I appreciate your positive comments as well, I am completely pro Suboxone for anyone out there that chooses to take this type of recovery. I really wanted to try life completely clean as most of the time I'm a happy person. For me, I feel there are some CONS for being on Suboxone after being on the medication for 3 years. I also feel there are more PROS than CONS for me as well making this a difficult decision. Either way, if I choose to give life another shot with no Suboxone, if I felt myself going in the wrong direction, I would jump right back on Sub for good as I know it's my safety blanket, perhaps for life.

Currently, I'm stable at 2mg per day. I'm heading to Disney World this weekend for 5 days so I'm playing it safe and staying on Sub for another week.

Thanks all who have responded so far it's such a great help to have this type of support!

SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 1:50 pm 
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I not want to hijack the original post but will answer your question, Super. Plus, the thread is pretty quiet. Actually, I'd love to hear an update with what is going on with the OP and his wife.

As for me, I'm tapering partly due to doctors encouragement. He's not forcing me - more a gentle push that I think is appropriate. I tend to need that anyhow. When I first got on Bup I did not even begin to consider life long use. The in patient detox doc said I should be on for life. I was 46 at the time and thought he was nuts. Hell that could be 30 or 40 more years! My grandfather lived to 96 and my dad is 78 and in amazing health. Do I really want to be on this for that long yet? It has been four years. I feel I need to at least give it a try.

If I can't do it, I'll go right back on. Already I've found that I feel just as good if not better on 2mg as I did on 16. So that is already a positive. Therefore at the very least I'll stay on the lower dose - perhaps 1 mg/day. I have no issues with not feeling clean or family saying I need to get off. However the time and cost sucks! It also is not at all like my other two meds. I see that doc once a year, have no problems with refills and get a blood draw twice a year for the Lipator. That's it. Doc visit is less than $200 with blood and meds are $22/month. That's not at all the case with Bup. My doc only makes me come in every three months. However between his charges and the clinic fee, it's nearly $350 each time. He does the $600 drug testing too but waives it for me due to my high deductible insurance. I have to pick up a written script every month and do a UA as well. This takes nearly two hours start to finish. Plus the cost of the meds have been as high as $600/month although now down to about $60. But still, it's just not like being on high BP or cholesterol meds. Yearly cost is over $2,000 and has been as high as $8,000!!!!!!!! I can get nearly any doc to refill my BP and Lipitor. Certainly can't do that with Bup. It's just a huge PITA.

So my plan is to give it a try and see how it goes. If it goes well then great. If not, I stay on and put up with it all. Especially at low doses - say 1 or even 2 mg/day, it would be awesome to only see the doc twice a year and I don't think for a stable pt that is poor patient care. The risk of diversion is so low. Who would go through all of this to get 30 8 mg stops every six months? It's the same or half of what I was getting every single month two or three years ago. Remember Bup was a schedule V drug - the lowest you can get and still the same as small quantity codeine that is still over the counter in many states (although pharmacy today refuses to fill it even though it is legal) my point is, it was a V until approval for addiction. Now it is a III - the same as where Vicodin currently is. Diversion is getting worse and worse so docs are being turned into cops. It's total crap.

If I can be free of all of that and still stay clean I will. So with a gentle nudge I'm trying - very slowly. Honestly my doc stopped my taper at 2 and said just hold here for three months and stabilize before going lower. It's no rush. He's way under the 100 cap - likely due to his cost and as a pain clinic is very picky of the patients he will even see. I get the feeling he only takes the easy cases - guys like me who never fail a ua never miss an apt, never have an early refill, lose a script or lose their meds.

That's the deal, Super. Thanks for asking. Again I'd love to hear an update from the OP on how things are going.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 2:36 pm 
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Thanks for your post Don, I appreciate it. I'm not too familiar with the way these forums work with hijacking etc. Makes sense though.

I was planning on posting an update as well, I just got back from our annual disney trip. We went to Disney on Thanksgiving day and just returned yesterday afternoon.

