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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 3:23 pm 
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Hi. I need help. Female taking very high doses Percocet and norco. Whatever I can get. I have been wanting to stop but can’t. Finally my supply has gone away. At least enough to keep me going so I know the time is now. This addiction I have hidden from my husband and family. Before I started I had seven years sober. The shame is really bad. I guess the good news is is that I have found a wonderful Doctor Who is going to do the induction on me Friday at 10:30 AM. He said I need 24 hours off the medication. He also told me I need to stay on Suboxone as long as I have been using opiates. That I need to pay back my opiate debt. From what I hear that is the right thing to do

Here’s my fear. Since I started and it’s been four years I would say the last two years with heavy doses but I have not been without it I am so afraid of the with drawl I know what it’s like even to go 24 hours and knowing that it’s coming I am fearful I wake up sweaty and already having anxiety. My doctor did give me clonidine which I know I have to take there’s no way I can get through it without it and seroquel so I could sleep but I know that I won’t. My heat pounds thinking about it!! I’ve taken two days off work. I’m just afraid about those 24 hours. I will take my last dose tomorrow at 10. Then hunker down and tell Mr husband I’m sick. also I am fearful that once I am on the Suboxone that it won’t curb my cravings. Please any advice on that would be helpful I will still have it around me and I don’t want to do it anymore I just don’t want to do it anymore.
Plus I don’t know how or if I can tell my husband. Honestly it could be divorce. I’m telling myself One step at a time. Get through induction off the pills. Then see. Everything sucks right now.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 3:45 pm 
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No, everything doesnt Suck now, EVERYTHING is about to be great, to be better, to live a normal life! You are about to start a treantment that has helped 10s of thousands get there life back. How do I know this? Because I was you 7 years ago and I ve had a great recovery off opiate pills. You will too. Ya gota believe it new member, welcome to our great forum, im Razor..... Ok, fear of wd, i get it, but your Dr has set you up with some comfort meds witch will help, however im not going to tell you it ll be pain free. Look at it this way, in a few short hours you ll be leaving all those pills behind. This Medication works. It will give you a feeling of wellness nd normalcy. I may be over the top cheering here but I just want you to understand how well this will work . I went though a tad of wd, started my suboxone after 20 hours or s and in less then 30 mins i felt normal, hell better than normal. So, buck up ,take the comfort meds and KNOW that the next day you will be free.. That is how I see it and have seen it in many many people at clinic and here on the forum, Others will chime in shortly to help but I just hope yu believe this as a begining and freedom. good luck Razor...


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 3:57 pm 
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I needed to hear that. Thank you!!! I don’t have any other support my husband goes to and a meetings I stopped going I see a counselor for drug addiction but I’ve been lying to him for four years one thing at a time. Other than the doctor this is the first time I have told my story to anybody so it feels good thank you


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:13 pm 
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Will I still crave? I don’t want to!!! So use to taking 4-6 every 3 hours. I want to be free. I do. But it’s hard to picture myself without it.
What does it feel like? I can’t remember the last time I felt “normal” or in a stage of slight withdrawal. I don’t know what that feels like or if I will even like it. I can tell u now though. When I feel the high of the percs which is rare anymore. I don’t even like it. Mad all the time. Get wound up!!! Ugh yes. I want my life back! What does normal feel like.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 5:54 pm 
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The best thing I can tell you is that you 'll be delighted at how well you will feel. Yes, it 'll take time to stop "wanting" to take something as an addict behavior, but physical cravings?, no they will be gone. Don't be afraid of success here. Take it one step at a Time. You say your hubby is a 12csteo meeting person? Get I Get that right? Hey, just keep coming back to this thread you started and we all will help you Ok? There's nothing you can ask or say that will be a shock or surprise. We re here to help you. Razor


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 7:48 pm 
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You'll get through it just fine. None of us wanted to go into withdrawal but we all make it out to be so much worse than it is/was. About an hour before induction, I thought, this isn't so bad, but it will be nice for it to be over soon.

I couldn't understand how a drug could take away my intense cravings. What I didn't know then but do now is that Suboxone is also an opiate. Just one that is called a partial agonist. Whatever, as long as my cravings go away. And wow, they did! It was a really weird feeling being induced the first time. My doctor gave me way too much but that's what they do to get the medication to take over your receptors. Then you reduce your dose later on after you have adjusted to it.

When I got home I had no cravings for anything. Not to eat. Not to smoke. Not even for sex! At the time it felt like I could give up any habit. After awhile that went away and my life returned to normal. Like you, normal was something that happened a long time ago.

It's the best decision you'll ever make and you won't regret it. Just give yourself a year on it before even considering getting off. After my first year I thought I wanted off but changed my mind. That was many years ago and my life is great. No side effects whatsoever.

