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PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:12 pm 
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Well first off I do want to apologize to a lot you guys and gals for treating you like crap over the last few months. I really was in a bad place with my mood, recovery and life overall but that is no excuse to treat people bad who have been nothing but kind to me. Hat I owe you the biggest apology with my last post on this forum b4 I left I guess when you feel bad you want to attack people to make them feel bad or something like that. But that got me no were but even more sad and upset, depressed whatever you want to call it.

Right now I am still on 24 mgs of Suboxone but am in the transition of starting to figure out how I am goanna make the switch to methadone. I have made my mind up 100% after talking with my Sub Dr who is also my normal health Dr, Psychologist, and a few nurses and Drs at methadone clinics that switching to methadone can benefit me in many ways. Mainly pain management which is most important right now, we are all very scared of the direction I am heading in with how things that have gone. I have had close calls b4 with relapsing but always caught myself luckily. Well luckily this time my team of Drs caught it after seeing me for so long they knew this behavior and what it leads too for me. I was very close to relapsing you know you just get those thoughts sometimes when suboxone is working for you that why not just stop for 5 6 7 8 or however many days you want to go back to using to get high. And when you have injuries like me you can walk into any pain management clinic and get very strong pain meds no problem which is a very strong trigger for me.

The main reason all this came up was after 4 years of Suboxone with basically no true advancement since 2 years ago things slowly but surely got worst and worst for me. Meaning I take suboxone for pain management and solely for pain at this point. But the problem is SUB is not working for me the way it is suppose to work in the other aspects of the medication which is cravings! Things got so bad I had to pull myself out of school this semester because I could not focus with how bad my pain and cravings were. And I am able to get black tar heroin and 800 mcg fentora very easily from people on campus that I use to sell too when I was still using which only made things that much worst for me. And opiate addicts can see when a former addict is struggling and they feast on it which was starting to happen. But when you use to sell very strong narcotics to these people all they think about is well if we can get Brent back on oxy than he will dr shop again and always have oxy to supply there habit which is what I did for the whole time I was on oxy.

Anyways I am in the middle of figuring out where and how I am going to get my methadone whether it is from a private Dr or a clinic. Ill keep this updated

But I am goanna stay away from the SUboxone threads because I don’t have anything good to say about it at this point in my life and I don’t want to ruin any new peoples out look on getting treatment.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:38 pm 
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I am glad you came back bboy, and I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Good for you for taking steps to move to methadone and generally being proactive about your recovery and your health. I hope the switch goes smoothly and that your pain and your cravings will be under control soon.

I understand why you might want to stay away from the Suboxone threads, but I want you to know that I think your experience is valuable. I'm sure there are other people on Sub who are dealing with chronic pain and would want to know what it's like to make the transition to methadone. But that said, you should always do what is best for you in terms of your life and recovery.

Welcome home!

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2011 6:18 pm 
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bboy,

So glad to have you back! I'm happy that you have made progress in what your next step should be. You were very confilcted there for a while and I'm so happy to hear that you're working things out.

You gave Suboxone a fair shot and after a few years of using it, it no longer works for you. I would be looking real hard at Methadone if I were you too.

Whatever your decision, be it Methadone or Suboxone, I support you.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 8:21 am 
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Bboy - I too am glad that you are back. And I do appreciate the apology. I hope you believe me that I was worried about you.

I can hear your frustration and your fear of a relapse. You are putting your recovery first and that's so important. Sub helps pain or makes somewhat tolerable for lots of people - but not all and not for really bad pain. I do believe Dr. J once said that when it comes to treating pain - even with suboxone - it can someday stop working.

I fully support you in your switch to methadone. I don't know this for sure, but I'm under the impression that going from sub to methadone won't be nearly as difficult as the other way around.