You know things are not going very well for me. I believe my wife backed off me for a bit due to excitement with going to Disney. Even at Disney, I felt things just were not the same between us since I started Suboxone again. Now that we are back I feel the distance even more, I know for a fact it's Suboxone. I know when she went to a few seminars at the treatment center they changed her entire mind about Suboxone. At this point, I am planning on stopping Suboxone to give it another shot.

I've been currently stable on about 2mg a day of Suboxone. I plan on seeing my doctor on December 11th and telling him I need to stop. I'm going to request Neurotin as the Treatment Center prescribed me Neurotin two weeks into treatment. The docs there recommended I stay on Neurotin long term. I believe I was more motivated when I was taking Neurotin after treatment, I actually ran out of the medication.. I was on a very low dose and tapered off without any issues.

Being at 2mg now, I'm wondering how easy it will be to stop Sub after being on the med closing in on 3 weeks. Withdrawals? Well, that's where I'm at keep you posted.

SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 5:05 pm 
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I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like to give your wife a little bit of a spanking! Because it seems like she's putting her needs and her wants ahead of your sobriety. She's not in your situation. She has no idea what addiction is like, so why is her opinion more important than yours?

Now, I'm sure that your wife is wonderful in many ways. Otherwise you wouldn't care about her opinion so much. But it's arrogant of her to assume that she knows how to combat your addiction better than you do. Can't she just be proud of you being sober and leave the rest up to you, or is she thinking that you taking sub reflects badly on her? I just don't get it.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 2:25 pm 
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Amy,

Thanks for your e-mail and honesty, I really appreciate..and no I'm not at all offended by your response one bit.

I'm in total agreement with you as she is clueless on how this feels. I am almost certain what she has learned in the classes at the treatment center is what has changed her thinking of Suboxone. The treatment center blasted the fact that doctors keep patients on this for a long time, etc.. I am not going to go into details on what the treatment center pushed out, I'm sure you could only imagine.

My wife has given me the impression to do what's best for me, but at the same time she is not in agreement with me on Suboxone again longterm. This alone makes it more difficult for me to swallow staying on the medication alone. With that said, I'm also battling with my own demons of "should I stay on the medication again long term". I've told my wife, if I knew she was for it, my decision would most likely be much easier.

She has to know I jumped on Suboxone to stop the deadly spiral. If I didn't want sobriety, I sure the heck would not have gone to my suboxone doctor. I know I'm probably rambling and justifying but that's where I'm at today.

Thanks again Amy, I will keep you posted. Superbuper


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 4:00 pm 
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Hey Super,

I'll tell you this, if you're not 100% ready to quit, your chance of relapse is sky high, IMO. The people who I've seen have the most success coming off Suboxone and staying off drugs were those who were completely ready to quit.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:10 pm 
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My Lord, I'm an idiot sometimes. :). I was all concerned about hijacking this thread away from the original poster. Thing is, you are the original poster!!! What a goof I am. Just disregard those comments about not wanting to pull away the commends made be you, the OP, by answering additional comments made be you, the OP. Despite that aspect making me look like I don't have a clue, I hope you'll continue to consider the other things I've said.

Very well stated Amy! I could not agree more. Perhaps this is a symptom of a larger, different, problem, but why does your wife get to decide what medication your doctor legally prescribes to you? Perhaps this is why I'm divorced but like Amy, I think your wife is being selfish and wanting you to do what is best for HER or makes her FEEL good rather than is best for YOU. Is this a pattern of her behavior? Then if she doesn't get her way she becomes cold to you? Is this her standard behavior? I just want to repeat, as loudly as I can, the most important thing and goal here is that you stay sober and safe and out of active addiction. Making your wife happy while doing it is just a bonus. Will she be more happy if you relapse just as long as you don't take Bup? What will happen if you go off Bup and then relapse? What then? Have you asked your wife this question?

I'm worried for you super. As Romeo stated, your chances for success under these circumstances are not good. Your wife may manufacture your undoing!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:25 pm 
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This is really unfortunate, I see it all the time; people get on a medication that improves their lives 1000-fold and then are pressured to get off it for an arbitrary reason, often by people in their lives who should likely be supporting their positive decisions.