Look forward to it!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:21 pm 
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razor55 wrote:
The best thing I can tell you is that you 'll be delighted at how well you will feel. Yes, it 'll take time to stop "wanting" to take something as an addict behavior, but physical cravings?, no they will be gone. Don't be afraid of success here. Take it one step at a Time. You say your hubby is a 12csteo meeting person? Get I Get that right? Hey, just keep coming back to this thread you started and we all will help you Ok? There's nothing you can ask or say that will be a shock or surprise. We re here to help you. Razor

Hi Razor. Thank you. Agreed. I shal not be afraid of success. And yes my husband has 12 years. I had 6 before I relapsed. We met in the program.
He does not know. My hidden pill secret. Started just here and there then escalated to the point where I’m scared I won’t wake up. I’m a true addict. 1 is to many and a thousand is never enough. I understand that quote now as I’m living it. I’m full of fears. I don’t know if I can tell him. He does not know I’m addicted or that I’m inducting on Friday. It feels bad but I’m use to living this lie. I tell myself I will have to tell him but honestly I don’t know how. I’m telling myself not to think about it now. Get through the next 2 days and then figure that out.
We use to go to meetings together. I just stopped going. He never questioned me. He understands recovery is a personal thing. So if I go with him again. I would have to say why...... fuck! I really fucked things up. I don’t know how to tell Him. I don’t know if I can. That’s where I’m at today. So for now I’ll use this thread to keep it real. Thanks for support.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:25 pm 
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I need to concentrate on staying sober. One day at a time. First things first.


Also I want to do yoga the day after enduction. I picture myself healthy happy. Fit. Meditating.
I can do this!!!
I want it behind me.
I want to be happy, healthy, sober.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 7:52 am 
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IWish, Let me first say i really Really understand where you coming from with the weight of shame and guilt after being in NA for 4 years. I went thought it myself. All the while being on Suboxone. Your life with hubby and this med clash as will people in the fellowship. So i get it. WOW..... These secrects we all carry make life harder. Il assume hubby will be against Mediction? You know, why is it so hard to be honest in thoses rooms? Because the count down of CLean Time is what matters there. imo... You said in earlier post that you have pills all around you, You mean you have a stash saved up? If that is it then you need to dump thoses, if not you will use them. Not easy thing to do, but having them around is just to dangerous Wish. just some thoughts this morning.. ok..countdown starting. DONT be scared. Carry this thing thought 48 hours and it ll be over . Its not to many hours is it ?....How many pills a day have you been taking lately? what mgs? razor...


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:14 am 
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And one other thing ,trust yourself and your Dr. Sounds like he is caring and smart...


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:21 am 
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Great posts Razor!

Iwish u will get through this period of withdrawal. I had to do 32 hours and I’m the type of person who panicked when I had to go without for any length of time. If I woke up in the mornings and didn’t have anything yet, I would just pace bk and forth until I figured something out. So when the doctor told me 32 hours, I have to admit, I didn’t think I could do it. For the first time ever, I had a guy call me during that period of 32 hours wanting to pay me bk an oxycodone 30 that he owed me! How often does anyone pay u bk lol? I thought to myself.... of course this would happen to me.

I paced for 32 hours, I went through some withdrawal but it wasn’t as bad as I had pictured in my head. It didn’t get too bad until the day of my induction and I sit in the office til 3:30, by then I was ready to run off with my $350 and go use. I didn’t and that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. What a short period of time to get to a whole better life. That’s how u should look at it. It’s so worth it. By the time u leave ur doctors appointment, u should feel better before u walk out the door to go home.

Ur cravings will be covered. The way my doctor did it was giving me the medicine for the induction and the next morning I had to go to the pharmacy to get a weekends worth, and that made me nervous to wake up and possibly be sick until I could get to the pharmacy. I woke up with zero cravings and still felt great! Buprenorphine is such a unique medication, I don’t think I knew what to expect but everything I’d worried about was a waste because everything went so good.

Don’t worry about the husband yet, like u said take it one step at a time. Don’t overwhelm urself.... one step at a time. Get urself adjusted first, then u can explain everything to him with a clear head. My advice is to just be honest. But I’d have that conversation after ur situated on ur medicine first.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 12:14 am 
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I waited 60 hours!! And I got through it and felt fabulously normal after I was induced! No cravings, no obsessive thoughts about my percocet, I was finally free!

Good luck tomorrow morning! You're going to do great and be able to put the induction behind you.

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:28 am 
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It is now 10:30est. My hope for you is that you made it. .


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:00 pm 
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razor55 wrote:
It is now 10:30est. My hope for you is that you made it. .

Yes I did!!!!!!! I did it I did it!!!! I’m in the parking now writing this!!!