Again, I'm glad you came back. (And expect a more personal PM from me.) Take care and be well.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:05 pm 
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Hey, welcome back! I missed you. :D

I'm so happy to 'hear' the hope in your 'voice'. I know you felt fed up and desperate for ideas. I'm sure you're not the first one to go through this type of thing. I love that you now have another option and may be able to get both better pain control AND control over your cravings. You can't live with this mental torture! I'm just so thankful that you are still okay and haven't gone out. I'll say a little prayer for you that your transition to methadone is decently smooth and that you start feeling a whoooollleee lot better!! Kudos to you for hanging in there and fighting the good fight!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 8:32 pm 
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Hi Bboy, glad you're back. We care about you, so keep talking to us - the good the bad and the ugly, that's what we're here for.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:08 pm 
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I just want to say thank you all so much for the kind words I can’t tell you how much your post mean right now. They are my only glimmer of hope some days, and all it takes is those kind words to make me realize I have support and know I can come to you guys with anything. I am just not myself lately due to the pain and cravings and it seems no matter what I do, meaning if I take more sub I’ve taken up to 50 plus mgs some days with no relief, extra sessions with my therapist/drug counselor, even tried NA again but wow that made things worst here I am worried about going back to full antagonist but I got people telling me suboxone is the devil and I am not clean what so ever and switching to methadone would just be a step backwards I said my peace and walked out the meeting in much anger that was prolly the closest I was to relapsing. And I mean you take 1600 mgs of fentora you will feel something it’s almost I want to feel anything some days anything but pain anything but cravings opiates. But luckily my gf was at the meeting for support or I don’t know what might of happen that night.

Yea Hat my Dr told me the same thing with SUBOXONE long term patients in rare cases SUB will stop working overtime but I mean you’re talking 3 plus years if not more. Thank you so much Lad your prayers mean the world right now.

I will start posting towards the suboxone thread again to help now that I have taken time to realize that I cant blame a medication for my problems any more. Because I have been doing it for 10 years now always putting my problems on pills but its not pills its me.


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 Post subject: I hate it
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:49 pm 
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I hate it when people aren't doing well and I can't think of anything really good to say. I hate not having any advice. BBoy, I know for a fact that Suboxone worked very differently for me as the years went on. And I started it in 2005, so I am certainly a long-term Suboxone user. Perhaps it takes years to work differently in some people, and perhaps it doesn't take as long to work differently in others. Just a guess. I pray that things change for you when you get onto Methadone. And Romeo is right, you've tried Sub and it may just not be what works for you. You have to figure out how to work your own life, so whatever opinions people have in this or that meeting...well, don't let it follow you out the door. I'll never get how some people seem to know everything, even about how other people should conduct their lives. All you can be is honest with yourself and try to figure out how to get to place that is both peaceful and healthy. I hate that you are struggling. I want you to feel better. I wish I had something more helpful to say. I really do!!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: Re: I hate it
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 3:33 pm 
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laddertipper wrote:
I hate it when people aren't doing well and I can't think of anything really good to say. I hate not having any advice. BBoy, I know for a fact that Suboxone worked very differently for me as the years went on. And I started it in 2005, so I am certainly a long-term Suboxone user. Perhaps it takes years to work differently in some people, and perhaps it doesn't take as long to work differently in others. Just a guess. I pray that things change for you when you get onto Methadone. And Romeo is right, you've tried Sub and it may just not be what works for you. You have to figure out how to work your own life, so whatever opinions people have in this or that meeting...well, don't let it follow you out the door. I'll never get how some people seem to know everything, even about how other people should conduct their lives. All you can be is honest with yourself and try to figure out how to get to place that is both peaceful and healthy. I hate that you are struggling. I want you to feel better. I wish I had something more helpful to say. I really do!!!

laddertipper


Honestly just showing you care lad is enough for me. That’s interesting that suboxone has changed for you at first I thought I was the only one and maybe I was going crazy. But ever since I talked to my Dr and started doing research on this the more I am finding that a lot of people have this problem a few years down the road. It is almost as if our body get so use to the drugs that it has no effect on us anymore or something I don’t what to say about this topic really but what I can tell you it makes me very scared for a lot of people because I know I how I feel and I don’t want anyone else to go through what I am going through.


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