Does your wife know that relapse rates are SKY HIGH when people get off buprenorphine when they don't have a stable recovery in place (outside of buprenorphine) that they are able to dedicate much of their time, life and thinking to for the rest of their lives? NA and AA preach that they are 'selfish programs,' so if your wife is concerned with the time you spend going to DR's appointments, picking up RX'sd and physically taking the medication, someone involved with 'traditional recovery programs' such as AA and/or NA, spend a lot more time engaged in creating a 'new them' via the principles of the program/fellowship, etc. Other programs/therapy/counseling/psychology (aside from the free 12-steps and like programs) can be just as expensive if not more so than buprenorphine.

Your wife is trying to control your recovery which is not uncommon. She probably thinks she's doing you a favor and that you off buprenorphine will be fine and the exception to the pesky rule that most all people relapse shortly after cessation of maintenance medications for opioid dependence or cessation of life-long, regularly thought altering chemical dependency program(s) of some kind.

Many people believe that tough love and love itself can conquer addictions, there are many dead addicts who relented, got off buprenorphine and quickly overdosed and died. Your wife likely see's that you've been doing well for some time (due to Suboxone,) so it must be time to get off the Suboxone (as it's cured you or you've finally 'grown up,' or got tired of that 'pesky habit..') I don't feel as though she's realizing that you are doing so well BECAUSE of the remission Suboxone has put your addiction in. If you take away the agent of remission you're left with the symptoms of active addiction; you might be able to white-knuckle it for a bit and perhaps be the SMALL percentage lucky-one who does alright, but it's typically a matter of time; it sounds like you've got a lot to loose. It's like people who begin to feel less depressed when on the correct anti-depressant then they and in some cases others decide that they are all better now, have everything under control and so stop taking the anti-depressant medication that was responsible for their change in mood in the first place, then everyone involved in the decision to stop the medication is scratching their heads when an attempted suicide happens a few weeks later.

If you had high blood pressure that could potentially kill you and you found a blood pressure medication that almost immediately and for the duration of time you've been on it lowered your BP to a manageable level would it be in your best interest to stop? Even if your wife had an issue with that blood pressure medication for WHATEVER reason would you stop especially if it was literally the ONLY medication approved to be prescribed in a DR's office?! If you did get off it simply to make her happy, your blood pressure would rise and likely even higher than before going on the medication in the first place, at least initially, in the same way that relapse is extremely common quickly after Suboxone cessation.

Remember that opioid addiction is a life-long, progressive condition that is most often fatal, it's SERIOUS BUSINESS, my friend! It can be put in remission by taking buprenorphine long-term to indefinitely thus taking care of cravings and allowing one to lead a normal, functional life; or as was the only popular option besides methadone clinics prior to 2003 (and still to a degree today...URGH!), addiction could be arrested by completely changing your life/lifestyle, undergoing extensive inpatient treatment for one to six or more months, living in a sober supportive community thereafter for months to years, and concurrently undergoing individual, marriage and likely family counseling while at the same time your becoming heavily and actively involved in some type of recovery-specific program ala AA/NA and your wife involved in some type of alanon-like program for life. With all that said, buprenorphine once daily is a much easier option especially most people are completely unwilling and quite frankly unable to make all of the other changes to their lives I mentioned.

Depending on what state you are in, I could likely point you in the direction of some professionals who could help both you and your wife gain a better understanding of buprenorphine or at the very least help you weigh out options. If you're not comfortable posting on the main board feel free to instant message me and I'll get back in touch with you.

Travis Norton, LADC

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:35 am 
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Good morning all, I finally had a moment to login to check the thread and I was surprised to see all the posts. This site is absolutely incredible... I apologize for the delay, I will respond to all you, as well as give an update on what's going on later in the day today.

Talk soon! SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:32 pm 
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Romeo
My biggest issue is myself not just my wife’s thoughts. My job is quite the mind intensive job with a lot of researching on the internet. During the six months clean I found my focus, and thinking was on the money. Once I began Sub I found myself a bit scattered. Since being back on Sub now for 4 weeks, I’m doing a bit better in that aspect but still not where I was. On the other side, the benefits of sub far supersede this one major side effect. I really just want to try being off Sub one more time and try Neurotin and see how I do.