The withdrawal was not as bad as I thought!! Actually I felt liberated! I did have a lot left! And I flushed it then took my last dose and it was fine! The feeling of putting it behind me and knowing that the next day I would be fine was great. I woke up at 1 am covered drenched in sweat. Took another Clonidine that was about as bad as it got but by the time I drove to the doctor office I was scoring a good 14 on the cows.
Here’s how it went.
I was freezing. 2 sweaters ugg boots. Muscle aches.
I put the first of 4, 4 mg under my tongue. I would say by the second dose I out of withdrawals. Then the 3rd and doctor could tell I was feeling much better. So for the last dose he told me to take it with me and rake it later.
I have 12 mg on board right now. With 4 to fake later. This is how I feel...... not in withdrawal whatsoever. A little jittery. Sort of a strange feeling. I mean I probably wouldn’t want to go to work right now. It’s like jittery dizzy hard to concentrate feeling. But good. No withdrawals at all. I have to say I feel good.
I did it I did it!!!
I was so scared and I did it.
I told my doctor about this group and he said it was good. I want to keep in touch with you guys.
Question is...... should I take this last dose soon? Does it matter.
I’m on the way to pharmacy to get my rx!

Thank you to all for much needed help getting to this point.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:03 pm 
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Oh hay one more thing. I have kaiser so I figure I’m paying cash for this. But anybody know if kaiser will cover the script from non doctor


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:20 pm 
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Another question. My mind is racing!!! Lol.
Is there a difference between subsolv and the strips? He gave me rx for both so I could get whichever is cheaper. But is there a difference? He said some people like subsolv better.


Also I’m wondering if the jitters will go away with the last dose.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:21 pm 
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Congratulations! Your story is very much like mine....I started on 24 mgs and quickly went down to 16 mgs. Funny thing with suboxone...less is more. I found that the less I took the better I felt. Work closely with your doctor to determine what dosage is best for you. I am sorry I don't have an answer to your insurance question. Wishing you lots of luck!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 5:33 pm 
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Thank you. Good to know. I just took the next 4 mg as I felt like I needed it. And it wasn’t leaving my mind.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:44 pm 
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WOW !!!!! Just WOW..hahahaha. Love it when it works out the first day. So happy for you Wish. OK, Id would hold off on that last 4mgs for now. Thoses jitters and such are ok but you can and will even out over time. but the extra 4mgs could be a tad to much off the bat. However, im not a dr , but id just wait and see the next 8 to 12 hours. Dont really put a clock on it though. Can you tell us what your level of addiction was with the pills. mg wise? 12 to 16 mgs is a fairly large dose the first day if you arent in the herion/fent level of use. You are now trying to match up and even out tolerance. If you ve taken the other 4 mgs you ll be ok, its just some time it can be a bit much if tolerance is low. no way to know from here, ... anyway... Ah the Suboxone vs Zubsolv thing is really up to you and costs. i pay out of pocket myself. both are costly really. But they have Discount cards for both so tonight your going to want to get on line and Google there sites to see and download there card for the pharmacy. otherwise you will be paying full price. 16 mgs is 56 films of soboxone. The card should take off 170.00 , maybe more. Zubsolv abut the same. Ive never taken Zubsolv but it degrades faster in the mouth and is mint flavored. That could be a good thng but the chances of you swollowing the med is greater tooo. i like the films but there all ive ever had.... dont know much about your ins. Congrats Wish and do please keep us posted and keep coming back...as they say. Razor


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:12 pm 
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Gosh Razor thank you for all your knowlegede. Ok this is where I’m at now. I took the other 4. So now 16 on board. And......... at home thinking it might not be enough. But I’m still going to wait it out. Because I’m not sure what to e over here. Jitters gone. And. Hate to sound like a baby here. But still a little leg cramps. Mild. And that’s all. Craving???? I’m checking that feeling in my head and trying to be positive here. I mean let’s call it good for now. If I really get it I will check in here.
My usage was quite a bit. I never counted. Had as much at my disposal as I wanted until that wasn’t enough. Percocet and norco. 4-6 every 2 hours. If I had the 10’s I would take 3 every 2 hours. It’s embarrassing really. I think one time I counted it was between 40-50 of the 5 mg. (I know my liver).
Oh yes I would get OxyContin and chew them. So 20 mg at a time. Anyways. Trying to say my tolerance was way up there. So good to know 16mg is a high dose. My doctor made it sound like that was the top. Although I see here other people starting with more. I just don’t want to crave it. The new norm I know will take time to get use to right?
Again my doc didn’t ever say it would be more than 16 leading me to believe that’s pretty high. And he is good. But he also said it doesn’t matter if I was taking 15 a day or 50 a day. That 16 mg is where to start.
I never even asked if I might possibly need more. I think I’ll be ok. I just need to see and keep checking in.


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