Donh
You know my wife is an awesome woman and I’m going to stand strong in saying she has been poisoned. When one is in a class at a Treatment Center listening to doctors, therapists of the other side it will take a toll on one’s thinking. I also believe a big part of her issue was me doing other drugs making Sub look like the bad guy. Now that I’m only taking Sub and it’s been about a month now she has not seen any negative side effects. This was a recent comment of hers since my last post. My wife is becoming a bit more confident with me taking Sub and we are actually getting along quite well again. Hopefully it’s not XMAS Euphoria. My wife has mentioned again the decision is totally mine. She has not mentioned anything about being supportive with me being on Sub just yet either.
My wife and I have been together for a very long time and get along really well as long as I’m not lying, using etc. . I firmly believe my wife is in fear and is only going by what she has learned at the treatment center. My wife and I do not have very many disagreements and when we do she is never cold to me. With that said, I would say this is not a pattern of her behavior.
If I relapse, whether I’m on Sub or not my wife will be livid and the house will literally become a battle field. So, stopping Sub will not help me with that discussion.

TwinCitiesHardCore
I’m going to respond to you hopefully tomorrow, I really appreciate your input. My apologies, I could not respond to you tonight.

In brief, I do want to add since I’m a computer geek, and I love to research… I’m very much educated on the relapse rate, and chances of really making it out there. I’m currently in NA but being on Suboxone I have no desperation and it feels like I just don’t need to be there. At this point, I’m truly thinking I’m my worst enemy with this decision. AS mentioned above and in earlier posts my concentration level is my biggest down fall being on Sub, along with my wife being unsteady with this decision. My wife’s impact on my decision is slowly but surely diminishing.


Quick update, tomorrow is my follow up with my Sub doctor, I will be discussing all of this with him. I have a feeling he will pursue me quite easily to stay on this life saving medication a bit longer. My life in all other aspects besides “thinking, concentrating, etc” are 1000 X better, it’s night and day. The CONS of taking this medication are so far, few and between.

Thanks again all for all your support and my apologies if I have been a bit redundant in my comments.

SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:32 pm 
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Well that's OK. If you're the problem I can just spank you! ;)

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:19 pm 
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Amy - I love it I really do!!

Today, I had my follow up appointment with my sub doctor and let it all out. My concerns etc.. With all the drama, I could not come out and say I'm ready to stop taking the medication. I did let him know everything I've discussed here. My doc did not push me one bit to stay on Sub. Instead he said whenever I'm ready he will work with me to stop. He also said with my relapse history, I really just have to look at it as if I had high blood pressure, I would take a pill daily to keep my pressure in check. Very much what you all have been saying to me.

He also told me a story about one of his patients on Sub for over 5 years. heroin addict, shooting, etc... Now she has a stable job, husband, kids, and she has a quality life today. She doesn't even think twice about taking her medication she just knows it's a life saver and without it she would probably be dead.

With all the said, I took the script and went on my way. I'm still stuck in that place I described 20X above. You know, I will say this, I am very, very thankful to have a medication to turn too for opiate addiction. To stop the downward, endless spiral, constant obsession and sick way of life to immediately return to normal. Truly, because I do not want to live this type of life, I must say I'm thankful for Bup and the fact that it's available to opiate addicts that truly want to live a better life and just can't seem to do it on their own. It's because of Sub, I'm able to think of trying recovery without any medication at all. Without this medication, I would not even have this wonderful problem I'm having today and making such a big ordeal out of...I must say, I'm grateful today for having this option.

Plus today my wife asked how did the appointment go and I told her the truth. Her response was "It's okay. XO"

SuperBuper


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2013 7:58 pm 
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Sounds like you have a very good doctor! I would listen to him especially since he is saying the same thing everyone else is. I would again encourage you to focus on the big picture. The important thing is to stay sober and in remission. However you do that, that's the number one goal - not getting off of Suboxone. Don't let getting off of Bup become the number one goal. That slot is reserved for staying sober. Hope that helps. I personally think you made the right decision today by taking the script. Have you ever heard the phrase, "If it ain't broke don't fix it."

Don


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